Right? Wrong? A Messed up story!

If I'm in the girl's shoes right now...I would be kinda irritated as well and would want the BJ girl removed/deleted from my guy's friendlist. But then again, why would I give a damn?

I would make sure that my GUY knows what I think about it, how I feel about it and ask a HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION like what would HIS reaction be if I would do the same stunt with SOME GUY?

But I guess it's different from each's point of view.  

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!- UNKNOWN

ctrillera: but why should he be forgiven. No one expects his/her partner to be holier-than-thou these days. Then how can any girl (or a boy) expect thier partner not to have a relationship earlier than they met.

I do agree stressing on deleting her name might create more problem than a solution to the problem.

As for boasting. I consider his trust in the present girl more than the girl has in him. He trusted her & that trust made him divulge his past. I see commitment than boasting in divulging once past to ur partner.

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Analysis:

Just deleting BJchick from the list will not solve the issue. It just might get worse. It is not the direct approach to solving the issue here. Lets say the BF was humble enough to delete her, then what?

The BF and BJchick did not sin against his GF for doing that in the past. The mistake probably was telling that kind of story, add the very sarcastic or boastful manner. The girl deserves an apology and at the same time the BF still deserves to be accepted and forgiven for what he said. Otherwise it will keep on hurting herself deep inside. Besides, the couple were both drunk and wasted when the BF told the dirty story. Some people tend to lose control over their secrets when drunk and they begin to think what they say will not be an issue. On the bright side, at least, the guy opened up one of his dirty secrets. There could be more to be shared, same with the GF, IF THEY ARE BOTH OPEN ABOUT IT. Otherwise it is better to shut up.

"Accepting someone for their good qualities is ordinary. Accepting someone for everything that he/she is, is the full manifestation LOVE."

"Love is the main ingredient. Honest Communication, Humility and Maturity completes the recipe."

You can't teach experience...

the girl is not stupid.. she just was expecting some understanding from him and kind of gesture of removing thei BJ fromthe list.. that's it...did she care whether this bj is going to do this "b" job to the guy again? no! she just ASKED something from the guy and expected him TO DO it...

but HE is either stupid (see jackmohan's explanation), or careless

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How will deleting her from friends list matter.

If he has to contact her - he would do so anyway whether she is in the list or not. I think the girl is being stupid to insist on deleting her when this guy does not have any intention whatsoever to again contact her.

If u have confidence and trust in ur partner. do tell them all what u can about ur past and listen to them of their past.

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Obviously this Guy doesnt care about relationships...nither with you coquett nor with that bj-girl!

Cant you just dump this BJ-GUY?

1. He doesnt care about relationships.

2. He doesnt take you seriously, (ie marriage material if he did he wouldnt have told you that...no matter how dead drunk he is).

3. He likes to keep his options open (if he gets an opportunity again for bj he would do it again, maybe he still didnt get to bang her and waiting for that!).

4. He got a big Ego (thats why he refuses to take that girl off the list).

5. He is STUPID too (he could have removed her, making you happy and then later on added her with some other username, simple).

Is he a PIG or What?

Lol  did I miss reading this thread..

you better make up with the girl in a VEEEEEEERY nice way!!! otherwise.. there are wolfs here, and other wild animals...be careful!!!

since you are wrong, you make a first step!

my guy was a bit wrong yesterday... now I came home and got a delivery of a beautiful lunch, including absolutely amazing huge juicy lobster, mashroom salad and such.. he knows WHAT i like to eat...lol... can i be still angry with him???lol...

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so is you majnoon the guy that dont have respect to GF... hmmm what we should do with you???

Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand

she DID tell the guy and not only once!

now it's his turn to explain to her why he would still keep this chick in his freinds.. maybe there is a reasonable explanation for it. maybe if the guy would talk to the girl, explain to her everything, assure her that  there is nothing hidden there.. maybe the girl would feel much better about it.. you are right, it's a lack of communication.. and since both of them look to be inmature...this is the result...

