Thanks for the 2008 emails
Dear All
I thought I would wish you a pleasant and successful 2009, filled with
great dreams. My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past
year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat sh1t in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that
needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown);
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
R15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program....
Or, from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split $7million
with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
toilet stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so
a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with an
aftershave sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore
and Uzbekistan
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my bum.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the QR50.00 I found
dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to
grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's
relative once removed.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late
