Teenage Independence, too young, too soon?

Just to let you know Sputnik the musician you are talking about isn't American, it's Keith Richards, guitarist from the Rolling Stones. And I don't think anyone would even considered him a sterotypical human being, much less a Westerner. :P

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

No need to apologize. Your post makes sense, of course.

It's just that SPUTNIK always like to steer the thread out of context from the topic.

Sputnik, I know you just want to speak your mind. But let me tell you this...BEFORE I would worry about the media, Bush and the US, the jihad, etc, I'll put my attention to one thing that's important...my family, which is still considered the BASIC UNIT OF THE SOCIETY.

Sorry Azilana,

That would be my fault, i think the topic have shifted a little.

Sorry about that, but if you follow the thread it does eventually make sense...

What sets the rest of us apart is the ability not to go with the stereotypical image that the media puts forward and find out for ourselves.

For example I do not for a moment believe that all muslims are religeous fanatics just waiting for the chance to blow something up....as the media portrays.... the reality is quite the opposite.

We are always shown the extreme in the media not the norm, the norm is boring and not news worthy.

I have to confess that society in general is becoming more and more immoral by the day, but that is most certainly not something that is inflicting only westerners.

So what can we do? Only maintain the morality within ourselves and those we will eventually hand this world over too, our children, and hope that somehow common deciency and morality is in some form or factor preserved.

I am not sure really, its all bit scary when i think about bringing children into this world....

We're talking about limits and boundaries of teenage freedom, how to be a good parent to teenagers.

What are you trying to imply? What has media, the US got to do with parenting a teenager? Stereotypical in what sense?

Don't make a comment for the sake of commenting, please?

Thats how the media world portrays and thats the impression that people stereotype such behavior ..........

The US in particular creates the same sort of an impression too.. ANd one instance can be cited too.....

Recently in the City Times there was an article about a musician snorting drugs off his father's ashes..... I dont knw how to attest to the veracity of the claims but thats how it goes, Westerners are depicted as morally denigrated characters in the world.....

Hi guys,

I am constantly impressed with the people who contribute to this site.

Whenever some has asked a question or asked for advice there are a number of well meaning and friendly people who come forward.

Its amazing to see this comletely cross cultural collaboration on such a variety of topics.

Keep it up guys!!!

And to top it all off we have an intellectual debate on the go, albeit mostly founded on that newly forbidden topic....religeon....

And just to add fuel to the fire....

Am i correct in assuming that all westerners have just been labeled being immoral and decadent?

Just wondering....

LOL, yes lamb I do and will continue to do so. Viva la freedom. :P

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

I agree with Gypsy when she said that most of these porn stars do that because of the treatment that they got from their parents. Maybe their parents can see something that they don't, but the parents should also be smart enough to know when to give them freedom and when to let them stay at home. Parents sometimes make a big fuss about things that does not deserve paying that much of attention and when they are supposed to get mad and do something, they don't say anything. It can be because they felt guilty for punishing their kids for nothing before and they feel that they should let go now.

It is really so confusing for the kids when they got punished because their parents were not in the mood and they find this poor kid to let out there anger. Things should not be mixed up when it comes to teach your kids the right things to do and punishing them for the bad things. Simply don't punish your kid because you are angry, punish him when he deserves that. There are a lot of ways to punish your kids, be wise and choose the best for each situation.

Don't give your children absolute freedom, let them do whatever they want but keep an eye on them and correct them when it is needed.

Best Regards

You always promote the decadent and immoral ways of the West. LOL.

Quiet lurker. Poor Contributer

I NEVER promoted Christianity. Dude learn to read.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

N thanx i dont care about the households, Its none of my business and by the way gypsy stop contradicting ur own posts in one thread u try to emphasize christianity and its beliefs and in another u r promoting or encouraging youth to get in this porn business...

At the end try to be more conclusive and coherent in ur thoughts and be clear nothng to offend u by the way....

Actually Cutenik I don't think you understood what I was saying. I was making an enlightening little allusion to your obssesion with pornography, that most porn stars come from very strict households and porn is how they lash out and rebel against their parents which is very different to your opinion that porn stars are bad people just looking for an easy way to make a buck. I think you came back with something about porn stars kids not needing to become porn stars.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

Oh god there comes the correlation again... Strange, By the way u didnt understand it gypsy then dont take the pain to do the same...

