The Dancing Penguin

I can't dance, well that is I can't dance well.

If forced on to the dance floor before a healthy amount of alcohol is given chance to take effect, then I look like a penguin with arms.
Don't feel too bad for me though, I worked out years ago that if I was going to get lucky in a night then I'd have to work on looking really good while not dancing.
In a way that's harder because you constantly have to work on looking like you're interesting, it requires a combination of the 'what am I doing here' look and the 'I know things you don't' look.
Complex, I'll get into that another time.

Alcohol may seem like it improves matters but it doesn't, imagine a drunk penguin who jumps.
Ya.
I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way, or judging by the kind of dancing I've witnessed I shouldn't be the only one.

There are many different kinds of dancers and most can be placed within some sort of category, so much the same way in which people go bird spotting I encourage you to go dancer spotting next time you're out and about using.... wait for it....

QL'S GUIDE TO DANCER SPOTTING:

1. The Professional - One of the rare kinds of dancers, these guys actually know what their doing. Their body moves in ways which let you know that they probably did some sort dancing as a kid, if inquired about their history of interpretive dance they are known to dissapear in a flash of awkwardness.

Identified by: Flawless dance moves, hordes of admirers.
Points for sighting: 10
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2. The Double - This kind of dancer never dances alone, in fact they don't know how to. The only way they look good is if they have a partner to twirl, dip, lift, throw and ultimately make out with. These kinds of people were forced into ballroom dancing by their parents.

Identified by: Their attachment to another person.
Points for sighting: 10
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3. The More Break Than Dancer - These guys aren't quite breakdancers, they have no formal training in dancing but seem to think that the occasional hand to the floor kick, back spin and half cartwheel is what will make up for their often awkward appearing dance skills.

Identified by: The amount of time they spend touching the floor and the amused crowds who watch.
Points for sighting: 20

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4. The Penguin - Not really dancing, more like scuffling the feet occasionally with an awkward finger point satisfying the required arm movements.

Identified by: The utter lack of dancing, the strange facial expressions and the feeling like all they want is another drink and a place to sit down.
Points for sighting: 5
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5. The Extrovert - Abandoning all traditional dance techniques the extrovert will come up with their own unique way of dancing. This technique has many sub-styles such as The Mongoose which involves mimicking a mongoose running through the forest and The Microwave which requires miming the use of a microwave to warm something up. These guys are entertaining yet virtually unseen before 12:30am.

Identified by: Off the wall dancing which seems to follow some inexplicable pattern.
Points for sighting: 20
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6. The Jumper - The Jumper is without any other dance moves, or at least none he cares to use. The Jumper is frequently seen at Tin Roof jumping to the infamous Tin Roof playlist. It is advisable to give these guys a bit of room or their flying elbows and large feet could mark the end of an enjoyable evening.

Identified by: The way their heads bounce up over the crowd at regular intervals.
Points for sighting: 5
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Well that's all I've got for you at the moment but I encourage your personal contribution.

Unless it's stupid. :p
:)

http://blogs.uct.ac.za/blog/blogball/2007/06/06/the_dancing_penguin