Starting the day - BritExpat Way!

What is it with flowers and vimmin ?

Yesterday, I went back from work with flowers for the wife.

She looked at me and said, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable."

I waited there for nearly an hour before realising she'd just gone to bed. :o(

A drunk man comes home to his wife but he knows she won't she won't open the door so he pretends to have flowers.

Drunk- I bring flowers for the pretty lady. 

The wife opens the door!

Wife- Where are the flowers?

Drunk- Where's the pretty lady ?"

chocoholic, same here... I don't indulge myself in desserts that much now...

I gave up desserts.

It was the worst 20 minutes of my life!

that sounds like me.... :P

You must have met the Mrs. :O(

By, the way, what is it with women and food ?

woman puts on weight.

woman goes on strict diet.

breakfast: `better skip that`.

dinner: half of mini breadstick, small, low fat yoghurt washed down with a small bottle of `still` water.

tea: tablespoon of pasta.

man puts on weight.

man buys bigger jeans

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Mrs. Britexpat, "breakfast will be ready."

"Good, what are we having for breakfast," said Britexpat

"Toast and juice," the Mrs replied.

Hubby had frosty....errrrrrrrrrr sorry I meant Frosties :-/

Actually times are hard at the moment..

I had Ordinary K for breakfast this morning :O(

I came downstairs one day and saw my hubby switching between pron (sic) and the fishing channel.

I was bloody furious.

I said to him why are you watching that, 'you know how to fish!'

It was awesome. You just had to be there to experience the passion and intensity :O)

That was wonderful.

I wish I had such a lovely moment sometime.

It is very refreshing to read the way you described this event my dear!

Regards,

Mr. Minuteman!:(

It's all because of the old war wound - honest :O)

This is indeed true (sigh) lol x

Good one! You ask him though...I am far to shy ;-) lol

I love your twirls and your back flips.

Perhaps we could introduce a new move.......now let me think....who could we ask for advice?

LOL x

Not the fishnets! You caught some hammour last time you wore them.

OK then a little bit of Take That coming up ;-)

It's the one you like me in; with the silver tassles you are so jealous off ;-)

Liking the red frillies!

What music do you want:

Polka Face

or

Rolling in the Deep

or

A bit of Take That?

Your choice but I am not dancing to Tom Jones again. You know what happened last time and it was UNUSUAL!

Got some voddy here love; always prepared lol

Will be by my pole in my cowgirl suit on ;-O

Brit, look at the bright side in this. Your soulmate is a very smart woman with a very sharp sense of humor.

You??? No comments... :)

Oh yes indeedy! I am lubricating my pole at the moment; fancy a drink and a dance later?

rofl ;-P

How well you know him lol

Please don't tell anyone else this, but Cabbage and her hubby recently went to a marriage retreat to work out some issues.

As part of the process, they were given a test. They have to write a sentence with the words 'love' and 'sex' in it.

Cabbage wrote: "When two people are passionately and deeply in love and respect each other very much, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of sex."

Hubby writes: "I love sex"

Hubby was in his usual place this morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.

He turned to me with a look of confusion on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."

I replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?

It's gonna take me a while to get hard I just came out of this chick :(

I'm feeling a little sad. Our dear friend Dracula has just been diagnosed with a case of severe Asthma..

He will now be known as Vlad the Inhaler !

Helloooo do we have to explain the joke?

The egg timer lasts for 3 minutes..............

get it??????

Was it the broken egg timer or the stove. :) I was expecting something better (in terms of timing) from experienced brite.

You are stooping.

Just like nan :o)

hahahha... how was your eggs now?! :P

Chocoholic is a very nice person. She just bought a NASA designed walking frame for her grandmother.

It's one small step for nan.

lolzzz..nice shot

Mr and Mrs Britexpat had been married for 35 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, Mrs Brit replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

she was standing next to kitchen her shine was gleatring

As I walked in almost awake, I saw her and said softly, "You've got to make my day."

My eyes were still not open and without wasting any time, I sit on her and then gave it my keys ... right there on the hole....:)

A little puzzled, she asked, 'What was that all about?'

I explained, "As Alwayz - I make you hot"

my car .....:O(

how was masala dosa ....?

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing for me Masala Dosa for breakfast, wearing only Salwar without Kameez that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

My eyes and eye brows lit up and without wasting any time, I lifted her and then gave it my all ... right there on the dining table....:)

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to making Masal Dosa.

A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

She explained, "As Alwayz - You are too Horny" :O(

I'm not usually like this .. I think it was the stress and the medication I'm taking :O(

Very soft boild eggs they were too ;)

but you forgot that your office timer gone fast.....:)