Good vacancy
A bloke goes into the Job Centre in Manchester and sees a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the man behind the desk.
The Job Centre assistant sorts through his files and replies -
" Oh yes here it is.
OK the job entails you getting patients ready for the gynaecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and wash their nether regions. Then apply shaving foam and shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of £85,000 but you're going to have to go to London."
"Oh why, is that where the job's at?"
"No - that's the end of the queue."
A Pom and an Aussie were having a (warm) beer together, discussing what good friends they were.
The Pom said to the Aussie "If you were away on business, and I was to come to your house, and me and your missus were to get it on, do you think we'd still be friends?"
The Aussie was silent for a moment.
"Well I don't know if we'd still be friends..." the Aussie finally replied.
"But we'd be even."
...as silly as a bum full of Smarties.