Mother Without Children

tb ,, Now i have no more to say

Totally Right!

Marco ,, well

Daddy ,, is it ok now :p

tb,,, What makes you think that?

The word parents isn’t enough

I wanna see Daddy!

tb,,,, Well said

And yes, Everything change with time

Hope the best for you and your family :)

You can apply the same,,, The title was about a MOTHER, cause when i wrote this, i wrote it after seeing a poor old woman.

And if you look again at the questions above,, you will see the word "Parents" :)

Sulieman: what about us!

StaceyR ,,, I don't really know how does it feel with no children ,,, I am not married yet!

But i think it is nice,, as i heard

Hats off for you ,, you are doing a good job for your family ,,,

But what i wrote about that old women, was reading eyes, we didn't talk, i just felt it.

Sul, you're making me worry. Will it be that bad? To be old with no children nor significant other?

I personally do not want children and it wasn't because I don't love children.. It because I love them that made me think it is not fair to bring one into the world if we can't really provide for them.

I love my parents... I'm away in Qatar, working, so they can have comfortable life. I wanted to give back what they've done for me. I'm sure they had denied themselves many things so I would become their first.

But, really... I knew of a 88 year old man who jumped to his death because he felt abandoned and lonely . Later we found out he had 6 children. How sad can that be?

Yes,, we will never look at the real ages

We will look at the information the they've put here

It will be interesting :O)

66! 66 is young these days whippersnapper! You're just starting to enjoy your retirement. Try 92.

Yeah all 66 over should be transferred there. :) With that criteria fortunately you will find so many young beautiful lads and ladies. :)

So ,, It is the time to establish a

"QL Nursing home" ,, for the old QLers

Gyps great job..:)

I will also join if possible. :) I am just 26+ now.. who knows in 50s we feel old these days.. but lemme know..I will come as volunteer. :)

I volunteered in one as well, and it was lovely. I mean, as lovely as a place where people are dying can be....They had loads of activities for the people who were still mobile enough to participate, and elderly there generally seemed pretty happy (again, as happy as you can be when you're dying).

Brit..I am saving for that I already bought a land in a beautiful serene location..and got few booking from my uncles and aunts..:) when you are OLD let me know..:)

KR ,, Yes ,, Hats off to them

And may he rest in peace

Agree with MN's post at 12:35. Also Agree with Miss Mimi, nothing better can be done in those circumstances, her grandmother is no more the person she once was. She just needs care and it doesn't matter to her where it comes from.

My dad was an alzheimer's patient for the last 15 years of his life. Mom and sister did what it takes to care for such a patient without complaints. Hats off to them.

Sulie, does not matter if it is gran, auntie or mum...it's about private space in general.

Great idea. save a place for me also ..

Space is good always ,,, we have some in the east side :O)

I just saw one of my grandmothers and it was a couple of times, the other died before i was born.

So i don't know how it looks like

GG ,,, I haven't got any friendship request after this Thread ,, lols :O)

Sulie, no, she did not ask for too much...it is just that we both needed some space. Maybe "space" is a Western thing too..:/

sulieman stop posting all senti topics to get likes from the ladies on QL...lol

I personally would love to start an elderly home in my country and take care of all those Elderly people who don’t have children around...My mother will be also there with me..

Brit, I have volunteered in one too. And yes, you are right.

Even the expensive ones can treat their residents pretty bad.

That is why we as children need to be involved. It is most certainly wrong to "offload" old people.

But if one is involved then the life for an old person can be better in a home that alone...and often old people feel alone, even if and when they live with family.

Nomerci ,, Culture ,, yes it has a big effect

As people in the Arab countries stays with their families till they got married, some of them will stay also after getting married and bring the wife to the family house, so that would change the order.

And Lols about your GM story, i know sometimes they ask too much :)

Kareena74 ,, You are right, may God safe them for you

But the important thing is ,, don't forget about them. :)

Having worked as a volunteer in a care home, I would say that it should be considered as a last resort. The reality is far different from the brochure.

They just expect children to live with their parents all their lives and look after them.. In the west, kids move out when they are 18 and make their own lives.

They can manage to stay by themselves but incase they got sick or got some dreaful disease like Alzhimers or Dimentia or even something physical then they can't do that. In that case we would have no option but to put them away in a nursing home where they can be cared for.

I personally think there is nothing wrong with keeping your parents in a nursing home.. They will be with people of their own age and background, they can make friends and at the same time be safe and well looked after.

And jobs.. You cant expect them to quit their job and sit at home with their parents to look after them. Even then, how can you look after them if you don't have money. It would be much wiser to put them in a nursing home and then pay for them which you can only do if you are actually working and getting a pay check.

My parents are old and my dad is retired. So far his ex employers have been kind enough to renew his RP every year but how long can this go on? He is almost 65 now and my mom has never worked. This can't go on for ever. They live alone in their aparment but my brothers and I visit them once a week.

Sulieman, it is also a cultural thing. Where I come from, once the kids are grown, they do not live with their parents. and this is from BOTH sides.

Let me give you one example. My gran, she was the most important person in my life! We did not live in the same house though. I went to see her usually on Sundays.

Then, she broke her arm, and I went to stay with her to help her...what i can tell you is this : we were BOTH very happy when we could live apart again.....;)

brit ,,, "What I detest is when children put parents in homes and then forget about them"

This is what i am talking about

nomerci ,, You misunderstand me again

You gave us a reasonable cause, which is a healthy problem, and you can't hire a home nurse, so you have no other solution.

