To all mothers out there,what would you do?

It all depends upon your circumstances as one of the Qlers has rightly said. I do not have any right now but I am expecting soon Insha Allah. I have already made up my mind that I'll put my child to some day care it would be better for me. Because I feel all our lives we work & all of a sudden we stop our work & look after our children & in the end that child will never stay with us for 24 hours. Here for a nursery or reception, the child has to be sent by 3 years of age for better social skills. Then after that what, it would be ladies & their boredom coz cooking a meal doesnt take more than 30 minutes or maximum 1 hour & same goes with cleaning of home depending upon the size for me household work is only 2 hours job, rest of the time is difficult to pass by only watching tv or going to hypermarkets. So, for me I have already decided I'll keep my job just not to let my skill get stagnant & out of date :)

Pls this issue is not that difficult. I am sure you are feeling guilty that's why the thought of leaving him behind kills you but as others say its all your choice. If you want you can look after him by being 24 hours home minister :) otherwise you can convince yourself that I' ll be working for the better future of my son & for more savings. Good luck & let us know what have you decided :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

I just quit my job to stay home with my 1.5 year old. He needed me more than the job and was lacking in many things due to my absense. I too was making great money (20K+ and flight, medical, schooling) but as my husband earned enough I decided to stay home.

Being a full time Mom is a more important job as you are taking care of your family and yourself without overextending, and, a good job done at home benefits your family, not some company who recognizes you as an employee number.

____________________________________________________

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock - Will Rogers"

Im a mom of a 1 yr 8 mos. old baby boy. You have a lot of options:

1. You can invite ur sisters/parents to visit Doha & take care of ur son for even 6 mos. (at least in ur behalf)

2. You can hire a nanny to take care of ur son instead of sending him at daycare center everyday.

3. Set aside ur career goal & concentrate ur career new career as a "mother"

Back in my Phils, Option 1 was good for me. My sister takes care of my son (since birth to 1 yr 5 mos. old).

Now in Qatar, I take option 2. My son is just at home i just check my son (thru phone)from time to time re: meal time sked & taking of medicines & etc. Like you I also go home at 4:30 pm. Just make sure you'll have a caring Nanny. :-)

Suzan - have you asked them what their policy is on letting you bring your little one to the office? Maybe they might be able to be flexible on this....

who, like me, has a high level of "mother's instinct".

Padre, the thread is for all mothers! Lol!!!!!!!

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

from the heart of a mother who just lost her little girl, this is a precious stage in his life, you dont wanna miss it for the world.

I am a working mom of 2 boys (3,5 & 6,5 years old). I am not as lucky as you are. I have to work so our family can survive in Qatar coz I dont want my kids to grow without their father. For this decision, I have to deal with all the hardships and without support of my husband.

After all, I am lucky enough to got chance to stay home with my boys until they old enough to understand that I love them and I have to work for them.

It is a very very though for me to leave them with the baby sitter and sometimes I feel quilty when I got home and found them hungry.

What I am trying to say is, you are luckier than other mothers, I think it will be okay for you just to stay home until you son old enough (2 or 3 years old) and anyhow you dont have financial problems and later on when your son old enough you can start again. For 2,5 months needs lots of care from you.

With your qualification, I do believe you can get any job any time, God willing ...

Embrace the motherhood ... motherhood is about sacrifice and giving love .... that is why we gave birth to our child right? To love them unconditionally eventhough sometimes we have to put our need delay ..

I feel socialising becomes more when we are working.When I stayed at home,I never got that motivation to go out or have fun.I was too frustrated staying at home.But now I can see the difference in myself.I am more active and socialising after I started going to work.This is just my personal expereince.

As Jewel said I can see that my kid is more socialising and independent than before.

At the end of the day , we work for our kid.

I just have one practical qn for all moms: What will we do if (at all) we have to be single(god forgive) ?How do we support our kids then?

Its not like you won't be doing anything when you become a stay at home mommy. You will have a healthy social life as well. You can go out, and have fun with your friends and family - and you can take your baby along. Wouldn't that be just amazing?

Let your husband worry about the money making and you invest your time in bring up a good child for the future.

Good luck :D

I am also working mother .. and alll these days i have been getting help from my mum from india as i used to bring her every 6 months and keep her.. but now she is leaving this month and i am so confused what to do .. my hubby wont help me in anyway ... so i got to find something or other.. my good advice is : u and husband sit together talk and find the way to solve it.. i know this kind of thinking gives more stress, depression... becuase i am going thru the same thing.....please sit and talk with ur husband and find a way...

its all a matter of priority. U have to weigh the disconfort and the money, what is more important.

I too am a working mother. My daughter is an only child so gets a great deal out of being at pre-school but, If given the choice when she was younger, I would have hired a nanny and had her at home. I couldn't afford it at the time. We are luckier than some in that I am a teacher so get regular holidays when she has a 'break' from pre-school and we enjoy family life. It is really tough leaving your child at daycare at first but it becomes much easier. My daughter thrives on the routine and and predictability of each daycare day. She gets so much much more stimulation and socialisation than I could provide for her at home. Give it some time it might get easier. Maybe set yourself a deadline and if it is still hard to deal with resign from your job or ask if there is a part time option. Good luck... it's tough being a mum!