And truth keep identifyng the IP Address of every new user if u have no other job...

know what the hell Cutesrk oooops Sputnik is talking about??

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

We came we saw we were Qatarized

The hell are you talking about? :?

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

I dont have the time to do such research ... Neither can i attest to ur facts...... Every parent who is successful in one field , their children need not be a specialist in the same field... U didnt knw that gypsy? Strange..... Its common in every household.....

Thanks Sputnik. One interesting fact is if you look at the biographies of many pornstars there parents were very very religious. ;)

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

I like that gypsy some sense at last

The thing Helloqatar is that at 16 she is going to make teenage mistakes no matter how much you protect her. That's what being 16 is about! If I look at the way I turned out compared to my friends whose parents never let them try anything, there is no comparison between us. I am a 26 year old professional, with two degrees who's travelled the world. Sure I drink and I've experimented with drugs, but I never let it take control of me, becuase I knew there was more to life because my parents raised me to be independent and self sufficient and to know that as fun as these things can be, they shouldn't be your life. My friends who had strict parents have either yet to leave home, were pregnant before they were 20, have major drug issues, or are college drop outs, because they never learned how to deal with temptation and they let it take over their common sense.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

I think JBH has the right idea. I also agree with Helloqatar in that parents should not be far from their children until their children are 'mature' enough to make certain decisions on their own.

My daughter is still small, so I am not facing this problem directly, at least not yet...... but if I look back at my own childhood I wish certain things had been different. I was blessed (and still am) with parents that gave me the trust to do as I pleased to a certain extent; but I didn't live in a crime ridden, drug infested society, so I was quite protected anyway. I was always 'mature' for my age as a kid, but that doesn't mean you don't get peer pressured into doing stupid things....it's just a fact of growing up.

I spent 4 years in boarding school............far away from my parents. And even though we were all under strict supervision, we still did things we weren't supposed to. And you know what.....not having my parents there made it all the easier. What I found hard was the dissapointed look my parents would give me if I let them down. That was my biggest deterrant. I remember, even as an adult, whilst I was living in their house I would always creep into the bedroom as my mom slept and tell her I was home, even if it was at 3am. Because I knew my mom wouldn't sleep well if I didn't.

We can only hope that we teach them to be concientious and morally correct. That they will pay the consequences of their actions if they make a mistake. But one thing I am sure of; the larger the age gap between kid and caregiver, the harder it is to communicate. My parents are very young (well, they were :) ), but I would not have communicated that well with my grandmother, that's for sure.

Love and respect for your parents stop you making those really stupid decisions, I think.

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi

My daughter has 2 examples of where she wants to go.

My cousin came from a broken family, my uncle adopted her, sent her to school, she passed the board exam and became as a certified public accountant earning a lot. My cousin, still single at the age of 25 owns a property, has a car, savings in the bank and tours any country she wants.

Another example is me: I was 21 when I had her. I did not marry her father and went on to finish my education. Got me a job and worked to provide for her. She knew the hardship I had to go thru (as a solo parent) just to give her a comfortable life sans father figure.

With these 2 examples, I always tell her that she has the choice of what path to follow. I'm just there to support and guide her.

I know what you mean, helloqatar. i should be there with her. I could always find a job there that can pay me as much as I get here. The difference is that, in my country before I could get my paycheck, the government takes at least 15% of it, then another 15% to be paid for medical and life insurance which the company automatically deducts from the salary. It won't be enough to support the needs of a growing child.

Unlike here, I get my salary, which is at least 50% more than what I earn back home without the deductions.

So you see, my working abroad is not an option that I would want but to give my kid a better, more comfortable standard of living, this has to be done.

When I said I know my kid's a nice girl, I know she is...but a mother will always be a mother...fretting and worrying.

But most parents that say my child is good, I trust them, etc are in for a shock. A 16 yr old, will in most cases, not make good adult decisions. In most cases they survive the mistakes but they are going to do things that a parent would not want them to do. It is the parent's job to make it hard to do dumb teenage mistakes.

