AIR DECCAN Anouncement - Really Funny

Captain Announcement:

Welcome to AIR DECCAN Passengers

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Air Decan Hostess Announcement :

Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen. This is Shwetha, the head of the cabin crew, reporting on our flight to Mumbai. Our Captain is Mr. Patel, debarred twice for flaunting IATA rules and recently he got his licence revoked permanently. He has until now landed 10 flights, with 6 of them 300 meters beyond the tarmac, and 3 of them with the nose. One flight was evacuated after he landed without opening the wheels, and thanks to our Fire department evacuation measures, and we are glad to inform that there are no casualties other than some cargo to be shipped to Mumbai.

Our Co-pilot, is not a pilot as such, but he was a passanger without a job who flew from Delhi to Mumbai in our last flight that was delayed by 6 days and 14 hours, as against our track record of 9 days and 12 hours. Due to non availability of space for standing, he was placed in our Cabin last time, and his experience earned him the Co-pilot position.

I myself was a passanger who was forced to pass on the snacks from row 1 to row 8, due to space constraints in my previous flight. Due to my exceptional record in transferring snacks for 8 rows (the highest until now, which expains why I am the head of the crew), I am offered this position by Air Deccan Recruitment team. The other crew members are Neha and Julie, both who are to serve in the flight to Hyderabad from Mumbai, which is currently on a 6 day hold in Mumbai. Passangers who are flighing to Hyderabad from Mumbai will again get to meet these to nice personalities, who will get you the disposed snacks from ITC Maratha Shearton in Mumbai.

On Board, we have the some old croissants from ITC Maurya Sheraton, which we got free of cost. This explains why your fares are relatively low this time.

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our Passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU(liquor) and Wada pav. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a airhostress who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.

ENJOY FLYING AIR DECCAN!

[ Got it as a forward, and it is just for Fun, please don't take it seriously ]