Surnames...a touchy topic!

The perculiar ones are those converts who use one surnames.

happygolucky, you hit the bull's eye!

***********************************************

"Why is my PM access blocked?"

Yes.Society gets more headache than our own parents to get married a girl or boy. If a girl go with someone or a girl talk with a collegue or a male friend then society will create stories. If a lady stay alone people are more anxious why she stays alone. If a lady got divorced from her husband society will tell she cant adjust with him that is why she left her husband or a lady will be bold or fight for justice then she will be assertive or fighter cock. Yes. Ladies are degraded everywhere if she speak out the truth or show boldness. And after marriage if she can't get conceived then people tell she is barren may be the fault with husband only. So we cant' fight for all injustce since it is male dominated. I know many ladies who draws more salary than men hand over their full salary to their husband and take pocket money from him. This is wrong too. It is my opinion only.

surname Sheikh is changed to XEC, if you go through Navhind and Gomantak news paper you will see how many notifications of name change are published

Name change is compulsary, through husband's application wife cannot get independent passport but her daughters will be able to apply for one

lol guys... I thought this thread outlived its useful value yesterday and just to complete my obligation to respond to SS as agreed I would leisurely come back at a convenient time to say something more peaceful just as in some closing ceremony but then I see the celebrations are still on with lot of fireworks…:)

This thread would have been a nice thread if the poster came with a topic for discussion with an open mind, but what all of us felt all the way was confirmed in the following final words by poster:

'i have understood in many ways that it is pointless trying to correct something that i cannot change. so i am hereby abandoning all attempts....'

'and nothing any one of you have said had succeeded in shaking my ideals. i am sorry for your disappointments!'

Question is, did anybody say that this is wrong and needs to be corrected, did anybody ask for posters help to change. And I don’t think anybody tried to change the ideals of the poster….it was the poster who was on a mission to set things right thinking it is wrong, though by its own admittance it is a community specific issue to which the poster belongs.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

Oops my English has gone down the drain.. I mean I am willing to change my surname after marriage :P

rMs FS can say a lot even with ....... ... :)

**** Aal Izz Well****

Personally if you really want to be modern you need to go with those whole new surnames that are a mixture of both spouses last names. I know a couple who did that. There last name became MacBeatonald. Bit of a mouthful really.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Byrce

How did you decipher those codes (.....) of FS, Olive ?? :S

---------------------------------------------------

tEaCh Me RulEs I'lL tEaCh YoU hOw To BrEaK iT -rMs!

I am willing to change my wife's surname.. Any woman who wants to marry me :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

Yep FS, if you want to be modern you need to always rebel and SAY NO, even if there is no problem in the first place.

Like they say in the states FIGHT THE MAN.

LOL FS. Like I said, never thought I'd see the day when I was called anti-feminist. :P

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

Sorry for the late response globally- I had to attend a meeting and do some work for a change :P.

No most of the people here have not disagreed with SS for her personal decision. They have disagreed with her opinion - that all women who don't do what she does are backward/oppressed.

But then it would've been clear if someone read the thread and comprehended English anyway.

Wow. Sorry we can't all live to your high ideals Svelte. The rest of us women will just crawl along the bottom of society then in our un-forced marriages.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

i leave all the worthy members who have commented on this thread to their own fates and decisions and wish them good luck.i have understood in many ways that it is pointless trying to correct something that i cannot change.so i am hereby abandoning all attempts.and i'm tired of saying the same thing again and again.i do not wish to comment any further on this thread which has led to nowhere.i still hold fast to my views and am quite happy that way...and nothing any one of you have said had succeeded in shaking my ideals.i am sorry for your disappointments!

good bye all!

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

I'm happy that your marriage has worked out Svelte, my point is though that it's a bit silly for you to be judging women on taking their husbands last names when you yourself were pressured into a marriage. To me and many others, the last name would be the lesser of two evils.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

SS a small incident i'd like to tell you. A friend of mine (Indian) was applying for Portuguese passport. In order for her to do this, her parents need to have the passports done first. Now the Portuguese Govt does NOT recognize her parents as married couple coz the marriage certificate shows her mother in her maiden surname. Now they have to get a fresh marriage certificate showing the mother with the husband's surname in order to proceed which is a whole long process. Mind you the Indian passport shows the mother with husbands surname. Thus complicating matters.

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~«ŠѪΘҜΞ»~[]_

Olive will you retain your name after marriage or will you have a new last name and become olive oil :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

Bomb? Why should i put one when he has got a Nuclear bomb with him? ;=)

I don't know why, But I feel he is a puppet in your hands dancing with no choice or you may be the Godess and he is the minion in your temple. :#

--

Pray, Before prayers are said for you..

i married for the sake of society,yes.but my prayers did not go in vain....i had many apprehensions about the man i'd marry which made me shy away from marriage for a long time.but he turned out to be my best friend who accepts me the way i am.and i'm quite happy.i could have sent this to you via PM but since you asked this question on the forum,i replied here.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

yes he is....why?did u plant a bomb in his office coz you think such men who think of their wives more like friends and not as their subservients are a bad influence on a male dominated society?LOL

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

I find it quite ironic that woman who admittidly only married to please society and her parents is judging women on changing their last name. I'm sorry, but which decision actually demonstrates the least amount of willpower?

Svelte, people in glass houses should not throw stones.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

thanks for that,buddy!wish more people had the commonsense to write replies like you....i respect your views. :-) cheers! \m/

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Is HE ok? :#

--

Pray, Before prayers are said for you..

yeah of course he reads this....and he laughs it off coz he (fortunately) thinks like me and all your comments are one big joke for us :-D you could think of him as being the male version of me.exactly the same way of thinking.had i changed my name post-marriage,he would not have felt the same level of respect for me as he does now.he feels proud that he has married a strong woman...somebody who will be an equal force with him in the journey of life....not a meek follower.

white clothes...?so u mean to say he should have killed himself?LOL indeed!yeah,he is virtually killing himself reading all this crap and trying hard not to burst out laughing at his office :-P

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

KHALLAS!i think this has gone on long enough without much constructive arguments from either for or against it. SS you are indeed entitled to your opinions and free to do as you please. The rest fall in the same category.

For those of you who dont understand the reason behind this discussion let me quote SS: "Do you feel that a woman ought to change her surname post-marriage?Doesn't that account for loss of identity?"

1. Its NOT a hard and fast rule for a woman to do so.

2. Its more of a tradition/custom dating back to god knows when.

3. A woman isnt going to be identified by her name, but by her deeds.

4. In a male dominated society where the husband is the sole bread winner and head of the house, a woman is being identified by being So and so's wife rather than he being called so and so's husband.

5. Change of name is also done for purpose of carrying on the husband's family name..again where we have society/tradition rules where the wife is supposed to leave her parents and live with her husband.

Further more we cannot sit here and decide that women who have changed their surnames to that of their husbands have no done it willingly. You'd want to change your surname too if you were called tigamamisulapuni :P

Good Fortune always comes knocking at your door...when you are sh*tting in the toilet!! :)

_[]~«ŠѪΘҜΞ»~[]_

uff!uff!ufff! =P i quit this thread...its pointless...and SS,u shud seriously consider Pajju's advice...close it man!

oh!so now you want me to PM you my marriage certificate?OMG!how kiddish!how old are you?9?or 10?you ought to have ur QL id as Baby Virus.jeez!

no girl in her right senses lies about being married.i am very happily married,thank you very much.

my hubby knows what i am and he respects me for that.he is proud of the fact that he has married a woman who has a mind of her own and that he didn't marry a stupid puppet who will dance according to his tunes.

tell me something....which of my comments has implied that he is an unwanted person in my life?the fact that i will attach his name to mine with superglue?or that i don't belong to his family?i really don't understand your statement.

and he is not a member on QL.says this place is full of idiots and he doesn't think it worth his while to be a member.he tells me i'm wasting my time trying to put some sense into them.guess he's right,afterall.sigh!

i don't belive in multiple personalities online....like having one male id and another female id and picking on the same person.i am svelte_saggi and will remain so.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

"all women who change their surnames post marriage are clearly people with no self-respect and individuality and would rather be known with their husband's name tag rather than their own."

Wow...well thanks for the insult. Never thought I'd see the day when I was tagged as not being a hard core feminist. :P

To quote the bard "What's in a name? Would a rose by any other name not smell as sweet?"

I have to laugh at some of the comments over these 4 pages. First off all the Arabs who say "we aren't sexist we don't make our wives take our name." Nope you don't, what you do instead is take their children in a divorce and slam on about 80 pounds of religious laws and burdens to make them your slaves.

In the beginning the act of changing a wifes surname may have been to demonstrate possession, but now it's simply the act of changing the surname. It doesn't come with any laws or burdens or anything else to turn the wife into the husbands slave as in some other places where the wife might not take the surname.

I could take my husbands surname but that doesn't make me his possession, what it does is signify our new family. It may be a previously sexist tradition but now it's simply a tradition, like Christmas & the tooth fairy. It's symbolic.

And, at least from my country, you aren't by any means expected to do it. Some girls do cause they are more traditional, others because they don't like their last names. Some families hyphenate (which I think is the only truley equal way of doing things) others retain their maiden & bachelor names. Some even come up with whole new last names.

My hubby to be and I sat and discussed it, we didn't want to hyphenate becaues then our name would be 80 syllables long, we debated my keeping my last name, but I want the same last name as my kids. He's an only child but I have sibilings so my family name will be passed on, but if I gave our kids my family name his wouldn't. So I'm taking his. I'm not upset, nor do I think I'm losing something (to think that would require me to have absoulutely no sense of myself and to think that I'm defined by a name, which is nonsense).

A marriage is about comprimise, and your last name should be the first of such mutual decisions.

(On the bright side my concession for taking his last name is that I get to name the kids :D)

Frankly I think anyone who judges others for what they do in a marriage should perhaps clean the windows of their glass houses.