Gypsy... yeah.. it's known that "making Up" after fight is muuuuuch more passionable and exciting..lol.. but... every time it cools down more and more.. and eventually one day after the next fight, you will find yourself in icecold, no passion left... so better be careful.. don't use this "drug"too often...

btw, my guy is also on Face Book..and  i am not even interested to go there.. (and he has the same feelings towards QL..lol).. so i don't know what's going on in his FB (and really do not care!), and he doesn't know (at least pretend NOT to know) what's going here on QL... well... we are special case...lol...

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hmmmmm....there is something definitely wrong here....your last post coquette got a lot of meaning (hatred?)... or its just me again jumping to conclusion (didnt read all the post up there)..

[img_assist|nid=12867|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

"bj chick" (never Heard about bj chicken).

but ever heard about 'bj Bars? :)

Finally!

I knew you were gonna show up! So, have you been reading this, huh? I hope you've learned something here...and yes keep the rest of stories to yourself thank you very much...you've caused enough already.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

</

didn't the stylistics sing that back in 1973?

(Chorus)

Break up to make up, that's all we do

First you love me then you hate me, that's a game for fools.

Break up to make up that's all we do,

First you love me then you hate me, that's a game for fools.

Come to think of it I have a friend who's in a similar position with her boyfriend.  He keeps chatting to ex girlfriends on facebook (flirtaseously) and she keeps getting upset, the get in a fight and thhheennnn they MAKE UP (if you know what I mean).  Personally I'm 100% sure at this point that he's doing it just to get the make up.

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

Who mentioned who to keep and/or delete in someone's FB?

I know what's the point being discussed, QS...the girl is upset bcoz his guy still keeps the BJ girl as a friend in whatever website it is...

The question: since something bothers your partner, wouldn't you stop doing it if you really care?

The answer: COMMUNICATION...

coquette: All the girl needs to do is talk to her GUY/BF and TELL HIM; As in refresh the guy's memory of THAT night when he told her the story, how she felt and how it affected her.

The guy must realise that he is hurting her indirectly/unintentionally. How would he know and understand why she wanted the other chic be deleted/removed from that LIST when she won't tell?

Men won't know unless we tell them...they may find it hard to understand but with a little patience and explanation, he would.

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!- UNKNOWN

Yes croquet I am reading this and I really feel bad, I damn sure am not going to tell her about the broom closet, and the break room, and the basement and the telephone booth, sheesh women are so sensitive.

"they really hate to be told who they can and cannot talk to by their women"... and you are talking about Western.. so how about Middle Eastern???!!!!...lol...they are much more stubborn!!! lol.. trust me..

and really the girls have to learn to be more flexible... sometimes just accept the things the way they are and see how it's going...

QT... i guess at that time i was taken as usual..... sorry...

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No, I just killed him and fed him to my cousins.  Don't like the taste of the Nepalese.   LOL

Why not?  If he was sharing his by all means she should share her's.   As for all this fuss over the BJ chick.  Some people need to grow up.

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

c'mom now charan don't spoil the thread of your story...

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

"Why???  I always thought you should discuss your sexual history at some point???"

Really??? You think she should share some of hers to him too? She's got plenty up her sleeves, she's just holding it all in coz she believes she's better than him.

I say she dump him if he won't delete the bjchick, time for an ultimatum!

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

QT - Are you one the Vietnamese who killed and ate a Nepali at the Industrial Area recently :)

Like I said, omg, she does not care about the past. The point was she wanted this girl out of their freakin life. It was killing her. He said the chick does not count anyway so why give his gf the hardest time?

Wow, this is tiring than I thought it could be.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

we don't discuss now whether it's ok to keep this "bj" in the Face Book or to delete her!

you guys misunderstand... there is no one unique recipe for everybody.. One likes this way, another like another way..

what we discuss is since something bothers your partner, wouldn't you stop doing it if you really care??? 

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Where were you when I was 21?   LOL

as i said, i am pretty sure most of the men are cheating or start doing it at some stage, or have done it at least once... All i say to my BF is

 "I cannot stop you from doing it. If you want you will..All I ask you is I don't want to KNOW and to FEEL anything.. and USE THE F*** PROTECTION!!!"

..lol..

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Why???  I always thought you should discuss your sexual history at some point???

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

It already happened in THE PAST...BEFORE THEY became a COUPLE so it's not worth to carry that LOAD in the girl's thoughts, at all. 