My opinion is you need to have your daughter here, or you need to be there. No job is worth losing your children. What happens if she is out with a boy and gets into trouble, who gets the blame. How do you feel if something happens and you are here?

Everyone is trying to make you feel good about the situation but I don't agree. Having been a teenager, you can't trust them to make good decision.

We raise ours much the same as Gypsy explained.

Drinking is no bit thing to them as we let them try it with us, I believe once the mystery is taken away the feeling of excitement about it goes too.

We are very open about sex because we want them to be prepared and knowlegeable when the time comes.

I believe we have installed a sound knowlege of right and wrong and good morals also.

When the time comes for them to go and be away from us I will worried sick, but it will be about others, not what mine do.

I left home at 16 to do my apprenticeship on the other side of the country and I had a fantastic time.

I also learned a lot and could see the difference developeing between myself and my friends who stayed at home.

And I am still here so I must have done ok.

Just trust ur daughter and dont worry to much

I left home when i was 16 years old at first my mom was constantly on my nose and i really hated it! it made me do things that she doesnt approve but eventually she learned to trust me and just let me get on with my life and that trust made me realized that i should not let my mom down...

And i did turn out good just let ur daughter be a teenager....

you turned out ok, so your daughter will too. :)

cheer up, she is still a teen, let her experience the good and bad and take her own road. Be sure to be a ear when she wants to speak to some one close.

God Bless.

And being young "once", I know she needs freedom to be with her peers , go to movies, malling, etc.

I know she's behaving good but as her mom, I worry a lot coz I'm not physically there to guide her...

I don't. My parents realized by the time I was 14 that they couldn't stop me from experiencing life and protect me forever, especially in the town I was growing up in, so they did their best to prepare me. They talked to me about their own experiences with drugs and alcohol and allowed myself and my friends to experiement with alcohol in their house so that they could keep an eye on us. As for sex, they were always open and honest about it, They emphasized the importance of protection and being safe, as well as my own mental readiness for it, so instead of growing up thinking of sex as some kind of bad thing, I grew up thinking of it as something that was ok to do with someone you care about.

I love my parents very much and have great respect for the way they raised me and have every intention of raising my own children in such a fashion.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

Of course, you're right. Yes, I always felt contempt for my parents!

"Talk to her as a peer, a friend, an acquaintance; anything but her mother".

In my opinion that is the last thing a parent should do. Parents are not peers or "friends", you are a parent, mentor, teacher, judge and jury. In the military they say "Familiarity breeds comtempt" and I believe it. You want to be a friend and then you may have to take her phone away or ground and then it is a whole new ballgame. Now you have betrayed her and she thought you were friends etc.

Oh god what I am about to say is extremely painful ;) Gypsy is right, you either got it right already or it's probably to late.

You know azilana, I moved out of my parents house to a city some 4 hours away when I was just a bit older than your daughter (just turned 17). So I can imagine that my mother went through a lot of what your going through (only no cellphones way back then LOL), but at the end of the day, you raised her and you do need to trust her. The more you try and monitor what she is doing the more she will lash out.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

I don't know. I would say that by the time a child is 16 their values should be pretty much ingrained and there's not much you can say or do to control them (besides locking them in their room). You have to keep pretending like you have some kind of control over their lives, but at the end of the day you don't. You just need to be there for them when they need you.

I feel your scorn and I accept it-Jon Stewart

That's what I've been doing since I left home. I have bills almost 1thou (QAR) every month just for calls to home.

Most of the times, whenever she won't answer her cellphone so I end up calling everyone in the famiy just to know where she is. Don't get me wrong, I trust her and I know she's a good girl but as a mother, just can't stop worrying about her.

Its same thng that happens to all the parents..... Keep communicating Its just impatience

You're in an unenviable position. Mainly because of the distance separating you from your daughter. No matter what you say and do you know that she can go and do the opposite.

Perhaps spending time in an online chat can help, preferably with a camera for better communication. Talk to her as a peer, a friend, an acquaintance; anything but her mother.

Keep the lines of communication open. Don't question her every time hear a complaint about her.

And email her regularly with simple banter and funny stuff, anything other than the usual how's school, home, relatives, etc. Talk to her about music and life, sports and TV, men and women. You know...

Best of luck, and bless her.