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

Haha.. Your hubby reads all these? I wonder why you are still wearing fancy clothes. If he is a 'MAN', you would have been wearing those white dress worn by widows. Or you being a modern gal certified by yourself, you do made a change to that or what? You are a mystery, much to explore in you. :=)

--

Pray, Before prayers are said for you..

Whether you agree with each other's opinions or not, there's absolutely no need to get personal! I don't agree with SS's views on this topic, but I do respect them. This should've been a healthy debate!

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

well guys stop it plz "morethan enough" !!!

hahaha....aunty virus,i dont think its even worth replying to that post but still....i didn't comment on anybody so long coz i didn't come across anything 'worthwhile' and most threads posted needed me to go below my standard to give fitting answers.but seeing this one,i just had to post something coz i felt people are being stupid beyond reason by turning it into a bashing thread more than a simple healthy discussion...

I doubt if you really have one, can someone really tolerate a self obsessed person like you? and the way you talk about him really makes him very proud.

It is very clear from your comments that he is an unwated guest in your life rather the least important person in your life.

Can he give a testimony here? or you can do it with a male id..lol

Not interested in discussing furher! you won and all others failed!

LMAO :-D yeah,that seems to be the best option by far.can u actually believe your eyes?i'm still in shock seeing so many wild and angry posts.it was just a simple discussion!look at what they all turned it into.....bashing left,right and centre!!!

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

whatever she posted ends up making a fool of herself, or your usual self obsession threads. Looks like no one likes you and dont think you got any true friends.

thank you for your observation....all these comments are enough animated comedy for my evening chit-chat with my hubby everyday :-D and by the way,i haven't been married for a long time....so u can't really call it big-time flop :-) thanks for your blessings anyway.i'm collecting blessings everyday from QL to take them with me to paradise :-)

P.S:hubby has asked me tell y'all thanks for bringing in all your wild comments.he's keeping track of my threads as it relieves him from office stress it seems....LOL :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

PT doormats :D

lolz....explains wat all aunty? =D okies,am the next target...go on...lets c wat ur assupmtions r =D

look,i'm tired of telling you to stop stalking me around.you,apparently, have a problem with everything i do or say.sheesh!

as to whether i end up making a fool of myself and about self obsession,i can't really help it if being different from the rest accounts to foolishness or self obsession in your personal vocabulary.

and lastly,about your observation about my friendships,you couldn't possibly be any further from the truth.

btw,it's self obsession and not obbsession and friends and not frineds in case that's what u were referring to.if you are indeed talking about "frineds",yeah you're right.i haven't got any of those things (whatever they are)

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

wow yaar!everyone knows everythng here...!thats interesting....so SS,u have no frends,u r a fool,nobody likes u,ur married life is a mess[blabbering watever has declared it!!!u have to accept it now =P]....u r starting self obbsession threads.....wah wah!I dont understand why people get so disturbed when facts are pointed out...and this disturbance cums out in different ways...hmmm...btw,all of them are blessing you and wishing u luck SS...keep them safe!! ;P

1 yr 13 weeks

9 points

commented only on 2 threads by one person

That explains it all

Nothing can be globally wrong!

Sorry to judge you. But your each and every comments force me to drop a comment stating your married life is a big time flop. I'm not pouring oil on fire neither hitting on a corpes. But it is a bitter fact. I wish you all the best dear!

--

Pray, Before prayers are said for you..

yeah thanx man....but trust me!that was the coooolest thing deepb so far said in his/her posts...same person itseems...lolzz! XD *chuckles*

thank you so much for your blessings,aunty jee.now i am assured of a place in paradise thanks to your blessings!

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

AV sounds like an ignorant soul....not sure of what's actually happening here.....May God Bless You tooo Aunty!! lolz =D

globally....thanks a lot for your comments gurl!i reckon some people here think u're my pseudo id....LOL....just remembered what Mark Twain once said "Two things are infinite:The Universe and Human stupidity....and i'm not sure about the former" :-D

s_isale....thank you very much for your answers.really appreciate them.

for the rest of you....oho!so now y'all say that y'all NEVER accused me.woohoo!talk of lying thru the teeth!anybody who goes thru the thread would understand what's been going on.total intolerance for a woman who chose to be different...hmm!typical!even in the 21st century,the world hasn't changed much.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

SS you sound like a desperate soul, trying to vent your frustration on others in the forum. May God bless you!

like i said,i am not looking for certification for what i did.you are free to vent out ur feelings.i shall just clarify those accusations you pointed out against me...

"stupid post"....depends on how you want to look at it.calling the moon a beachball does not make it one :-)

"lack of maturity and intelligence"...maybe i am a bit too modern minded for this world.that's again not my fault.

"BEST FOR YOU"...yes,it is one of the best decisions i have made...besides many others.and i'm happy for it.

"intimacy"...please go through the previous comments.there have been more than one instance when the subject has been brought in and not by me.it's not my opinion.i was surprised that it was brought in.

"your guilt"...as far as my conscience goes,i can confidently say that i plead NOT GUILTY :-)

"the whole world to appreciate me"....i repeat my first comment.i am not here for appreciation.i am my own critic.

"Why the heck should we feel guilt for something we did willingly and not with force"....that's a question you should ask yourself.not to me :-)

"maybe your parents asked you to do so"...they didn't,fyi.this is my decision since my early teens and now i am in doubt as to why parents are being involved in this topic at all.lack of maturity in a feeble attempt to defend your points,perhaps....?

"my parents don’t interfere in my personal life after marriage"....i fail to see the relevance of this statement here.

"Why don’t you ask your husband to change his name as yours"....that's a mighty good idea but it would have worked if he was born without self respect.since both of us are strong individuals,we'd rather keep our names intact.oh and btw,he did have a hearty laugh reading all this :-P said he can't believe that the present generation likes to think in reverse :-D LOL

"Maybe you will feel happier"...thank you,FS.i am quite happy now (touchwood),thank God! :-)

"I seriously think you need some help"...yeah i do.i need some help to make my mind accept worldly stupidity.any suggestions for a good doc?

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

he gave major chunk to Christina, and left Jackie with miseries

chillax deepb....you r getting the whole thing messed up,i never said any of the ppl you've mentioned is wrong....did i?...and OMG!nobody really said SS is wrong??then what is actually going on here??why the arguement?SS started the topic...and if everyone's agreeing with SS,then i wonder what was the actual discussion running in these 4 loooooong pages of the thread =) .If the author's intention was to kick start an arguement...then he/she cud've aswell said the women who change their surnames are wrong in the very 1st intro post itself...

1. It came after the British ....

2. It was not there in the first place.

3. I suppose it is show them as trophies.

4. No.

5. Since my comment is no for the above question. this is not relevant

time to lock ?

Globally? I never said what she did is wrong!and when did I say what I did is the way it should be?

I didnt accuse all the girls who did not change the surname? did I??

it was very clear she did it because of Shipping magnate's wealth. Even Tina Ambani did it for jackpot

deepb...Hahahahaha!gud welcum for a newcumer...so sorry to know this place is full of people with preconceived notions...!what you think is totally upto you... =)

@FS....just mentioned those lines since you dont seem to accept SS's views and way of thinking like you 'accused' SS isint accepting others views and comments....hehe =)

If you look at any of my posts or FS, snessy and the other normal people's posts, you wont see us saying SS is wrong.

We never said she was wrong to do what she did. She is the one who said others are wrong for not agreeing with her. Does that answer your question Globally?

globally -I quote SS's post" my final take on this topic....and i don't care two hoots what everybody else thinks....all women who change their surnames post marriage are clearly people with no self-respect and individuality and would rather be known with their husband's name tag rather than their own.this deed has no effect whatsoever on the intimacy of a relationship no matter what is thought about it otherwise.in this male dominated society it does take a certain amount of self-esteem and courage for a woman to stand up for herself and not in the shadow of her husband....which,i'm sorry to say,a huge majority of women are not blessed with.and i'm sorry for them.i am thankful to God and to my parents for creating me differently and for teaching me to think for myself and stand up against society if it demands you to do something that your conscience does not permit you to do.i am also extremely sorry for all the women out there who have felt a pang of guilt somewhere deep within after reading this thread that maybe they did a mistake back in the days immediately after marriage by rushing to change their name in a fit of blind love for their new found life partner whom society demands to be thought of as God and to be considered as the end of their world!it's alright,girls.it's not your fault really.if you have felt that some good has come out of this discussion,at least advise your children not to commit the same mistake as you did.

thank you very much. "

Thats why its clear she has made up her mind. Quite clear from that she doesn't give two hoots and is here to pass judgement on people who don't agree with her.

Conveniently new ID btw Globally ;)

just 1 Q to deepb......this thread was started to have a healthy discussion,to exchange views i believe...who started the arguement??SS,started the thread and started arguing that she is right or the others,stating SS is wrong?? =P

FS doesnt have the "maturity or intelligence to accept SS's views." lolzzz... =D "You think what you did is the BEST THING... THAT IS JUST FOR YOU!! and only for you...and not for others..."....LOL!

ECO- I don't know about Pakistan. But, apart from some rural towns in India, most educated families do not force their decisions on their children. It's really their choice. If they are being pressured to change it, thats a different thing. They can rebel and the law will support them.

SS you have the freedom to do what you want. No one has said that you are wrong for deciding to keep your surname. On the contrary, you are the one who is trying to restrict others freedom by telling them they are wrong for changing their surname.

Nasty pm's should be made public to name and shame or just ignored and reported to mod. Don't blame your mindset on such things. Sounds like a convenient excuse.

