How do you view "Extramarital Relationships"?
By azilana7037 •
NOTE: There are some gender differences in how men and women view extramarital relationships, although these are GENERALIZATIONS, and NOT TRUE in every instance.(Psychology Today, Aug.1998)
Women seem to be drawn into another relationships initially through emotional attachments, while men are more likely attracted sexually. Interestingly, each gender tends to assume that the other is acting out of the same motivation as they are likely to themselves.
Women assume that their husband has become emotionally attached to another woman, when his interest may be primarily physical. Men make the mistake of thinking that their wife’s relationship with another man is safe if she shows no physical attraction to him.
What is your VIEW on this?
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extramarital relationship is traumatic for me, I been there before, but now thru God's grace all things are okay now.
I view extramarital relationships on TV.
Extra marital relationship should be avoided and never thought upon if you want a happy married life. Concentrate on how to improve your marriage. For me extramarital relationship is tantamount to a failed marriage. However, justify and avoid this activity by filing first a divorce, then it can't be called extramarital..... p e r f e c t !
Your Q: Would you justify a man having extramarital relation just because his religion don’t permit him to marry again?
A: In above case, it is not at all justified and unacceptable. It is purely cheating/infidelity with many people at once, ignoring personal, moral and social responsibilities.
Please note that there are many more reasons for remarrying to widowers or divorces...
Roadtester - ".. Is it kind of a viscious circle, women aren't supposed to sexualise themselves, and will pretty much be virgins/inexperienced but the guys will have some experience. They will then see their wife as 'boring' or bad at sex and then cheat/hookers etc"
- You've got a very good point there. Many of my guy friends say that they'd prefer to have a sexually experienced woman as their partner and it takes too much time and effort when they just want to have fun. They may be preoccupied with themselves but they're ok with their partners being selfish too. I suppose, you could say that that's the Western or a modern mindset, a permissive one - because freedom is paramount.
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Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
I think you misunderstood me.. I was not mentioning anything about religion.. was just replying to your comment
"when we are licensed to maintain 4 wives at one time, BUT if really needed"
I read the other thread...the conditions you mentioned is applicable to all…. irrespective of religion.. if he is a widower or if he divorced his first wife…. the man has all right to marry again.
I have no problem in your religion permitting 4 wives..
My question was.. Would you justify a man having extramarital relation just because his religion don’t permit him to marry again??
well said, ummjake .. "... by and large, it's the attitude that your wife is special, like a rare jewel, and so you only do proper things with her.
... I hope it starts becoming more par for the course here that young couples present their partner with a certificate that they are free from STDs before the marriage. .."
Lol! Last para - precisely!
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Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
If not mistaken you are the one who always says don't take the threads towards religion, anyways..
I suggest who really need to marry again, let them learn Islam thoroughly and then convert if convinced and NOT just for getting remarry!
....fyi read the recent case of Chand, a son of CM and Fiza (converted to get remarry and entered into a disasterous scenario and disputes).
Anyways, please go through the following thread and read my and PM's comments.
http://www.qatarliving.com/node/408861?page=1
ummjake, "...Women are more IN it all the time...but once they DO check out, there is little chance of turning back, I think."
- Absolutely true for most women. Patience can stretch on for a long time but if they cross that line, it's over.
"married man goes home with some single chick.. Assume the chick knows he is married."
- BOTH are to blame - he for being too weak to honour his commitments and she for being selfish and not thinking further about the hurt caused to his family.
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Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
What about other men who are not licensed to have more than one?
Would you go for one more? When does the need arise? and who decides the need for a second wife? you or your wifey? just curious..
It is Haram, why to have Extra..... when we are licensed to maintain 4 wives at one time, BUT if really needed.
the true love is an utopia
So, do you think all love marriages are really have some 'love' in them. In fact the love marriages we know are gone through the worst divorces ever.
Life is never boring, but some people choose to be bored.... Boredom is a choice. - Wayne W.
been awhile..[azi] aint trackin, just noticin..
men...
women...
both need to satisfy a certain need, "love and sense of belongingness"
the difference?
the way they satisfy such need. [which includes "when" and "how much"]
men, cant keep it in their pants.
women, [they're just too complicated]
nonetheless
I'd say it's more about the philosophy ONE has.
_________________
call me ONE.
with four, you still need an extra? Wowwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
you mean above 4 (four) marriages?????
You can't teach experience...
Ummjake - that reminds me of a sketch in the tv series "the sopranos" where the dad Tony is talking to the psychologist about why he cheats on his wife:
"because thats the mouth that kisses my sons goodnight" !!
