Weight and fortune telling machine!
A nun was traveling to Chicago by air. She sat down at the gate waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw a weight machine that tells your weight and fortune. She thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."
She went over to the machine, stepped on the scale and put in her quarter. Out came a card that said, "You're a nun and weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, so she decided to try it again.
She went back to the machine, stepped on the scale and put in another quarter. Out came a card that read, "You're a nun, weigh 128 lb., you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you are going to play a fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong. I have never played a musical instrument in my life."
She sat back down. From nowhere a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. She picked it up and began playing beautiful music. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it again."
Back to the machine. She put in another quarter and the card came out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lb, you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind."
Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong. "I've never broken wind in public a day in my life." Well, she tripped getting off the scale and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again."
She went to the machine, put in a quarter, and collected the card. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lb., you have fiddled and farted around, and missed your plane to Chicago."
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he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went
home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's
office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith
case that you've been working on for ten years!"
His father responded: "You idiot, we lived on the funding of
that case for ten years!"
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Each was asked this question during their interview: “How much is two plus two?”
The mathematician answered immediately, “Four.”
The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, “Four, plus or minus one.”
Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, “How much do you want it to be?”
Ha ha ha ...
"How much do you want it to be ???" ... ha ha ha ...
you know, my father-in-law is a lawyer ... he speaks similarly ...
when he says something stupid, and we tell him that nobody will believe it, he simply shrugs off and says,"how many people do you want me convince to believe that" ... he literally convinces anyone to believe anything stupid ... and they really believe it ...
I couldn't believe how many people were so stupid ...
Nobody dies a virgin ... Life Screws you anyway !!!