You are not born with your husband's name fixed with your name...bascially its upto the women...if they prefer being known as who they ACTUALLY are or getting an identity with the husbands name.....personally i second to what SS said...how can anyone change their name on 1 fine day just becoz they got married?!?!?!C'mon!!!!!

and deepb,if she's already made up her mind why in the world would she even bother to start this thread....and changing identity....so is it like you are born with your father's or family name,the you marry 1 person,change the surname....split up due to some reason,marry someone else,change the surname....and go on??if so then 1 doubt....what will the woman's name like after she divorced?does she keep her husband's name or goes back to her family name/father's name?who are you actually?!?!?!?that is all that matters....you are born with a name and surname...that remains so till your death...!

FS....and what if it doesnt work out??we never know how things are going to be like in the future....just with that mere hope/expectation women change their surname??then why dont the women change the name aswell?kick out the name their parents gave and put instead something both the couples like.Its just as simple as changing the surname yeah? =)

This topic is just going in circles...its not going anywhere! =P

in laws are always dominant in India/Pakistan

in my case i did it by immitating my sisters teachers who were Pakistani. All Paki women are known as Mrs. tareeq, Mrs. Khalid Mrs. Aloo Mrs. karela

no individual enters into wedlock expecting a separation.but it's a scenario of two totally different individuals coming from two entirely different environments who decide to live together.so differences are bound to be there.and no relationship comes with a lifetime guarantee card.it's all one big risk.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

snessy I am also disappointed the way she replied!

Saggi you forced me to comment again on your stupid post above!

Your problem is you don’t have the maturity or intelligence to accept others views. You think what you did is the BEST THING... THAT IS JUST FOR YOU!! and only for you...and not for others...

What we did is the best for us! Why do you think we don’t have self respect?? How intimacy came in this? we never talked about that here? Nor did we said what you did is wrong...maybe its your guilt that made you write this topic.. or you thought that the whole world would appreciate what you did!!

how can you speak for all the other women in this world who changed their surname?? GUILT?? you must be kiddin...Why the heck should we feel guilt for something we did willingly and not with force...You like chicken doesnt mean that those who dont like chicken are not meat eaters!!

Advice our children?? They are free to do what they want…maybe your parents asked you to do so… my parents don’t interfere in my personal life after marriage!!

You are weighing others with the scale you invented…which maybe accurate for you….not for others!!

Why don’t you ask your husband to change his name as yours? Maybe you will feel happier?? Hahaha

I seriously think you need some help…:(

Over and out!!

i asked the same question to my qatari colleagues.they all laughed and said the same thing as i said.how can a woman belong to a different family after marriage?it's absurd.it was good to hear such a view from members of one of the most conservative and orthodox societies in the world.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

SS, morning girl.

hmmmm, i like frogs, ever since ma little boy started emitating them to catch my attention :D

Yalla!

divorce takes place and you know the rate of divorce all over the world. Isnt that headache going to name change process again?

I dont have problem if its related to religion but doing it just cos its culture then we have to bring change in silly traditions.

Eco-savvy - If the woman is expecting a divorce in near future, then she is free to keep her maiden name. I repeat, changing your surname is not a legal requirement, its a social one. It's purely the woman's choice, I don't think anyone would force them if they don't want to. That is the advantage of living in a country where freedom is valued.

so what if a frog exists who wishes to see what's beyond the well?would you call that stupidity?that it is afterall a frog and should learn to remain a frog and not think of bigger things?

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

i was pushed into speaking harshly,snessy.i just couldn't help it.i could forward you all the nasty PMs i've been getting because of this one single thread.c'mon.....the camel's back does break at some point.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

SS, I'm actually disappointed in your last post. I disagreed with your take on this but I respected it. It's a shame you can't do the same!

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

my decisions are solely mine and i really don't care if they are accepted or not.i take full charge and full responsibility of my life.

if anybody cannot understand the reason as to why this thread was posted or if they do not have any good answers to give me,then there isn't really much i can do about it.mindsets are not something that can be changed overnight.

each individual is entitled to his or her own thoughts.a woman may bow her head in front of her husband or a man may expect his wife to do so.it's upto them.personal choices.as a person,i bow my head only in front of God and my parents.and i see nothing wrong in that.they are my creators.

changing a surname is not a "belief" and i am entitled to make my own judgements about society.it makes me who i am.an individual in her own right.a woman who many men would not want their women to be talking to...lest they lose the superiority they enjoy now.it's understandable from a male perspective.

i rebel with strong deep rooted reasons and can give answers to anybody....though i regret that i do not get the same response from the same people.can they answer all my questions?i'm afraid not.

there may be tens of thousands of people who share my first name and hence my first name is of any consequence in a fairly limited society.on a larger scale,yes,i am known by my family name....it's where i belong.and i'm mighty proud of it.i'd attribute it to the powerful warrior blood running in my veins.honour and pride comes to us naturally.

and i hope people get used to living with disappointment when they don't get their way.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

I wonder why Maggie is ignoring my comments ?

did i ask for a SKY ?

NO !! its just a Hi ..... :)

deepb...There is no reply for stupidity!! Frog in the well thinks that’s the World! and there is no life outside the well!! LOL good for the frog...lol

Eco..we are not marrying with anticipation of divorce..Instead we are anticipating a life long togetherness..at least me!

and then marry Mr. Shukla?

Just like I posted earlier- The author of the thread is not looking for any opinions. She has already made her head up and was looking for some sort of acceptance for her decision. When she didn't find it, she takes the hypocritical turn and judges other women on why they did what they did. I don't really see who gave you the right to pass judgement over other people's belief.

Rebelling without a reason is worse than conformity. The surname is not your name- it belongs to your family. So as long as your not changing your first name, I don't see how your losing your identity. Or if your identity is based on being born into your family, then I have no further comments.

I was expecting some sort of rational argument at the starting of the thread, instead it turned out to be- My way or the highway sort. Quite disappointing.

my final take on this topic....and i don't care two hoots what everybody else thinks....all women who change their surnames post marriage are clearly people with no self-respect and individuality and would rather be known with their husband's name tag rather than their own.this deed has no effect whatsoever on the intimacy of a relationship no matter what is thought about it otherwise.in this male dominated society it does take a certain amount of self-esteem and courage for a woman to stand up for herself and not in the shadow of her husband....which,i'm sorry to say,a huge majority of women are not blessed with.and i'm sorry for them.i am thankful to God and to my parents for creating me differently and for teaching me to think for myself and stand up against society if it demands you to do something that your conscience does not permit you to do.i am also extremely sorry for all the women out there who have felt a pang of guilt somewhere deep within after reading this thread that maybe they did a mistake back in the days immediately after marriage by rushing to change their name in a fit of blind love for their new found life partner whom society demands to be thought of as God and to be considered as the end of their world!it's alright,girls.it's not your fault really.if you have felt that some good has come out of this discussion,at least advise your children not to commit the same mistake as you did.

thank you very much.

P.S:now i'm expecting all the frustrated women to come forth and "boo" at me.go on,girls.i'll take it.you have to vent it out someplace.if u choose QL and my thread for it,so be it. :-) cheers!

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Maggie Zi !!

Good Mornings dears.

Everyone has their own way of thinking and choice..

So why take tension with no pension...be happy and cheers !!

At least give me a small smile and warm Greetingz plz ? :)

Pajju Pooda Patti....:)

i meant to say that i don't need her certification for your character.i know you and you are my good friend.wonder why she's coming in between and going thru the trouble of elaborating it :-/

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

lol rizk bro....she just love wine?? no VODKA?? I think ur BELLA belongs to our category who loves to change her surname after marriage..lolzzz..How abt ur valentine plans for her???

My last comment on this thread...

Tips for handling criticism...

Know yourself—This is a reality issue.

Change yourself—This is a responsibility issue.

Accept yourself—This is a maturity issue.

Forget yourself—This is a security issue.

*sighhhhh*

saggi dint get u that wat u meant abt my character :

My bella is fit and fine and drinking WINE when alone...:(

Anywayz, she changed her surname...now she is BellaRizks....lol

Hey very gud morning to u rizk..I wanted to avoid this thread but couldn't resist myself to answer..lolzzzzz

I m doing much better with surname change after marriage..So don't worry about me..Its just that some indiviudal have difference in opinion..Pray for their peaceful life, THATS IT..

What else rizk bro?? Howz ur bella doing??

Good Morning Ladies and Ladies !!

Wats this ? Why this arguments ?

I cant stand to see any ladies fighting,especially when they are so beautifool...:( so let me sit and see...lol

Cut the crap out ladies as its your own choice if you would like to change ur surnames or not OR change watever u want....lol

Peace and Have a great morning !! Cheerz :)

Good for u SS..Go ahead with ur judging skill..

this is to inform your royal highness that i am in no need of any tuitions from your esteemed self about Pajju's character.i am capable enough to make my own judgements.thank you very much.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

i'm amused to see this thread still on page 1

snessy...thanks,sweetie!a touchy topic i'd assumed it will be....but it metamorphed into a tad fiery one :-D lol

FS...u know me,FS.i don't bug anyone....and won't let go if someone chooses to bug me.

happygolucky...there are no timelines.take your own sweet time and reply,if u please

eco_savvy...ROFL!good one! :-P cheers \m/

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

FS...I am very much here...:) Just that I dont want to give some off hand reply to SS... hope there are no timelines..:)

_______________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

now please dont ask me what is pig toilet ask that question to Sheikh google.

Late Benazeer didnt become Ms. Zardari(gunda mawali)

Snessy did you say "Amen"!

lol u catties .. am still waiting for cat fighting :P

This is not the way to discuss a topic on a public forum ..shame on you girls...:(

happy where are you? am waiting for your answers..lol

eeiihhh SS, pajju bro hardly remains serious in his life..And u put ur effort in answering his question..lolzzz

Pajju bro, i have heard that u have crush on DOT.COM..howz that going?? ne plans to give something speical to ur VALENTINE?? please keep us update about that..