I understand FS, but you have to admit that even when programmed sometimes that love doesn't happen. I'm just speaking from some arranged couples that I know of. They really aren't happy marriages and neither seem to care what the other is doing.
Gyps.. we are programmed to love after marriage ..so its no big deal for us who were brought up in that culture.
Its like love before marriage is absolute No-No....at least in some families... So all our fantasies and concept of love will pop up only once we are married.. like a license to love..lol
Well, I have seen couples who look like made for each other broke in relationships. Well, I think straying is not all about for or lack of love...
There might be SOME marriages here where both people feel comfy getting their freak on with one another, but by and large, it's the attitude that your wife is special, like a rare jewel, and so you only do proper things with her.
Hell, even if they wanted to, they're not allowed (religiously) to engage in any back door action (reminds me of how in the south, sodomy and oral sex were/are against the law in some US States).
I think it IS becoming more common here that females have more experience than they did before, so it's no longer just the men that are trying things out beforehand (though that is still the norm for the vast majority of women, I think).
I hope it starts becoming more par for the course here that young couples present their partner with a certificate that they are free from STDs before the marriage. God knows, the men here seem to have no problems paying for sex (personally, I find that amusing...if I were a man, I would be embarrased to say I had to pay to find someone who would f**k me), and with all the bi stuff that occurs here, I wouldn't trust my fiance to NOT have some STD on our wedding night.
"Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise."
-- Maya Angelou
Sorry bleu, I expressed that wrong. Yes it can be there, but it can also not be there...which if you were never in love with your wife or husband would make it easier to cheat.
Gypsy, I would disagree with that... even when a marriage is arranged, love can be there, and they could be as freaky as anybody can imagine...
Well in the Gulf as well it's the idea that your wife is honoured, so you aren't comfortable getting really freaky with her. Also the marriages are often arranged so the love isn't there.
Im curious about views in gulf, is it kind of a viscious circle, women aren't supposed to sexualise themselves, and will pretty much be virgins/inexperienced but the guys will have some experience. They will then see their wife as 'boring' or bad at sex and then cheat/hookers etc
In the west it can be for both reasons and depends on the individual, either partner could be feeling they aren't getting enough attention, and when another person shows them they are so desperate and lonely they will take any attention. It is generally thought that men see sex as physical and women more emotional. But as atitudes changes you are also seeing women who just want sex for fun too.
Unfortunalty like many countries -
*)man who has many partners = stud,manly, masculine
*)woman who has many partners = slut/skank
You rarely hear men called sluts.
You can't teach experience...
what makes the relationship solid? I agree with Gypsy that a strong relationship diminish the possibility of going astray? But even in what "peceived" as weak relations, the thought of going astray should stay as thought and should not be given "extra" attention! Lol!!!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
FS - totally agree to that last para. Thats the truth.
and to add, cases where the commitment and loyalty are weak due to X n Y reasons back home, it gives strength to justify, they dont feel guilty going ahead.
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Listen to Many..Speak to a few.
Oops .. you both were typin the same lol
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Listen to Many..Speak to a few.
Exactly...when your bond with your partner is weak temptations are more..
If you're in a good solid relationship and love the person you're with, then it's not hard to keep from straying, it's when you aren't in a good relationship that you find it easier to talk yourself into it.
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
Azii...in either way its wrong...
Shreeya Great Advice girl..that too posted at midnight..lol
I cannot agree with you...because if we are doing something wrong...you will always feel guilty. As you said ‘don’t get caught’…I cannot enjoy anything if my mind is not 100% into it…means if am always worried about when I will be caught …I just cant live my life.. Unless ones partner is a dumb A**
I agree with Gyps that we do get attracted at times... its when our commitment and loyalty surfaces and prevents us from straying and we can control our feelings.
Workshop on relationships
Web posted at: 3/24/2009 3:13:32
Source ::: THE PENINSULA
DOHA: A workshop on ‘Path Toward Intimacy’ organised by the Doha International Institute for Family Studies and Development, will begin today at the Intercontinental hotel.
The three-day workshop will be open to individuals and married people interested in exploring the traits and patterns that make for long-lasting relationships. The event will be hosted by Dr Wei-Jen Huang, an internationally recognized psychologist, lecturer and researcher on intimate relationships.
An interactive evening of education, exploration and personal insights will be held on Thursday. The event is open to all and entrance is free, according to the organisers.
http://www.thepeninsulaqatar.com/Display_news.asp?section=Local_News&subsection=Qatar+News&month=March2009&file=Local_News2009032431332.xml
"I do live by the motto that pessimists are usually right, but all the great change in history was done by optimists" -Thomas Friedman
Azilana..............donnt think that only females are having heart,men too. so donnt push feamales in safe zone I know so many cases of 'Divorce' because of women's sexual relationship ,during my practise in Laws.