Besides, if it was a quickie "episode" and nothing else happened after that NOW that the GUY and the CURRENT GF are in a relationship...it's just fine. 

The guy must've been confident that she (the GF) would be broad-minded enough to accept that it's part of the guy's PAST...unless.

The guy still keeps the "other" girl on the side...well, THAT'S A DIFFERENT STORY. 

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!- UNKNOWN

If time can be turned back, the girl should punch the guy in the face before he could finish his story. Then they could live happily ever after.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

Ok QS , WheW! For a second there you had me really confused. 

HOnestly though, for the care part, it depends on the stage of the relationship and the man, I know (from experience of dating Western men) they really hate to be told who they can and cannot talk to by their women, and no matter how much they care for that person are likley to tell them to hit the road if the girl starts trying to control who they speak to. 

Western men are a bit like precious china, you really have to be careful how you handle them.

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

i didn't say, your BF is swinger..lol.. i said: there are so different things going on in our lives...there are soo many different scenarios of relationship! there is NO ONE unique way for everbody! even swingers are existing and pretty happy about themselves..and this is FINE!! and everything is all right as long as it doesn't hurt anyone...

but once it hurts one side, another side should understand it IF he/she CARES.

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Hey Mr. G, thanks for your PM. You're one of those guys whom I could ask "Where were you when I was single?" I'm guessing you were already taken huh? Oh, well, like I always say, all the good men are either taken or gay.

Btw, she was really calm in the beginning trying to talk him into deleting this chick until she just couldn't hold it in anymore.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

qatarisun, i agree with that. we wud never do anything to hurt the ones we truly love. its applicable to both the people involved in a relationship, irrespective of the gender.

Coquette, it's a story from his past, obviously he's not interested in doing it again with her or he wouldn't be A) telling her this or B) with her at all. 

Qatarisun, because my boyfriend still talks to his ex girlfriends on facebook that makes him a swinger?

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

You accept men will cheat on you?

Hey, smart and practical!!!  Go Girl!!!   LOL

"Both parties should try to understand each other and eventually conclude the woman is always right."

Now that's a real man! ~lol

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”

- Calvin and Hobbes

it does NOT bother you... that's fine!  as i said, if BOTH agree, there is no problem..we all know, there are swingers and stuf.. and this is fine, since everyone is happy... but what i say is : it DOES bother this girl.... and as i said: if I know that something bother the man I care about, why would I be ever still doing it???

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It's not the ex's that bothered her, it's the story that was told. Had your bf told you such story...i'm almost certain you'd be bothered as this girl is.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

I'm Vietnamese!   LOL

and that's why AGAIN. he just does not care...

I am confident that at least 80% of men go on affair, whenever they have a chance. But a REAL man would never share it with one he LOVES and CARE about.

 I don't really agree with "if guy loves the girl he would never cheat on her".. this is doubtful... but at least he will never initially TELL her that he did, that's for sure!

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As I pointed out to Coquette, here, I agree with the woman.  However, it doesn't hurt to try to understand what's in the man's head for once, however feable, instead of relying on us men to try to work out what's in the woman's head al the time.  Both parties should try to understand each other and eventually conclude the woman is always right.  

Us men? Men from United States of America ???????????????

On their way home the guy decided to make the evening more exciting by blurting out something from the past which the girl never thought or imagined. He blurted out "So, I had a chick s*ck my thing in our office's ladies room..."

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

Most of my boyfriends ex girlfriends are on his facebook, and vice versa for me, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

"When they say he could walk on water, I think of it like he could fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Literal people scare me, getting it wrong fundamentally, down at the church of 'Look it says right here see!" Ani Difranco

...but that's the opposite of me

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

Us men hurt our partner's feelings all the time, often unintentionally.  It happens so often that we think, she'll get over it.

Unfortunately, more often than not, in situations like this she doesn't and it starts the first major wedge in the relationship.

Geniunely, it is because he is stupid and nothing else.  He wrongfully thinks his inaction is his best action.  He will eventually learn!

that he doesn't care about his GF.. not because he is young or stupid.. or whatever.. he just does not care about her feelings.