Ah man, I missed so much today! FYI, I think this is a brilliant thread and it's great to hear different views and opinions about how people feel about this subject. Well done SS for initiating it :-)

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

beneficial, fruitful, and I hope that the purpose is not delete the surname of the married women in some cultures.

Pajju....ruckus means commotion or the act of making a noisy disturbance....ask somebody who knows english better...like me :-P

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

see,people are still finding fault with me....nobody except a sensible few actually answered the questions.guess they have no answers themselves.it's alright....quite understandable.i hope this thread has at least served the purpose of being food for thought....as in asking certain questions to oneself.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

tiny brain?when did u get a CT scan of my brain?i don't remember getting one done at anytime :-o

doesn't 'bheegi billi' translate to 'wet cat'?my lady,you know nothing of my husband.so please refrain from commenting about him.i have no business really to elaborate this to a stranger like you but i just have to say this that my hubby is also an equally strong person and we respect each other for that.we are very comfortable with each others "arrogance,attitudes and adamant natures",the way you put it.

as to ur query whether i am crazy,i know for sure that i am not.my question was just a logical one.how does that make me crazy? :-/

and i already am living a life.there is no need for me to go get another one.thank you.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Ok Pajju sitting quietly and waiting :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

1. Is it true that some women after getting married change their surnames because they do not want any thing to relate them with their parents specially when the parents are bad.

2. Is it true that some women after getting married change their surnames because they feel they will be independent.

I have posted a father story and it seems many were not interested to look at it or comment on it.

LOL WK...

Pajju bro, i m not the creator of this thread..lolzz..

Pass me some bobcorn WK, will you? You can have some of my hummus.

WK be Q blzzzz :)

Ouch. Bad kitties.

oh comeon.. I just got back with my Bebsi & Bobcorn.. i wanna watch this cat fight :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

soniya and wat is ruckus ? :P

GOOD KEEP IT UP...u r born with a very tiny brain ...lolzzzzzzzz...

"does that imply all arab men are wet cats?ooooooh!now that is going to create quite a ruckus here :-P )"...honey, r u crazy or what??? i never meant that ur hubby would be like a WET CAT if u didn't change ur surname...ur attitude, arrogance, adamant nature has forced us to feel pity for ur hubby and not for other MEN..GET A LIFE YAAR..u r too stubborn...

drmana lol .. we r at QL service :P

Good going guys, common diffuse the tension here by your hijacking....

tsk!tsk!a lady can't talk in genteel language any longer.sad indeed.kind people,please tell me if i have spoken in any rash manner to the QL member with the screen name 'soniya'?i have been at my best.and there,she accuses me of being devoid of any manners.ah!sad!

and then she goes on telling me that i am no teacher (which i think i can be,given the fact that i am an all GCC topper in English at school...okay,so now i was simply forced into saying that),and she tells me to keep my mouth shut sometimes (i'd be having lockjaw if i kept it open all the time...LOL) and then something in Hindi that essentially means all is lost for me (ah!i'll consider myself blessed by thy holiness then) and that she even feels pity for my husband who'll be sitting at home like a wet cat (huh?okay....so she thinks if i didn't change my surname,my husband will be a wet cat...does that imply all arab men are wet cats?ooooooh!now that is going to create quite a ruckus here :-P )

i still recommend Oxford Dictionary and Wren&Martin for her,though....LOL

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Rizks/Sonam

Rizks, lol , u know onethin that nite i got stomach pain .:)

sonam bugger why dunt u come QBC ? i really beat u once :)

Pajju Aafter cat fighting I am waiting for bat fighting lol

...................................................................................

सोनम दी नेपाली बाबु

..................................................................................

saalaaa ....:)

lol Rizks now dunt turn to nasty :P my mom was asking who is that old bald guy :)

SS, what u didn't understand??? U don't have ne manners to comment so blunt on anyone's answer..Gud that u have studied ENGLISH LITERATURE..U r no TEACHER so just keep ur mouth shut sometimes..

Baby, TUMHARA KUCH NAHIN HO SAKTA HAI...feel pity for ur husband..BECHARA BHEEGI BILLI KI TARAH GHAR PAR REHTA HOGA...

I m off now, go on with ur nonsense posts...BEST LUCK..

They is no law saying that..it makes things easier for a legal claim...lol in case of death or for a visa purpose!

and it's a well known fact why Indira Priyadarshini changed her name to Indira Gandhi....after making her poor hubby change his surname from Ghandi(a Parsee family) to Gandhi....all politics!

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Pajju u stick whereever u want...:)

i have my own stick and i know were to stick IT....:)

Couples sometimes do this in an effort to drive out the ‘sexist' practice of a woman taking her husband's surname. :)

oh,is it a rule laid down by the govt. then?i wasn't aware of that.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

My recommendation to all, DIE Fledermaus Overture, Johann Strauss, just perfect to ease the nerves :)

youtube it but not the "tom & jerry" version :D

Yalla!

Rizks ok lets stick on the topic ?

kindly write your comment in a more understandable language.your english is not something i can comprehend.please refer to a couple of dictionaries and a copy of Wren and Martin and post your comments.i shall reply to you pronto.

i hope my language has not offended you.

i shall answer to whatever i have understood,though.

y don't u answer urself coz u seems to be in much pblm with the SURNAME tag?? i have already given way too many answers and do not wish to repeat myself.

R u talking about WEST???? no i am not.as far as my knowledge goes,Rani of Jhansi and Rani Kittur Chennamma were very much Indian.Jhansi is in Uttar Pradesh and Kittur is in Karnataka.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Comeon Women change it for Humanity's sake :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

u people dont let us Hijack this thread nor this thread is sticking to the topic !! :(

How are we suppose to see unjustice in this Thread ? :(

Simple logic... for legal purpose..This was effective only after independence...

How is Indira 'Ghandi' still recognized as Nehru Family memeber? Is that bcos of her Surname??

Not a cat fight pajju bro, this thread is going nowhere now and results in un-necessary arguments..Some ladies r doing fine after marriage, so y to incite them?? hahhahaa..Noone can change the social stigma thats going on for long years..If one can't accept the social norms, then live with ur wishes like how SS is doing..If shez (SS) is fine with her maiden name even after marriage, its well n gud for her..I don't believe in that coz i ain't no AISHWARYA RAI or NICOLE KIDMAN??? hahahhahaaa...And i m really doing gr8 after changing surname after marriage...

ROFL that might as well have been the reasoning for the starting of the whole tradition WK.

yeah, Pajju. You are right.

FS ,I hope you get it now.

a votre service cher saggi

Yalla!

Women change their surnames to save a lot of time for humanity.. It saves a couple of seconds when you say Hello Mr. & Mrs. XYZ rather than saying Hello Mr. XYZ and Mrs. ABC.. If we safely assume that every couple gets greeted atleast once everyday then for the hundreds of millions of couples, we save Billions of seconds everyday which means Thousands of hours.. It is a great time saver for humanity on the whole :P

Can I apply for PhD in BS after this answer :))

**** Aal Izz Well****

waiting for cat fightin :P

No one is/was forced to change their surname. It was a choice then. It is a choice now. People can defy social norms. The royal examples you stated above "might" have chosen to keep their maiden names. I stress on the word might because just because you or me have not heard them being called by their spouses name does not mean that is a fact. It would be a fact if it was changed in their records. Then again when did they start maintaining name changes and records....

baby, u r just prolonging the thread...y don't u answer urself coz u seems to be in much pblm with the SURNAME tag?? isn't it??? BTW, whose example for divorce/speration u r giving in here???? Since ur thread belongs to ur "COMMUNITY" coz u have specifically referred this word and so i m using, i haven't seen ne cases so far among the people to whom i know...R u talking about WEST????

does spouse mean only the husband?and is only HIS acceptance of any consequence?

as you asked me a question in ur answer to the first question,i shall answer.i have not heard of Rani Lakshmibai's name as being Lakshmibai Gangadhar Rao...nor was Rani Chennamma of Kittur known as Chennamma Mallasarja.okay,i'll stick to my own state.Look at the names of all those queens and other women of the state.none changed their names post marriage.i guess this custom was established around the time india got it's independence....don't get the correlation,though.maybe it's just an ironical coincidence.

i'd said that i will not comment on any of ur answers.i elaborated so much just coz u asked a question.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

For me a name is just a name...nothing touchy about it….you can change it any time just with a gazette notification..lol

Hmmmm.... FS,this is actually a very touchy topic then as the title suggests :-)

1. Who said it crept in? Probably was there from the beginning

2. Again who said women did not do it before?

3. I believe everyone is free to change their name if they wish to. A notice of some sort is more than enough legally.

4. No.

5. N/A

drmana... bcos when you posted that...I was the only woman I could see commenting there.....lol

I was not referring to your comments FS, there were comments by few other ladies too if you check and also check their comments. You will understand what I mean. What made you think I was referring to yours? :-)

didn't expect you here,SA

my second question means that i am asking people why the women in olden days did not change their surname to their husband's surname.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

drmana.. I dont do any personal attacks... I only reply to things they write...

and Saggi here is my answer...in the reverse order..

5. There are many other reasons including but not limited to incompatibility…

4. No, it got nothing to do with the intimacy in a marriage. But it gives the spouse a feeling of acceptance.

3. who said its only for women..if a man want to change his name..who is stopping him? It’s not mandatory... if someone like they can do it...but not by force! I don’t think any husband would insist…

2. Maybe they didn’t want to..just like you dont..

1. How do you know it was not there before in Asian culture?

wonder why nobody has given any answers to my questions,besides phoenix2009.what happened people?everybody was ready to fly at my neck with counter arguments just a while ago.what's stopping you now?all i asked for are 5 answers.is that asking for too much?i'm sure that with all the valid points y'all put forth a while ago,answering these simple questions will take only a moment

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

1. The woman gets her name even if she is married to Mr. X in Qatar so this means that question 1 is not applicable here in Qatar but from an English prespective she will be still called Mrs. X because this in the British culture shows respect to her and her husband.