"How do you view "Extramarital Relationships"?
Answer:
Usually from behind the curtains, peering through my binoculars.
"Deaths in the Bible. God - 2,270,365
not including the victims of Noah's flood, Sodom and Gomorrah, or the
many plagues, famines, fiery serpents, etc because no specific numbers
were given. Satan - 10."
azilana7037 ...............i just would like ta say.........IT TAKKES TWO TO TANGO.........so please stop making this a gender issue...PEACE
So a man sees a hot woman. He won't necessarily try to make a move on her. But add the fact that he is feeling unappreciated at home by the missus, not getting enough attention and ego stroking from her, and that this hot chick just gave him a great compliment...and you can see how things happen.
One thing I DO think is generally true of men and women: men are kind of emotionally and mentally in and out of a relationship -- riding the waves. Women are more IN it all the time...but once they DO check out, there is little chance of turning back, I think. It takes awhile for them to reach that point, but if they cross that line, it's basically over and done with for them.
A related question: if an infidelity occurs (let's say a married man goes home with some single chick he meets at a bar), are BOTH people equally to blame, or do you blame the one who is married more than the unattached person (because he made a commitment to someone else/took vows)? Assume the chick knows he is married.
IMHO Extra marital affairs is the most attractive proposition for all married men.
Bad on all angles. Guilt and conscience will tell you even from the time when you conceived thinking about it...more so asking about it...in public! Period.
Try to think of another better topic, spicy but not harmful.
i kind of agree, yet don't know why?!
I'm still on the verge of selecting whatever topic to post...hehehehe
I think you've been tracking my previous topics huh ;-P
Anyway....back to the topic...
All I could say is, (most)MEN commits THESE MISTAKES on the basis of SEXUAL/PHYSICAL ATTRACTION...but this is NOT a GENERALIZATION.
Women, who are emotional (admitted or not)by nature gets attracted because of the emotional high or contentment that they feel...
Everybody gets lost and confused at certain points in their lives. 2 are better than 1 - when 1 is weak, can lean on the other (hopefully not falling apart at the same time). Depends on the focus and commitment.
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Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
LOL, very exciting thread
- Deleted - took a while to find where I wrote this earlier. *rolls eyes*
and it's doomed to failure anytime
is it like, im curious and i wanna taste that? :)
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"Admit your mistakes...before someone exaggerates the story."
it's not all bad, i wouldn't be in my current relationship without it.
[this topic is so azi]
hmmm... azi some of your "words" are comin from somewhere im familiar with., for men, its not all about physical attractions...
SIMPLE.
"things" like these happen because of human selfishness in all its forms.
NO GENDER DISCRIMINATION :)
_________________
call me ONE.
"extramarital relationships" simply means you allow yourself to go astray just because of this kind of thinking and feeling "im looking for something, but i don't know what!"
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"Admit your mistakes...before someone exaggerates the story."
I have left my young wife back home with our two kids, and its been more than a year. My male instinct is driving me crazy but with all the good things about my marriage I am surviving with no extra relationship of any kind.
Believe it or not...physical affair is the least of my preference...
"simple yet complicated"
"makamal a anak"
cheating & lying? what's the difference anyway?
oh yah- the spelling maybe?
"I do live by the motto that pessimists are usually right, but all the great change in history was done by optimists" -Thomas Friedman
NO NO!
First leave the marriage and then go for the next partner..
It's not easy to just "get out" of a marriage. And while I don't think that things "just happen" I think that people get lost and confused and make mistakes.
my GUY is treating me not good enough.
Then again...I would rather cut off or get out of the current relationship and get a BREATHING SPACE before getting to another one as I don't like to CHEAT and must as being cheated on...
Sometimes, Men (not ALL, like PANDA said ;-P) becomes complacent in the relationship that they seem to forget their GF/PARTNER's needs.
everyone knows very well what's his value.
Yeah, yeah, panda, "Ars Amandi", Ovid. Roman Poet. Dead since 2000 years. But who really is an "artist?"
You can't teach experience...
Opening Post - wholly agree, generally true.
But one of my pals uses this as an excuse - says it's only a physical thing so he's not cheating. But then, he's all talk and hot air, very meek when wife around - bread buttered on other side of dog house.