I cannot imagine myself in the situation when my BF makes it clear that he doesn't like something, but I still keep doing it... Or if I still want to do it, I would find the way to explain to him WHY do I want to do it.. and of course it would never be some dirty stuff that I would insist on…lol…

it is nonsense.. either I want to respect my BF/Husband's feelings or just forget about it...

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I admire your sensitivity towards women.

Most men would say they're sensitive but little do they realize that they are only sensitive about themselves and not their partner.

But I have to say, the other side of the coin story does not go in this kind of situation. It wouldn't be difficult for the girl to trust her man had he not shared this messed up story with her.

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”

- Calvin and Hobbes

the "BJ" episode happened BEFORE you met/knew your BF?   Or it happened when YOU and your GUY are a couple?

Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain!- UNKNOWN

Well spotted.  Good One. 

i have just checked your profile...maybe your "behaving amorously, without serious intentions" cause your BF's acting?

also your nick is not intended to imagine a serious person behind the screen..

sorry...you can take it as a joke...:)

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BTW, although I wouldn't have been stupid enough to do what this man did.  I too was young, naive and stubborn once and have many times only learnt the hard way.

(Sigh) So many lost loves...

LOL 

I agree, hence my very last sentence!

I also agree with the woman, but had to show both sides of the coin even though the man's argument is weak, that's actually what he's thinking!  He won't realise how feable his reasoning is until he loses his girl.  FACT!

there are SWINGERS too... this is different story...

but of course, absolutely definitely, if BOTH agree and BOTH are happy with the way things are, NOTHING wrong with that!

but here we are talking about the girl, who didn't like the fact of including this "bj chick" in the BF's "friends".. since ONE out of two doesn't like something, they both have to discuss and find solution. And is this particular case, it is better if the guy delete this “bj chick”, since it bothers his GF so much and she is not willing to accept it.

And since doesn’t do it, it means he is immature and takes his present relationship in immature way.

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On the first part of your comment I was like "Wow this guy is cool, it's like he gets the girl, as if he was there."

Ok, it's one thing when you share special things with your partner regardless of whether it's past, present or future...it's another when you share a freakin bj experience which I would say is totally not necessary. Don't you think??? That is the main point. I'm sure the girl doesn't mind all the rest of his past...but to share your ladiesroom experience and having her know that you go on the same lift with this chick everyday??? Don't you think that's torturous???

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

Of course, other people can only share their opinion...I thought I made that clear when I said "So, go ahead guys, share what you think. "

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

Ultimately, most younger men tend to be more cowardice to doing the right thing if it means hurting another girl's feeling.  And no, they don't mind hurting their partner's feelings because the man does it so often, more often that not unintentionally, that he begins to think its his right or that she'll forgive him forever and he can get away with it.

For these men, it would seem that hurting a female friend's feelings is worse than hurting you partner's feelings.  He just didn't want to face up to his responsibility of doing the right thing i.e. removing her from his friends list, as that would make his friend realise that there was something wrong and it might come to light that he opened his big mouth.

Some of us men learn later the simple fact that it is your partner and only you partner that should take priorty.  Most women know this from the start. (don't ask we why men and women are so different)

Well, until this man has pushed his woman too far that she leaves him, until then he 'll never learn to put his partner first.  He can only learn the hard way!  Sorry, it the way most of us men are!!!

And the moral of the story.  As men get older they learn that its not about showing off your conquests to try to feel more than a man, but to hide them and actually be more like a man. 

The other side to the coin is that all this happened before this couple got together.  Can't the woman trust her man?  He was honest enough to tell her what happened and honest that they were just friends.  She should lighten up and learn to trust him, after all, what is a relationship without trust?

Whichever side you want to take, in the end, the woman is always right.  Men just can't win.  Give in now guys, it'll save you decades of anguish!