2. I do not understand question 2

3. Since long time and stone ages it is know that man was the person who takes the full responsibility so it is normal and natural that his wife and sons carry his name, maybe in the future this will change because nowadays specially in USA there is a trend showing more men are baby sitting at home and not working in any job while their wives work and bring money (some of these men are graduates from universities).

5. Divorces and separation has nothing to do with surnames but divorce and separation happens when the husband make illegal affairs and have many girl friends even if he is married and also because some married women still have many boy friends, and last reason for divorce and separation which is the most important reason is the lack of respect between couples.

she (my wife) doesn't need to change her surname, cuz we share the same family name .. lol

FS, expression of ones opinion doesn't have to be via comments regarding the person who posted it, but rather by ones views regarding the topic. That's just my point. I saw few comments with personal attack which I disagree with.

And Saggi, You are welcome!

he he!yeah,those lines somehow made me feel good.LOL at the complicated name :-P the pic implies that i am pondering on it and feeling a sense of peace.and btw,merci beaucoup pour votre réponses :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

thank you so much for that :-) i really appreciate your comment.after all the mud slinging,it was something like a breath of fresh air.and yeah,FS and i are good friends.we argue on QL but offline,we hardly ever talk about it....and all we do is laugh it off rather :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

my answers:

1. i don't know

2. i don't know

3. sexists

4. NO

5. see no 4.

Cheers.

Yalla!

My questions:

1 - How did the custom of changing surnames post marriage creep into Asian culture?

2 - If if was there in the first place, then why is it that women of yore did not do the same?

3 - Okay,so the practice now exists.Why is it that only women change their surnames?Why not men?

4 - Does the intimacy of a marriage depend on it?Like if a woman has changed her surname,she is closer to her husband than a woman who has not done so.

5 - If the answer to the above question is "Yes",in that case why do we still see so many divorces/separations all around us in spite of the woman having officially changed her surname after marriage?

[I ask this question out of sheer surprise that people give so much importance to the deed]

Disclaimer:I will not post any of my opinions to any of ur answers.Your answers are up for discussions for the other viewers of this thread.Thank you

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

drmana, you lucky lucky girl :)

saggi, you changed your signature line too, hmmm, the picture distracted me, nice words coming out of a very complicated name ;)

Yalla!

drmana I really dont look who the poster is ..I am only concerned about the topic and the comments..:)

Saggi is a good friend of mine:) just bcos I dont agree with someone..doesnt make me a foe!

If the world does not agree with me, then the world is backward, but I am right where I am.

Btw I didn't ask any questions that I need answers from you. I don't need to shy away from confrontation, so If someone asks me a question, I state my opinion. And you calling me haughty is just pure hypocrisy at its very best.

Besides I have absolutely nothing against you personally. It's an Internet forum. Don't take stuff so personally. Geez.

Yeah, its not about women vs women but even when opinions are being expressed, women here seems to jump first to cut other women. he he he

And about the topic, It was totally a right decision Saggi if you and your husband are OK with it. That is what matters, isn't it. We are not here on mission to please everyone.

For me, me and my husband have same surnames. Hence, no such dilemma for me. I guess I am lucky in this.

FS...it's an aged concept that seemingly originated in the UK...if I were to go by Jane Austen's books.but it's a fairly novel concept on our subcontinent.that's what i meant to say.i will post my questions in the next comment

deepb...i guess it's going to take me below my dignity to answer you.so i'll choose to remain quiet and simply ignore your haughty self and your comments.yes,this is a public forum and you may voice/yell/scream your opinions.and if u feel that i am insecure,congratulations to you on ur latest discovery.this will be my last ever response to you.i pity myself for ever having responded to you in the first place.good bye.

phoenix2009....naah!got back with a faint hope of some improvement in this place.it's still a ditch where people have fun in mud slinging at each other.ugh! :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

drmana.. its not about women vs women..its about opinion vs opinion... individual is secondary here! lol

I'm not a woman !!!! Oh wait it wasn't about me. Sigh, the world doesn't revolve around me.

I think I now understand Victory's post reagrding women versus women now:-)

and did you jump? ;D

anyway, water is too cold nowadays, and full of jet-skier teens, it'd be gross of a way to die:)

Yalla!

I do know the meaning. Do you? Why don't you take your own advice and check? Or let me help you out: - If you need people to agree with you so badly, its an obvious sign of insecurity. It's quite a simple word, not all that lofty.

It's a public thread and I believe I'm entitled to my opinion.

yes Saggs I would also like to answer you:)

Before that... its only you think that its an aged concept... not me! And you eve told that its not so old practice...lol

happygolucky....no i won't.give me some logical answers and i promise not to compare it to my own community or my own personal thoughts on it.

phoenix....good a.n to you too,buddy!yup,it was indeed me.was contemplating whether i should jump into the sea or get back on QL....a typical case of caught between the devil and the deep sea...LOL :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

saggi, good a.n.

nice signature picture.

was that you opposite to Islamic Museum the other day on the rocks?? :)

Yalla!

Sure, would love to respond... subject to you dont bring in your community beliefs because that is specific to you and your community and not to the people at large.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

i have not called anyone who thinks differently from me as being insensible....coz that would imply that i am unfortunately living in an insensible world.each person is entitled to his/her own flow of thoughts.and i sincerely wanted to know,like i said in an earlier comment,what is the take of the people on an international forum like QL about this aged concept.i thought it will different coz this place is full of people who have "seen the world".i must say i am disappointed.

what was bothering me is that there are several questions i put across as part of the argument that everybody neatly avoided.that kinda accertained my feelings.if i pose those questions to you,will you be able to answer them?

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

SS..when you put up a topic for discussion either you state in BOLD LETTERS people who agree to the line of thinking should only post by saying "I agree or I support"...else if its kept open for discussion you should not think that everyone will have the same line of thinking as of yours... and calling people insensible because they do not tow your line of thinking is just not acceptable. You may strongly cling on to your beliefs, others also have the privilege to do the same.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

well apparently that's what everybody is trying to do....quite shamelessly,i daresay.

and did u just call me insecure?good lord!had i been so,i would not have put forth so many worthy arguments.i would have meekly accepted whatever people had to say and gone to the embassy pronto to change my surname.please google the meaning before you post lofty words next time.thank you.

by the way,i notice that you keep coming back to a thread that is apparently bothering you so much.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Insecure much? No one wants to change you or your personality.

i had started it for opinions.in case u think not,that's ur problem.not mine.and u are free to think what you wish about me and my posts or for that matter about anybody else.that does not change me nor the way i think.it's not my fault that i have a fairly strong sense of individuality and self-respect.was born this way.and will die this way.

by the way,if my post is bothering you so much,then why did u return to this thread again to comment in the first place?

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

when we got married i didn't want to lose my maiden name is it is unusual so we double barrelled our names and both changed them buy deed poll.

This works for us both and when we have children we will all have the same name.

This is still going on? It's quite obvious this thread was not started for opinions. She has a pre-conceived notion in her head and only people who agree with it are allowed to comment.

Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them.- Robertson Davies

Rizks ..Please don't hijack this topic,, otherwise you will be flagged..

Read signature now..

-----------------

Can We Fix Rizks chopped off head?

Yes We Can!

lol saggi .. rizks ok am waiting :)

UKEng...just a small question ?

in ur signature it is mentioned " Can we Fix It, Yes we Can ?

Wat can u fix ? How will u Fix ?

Can u fix a chopped Head from someones body ? :)

LOL Pajju wait mone for my GREEN SIGNAL....:)

rizks,pajju....hijacking is a crime on QL....minddd ittt rascala!:-P LOL

UkEngQatar....now that's such a wonderful thing to do.i don't say it's right or wrong....but it sure deserves appreciation!do give my kind regards to ur friend when u contact him next! :-)

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

I know a colleague of mine back in the UK who changed his surname to the surname of his wife. that was unique. His argument was if a women can change her name surely the man should be able to do so. Plus he confessed that he did not like his surname and the surname of his wife was much better.

Having the same surname helps, but is not a must.

-----------------

Can We Fix It?

Yes We Can!

Rizks u called me ?

Morning Maggie !!

Can i have the privelage to Hijack this Thread ?

FS can u arrange for me TinTin comic book, plz ? :)

hehe!yeah....wonder why people seem to have a problem with a woman who speaks her mind ;-) about the book,i've heard about it.will try to get it on my next vacation.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Saggi.. you don’t have to be sorry gal...what you wrote is what you believe in...nothing wrong in it...:) not necessary everyone agree to it!

Have you read the book 'Almost single' by Advaita Kala.. if not try to read it!

i was planning of ditching the topic....but people have posted stuff that are beyond my basic tolerance level of stupidity.just had to post a reply....sowwwy! :-D

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

yeah i didn't want to point out ur spelling mistake coz i had the basic manners not to insult people,u see :-)

i hadn't really bothered to go thru ALL ur posts.i'm a working professional u see....so i really don't have time for all that.since u had pointed out that "whenever u have put any thread from ur side (remember about the change in ur AAVTAR) it leads to an un-necessary arguments...I think u really need to again in a SILENT MODE again to stop this thread further..lol"

,i was just curious to see what exactly are your ur issues of extreme importance.got my answer from the second page itself.

and if u had read my original post,i had just questioned if people really thought that a woman ought to change her surname post marriage and if they think (like i do) that it accounts for loss of identity.i did not chide anybody who has already done so.to each his/her own.

as to ur comment about me being egoistic,thank you very much.i take pride in being so and have no plans to abandon it.and if u're getting bothered by it,i'm sorry for ur irritation but u'll have to live with it.

:-)

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

Very true FS..I hope/wish others shld get the same thinking as well..

Saggs I thought you got the answer yest...and again you started it this morning? lol

Who cares? After all its just a name! when we die..nobody is gonna remember us after some decades...

