For Mr. Paul, one up on the Welsh csi csi
An English ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into
a Small village and sees a local sitting on his veranda patting his dog.
He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman
'G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Englishman.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: 'Yeah, doin' all right.'
Welshman: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the Villager)
Dog: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food And takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Welshman: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Welshman: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool'
Welshman: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: 'Yep'
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, Brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the Elements.'
Welshman: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Welshman: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f * cking liar…'
FranElizabeth, I'm done for the day, thaaaaaannnnk gaaaaaaawwwwddd.
And uhmmm, last time I checked I didn't have a willy. teehee. *wink wink*
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Labda.. peace, bro:) Now go do some work;)
FranElizabeth, tsk tsk, I guess I keep the grand slam then? Nice little lecture you had going there though, quite enjoyed reading that. Chuckled quite some, especially since I'm well, African. That joke was sent to me by a Welshman btw, hahaha.
ashok, apologies for not responding, I was highly engrossed in this chore called work :)
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GRRRR LAbDA!!!:)
Ok- it was a good excuse for a Saturday rant on the English though. Ha.. have a good day, pawb.
The initial ventiloquist joke was posted by Labda, not an English person :)
Lol. Nice one... I suppose the English are ok really. Some of them. And afterall it's not really THEIR fault they weren't born Welsh;) (For many are called but few are chosen..)
And don't knock Tom:)))
Just for you!
What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a Six Nations game?
Waiter.
Another predictable sheep joke? Yawn.
Maybe the English feel the need to hang on to that one as they realise that by comparison, they pale into unimaginative, smug and anaemic insignificance. Lol
It's just like an Englishman to be a ventriloquist. That way he really can be sure that noone else has an opinion that differs with his own. Get them all a budgie mirror so they can happily indulge in their own pontification 24/7 and they'd be happy out:)
I'd rather be Welshie. Sheep or no sheep. Grand Slam anyone?
Weird English Happiness. They are happy when they were hit on their back side by the Boys :))))))))))
Ban Spoon Feeding not Me
If we let the newbies beat us , it keeps them happy.. A small price to pay for the happiness of our old colonies..
You play to loose, not to win.. By the way Bangladesh is not so far away from you :),
Ban Spoon Feeding not Me
YES - soooooo - its your Birthday! Get over it!
Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Gin time - make it a large one....hic!
ROFL = Rolling on Floor Laughing..
We invented the game and gave it to the rest of the world to keep them happy..
We play for the game, not to win.. By the way,
Q. What is the English version of a hat-trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
No English guy has anything to say to my comment. anyway they have nothing to say :)
Ban Spoon Feeding not Me
hahaha, forgive me charan, is that hissssssssssing i hear from your end? And on your birthday?! Tsk tsk,LOL.
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You forgot to say that English invented the Game of Cricket and never won the World Cup once and they will never win in the Future. at least in my life time :)
English Cricket Sucks. Hooray to Aussies :)
Ban Spoon Feeding not Me
hahahahahha....ROFL!!!
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I am not an expert on Vimmin.. I can only go by dear Mrs Britsexpat.. i love her..
She dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Oryx, glad you loved it hun.
Hahahahaha, thats a good one Britexpat....!!! Lawdy!!! Oh I need to stop nagging you and get to work and with that, here's one more - why nagging a man doesn't work!!!:
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up, Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear, if we don't do laundry right now!"
What a man hears:
"blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW"
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Great poem..Might disagree with you on the "not getting wasted at parties bit"..
One for You..
A female student is assigned a thesis on "changing trends in feminism". In her research she is shocked to read of a village in Central Africa where, 50 years ago, the women were so inferior to their husbands that they dared only to walk 10 paces behind them.
Determined to find out whether the situation had changed she set out to this country and was delighted to see that it had. Leaving the airport she saw that the men were walking not 10 paces, but 100m ahead of their husbands.
In her enthusiasm the student catches up with one such lady and asks of her, "What great change could have occured which means that you, the woman, can now lead your husband through these paths".
The woman looks at her sadly and replys, "land mines".
what a brilliant poem!!! loved it!!
CSI CSI
Britexpat, well I guess we can safely say the author wasn't an Englishman??! i tell you you're just too clever for me. hahaha
Water preservation? Going green eh? Now that you're in this part of the world I trust you'll stock up on cologne? Strong cologne? The "knock 'em out" kind?
Chuckle chuckle. I tell you what I'm amusing my own dam* self.
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britex.. csi
"doo dah , Doo Dah" ???? That's American -
You forget the other glorious wars... Boar war, Hundered years war etc etc
As for bathing, we're just suckers for cleanliness and wear the undies whilst we bathe...Its called water conservation.. ..
I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
I don't brag to my buddies about my e*ections.
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back.
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb.
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
to have these two boobs and sit down when I pee.
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
then scr*w you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
Forget all about that old pen*s envy.
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my d*ck.
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
What's your say bella? You like?
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csi janeyjaney, lemme check my humour bank for Mozambican jokes. :P
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This one's for you. Top 10 reasons for being English:
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish.
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csi.
just continue posting. i'm reading... csi ;)
TITS.. Things have been too serious the last copuple of days..
Rhys: Doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home.
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
Rhys: Is it common?
Doctor: It’s not unusual.
(think about it)