(Long Sigh)

Like I said Doha Reader, Goodluck on your relationship.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

...also I know, some guys would really appreciate the girl’s understanding. Some of them like to show off, and once he finds the girl who is willing to listen to all his dirty stories from the past, and willing to “understand” all his present “affairs”, he might stuck with her for a long time.. he feels like he found a “spectator” at the “theatre of his life”, and he is enjoying starring in this show….yes, he might stuck with this girl... But will he really respect her ? I doubt it…

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hey, by the way, i jsut shared my thoughts. guess, thats wat u were lookin for, n not that u were looking for everyone to merely reflect ur own thoughts. views n perpestives do change from person to person :-)

coquette, i talked from my experience. i am in a relationship, n we have talked through this.

it is one of our mutual agreement that, if ever i feel for someone else or he feel for someone else, we both wud accept it with open mind. n we've been in this relationship for over 2 years now without any issues. we both were open abt our past relationships.

am still friends with my ex, n my boy friend doesnt mind it at all. n really, i cant find enough words to express the intensity of our feelings for each other. just mentionin this, to make it clear that we r just being 'open minded' n not that we 'dont care for each other'.

(i must say that to be sincere with him and to return the respect he gives me, i keep limitations for myself while interactin with my ex.)

OMG...Amen to that QS!

Having said that, if you really love someone, you'll learn to forgive. I'm sure the forgetting part would be hard as hell, but as long as the guy proves his regret of doing such stupid thing, there should always be a second chance...but then again, a girl can only tolerate so much from a guy.

How did the story end??? I hope the guy learned his lesson ?

“People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”

- Calvin and Hobbes

 I somehow agree with you, but only partly. you can take it easy if you also don’t really care about him/her, and both take their relationship as a fun only... 

As I said, the way we act can say a lot about us. You would definitely never ever say anything like that to the person, whose feelings you care about!! You know very well that it MIGHT hurt this person. If you DO care, you wouldn’t like to hurt this person. And you even don’t think :” Ok, I care about this person, that’s why I won’t tell her/him”.. NO!! if you cared about the person, it would never even cross your f*** mind to TELL her/him at the first place! It is so simple…

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I'd love to find out your reaction if this happens to you. Let's see if you'd still be as easy as you are. Goodluck living your life with that way of thinking. Hope that gets you anywhere.

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

i wud say the girl was over reactin, i mean really, wats the big deal?

watever has happened, has happened. watever has to happen, will happen, no matter wat u say or how much u resist. so, why make a fuss abt anything?

if people start takin things more lightly n less seriously, this world wud be a less complex place to live in.

PS: hey, is this ur real story? ;)

And then what I have said is

He already stopped careing about his GF, but he still doesn’t realize it.. because it takes time…

Have you heard about “body language”? You know that the way we talk, the way we move, and of course the way we ACT can tell A LOT about us, even though WE don’t realize it. This what  is science of PSYCOLOGY about...  

You say something or you do something, experienced psychologist can explain even to YOURSELF why did you do it or why did you say it.

so, again, based on what you are telling us, I can tell that this guy doesn't care about his girl, but still cannot admit it even to himself.. but one day he will...

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got cha qatarisun

man I hope that guy is reading this...

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

yes agree with QS, and he dont respect the GF. if he does he will not hesitate to delete the "BJ Chick" from the friend list.

Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand

you are asking if SHE is right when asks him to delete this "bj chick" from his friends.

what i am saying is

It’s not about who is right and who is wrong.. he just doesn’t  feel like deleting her...

it means he doesn't really care about his present GF..

i hope it's clear now

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I'm trying to get your point ... i'll get there eventually

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

she shouldn't being DOING such things at the first palce, let alone not "TELLING HIM SUCH STORY"...

...and from my live observation… this girl (the FIRST one, who was in  the car) is not important for this guy anymore, since he is telling her such stories. The bad thing is that even HE doesn’t realize it yet.. but that how the things are.. and the time will come when they both will realize that she is not important for him anymore… that’s why SHE would make deleting from the Face Book (or whatever it is), and HE wouldn’t… Sorry, but this is true…

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Thank you!

More please...I would love to hear a guy's opinion.

Please say it if she was just over reacting?

“The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation -- or a relationship.”

The guys messed up

Why the hell wud he talk abt it now that too with the new girl

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the girl is rite. she got the point to be freak out and paranoid. how about if the incident happend again while they still in relation?? and the man should respect the gf point of view. sometime things in the past better keep in black box forever and never open unless its necessary.

what a story.

Everybody is right and Everybody is wrong, its depend where you stand