For me..its the individual that matters more and not the name!

Hey first of all, it shld be REALLY instead of RALLY on the above post of urs..

Hmm..was waiting for ur reply..So u had really gone with the whole track details of mine?? lolzzzzzzzz...Buddy, leave ur EGOISTIC nature behind..its more visible thru ur post..U r leading an un-necessary arguments..Its gud that u have come from a different background where women loves to keep their maiden name..So y all this fuss?? be happy with that naaa..let others to follow what they wanna do..

maybe i get bothered about the more serious issues in life rather than breaking my head over trivial matters like how to differentiate between a blonde and a brunette,perhaps.

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

SS, u have rally brought in the most complicated issue..Don't mind, but whenever u have put any thread from ur side (remember about the change in ur AAVTAR) it leads to an un-necessary arguments...I think u really need to again in a SILENT MODE again to stop this thread further..lol

I really dilike the way people have pointed out the words especially after marriage "mine", "yours", "my bank balance" blah blah"..I just wish them BEST LUCK for their future life and GOD shld give peace in their mind..

i wonder who brought this system into our culture in the first place?as far as i know,the women i have learnt of in history never changed their surnames post marriage....esp in my community.for all the keralites here who have seen the recent movie 'Pazhassi Raja',did u notice how the raja's wife's name is retained as Kaitheri Makkam (Kaitheri being her illustrious family name) and not Makkam K.Varma?so it shows that this practice is fairly new....

"You are never alone or helpless. The force that guides the stars guides you too.”

~ Amrta Shrii Shrii Anandamurti(Indian born Guru, 1921-1990)

My wife wants to have my name because it's part of me and she wants all of me!

now for those ladies who in some ways or the other became attached to their old surname, the practice was to put the husband surname with a hyphen after the maiden name. This is common for doctors to retain their identity. Well, in our country it's not a tradition but a civil law so easy for married individual to identify their husband.

Really, I find nothing wrong in changing to husband's surname but uncomfortable to those who don't! What for? Equality? It will just be an irritant (at least to us).

***********************************************

"Why is my PM access blocked?"

saggii/ k fine... let me kno... whether the problm is solved or not...???

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

Labda: The assumption is NOT based on her choice. In fact the assumption is abt her not having a choice in that matter. What I was trying to say is that the people who invented the whole practise in some obscure era of the yore did that from quite a misogynistic point of view which revolved around the concept of women being second-class citizens (who were 'handed over' in marriage) in terms of rights and powers. i see the practise as a throwback to those times.

I apologise if I conveyed the wrong meaning.

Straight Arrow...thanks..I learnt something new today.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

i can't help it if people tend to stupidly think that my posts reflect MY personal life.tsk!tsk!sorry to burst ur bubbles,my friends....but i have not posted any explicit detail about my personal life here.what views i have showcased are only social norms and customs pertaining to my community.and if u think i'm having problems of any kind in my personal life,that's ur problem....not mine.like Vic pointed out earlier,try thinking out of the box for a change.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

..OMG!

what about SURNAME????

BEING A GIRL,LADY AND WOMAN WHO WAS IN LOVE BEFORE THEN SUDDENLY DECIDED TO MARRY AND THEN AFTER CHANGED THE STATUS FROM SINGLE TO MARRIED PERSON JUST BECAUSE OF KIDS BENEFIT..???

NO BIG DEALS IF YOU CHANGED IT..BECAUSE, WHEN BOTH OF YOU DECIDED TO MARRY YOU HAVE DOCUMENT/PAPER AS A PROOF,THEN IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORTH IT..

BOTH DECIDE TO SEPARATED AND THEN SOON FILE ANNULMENT OR DIVORCE....

WHY WE GOT MARRIED? BECAUSE WE WANT OUR PARTNER RELATIONSHIP LAST..

WHY AFTER A YEAR GOES NOTHING?

SO BE IT!IT`S BETTER TO LIVE ALONE AS BEING SINGLE..

NO PROBLEMS SHALL BE ENCOUNTER RIGHT? IN MY OPINION ONLY..HOW ABOUT YOU?

the point is valid as changing name is a hassle in the firt place and then who knows the women will be married to only one husband !!!!

Winn, making the assumption that a woman is mere property if she takes on her husbands name has to be one of most ludicrous things I have ever heard. That assumption in itself attempts to belittle and demean women. There is no great conspiracy theory. Women who take on their husbands names are not oppressed, weak and brainwashed. Its a personal choice which may or may not be influenced by their cultural, religious etc backgrounds.

Here the children should carry the father name happygolucky

Because here in our culture a son or a daughter who does not carry the father means that he/she came through illegal relation according to our religion and culture, which is not the case for others cultures.

This is only a reply for happygolucky.

Do not divert the post please.

"Design life with premium shades and syle

Being alive is the only proof of life

Be humble with egoless heart and soul

Fragile is life, handle with love and care!"

i wanted to know what is the general perception of people who have "seen the wide world" about this aged idea.guess i got my answer.thanks everyone....guess i'm way too modern thinking for this world.it's okay.it feels good to be different.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

SS..in the OP.

On a friendly note...do take note of what Aunty Virus said.

_______________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

Yalla!

Aunty is being nice today..lol

Maggie is Fully Loaded Today !!

No one can STOP her.....:)

Go Maggie, Go....................

Saggi no one is interested to know about our personal life here... nor do they care... but for some reason most of the threads you create ..end up giving out a lot of information about your life..which gives out a wrong signal that you are lacking something....which is not wise to do on a multicultural open forum like this!

Nothing personal..:)

Cut SS a break guys. Sometimes things hit too close to home and you tend to lose sight of the big picture. I sometimes get so sidetracked that I forget there was a main track involved even. But then thats just confused little me.

matter when you belong to certain culture and each should respect his/her culture, and if it is ok to deviate little without an impact then I think it is ok but stay away from big deviations which might bring problem.

Marriage with both understanding each other is like a boat which will never sink if no attempts to let the boat sink are done.

rizks...that's a secret,bhai....won't tell you :-P

happygolucky...in my comments or in the original posting?

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

yup SS, what a mess!!!

Yalla!

SS..So you mean to say who ever follows your line of thinking is sensible else he/she is "....."...you shouldnt be posting threads for discussion in that case with such preconceived notion.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

Yep,Winn I agree wholeheartedly with you. Surnames don't matter at all. Mine's so horrible to spell that I don't even use it in most official records lol.

New thread required- Why can't we guy's take the wive's surname if it sounds better? :P

SS you are again beginning to lose sight of your thread...re-read the last but one para of your thread...u brought in all your family there...:)________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

thanks for that man....good to see we still have some sensible souls on QL :-D u're the best! \m/

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Winn...if it can be that way, why can't it be this way...:)

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

i'm still thinking what my married life has to do with changing my name after marriage....i have never felt it has changed ANYTHING whatsoever!but apparently everybody else feels so and i'm sick and tired answering them!

final statement:I AM VERY VERY

HAPPILY MARRIED AND HAVE NO PROBLEMS IN MY MARRIED LIFE ok.....?

uff!what crap!i get amused by the way people just jump into conclusions!sheesh!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Well its not about taking your in-laws name. It's about taking your Husband's name. You may not be a part of your in-laws family, but your husband is a part of your life. That's the reason why women take the surname.

Sure it's a double standard as to why the husband need not take the wive's name. Anyway to each their own.

She did got lost for a while....:)________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

Whats in a bloody name??

First of All, someone please tell me how does a surname matter? I would rather be known by my name than my surname. and I would rather make a stand when I need to on my personal grounds, not by using my surname.

IMHO,A name or surname doesnt mean anything. Its upto the person who holds it to make it mean something. I had no say in deciding which family I was born into, had I? I didnt fight for it, i didnt work for it, it just came for free. So why in blazes should it matter?(unless it has a price tag attached to it ;) ) You want to call me, call ME, not my whole family. Whats the whole fuss about, anyway?

I dont see why someone should change it after marriage. To show that you are a property that has now changed hands, and coz of that, have to state your new allegiance explicitly, starting with your name?

and if you want to ur name to herald the change in your marital status, why cant you have it both ways? Why this one sided business of only one party having to change their names? Convention is a funny thing , I say.

Maggie !!

a simple question to you ?

Wat do you EAT ? :)

Damn u type so much yaar....:)

How do u remember so much things ?.....:)

phoenix2009...for sure we are not discussing SS's marriage life...but then when someone poses a question of such nature, he/she goes through that kind of scrutiny by reference or context, though nothing personal about it...:)

BTW when the wife carries her surname and husband his...what surname do the children carry with them.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

guess i kept answering questions and one thing led to another causing the topic to move off course...

about arguments....i beg to differ.i hate any kind of argument.so what r u doing now,u may ask.i argue online,yes i do.but in person,i am a very quiet person.if anybody comes forward to pick an argument with me,i prefer to maintain total silence and if he/she goes on,i just quietly exit the scene....making the other person look like an idiot....works everytime,u know :-P :-D he he!

marriage should be out of love,u say.like rome was not built in a day,i believe that love does not happen overnight.it will take a while....so initially a bit of practicality is good.sometimes it may even prove to be good in the long run :-)

i don't need to add my in-laws surname to my name to show that i'm part of their family....coz i'm not and will never be.our system works differently,u see.actually we were not allowed to change names ages ago.a woman had no identity beyond her own family.maybe that aspect of our ancestors have been passed on to me in a greater measure :-D

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

are we discussing SS marriage life here? i'm not interested at all.

are we discussing a principle, ok, i never cared if my wife wants to add my surname after hers, as most lebanese do, i even felt sorry for courtney cox, when she had to change her name to arquette and then when her father died she re-change it to cox.

yeah, as a father, i'd really love to have my girl keeping her surname after marriage, i hope she will after all i have all her youth to brain-wash her into my point ;D

Yalla!

okay so maybe the stupid dated correlation between marriage and surnames.....but marriage and it's inside stories and how to handle relationships was certainly not my doubt.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

We were talking about changing names after marriage and you brought it more into the discussion by speaking about the current arrangements inside your marriage.

