The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
get drunk and go to heaven!" lol
A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, ''Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was furious and continued on her way. On the way home, she passed by the petstore again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again. The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!" it said. "Yes?" "You know."
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
Duh!
A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
ha ha ha.....
guy walks into a bar on top of a ski skraper. He sits down next to a buff looking guy who looks like he had a little more booze than he can handle.
The buff guy looks at the bar tender and then at him and says
`'hey, did you know that this building is construckded in such a way that if I was to jump out the window and the wind would glide me safely to the ground. The man, who decided he could use a laugh said, 'prove it.'
So the guy walks over to the window and jumps out. A few minutes later he walks back into the bar and says, 'told ya.'
He looks at the bar tender who is shaking his head and laughing, and says, 'do that again.' So he does it again. The man astondished walks out to the window and jumps out and falls 100 stories to his death.
The bar tender looks at the buff man and says, 'you now, you are a real 'hole on the sitting side' {word modified by Greeker due to its adult nature} when you're drinking, Superman!
According to a notorious drunk it improves vision. Asked how, "I see two of everything," he responded.