MD there is another factor called TIME, if you know how to manage it you can control the blood flow
It is a well-known fact that the amount of blood in the male body can not supply both at the same time: the brain and the d*ck. Therefore: men either have sex or they are emotional.
emotional reasoning for women who are having an extra affair! But they go deeper shit because of the sexual portion! And that's where the conscience comes in, the extra affair becomes a "nightmare" and it's hard for them to get out!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
would pisss me off worse than if she had a one night stand...
In fact I think it would end it...
People make too big a deal out of sex...
You can't teach experience...
I wouldn't say guys ALWAYS do it for physical reasons. Men have emotions too, and in fact are worse at expressing them then women, so they may turn to an affair as an outlet for an emotion they can't express or because they don't want to face or deal with the problems in their marriage/relationship. Women do the same.
not all men Azi :/
can i pop in a joke?
A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.
The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?".
The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.
A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this women out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here hold her!!"
The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE".
The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye tho khana free.
I'm sure with the MEN..it's all about physical reasons, RIGHT?
;-P
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
Well if the people involved in the relationship are Open and ok with affairs, who cares.
but you want to distinguish an extra affair between married and unmarried individuals!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
dms, there will even be some people who don't give a s*it at all, because they follow their natural instincts.
grammatical construction is the least to be discussed here, dmigty.
You made me wish the EDIT TAB is somewhere here.
I see it as a very unfortunate thing too bleu, but I do see it less in the younger generations then in the older. So fingers crossed, it will change.
It's not even just the locals too, the expat lifestyle promotes infidelity.
haram ot not, there will be people who will still do it and give reason/s to it. It is a defense mechanism inherent to those doing wrong thing. But saying wrong here is in general, because to others, having muliple relationship is okay!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
God forgives, people don't.
Gypsy, you won't get bashed for this, it's a fact. As I see it, an unfortunate fact.
Have to agree with Mr.Paul here.
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
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I think you have me confused with someone who gives a sh1t.
"if she could have given me the things I needed (time and caring), there wouldn't be any "US"
I would have felt better if he could just slapped me...really :'(
I'm going to get bashed on for saying this...but it's quite common, and if not outwardly accepted, generally tolerated by many here in the Gulf.
okay:)
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
extra-relationship affair. "Marital is associated with marriage. Now, if you are talking about having more than one GF/BF and not married, the term is extra relationship other than you BF/GF, which is still HARAM as it is unjust to your real BF/GF.
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
someonenew: Hollywood, Papua Newguinea, Tahiti, Antarctica...
EXTRA ENGAGEMENT RELATIONSHIP??
"although these are GENERALIZATIONS, and NOT TRUE in every instance.' That's exactly the point.
MD... just curious, which culture is adultery normal and okay???
"Ali Baba and 40 thieves" are now "Ali Baba and 30 thieves" ; 10 were laid off.
IS A RESULT OF A """FAILED""" MARRIAGE.
I didn't realize until I came here and started seeing the word referring to both relationships (married and unmarried) that it could apply to both.
Azzy, cheating is cheating, it's never a good thing, but how it's handled should be left to the people involved.
I couldn't think of another TERM/WORD to use in alternate to "extra-marital"...but I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TRYING TO IMPLY here, right?
but again, having reasons doesn't make it right? Stick to the subject!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
because of emotional attachment (for the women) and for men, it's just PHYSICAL (or the sexual aspect of it.
Whether the INFIDELITY happened in a MARRIAGE OR in a (GF/BF)RELATIONSHIP, I think it'S THE SAME BANANA, don't you think?
extramarital affair between two unmarried individual? Cool!!! Any distinction between pre- and extra-marital?
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
"an adulterous relationship is haram."
mallrat, you should add "in my culture". Elsewhere it may be perfectly normal and okay.
outside affairs other than your marriage. That includes having a relationship (of course) with other woman/man aside from your spouse.
"I do live by the motto that pessimists are usually right, but all the great change in history was done by optimists" -Thomas Friedman
why is the woman always on the safer side?
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye tho khana free.
. an adulterous relationship is haram.
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.that's all......
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Okay, dms, I'll watch it.
There is a distinction Dmighty, read the papers here, the word extramarital refers to ANY relationship outside of marriage, whether it be a married person having an affair or a sexual relationship between two unmarried people.
Lol!!!!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
I have an affair with my car and my guitar. It's a physical one and very erotic. Forbidden?
clue word, "marital", meaning married individual!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
I would say "ZERO TOLERANCE", and I mean the "broader definition"...
Do you mean strictly affairs? Or you looking at the broader definition (which is often used here) of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.
Forbidden. There is nothing to justify it. It's simply wrong. Period!
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"