Yes a few arguments here and there are quite normal in a marriage, dare I say its healthier. It's a relationship with both give and take. If its just for each their own, then its just a farce to satisfy society. Marriage should be out of love not for practicality.

Anyway, about surnames, doesn't really matter. Personal choice really. Most people don't make a big issue out of it nowadays. If its that much of a deal then why not just keep both your family surname and your Husband's ? Shows you added them as a part of your life and you still have your old name.

You were talking about changing surname POST MARRIAGE!! and now asking where it came from? you okay saggi?? lol

yeah....darn!even i got carried away :-D LOL blame it on the topic!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

SS lol... seems you missed your thread yourself...:)

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

then maybe i'm one of the rare species u don't get to see often :-P

i don't say that marriage is a war as FS pointed out....it certainly is not....but the allowance should always be given that the co-passenger can always get down at some station if he/she chooses to.if he/she doesn't want to,it's her choice.u can't practically chain his/her foot to the seat,can you?if u do,all u get is a grouchy fella! :-D

btw,where did marriage and relationships come into this thread in the first place?we were talking about changing surnames,weren't we?

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

so u prefer quarrels?sorry then.....i am not a domestic fighter of any calibre....though most couples i know say that occasional fights are good for a marriage.and it all depends on the way u choose to look at it.if u want to look at it like a cold deal,that's ur viewpoint.i see it as a practical life.

and then comes the issue of adjusting.i somehow detest that word....alongwith the word 'compromise'.....u marry to get a better life....not to adjust and compromise.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Marriage is not one relationship where one gets in with the notion "lets see who is stronger, me or you" ...it sounds great for a few days but will soon fall apart... ...and I really wonder how many days such a marriage would last when one partner is treating the other as a co-passenger ready to be dropped at any point of time. However weak a person may be, be it emotionally, financially or whatever there comes a time when one says enough is enough.

________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

i won in the issue of not changing my surname,FS....i don't think a marriage has to do anything with a name.and i guess that very thinking of mine has caused so many arguments.

neither my husband nor his family had any issues with that.i just remembered now that my mom-in-law still retains her maiden name.but my co-sister changed her name post-marriage.so it was upto us completely.it never really was an issue at my in-laws place.i guess it's all a matter of family pride.we are a bit too arrogantly proud of the illustrious familes that we come from and just don't have the heart to let go of it for anything.....or anyone.suits me fine :-D

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

So why is a lady eager to have her surname changed? Is it some weakness on her part.

FS don't say its the weak one who lets it go for the peace. It's the more mature and caring partner who ends up adjusting.

LOL Pajju, you're such a pervert, it's a figure of speech!

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

Yea, I agree with labda there. Seems more of a cold business deal rather than a marriage. Do you have any other contracts in place?

Marriage is not a game or war to win or lose..lol

Some people are just adamant..and the weaker partner LET things go inorder to get some peace....simple as that!! lol

like i said earlier,for the sake of convenience

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

I never liked my last name(surname) as my classmates make fun of it, much to my disdain. And besides, it's my only way I could FINALLY tell my father that THE TIME (would) come that he has to stop treating me (and my siblings) like teenagers.

Pajju...u pervert....:)________________________________________

One life to live, live it to the fullest.

i share ur feelings....used to wonder what's the hurry all about....like they were just waiting to get freedom from their parents or something.....at least in legal documents....duh!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

i belong to a society that arrogantly assumes that every girl WILL change her surname to that of her husband's.so it was pretty natural that i chose to rebel.it was a tough fight....but i won :-D

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

process. I have witnessed many newly weds at Passport office

lol at bra :P i heard somewere abt bra :)

FS...that depends on how strong the woman is.once a man gets a feeling that a woman is emotionally weak,he WILL dominate her.it's a natural thing.an unsaid law of nature.i don't believe in any kind of domination.both have to be complete equals.

labda...i'm glad to hear that u come from a society that does accept the changing times and goes alongwith it.sadly,mine doesn't allow such variations to a great extent.mentally they are all still very dated.i can't help it.and it requires a whole lot of guts to fight against that system.and i find nothing cold in a marriage that i described.it's always better to lay down certain rules....just to avoid conflicts and quarrels.and i have a morbid fear of fights/arguments/quarrels in a marriage!i try my best to stay away completely!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

There may be cases where the male dominates, but generally the husband & wife work like a team.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

Perhaps if you come from a culture whereby you are forced to change your name, you would want to rebel against that. My husband and I both believe in equal rights but I'm not about to burn my bra!

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

SA, mutual satisfaction means- both husband & wife agree & satisfied on a matter; not only husband.

SA, mutual satisfaction means- both husband & wife agree & satisfied on a matter; not only husband.

I say husband because the wife and her husband are the ones who will be living togather forever when things are all right between them.

May God bliss every wife with her husband and let them live happily forever.

SA U wrote.."husband satisfied" ??? Why???

Why in our society husband's satisfaction matters more important then mutual satisfaction??

"Culture and tradition is one thing....marriage is another." Wide generalisation which may be true in your culture but certainly not mine. Women were not considered weak and dependent on men for their general livelihood and we certainly are not today. And culture, atleast mine, tends to evolve with time, so what may have been considered offensive to women in the age of my great-grandmother is not culturally accepted today except by die-hard fanatics who are shunned by the general society. I love the responsibilities that culture and tradition place in my life, and I know my generation and generations to follow will continue to shape it. No offence, but the marriage you seem to describe (seperate bank accounts, fund for the kids, only my parents and siblings will get unconditional love) it sounds pretty cold. And that's certainly not the kind of marriage I would like to have.

I didn't change my name, only cause it is too much work going through all the paper work and documents, ID's, passports, and university degrees and whatnot. Doesn't change the fact that I am married, plus I can change it in the future anytime I want.

lol... does someone just waits for somebody to agree with her.., now what??

It is ok what you have decided Svelte_Saggi

100 % there is nothing wrong with your decision and I am a supporter for such a decision according to the Arabic point of view.

But as you know this is not accepted in some cultures which of course I will interfere with.

As long as your husband is satisfied with your decision then every thing would be fine.

names

You have a pre-conceived notion that all men dominate! lol which is not true...

I really dont agree with your logic...lol

don't under estimate my wife :)

Ash would find difficult to come even close to her!

As said Love is in the EYES of beholder, I truly believe!

FS-SS....Continue healthy debate and keep away what is followed in WEST....pick what you like!

We could survive and live with different PoV's.

maybe it's a matter of convenience afterall.if one feels that they will get more acceptance if they use their husband's name,then they had better change it.for me,i am very proud of my family and will hold on to its name until the very end!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

finalllllly someone to support my views on equality!thanks for that dude!u rock! \m/

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

it's not like i had this notion post-marriage.i had this view about surnames right from my schooldays.never understood why my cousins made such a fuss about fixing their husband's names to theirs.and i'd made a promise to myself that if ever i had to go thru this,i'd NEVER change my name.i mean,changing names does nothing to improve or degrade the quality of the life you spend with each other.then why all the hullabaloo?i don't get it!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Changing (honestly speaking. forcing) the surname of a lady post marriage is continuation of Ancient/Medieval social system which dictates all powers to MEN only in one way or others.

I ask why not a Boy changes his name as per girl’s family??

I believe in equality (rather favor a bit to females for their pain in bringing us up, men)

ive been happily married for almost 16 years and been using my husbands' surname ever since. whatever works, i guess.

veni, vidi, vici...

well said.

that's the advantage of belonging to a matriarchal society....me,my mom,my grandmom,her mom,....all have the same family name/surname :-D we can trace our bloodline wayyyy back :-) somehow,the fathers are not important :-D LOL i attribute that to the fact that my community was one of warriors and the life of men had no value whatsoever.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

easy and less the hassel,and its nice the whole family is under one surname.I like my surname changed cos of my marriage its kind of romantic.Like an old Pakistani song,

Ab tera naam bhi aye ga mere naam ke satth

zindugi apni guzer jaye ge araam ke satth.

(SORRY for Urdu on the main forum,couldn't resist.)

thank god that am not married :)

SS, Everyone I know in the UK that has got married have changed their name, apart from one, and she is actually quite insecure in herself unlike the rest of my friends.

If you feel happy/secure about who you are, a name wouldn't make a difference. You're still "you", regardless of what your surname is.

If you start a marriage by "mine and yours", you're not sharing your life together, it's more of a marriage of convenience.

You have to put into a marriage what you want back in return :-)

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

culture and tradition is one thing....marriage is another.all the masculine superiority in our society were set up by men to suit their interests.and it was rightly so in those days....like i said,the women were only weak dependants who were obliged to men for their very existence.that day and age have long gone.and if i were to follow the culture and tradition of my community....woohoo! :-P i'd rather not talk about it.

i feel sorry for girls who think that marriage is the end of the journey of life for them....like they've reached their ultimate destination.for me,life is a train journey and marriage is an important junction where a co-passenger joined me in my journey.the journey continues and the quality of the rest of the journey depends to a certain extent on the co-passenger.if he's fun and ur type,u'll talk to him and be merry.the journey becomes all the more beautiful.but if he's not ur type,you can always choose to treat him like a co-passenger only.but that does not stop the train :-D

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Pajju nobody is fighting here..thats just my view on the topic...:)

To each their own..:)

I used to think that i'll keep my surname, but when i got married it didnt matter. My surname caomes from my dad, what about my mom and her side of the family?. also even my grandmoms, greatgrandmoms etc, i come from their family too, so just my surname doesnt show my identity, i just look at it as convenience.

