Wife

THE WIFE

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman.

'You disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me - a
faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a
divorce!'

And Paddy (for it was he) replied 'Hang on just a minute luv, so at
least I can tell you what happened.'
'Fine, go ahead', she sobbed , 'but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!'

And Paddy began - 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and
this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out
and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn't eaten for three days!

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas
I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're
afraid you'll put on weight.The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I
threw them away.'

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you
have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too
tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which
you don't use because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you
don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought
at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has
the same pair.'

Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful
for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she
turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please ... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?