'What's for you won't go by you'

Suzan, I do agree with the rest that your child comes first and he needs you.But, But, I would like to share my own experience ie i am a working mom and i leave my child at playschool. Susan by doing this you will help your child to interact with other children of his age and he will become independent. Learn many things. Learn to eat well.will make friends. And these people at playschool take good care of the children.

All years are important, you have the early years where it is cognitive and speech skills and then you worry about who wil take them to school and bring them back and then they get to the teenage years where they rebel.

It is all difficult as children go through differnt stages, So as a mother you either say *uck it I am going to do what I want and go for it or you do *uck all until your kids leave home.

By that time hubby will want you all for himself and then you still can't get what you want.

My idea is this, you can't run 2 careers, the mans always win unless you can earn far more and even then there are very few men who will take on the kids.

Have to say this though, my brother was a 'house husband' and he was ace. So it can be done.

the most gratifying moments being a parent is to be with your kids while they're growing up. You kid is in a formative years, where he can adapt easily the behavior of his environment. There's nothing wrong sending one child in a nursery and there's nothing wrong being a working mom. However, your hubby is making good money too, right? You don't have other children yet, so why not be at your side with your son for awhile, stay with him, be his teacher & a mom? Once they grow older, you cannot turn back the time and will miss their toddling years. It's really up to you, the choice is entirely yours, I speak for my experience.

"I do live by the motto that pessimists are usually right, but all the great change in history was done by optimists" -Thomas Friedman

Your child is your real INVESTMENT and SAVING, please look after ur child and you'll WIN all through, especially ur husband is earning good amount.

As yaraaoude said, u can find a part time job that does not require full day engagement, to compromise between ur child and the need of being busy with a work.

As noted by many, their is no right or wrong answer. However, based on the fact that your husband is earning well, and you are frazzled, do consider staying at home at least until your baby is one.

Write down the pros and cons and make your final decision. As you working is not essential monetory wise for sustaining your living, you really need to focus on other issues. E.g. Your child as a whole,you, the relationship between you and your baby, and what is more comfortable mentally.....

goodluck with your decision.....

suzan, i think you would probably feel better if you could find a babysitter for your son, rather than to give him away to the daycare... Your baby would stay home in the familiar environment, and you would feel better about it i guess..

*********************

“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Suzan,My case is exactly the same like yours.

This is what I feel or atleast I convince myself:

My daughter is almost 3 now and her socialising habits are not so good since she was with me most of the time.I felt that I need to put her in a nursery even when I was not working to make her more disciplined and socialising.She nevere shares any of her toys with any kids or never lets anybody touch her things.

After I joined work I was forced to put her in nursery cum daycare(for past 2 mnths) and I find her quiet good now.So itz okay if I leave her for another extra 3 hrs.This is how I convince myself.

But she has lost weight and she does not eat properly at the daycare.This worries me a lot.

My friends keep on insisting me not to leave the job as I will go mad(get bored) sitting at home and at one point or the other we will let it out on the kids.

I do feel that itz always nice to be with kids when they are shaped but still confused as to leave the job or not..

Hi Suzan,

Firstly Congratulations on your Bundle of Joy!!

If your husband is earning a good salary I would advise you to not work for now. Aunt Polly is right. Your baby needs you now and for a long time. I gave up my job as well to look after my 2 sons, my youngest is 2 1/2. It is truly worth it. A good job you will find someday when the time is right but you will lose out on your moments of wonderful experiences with your baby. Don't put your baby in a daycare just because the money is good. Who is more important? Daycares are heartwrenching, although I truly understand the choice working mothers have to make as they are financially desperate to work. My heart goes out to them. But no, please stay at home. It's all worth it in the end. You can probably think of working when they are in school full time. All the best!!

hi suzan,

i too came across such situation and did the same u did.

So please dont take tension, u can still take up the job after 2 or 3 years.Enjoy with your baby coz u will not get these days back.

regards

You can get a job later also...but these initial months of the baby are not gonna come back...and nobody in this world would take of your baby as much as you do...

So if you can manage with your husbands salary…please stay with your baby at least he is 2..both you and your baby will get emotional benefit from that..Trust me you wont regret your decision..

Children who go to the day care so early will always fall sick…then how can you work peacefully if you baby is sick…

Suzan I got to agree with every one else that your child should come before your job.

-----------------

HE WHO DARES WINS

Suzan, there are some things money can't buy.

You say your husband makes a good salary, so if you can afford it, stay home with your baby.

You can always change your mind and go back to work. You can't get your child's babyhood back.

And you can join the QL Mums group if staying at home all day every day starts to drive you crazy!

Good luck to you, and enjoy this opportunity to spend time with your little one.

like you said, your husband earns really good money, good enough to support his family even if you choose to stay home and care for your child. maybe you should try it out and see how things go.. talk it out with your husband, he should be able to understand that your child needs you more than ever now at his very young age. you can always go back to work when he gets a bit older...

Dear Suzan,

I have gone through the very same dilemma that you went through and believe me , it is always better to stay with your child till at least 2 years of age. Forget about the money- once you have a child, your priorities change- the baby needs you and all the more since you feel so bad about leaving him at the day care, I feel you should take leave from your workplace for a time, and then see how things work out for you.

when women try to do two jobs at the same time, it takes a tremendous toll on their lives and it is certainly not worth it.

Best ,

AP

There's no right answer for your question.

I know it's hrad staying at home all day. Have you considered working part time?

maybe this way, everyone will be happy.

there is no right or wrong to this.

it all depends on your circumstances.