time-tested pointers for parents
Some time-tested pointers for parents embarking on their teen voyage All families are not alike, especially not troubled ones, Tolstoy famously pointed out. And what works for one family does not work for all. The bottom line, as experts point out to troubled families time and again, is to listen to the child without letting it tyrannise the home, and to set clear boundaries, creating space for each individual and allowing room for diversity. Here are 10 golden parenting rules that counsellors/therapists came up with that can help bring the glow back into your home.
1. Allow time and room for communication. Quality time does not mean blowing up money on a weekend trip out of town, and then shutting yourself up before the computer or in front of the TV. In fact, watching TV together is valuable family time. So is playing a game or going for a walk with your child. And sitting down to at least one meal together as a family. A family that eats together usually stays together, say experts.
2. Listen to the child with an open mind. Do not be overcritical and judgemental. All children make mistakes so do not dismiss your child’s initial efforts. Boost his confidence and allow him to keep trying. Do not use labels like ‘idiot’, ‘good for nothing’, ‘irresponsible’.
3. Praise instead of punish. Do not use the rod, corporal punishment does not help, never mind the old adage. Encourage desirable behaviour by praising, hugging, reinforcing with reward. Recognise and praise when he sticks to your rules. Do not ignore good behaviour and notice and highlight only bad behaviour.
4. Set clear rules of conduct. Do not use confusing and contradictory messages. Do not keep changing the rules: some things like what is right and wrong are not negotiable. Do not contradict each other in front of your children or fight before them. Sit down and agree on what constitutes desirable behaviour before you set the rules. And above all, do not undercut each other and use your child as a pawn in your power struggles.
5. Do not overprotect your child. Encourage independent behaviour when there is no danger involved. Do not end up doing things for him/her always. Instil confidence in your child to try out and venture out on his/her own, of course with your guidance and support.
6. Do not overindulge your child. Expensive gifts will not make up for not spending time with him/her. Teach them the value of money and living within your means. And make sure that dangerous behaviour is a no-no, and not negotiable. You are a better judge of what can harm your children than they are. Encourage him to socialise, to meet and bring his friends home.
7. Make time to deal with unpleasantness. It is easy to sweep unpleasant subjects under the carpet, but buying peace will prove costly in the long run.
8. Learn to communicate. Allow your child to express emotions freely. Listen to his problems objectively and unemotionally. Try to give rational explanations whenever necessary to correct behaviour. Give examples from your own life and past experiences. Use stories to illustrate and teach. Role-play comes in handy to solve problem.
9. Do not preach, be a role model. Instil good values like honesty, integrity, tolerance, optimism, cooperation etc by personal example. Remember your child is a true mirror or your own behaviour. Make sure your behaviour is not the opposite of how you want your child to behave.
10. Make time for yourself. Get a life for yourself outside the family. Make time also for playing a game or exchanging impersonal information with your spouse. Hobbies and pastimes are useful for creating bonds within a family. Teach your child by example that the family is not a dumping ground for his bad moods.
Have a Great Day..... :) :)
sakhan, how do you follow it? Simple, by doing what is suggested.
It's a nice article and need to keep practicing....
ur job is not to observe others but to act on others
anytime...
i knw this article sure to be repetative one but we still require to be posted inorder to refreshed... what say
did u read this before asking me