Banned from Carrefour

Dear Sir,

While we thank you for your valued custom, the Manager of our Carrefour store in City Centre is considering banning you from shopping with us, unless you stop your antics.
Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our
Surveillance cameras:

Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
"Code 3" in house wares..... And watched what happened.
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and
told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a
Calor gas stove.
When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he
began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
Mirror, picked your nose, and ate it.
While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
"Mission Impossible" theme.
 In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the "Madonna look"
using different size funnels.
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled
"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
assumed the fetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices
again."
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a
while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,

Charles Brown
Store Manager