Just a bit of fun

I've seen a LOT of stereotyping going on in these forums, so I'm guessing no one would mind if I posted a little excerpt from my site highlighting the same things most of you talk about.

Please please PLEASE: If you get offended easily, then just don't read it, OK? I don't wanna hear any complaints. I have watered it down A LOT so don't bring your emotions here cuz no one's listening.

The article:

After reading an article and realizing that the UK and US are going to great lengths to take over the world. I decided to be the first Arab to aid in the great Arabic world takeover. I will not belittle the other countries as that will merely be me kicking a dead horse. Everyone knows us Arabs will takeover the world some day!! *giggle* Here are a few pointers for the rest of the world so that you may make your transition easier.

1. Your first language is not English. It is Arabic, followed by a simpler Arabic for workers from the subcontinent.

2. If you must speak English, all of your accents are wrong. First of all, the letter P will be eliminated. You will not go to a party, you will go to a barty. You will not drink Pepsi, you will drink Beebsi. No word can have one R. Every R in a word must be followed with 3 other ones to produce a heavy R effect.

3. (Deleted so I don't get any cry babies complaining.)

4. You will not go to a “club” or a “disco” to meet girls. You must go to a shopping center with a bluetooth phone. Turn the bluetooth on and put your number as the name. You will not speak to the girls, they will speak to you. (P.S If one of them happens to call you, please do not ask about previous boyfriends unless you are free for the next 3 to 4 hours.)

5. You will not brag about American Muscle Cars, British Luxury Vehicles or German/Italian Race Cars. You must ride a Land Cruiser, Nissan Patrol or a Camel with a horn. Trust me… this is for your own safety.

6. It is illegal to turn on your headlights while the sun is still out. It is illegal to turn on your headlights when the sun has set. It is illegal to turn on your turning signals (you are only allowed to turn them on if you are NOT going to turn).

7. Sign language is out. Horn language is in. You can communicate by using a series of beeps with your horn.    1 long beep: WHAT THE ****, *******?!?!      2 short beeps: Hello!       2 short beeps at a supermarket: COME ON!! Come here quick!! I’m waiting!!!

8. Traffic lights are used here almost the same as any other place in the world with some minor modifications. This is what the light colors mean: Green = Go, Yellow = Get Ready To Go, Red = Go QUICKLY!!. Also, feel free to ignore arrows on the road that dictate where you are supposed to turn, they are optional.

9. Roundabouts are also used here. In England, the person who is about to enter the roundabout must wait for the roundabout to clear up a bit. In Saudi, the person entering does not have to wait, the people in the roundabout do. As of now, the people entering do not have to wait, nor do the people who are already in the roundabout. Survival of the fittest rules here. (Now you know why land cruisers were a must?)

10. Speed limits are optional. The only people who stick to speed limits are the police. heh, yea right.

11. You will cancel the word “Sports” from your vocabulary. It is football and football only. By football I do not mean American football, I mean the one where you kick the ball with your feet.

12. You are not allowed to go to a cinema or a movie theatre and watch in silence. You must watch and make as loud a noise as possible while eating your pop corn. Also, when a sad scene is showing you must laugh and when a romantic scene is showing you must produce a “WOOOO!!!!” sound.

13. Teenagers, your biggest worry when going to college is who will do your laundry, clean your room and cook your dinner. Most of the time the 3rd requirement is satisfied by an answer such as Hardee’s, that is acceptable. But you will still need to figure out a way to pack your maid into your bags.

As you can see, the rules here are pretty simple. You will be required to follow them for a whole year before you are introduced to the more demanding rules such as the “yell at the supermarket guy for getting you a 7-up instead of a Mountain Dew” rule and the “Juice stalls must be a part of your everyday nutritional requirement” rules. Until then, keep in mind - if you have so many parking tickets and you feel like an *******, you’re doing a good job.

 There!! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing!