Neigbour situation-agony aunt required.
I have just shifted to a new locality - apartment. One of my neighbour (wife) welcomed me. Both our children are of same age (6 years) and go to the same school (son recently joined this school). She invited my child to her house to play on weekends.
Few days back she noticed a note in her son's bag with few things written on it and witout investigating the matter she assumed it is my child who wrote it. (Pretty harmful stuff in my opinion ---like his child is kissing girls, and he is a girl). She did not confront me on this matter and asked my child few spellings which he correctly stated. Thereafter (I assume) she called the bus driver informing him that my child is doing 'stuff' in the bus.
Next day when I leave my child in the bus totally unaware of the situation the bus driver tells me to correct my child for 'stuff'. Than the driver assistant goes to this neighbour and has some chit chat which I ignored at that point of time. I thought my son is standing/running in the bus so I scold him . After the bus leaves she was all flared up and created a big scene in the building corridor, questioning my parental skills and so on. She stated the driver also knows about the issue. I tried to cool her down (total 45 minutes she won't let me go)and told her I will question my son as soon as he arrives. Meanwhile I call the driver asking him the meaning of 'stuff' and he tries to ignore me. When I say it is serious and might involve the principal he says normal stuff like standing in the bus etc.
When both the children arrive and I ask them.... her son comes out with the truth that it is some boy from higher standard whose name he is not aware. She shoo's her son away and claims that my son is threatning him to say so !!!!!! Now she is spreading rumours about my son to other mothers. I have never been in such a situation before. I am not sure how to react. Please advise. - I wish there was an agony aunt column to guide me.
Mom_me, its safer that way.
What a conclusion...
Just forget about it...
i totally agree
Mom 2, from the next bus stand (next building) meets me today and inquires about the incident. I feel furious but inform her that my son is innocent and I am going to discuss this matter with the principal in parent teacher meet this weekend.
I come home and after some time get a call from my neighbour asking 'why am I taking this matter so far!!!!! I inform her that I want to clear the accusation as my son is not involved. She turns a complete 360 degree and says 'she never thought it was my son in the first place' !!!! She has destroyed the paper (note) and is amazed that I misinterpreted everything !!! I remind her about the lecture on my parental skills in corridor and how she feels my son is threatning hers and everything she said VERBATIM... She apolozises profusely and keeps repeating that she did'nt really mean it was my son !!! I tell her I am hurt by her behaviour and the fact that she has spread rumours about my son.
Finally I ask her if she has found out details about the boy writing notes to his son and if she is going to do something about it. She gives me vague answers. After that she has ring me 3 more times apologising everytime. She says her mom was sick back home and she was not in the right frame of mind that day. She has personally visited me half an hour ago and kissed my son telling him how they missed him on the weekend.
I am extremely agitated, confused and fearful of this neighbour. Stay safe people.
Just get everyone together while discussing it. Leaves no room for any misunderstanding. You may still end up arguing with your neighbour but atleast it won't be due to lack of knowledge on anyone's part.
Thank you very much for all the support and advice. The parent teacher meeting is due next weekend and I have decided to pursue this matter further on that day.
Mom Me
I can understand the situation you are going through specially that this woman is your neighbour. I suggest you take a step back and think what you would advise someone else in a similar situation. Do exactly that.
I would have gone to the School Principal and explain the situation to him/her. I would really ignore and avoid her even if she was my neighbour. Indifference kills. Ask your son to keep away from the other children for a while during lunchbreaks. Or arrange with the principal that your son is somewhere in the library or something but away from the kids during lunchbreaks. Rumours will die down soon. Other mothers ad kids will soon realise what your neighbour said are not true. Patience dear.
Do not mind the silly comments of some here. May be most of them are not parents. They just find pleasure to take the pi.ss of others.
Hats off to you Helen MS. Some people here do su.ck
Why hormones?
Why do you judge this woman on her 'hormones'?
Some Doctor you are.
relax mom dont make it a big issue. blame it on your neighbour's hormones. if she behaves stupidly it does not mean that you also become stupid. if your son does something wrong just correct him and if he did'nt do anything wrong then you should be happy and proud of your son and your parenting.
your childs upbringing is your responsibility and you are not supposed to correct your neighbour's attitude problem.
I would first of all put all of this in writing, in e-mail and hard copy to the Head of the School and c.c this mad, foolish women in on it.
She sounds a nightmare.
Good luck. x
Let us know how you get on please.
sometimes I think QL should be called Judgemental.com ;-p
For heaven's sake everyone, this poor woman is like so many of us expats - on her own trying to figure out how things work in this country with mixed cultures and situations - while her husband is away working during the week and not around to help!
I cannot believe how insensitive some replies are to her situation. It would have taken real courage to put pen to paper and to so openly ask for guidance to all and sundry.
How about extending the hand of friendship and helping her instead of making insulting comments?!
I just hope that those of you who are so full of themselves and their own self importance will also find yourselves in the situation of needing help one day and that you too will receive the same treatment that you dish out here. En shallah! You ought to be ashamed.
Meanwhile to @Mom-me...sometimes things can be blown out of proportion so quickly and situations can get out of control - so I agree with cath.pat to take the problem to the principal of your school requesting a consultation with all parties involved. This will be an unbiased controlled environment that should allow the problem to be resolved and overcome with mutual understanding.