But some leave their parents, just because they are bored of them, our because his wife or her husband don't like them.

I agree with your sentiments. However, times have changed and sometimes the care home can offer better facilities / care than someone at home.

What I detest is when children put parents in homes and then forget about them.

Sulie, then the question is what is a responsible reason?

Is it responsible of me to keep my parents with me in a small apartment, with me working all day?

Or is it responsible of me to let them go to a home for the elderly where there are many people they can make friends with, activities they like to participate in?

I think having them sit all day in my apartment is not very responsible....

and not all parents actually WANT to be around their kids all the time.

I am sorry I did not read all your valuable comments..

These are my thoughts :

For any medical or security reason its fine.

Just for family or other emotional reasons - Nope.

Personally, if something happens to my parents I would leave my job and will spend full time with them... however as I am the only kid and if I have to arrange money then I will try to hire a private nurse and If I cant afford I will surely send them to old age home after explaining them the situation and will bring them back home as soon situations are better.

People especially in old age wishes to be close to their family.

My question was for whom put their parents without responsible reason, and let them feel lonely with no visits , I once saw a TV program about old people in a nurse home, they were so sad, some of them started to cry saying that their sons and daughters abandon them.

NM, I shudder to think of elderly in this region being cared for by people with no knowledge of how to do it, being left in the hands of maids with no medical knowledge.

You hear about disabled kids being found in cages and locked rooms here all the time, I can just imagine they're doing that to elderly invalids as well.

Sense mine, you are judging a circumstance you do not fully comprehend.

and , if God forbid, this kind of thing should happen to me, I sure hope my children will have the sense to make sure I am in a safe place.

Besides, I would never , even want to put my children into the position to have to take care of me.

Sense Mine, so far I've yet to have to give my son daily injections, a catheter, or any other complicated medical procedure that I've no idea how to perform. I wouldn't expect him to do the same when I was old. I would want him to put me in a home where a nurse could perform them!

My gran had dementia too. She lived with my mum for a long time. Then she turned violent, which is rather common in the advanced stage of dementia. She had to go to a place where she was kept safe.

Maids here are not trained to care for invalids. You'd be putting your mothers life at risk. You would need an in-home nurse, not a maid.

Never put your parents in any Home for the AGED. Remember they took care of you from nothing to somebody. Now that they need your care and understanding you simply bring them to these institutions just for you to get rid of short responsibilities? VERY SAD.

BTW..it will happen to you in the same way as you did!

Exactly Sulie. Conditions are different in different places.

Miss Mimi: I understand what you mean, that’s why I said “conditions change and people’s responses change accordingly “.

Of course if the elder’s situation required special medical/health/mental attention, which I could not afford to provide for them at home, then a good “within proximity” nursing home would be the second best option.

As I understand it, you did/gave the best you could given the circumstances.

It also sounds as if you were a wonderful family, caring for your elders needs in a very special way.

No I'm afraid no amount of reading will help you deal with advanced Alzheimer's Suli, and yes, many do turn violent. My grandmother actually passed away 10 years ago.

nomerci ,, You know what the best you can do

else Nursing homes can be the solution

ok, fine sulie. In the West, there are no maids unless one is very, very rich....so what now?

I will hire a maid to take care of her while am at work, and when i come home i will do that :)

Brit ,, i meant nursing homes :)

No merci ,, calm down, i am just asking,, i didn't say it is right or wrong :)

I know sulie. but seriously, tell me...if you work all day, your mum is old and sick...what do you do?

Brit, show me a hospital in the West that keeps alzheimer's patients...or patients with any long term ailment...there is none...unless it is private and you are a millionaire.

Even a home for the elderly is mega expensive.

In fact, people go broke getting home care or putting those who need it in an institution.

Miss Mimi,,, I know many old people with Alzheimer ,, lived there "last days" with no violent actions,,, If you read about it you can handle it, My father's friend in Canada lives with mother and father, his father had Alzheimer and he is always trying to train his father's brain, it might be a long way, but it works :)

And i am not judging you,,, The right and the wrong could be different from one to another, best wishes for your Grandmother

Infirmary ?

Hospital ?

Sulie, what if you can't ? What if you work all day, she is sick, who then takes acre of her?

Suli, Alzheimer's' patients can become extremely violent, and many live for years and years. So your "last days" might be 7 years living with a person who's regressed to the mind of a 2 year old (or worse) and is extremely violent as well.

MM ,, Yes am talking about "nursing homes"

And you might have a reasonable cause, but for me i would like to spend the last days with her.

Alex ,, That is it,, if Putting them there is bad for them, forgetting them is worse.

I don't think putting someone in a nursing home is giving up on them. You're putting them in a place where they can get better care than they can from you. Someone visited my grandmother every day, so she was hardly abandoned.

People change, conditions change, and so does people’s responses to these issues.

I can’t judge people cuz this is their lives and their choices, but I’ll never give up on my parents.

Suli... This woman at the home for the elderly care center?... Yes they are truly lonely there ,their siblings visit them not quite regularly , some weeks, some months , some forget them already , because some patients also suffer serious dementia needs expert care ,very sad life indeed.

Are you talking about nursing homes? We had to put my grandmother in one after her Alzheimer's became so advanced we no longer had the ability, or expertise, to care for her at home. She actually loved being in the nursing home, since she didn't really remember who any of us were anyway she didn't miss us and was able to spend her days playing bingo and watching TV, and doing other activities, with other people with similar ailments.