Icey good thought:)

Saggs.. your views are very contradictory..in some threads you talk a lot about our culture... traditions….blah blah…..and now when it comes to marriage you are giving example of the west...lol

If you are married for the sake of it...then its a different story...lol

Unfortunately.. there are lots of girls who think your way...and I feel sorry for their hubbies:(

Bank Account/assests is not what make a relationship strong ..its the give and take and unconditional Love that makes us want to live 100 yrs..:)

Vic I know you are joking, its just with Aishwarya the "standard of reference", a lot of wives might fall short of hubby's expectations......lol

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

getting mad... M gonna leave

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

lol vic i think 4 is allowed for us :P

In my school dayz, my English Sir's name was Mr. Smith...when i met him today his name is still the same....:)

and mix of culture......New ocncept of Living (sarcastic view)

and i like to watch cat fight :P

Don't get personal Girls, be open to think out of box contents as well.....!

Great fusion...... ...

and mix of culture......

Pajju.....2 are enough or need too more!

and Thoufy english only n main forum plz

now please don't think i'm having problems in my personal life,people.....marriage is just another phase in my life like my school days,univeristy days,teenage,etc.were.and currently i'm going thru it.maybe i speak of it coz i have a very unconventional approach towards all relationships.i don't take any relationship beyond my own father,mother and sister to heart.a day may come when my husband can walk out of my life just the way he came in.nobody has cemented his feet in my life.but one's own parents and siblings can never disown you.and that's why all my unconditional love is channelised towards my parents and my sister.afterall,blood is thicker than water :-)

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

enough... try to talk something else.... :)

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

I'll be taking my husbands name after the wedding. Not sure I can really say why or why not, it's tradition, and I'm not particularly attached to my surname. A name is just a name and as it stands my current surname is a pain in the ass to spell. :)

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce

pajjunte vishamam nan manasilakunnu....

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

my poor parents did nothing of the sort,hun'.....the society put the gun on their heads,to put it simply.personally i know they would have had no problem in me remaining single.apparently society had a problem.duh!and i have told this to my hubby too....that given a choice i would have loved to remain unattached.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

lol vic .. i really wanna marrie .. but :(

she is sharing YOUR pride! SPEEDO.............

Ice....just changing the thread's mood :)

Be positive like Pajju!

not her father :p Why the hell everyone calls her Mrs. SPEED ??

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"I shall pass through this world but once.

Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being,

let me do it now.

Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." - Etienne de Grellet

ok Ice i will try to marrie soon .. but there is no gals for me :( blzz choose one gal for me :P

What I am thinking is there is this gal/guy who was willing to leave whatever was important to them to set up home with another person. And this person says "Excuse me, I didn't want to get married, I got married cos i was "forced" to". What rubbish.

I mean did the parents put a gun to the head & say " you better get married or I am gonna kill you".

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

Victory, u married? If so does your better half know your dreams to catching a "Aishwarya Victor"...lol

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

Lolz pajju.....u know zebra....in arabic algebra ;)

Ice......all these are new concepts..recently marriages have ONLY an accomodation and nothing else...We humans have detoriate the social values and have become MOST Selfish Creature on this Planet :(

After marriage its two bodies, one soul. There is a saying in my country....A creeper, vine, will only grow as high as its support. A man & woman bound in marriage can achieve their goals, dreams & aspirations only if they support and help one another when they falter.

Its not about "yours" & "mine", years into a marriage it reaches a point where you dont know where one ends and another begins. That's the only way a marriage can go forward.

When I was a young bride I remember my hubby telling me, its not "your" parents or "my" parents. Its "our" parents and we take care of them.

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

lol u guys, Ice yes yes ur always cool with me :P

Hey, you know me, I am always cool, Pajju.

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

Victory...liked your Hindi verse...:)

FS...again well said...after marriage its never "HIS/HER" and "MINE"...its all "OURS"...but may be thats the problem faced by couples these days where they bring in the right and wrong for anything and everything and keeping on showiing their inclinations towards their parents more than it is required.

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One life to live, live it to the fullest.

haha thats grt pajju

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

oh i'd say people get married for the sake of society....so that they're not branded gay or just coz society just can't stand the sight of a single unattached individual.i remember my family was literally plagued by people asking me why they haven't married me off?heavens!it did get on my nerves!yeah!that's a good question.why get married?

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

Ice cool :) hey dil maange more :)

Whats the point in marriage then? If people want to retain your "identity", why live together, they might as well live under different roofs.

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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"

vic wat is Algebra! ? :P

Ice r u married ? :P

Pajju Pajju.........= P square in Algebra!

Don't get personal Girls, be open to think out of box contents as well!

I know Aish Rai Bachchan, may be tomorrow She would be "Aish Rai Victor"....:)

wat u feel rit.. do it...!! otherwise leave it...

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

fortunately,hubby and i both echo the same thing "what's mine is mine" :-P so all's fine in marriageland!LOL

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

that's an old concept,FS....'ours'....doesn't work all the time with everyone.and certainly not with me.there are some lines to be drawn in any relationship.that helps to avoid conflicts and arguments.okay,so people have a preconceived notion that it's the way it should work.but i don't see it as a rule.i personally know so many familes in the west who are so fiercely protective of their identities.they lead very happy (touchwood!) lives with their children and THEIR children too.they have individual bank accounts and neither is allowed to encroach into the other's finances.the kids have a fund in their name for their education and other purposes into which both parents contribute equally.they even built their house on an equal share basis.makes life more easy,IMHO.equality is the new rule,babe!

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

yes FS she is smart ,, and i love joshua :P

Snessy...smart girl..lol

FS, I always say to my hubby...what's yours is mine, what's mine is mine, LOL

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

and my surname is Pajju

Saggs... the day when you start thinking 'HIS' and 'MINE' after marriage, makes life complicated, there is only 'OURS' after marriage.

Sorry to say.. but you made yourself sound very self- centered:) your hubby/his family too will have preference which you knowingly or unknowingly ignoring!

i didn't think it as all that important to change my surname and be known as Mrs.of so-and-so just to show my allegiance to my husband.and just a curious question....why doesn't it work the other way round then?like the husbands changing their name to the wife's surname?okay,i can understand that in the days of yore,women were dependent on men for EVERYTHING.but today they are equal breadwinners and many a time we see that the wife earns the larger chunk of the family income.so they are more or less equals in the relationship.so why this disparity?it's not right.if they can't change their name ("heavens!that's sacrilege" they'd cry!),then i find no reason why women should change theirs.period.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

it's not about starting a life with a conflict.it's more about having the ability to remain who you are until the end.and in my community,we are identified by our family name...esp at the time of marriage and the like."what family does she belong to?" and not "who is her father?"....and the fact that i belong to my family remains that way all through my life.there is no change in that.i come from a purely matriarchal society wherein the bloodline runs through the mother's lineage.so in effect,even if i change my surname to my husband's name,i get no position whatsoever in his household when it comes to family affairs.i remain an outsider.yes,our children do have some right.but essentially they belong to my family....not to their father's family.as in when it comes to mourning for even close relatives like their own paternal aunts,uncles or even grandparents,they are not required to go through the rituals,etc.

Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor

and preferences as well :)

It is better to change husband more frequently and why to indulge in legal process to change name so often!

Good luck!

FS.....accept new concepts to remain in the main thought stream...

Whatz in the name? In love, does name matters!

Just like to share a Hindi verse...

"Koi shart hooti nahin pyaar main, magar pyaar sharto peh tumne kiya"....

...Love is unconditional but you prefer to have condtional love

They called it "Just Culture" so go on with the flow c',)

and I share the same thoughts...

My

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Have Courage To Live.

Anyone Can Die.

FS...you said it all, exactly my thoughts...and agree on "that means you are starting a life with conflict..."

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One life to live, live it to the fullest.

Its not a must...but if you like to …why not?

I dont think you loose your identity by changing your last name... an Identity of a person is not in his Surname name alone! And moreover in our culture we are known with our first name and not by our surnames….we live with our parents only till we get married...but most of our life is lived with our spouse...that’s when you are independent and start having an identity of your own!

If you are ready to get married there are certain things that come with the package..if you are not ready to accept it...that means you are starting a life with conflict of interest….lol

No one forced me to change my name I was more than happy to change it when I started the new phase of my life!

y to change name...???? No need

iIf lyf iz too tough to Stand.............Kneel down !!!

You only lose your identity, if you let it. I changed my surname because I wanted to have the same name as my children, I like being the Snessy family. I didn't change my name because I was asked to by anyone, I did it by choice.

*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****

i thin k its women's choice wht name she wants.... i knw my mother kept her name as it was pre marriage....

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****twice i did good ..

but that i heard never ...!

once i did bad

and that i heard ever ...!********

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ALL IZZZ WELL

My wife and I are happily married (or at least I am ) and she has kept her surname. Our kids have my surname however, not that we had any big debate about it its just how the admin people completed the birth records. It works well for both of us and I am happy for her to keep it. Confuses the hell out of folks here though, we have had to produce our marriage certificate on a number of occassions. Sometimes its just easier for her to respond to a line addressing Mrs QatarKiwi...

I think the woman should be free to choose whether to change their name of not. Its not a big deal either way, its just a name.

Thank god we dont need to do that in qatar and would never want to take my husbands surname coz my surname is much better hehehhehehe . :)

this is not a problem now adays many boyz are open mided today and thy dont want girls to be in their identity..but only few hope so thy will also understand the secnario soon..........

You took the right step.

Why should anybody change their surname? From where did this system originate in the first place?

I don't want my wife to change her name after marriage.. No great thoughts about that though, it just will be too much of a hassle to get her name changed in all the documents :P

**** Aal Izz Well****

I always planned on retaining my maiden name following nuptials, but my father (who I worshipped) advised me against it. I guess he was quite traditional in some ways. So I probably will not, out of respect for my customs and ofcourse my father. It wont change who I am, I'll always be my fathers daughter. Thats my opinion anyway.