Good luck dear lady!
Is it possible that you talk with her husband and see whether he is a person to understand what the reason is? There should be some point before pointing fingers to anyone and no body has the right to simply jump into any conclusion without valid reason... As per law of nature (no body invented it till now), if the wife is an impatient one, her husband may be patient enough to heed and listen. Anyway, it would be better to report this issue to school and they have adequate facilities to councel both kids as well as parents. This issue should be closed as soon as possible and both of the parties to understand the real issue, otherwise, you both being staying in same building, it may be more difficult for both of you...
6 years old???
Anyway get everyone involved together and get it cleared up.
As she is your next-door neighbor and you have spent a good time with her...It's all misunderstanding from her side...so, just avoid the lady and keep away your son to
mingle up with her son.
But you must have to talk to the bus driver about all her misunderstandings. He has no right to talk to you in this way
What I suggest you (my personal feeling) is to find out another apartment bit far away where your son will be using another transport. This lady seems a trouble maker and she could create further serious issues for you and for your husband as well. Stay away from such people.
report it to the principal, and let the principal call you both, with your children, if it aint solve yet, report it to the police that she's pestering you.
do you both belong to same country?
Thank you all for your comments.
Wiki - please don't insinuate cultural insults.
All I wanted was an insight a retrospect if my reaction is justified or can mothers behave irrationally when certain things go against their cultural upbringing. (Meaning her being judgemental without bothering to find out the truth. And when she does find out she is not willing to accept it.)
My sympathies with you. There is nothing wrong in seeking help in such situations. But please do not make this out into a big issue. Rumours remain live when we respond to them. Let it go. Please do not worry about your child also. He is not of an age where he will be bothered much about theses things. But he will be worried to see you affected by this and might feel guilty. Act normally and you will all feel ok soon. As far as that other lady is concerned, just ignore her and her vicious words. In my opinion, you will do well to keep away from that family.
Quit bothering about the silly goose. Ignore her and the 'rumours'. Nitwits like her thrive on agitating others.
take this matter to principal and let "C".....truth comes out.............but dont try to punish ur innocent son plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Wikileaks ....Its not about mallu or with nationality,whit & Black....its about the culture u get from ur parents and family members.....
Just ignore that lady. Be cool...be with your child....
The way The way you suggest it show that how kind and humble u are.
thanks bird... so I can be the Agony Aunt I guess.....
Scorpion : Thanks.
Joe : Yes, it is a personal issue. I contemplated a lot before writing it down. I wrote it because I was not sure if I am missing something here. How will mother from a different culture react if they receive such a note. Gulf is a unique place and my friends back home can't really relate to certain situations here. I have to go thru a reality check, know where I stand, ask opinion and guidance. Thankfully there are wonderful people who are willing to guide me and suggest their views.
Slap his mom in the head really hard!
Just ignore the incedent and concentrate on ur kid schooling.....rest time will show who is right and wrong......Be Cool " I say Live life King size rest live up to God.
What I would suggest to you is you keep your son away from the other boy and encourage him to make new friends in the class. If your son is innocent nothing will harm him.. u wait and see. You know, we cannot teach adults who have this kind of nasty attitude of spreading rumors about a sweet little child but, the time will teach her a lesson. You better concentrate on your son's education only.
No_Good that is what I and my hubby are doing as he is terrified. He is in adjusting phase in a new school and new apartment and all of a sudden this commotion turns everything tipsy turvy for me as well.
Reji- They are in different standard. Her son is one standard less. The thing is - she got the note and now she should pursue the matter. If she does so I get a chance to prove my son's innocence.
Mom_me, make sure ur son is not affected by any of these. spend time with him.
You must be a equally S--------id guy to bring this topic here and eloberate. The very fact that you got it here shows , you deserve nothing better . How silly people are to make their personal issues so public
Since you have the proof in your hand now, the principal of the school should be informed. If he deserves that title, he will restore your son's reputation. Otherwise, change the school.
Lili my son is innocent. He got this child's name yesterday ...the one who has written this mischievious note. The question is how to undo the false rumours and should I forgive this neighbour's mistake and ACT polite or dismiss her. Can't decide.
Brit - That is exactly what I wan't to do but it is she who should be initiating it as the note is with her.
This is a situation where emotions should not be allowed to rule over prudence.. What I suggest you is that if both your kid and your neighbour's kid are in the same class, take up the matter with your kid's class teacher and she may able to resolve the issue. Rumours speard like wild fire and better to extingush it earliest possible.
Confront her in the presence of the Driver and school head master/Mistress.
Ask what the allegation is and discuss.
Then just her one tight slap!
do u yourself know what u have typed up there ? :(
Thanks for the support abeer. Hubby insists I should maintain a cordial relationship with her as he is out of town most of the times. I can't bring myself to do it after the show down in the corridor. I am afraid of her erratic behaviour.
GPL stare
0nLy 6 yrs 0ld & pr0Blem..wAit tiL tHey g0w uP!
*Konfused Stare*
ask her to go to school to learn some more manners n wisdom.