Verbal abuse: insults in disguise
Abuse comes in various forms, including physical as well as verbal. The latter is not uncommon, especially in the Arab world where verbal abuse may not always be recognized as a type of harassment.
Verbal abuse respects no boundaries; even in the work place, you will come across people who can only be happy if they’re putting others down or insulting them with hurtful words. These people often take advantage of their positions of authority to power trip, as this “strength” seems to give them a sense of fulfillment.
Statements such as, “are you stupid?” or “you can’t do anything right,” are considered verbal abuse and can be quite harmful to women. But also other abusive habits such as ignoring, excluding or mocking others, are common variations of verbal abuse.
It is the responsibility of the human resources manager and his or her team to fight verbal abuse and to impose consequences on those who pester others with such language.
Have you been a victim of verbal abuse? What solutions do you propose to put an end to it?
http://femeo.bayt.com/en/articles/lifestyle/verbal-abuse-insults-disguise
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TB yes Madaaaaaaaaam Come again! lol
QS agree that there are at times (or more often as you say) unclear directions by the manager...but then there are also as many cases where the instructions are as clear as they can be but still the employee doesn’t do it right... even if he has the capabilities…reasons can be many say temporary lack of concentration or casual attitude towards work assuming someone somewhere would set things right... such guys temporarily go into their comfort zone and until shaken do not come out of it … should I just fire him…I guess not… but would definitely try to shake him out… a few harsh words (even if I am accused of being abusive) does the trick with some of them and at end of the day it is all in mutual interest as he retains his job and I get the job done the way it should be. As regards me talking harsh being considered as abuse, he needn't be crying foul as he asked for it IMO… he was hired to do a job which he considered himself capable of and accepted to do (the onus on the employee is as much as on the team who hired him).
As regards, civilized society and their reactions on such outbursts...well, that is a misnomer as each society has it own acceptance and non acceptance levels developed over a period of time as the society grew. While at it, a story comes to mind about Ratan Tata (an Indian businessmen) owner of Jaguar and his reaction on the working etiquettes of the employees offshore in one of his facilities. Don’t know whether he can be called uncivilized or civilized…in the Indian context he is a civilized person and his reaction equally civil.
hahahaha and welcome to Qatar!
today I was very close to abusing the receptionist of one institution, over the phone. I call XYZ organization.
Q: "What are working hours of Mr.ABC, please?"
A: "ma'am, he works some mornings and some evenings"
Q: "Ok, when and how does he work in the morning?"
A: "ma'am, he works 3 days a week in the morning"
Q (start being impatient): "Fine, what are his morning hours and when?"
A: " Ma'am, he will be working this Saturday from 8 to 3"
Q (continiue being impatient): "Only Saturday? You said, he is working in the morning 3 days a week!"
A:" Yes, ma'am. Other days are Sunday and Monday".
Q (losing my temper): "And what about evening hours?? can I get a clear answer about his working hours???"
A: "Yes, ma'am. Another 3 days a week he works in the evening"
Q (like WTF!!!): "Can you tell me WHAT are evening working hours???"
A: "Yes, ma'am. from 3 to 10"
Q (@$%$@%$@$): "WHEN?? WHAT ARE THE DAYS??"
(keeping in my mind "You are f***ng idiot! who hired you as a receptionist, if you f***ng spend 20 minutes of my time to answer the simplest question! How stupid you are, that cannot give one clear answer without hundreds of leading questions!! you, nuts!"
I could tell her all that, and even more.. Instead I politely advised her next time to be more clear, specific and prompt .
“The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do great good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, a knife can cause great harm. Exactly as it is with our words.”
Happygo.. this is generalization, which is normally not acceptable during any conversation. That's where all the problems between husband and wife start! Instead of focusing on the particular issue, they start accusing each other in being useless, helpless, stupid, idiot, jerk, bi*t*ch, etc. And this will never resolve the issue, but only will cause pain and frustration!
Again, if the employee has been constantly told that he cannot do things right, it can be:
1. HR's mistake to hire incompetent and unsuitable for this position person. If the person is incapable of doing certain things, no need to insult him. either move him to another position, or fire him...
2. Look at yourself, may be you are unable to explain properly, and you are who is an the idiot!
That's what happens quite often, by the way.. Unclear directions, orders and task assignments by incapable managers might create "nothing doing right" employee.. Think about it.
...And in any case, to say to the fool that he is a fool is abuse. You don't say to Humpback directly that he is a humpback, even though its a fact. And if you do, guess what ,this would be abuse too...
You know what, even to raise a voice on the employee for his mistake is abuse, and cannot be acceptable in the civilized society..
There is a lot of overlap between the meanings of the words like nurturing,training,advicing, counseling,admonishing, reprimanding, scolding, warning, threatning or chastising...
now, to treat something as an abuse is relative..which depends on who is involved in what situation etc.
How can a fact stated can be an abuse....if someone cannot do anything right inspite of warning him several times then the obvious reaction is "you cannot do anything right" or I would even say "can you ever do anything right" and I do not see any abuse in it....if he cannot do it, he cannot do it and that is a fact...instead of feeling insulted and raising red flag how about getting your act together and if you feel you actually cannot do it and have bumped into the job by some luck, save me the pain of removing you by putting in your papers.... & as far as removing the person who employed this non performing employee...I would just say, easier said then done...there may be certain employees who were on the hiring bench who cannot be removed that easily or cannot be removed at all and attempting that may even jeopardize your own job, however strongly you feel.
"written abuse victim attempts veiled threat" ran the newspaper headline...:)!!!
out of anger or extreme negative emotion. But if such action is a regular thing for the abuser, then it's really something to be dealt with properly. It can not be tolerated whether he is the boss or not!
FS, I disagree. If person cannot understand things from the first time, you explain again..and again.. Until either person understands the things, or you as a manager decide that this person doesn't fit the position. And yes, saying " you cannot get anything right" is direct abuse. If the person that your company hired for this position cannot get anything right, then your HR or whoever was hiring him/her should be replaced in the first place, as insuitable to his position. You can NOT abuse in any case, under any circumstances.
Boss – Mr. James, you are very nice man and also very intelligent & hard working. You have done a lot for the company and it is impossible to run the company without you.
But I want to try………
Yes I agree I don't like Verbal abuse.
flor...oh come on....no need to bring sorry between us ....I was just playing around with words...:)
Many more husbands are verbally abused by their wives than wives being physically abused by their husbands.
Men can't match women when it comes to a verbal duel..
I was just to say the subject matter is not a subject on QL. Sorry!
flor....I guess so that we cant have verbal abuse on QL... was wondering 'How' when you said 'not common'....:)
you can't have verbal abuse in QL, right?
flor...any instance of uncommon verbal abuse on QL....how was it done???...:)
isnt writing abuse common in QL?
MOD's are not that good in detecting those kind of abuses or they purposely let it continue.. :)
Hmmmm...
but written abuse and doing it intentionally is very dominant in this forum. Those with superiority complex (as if they have the monopoly of knowledge in a certain thing) is very common here! And they will always hide in their virtual identity. Ask them to come-out and they won't!
Are you stupid = Punch in the face ???? :P
Agree to "The latter is not uncommon, especially in the Arab world where verbal abuse may not always be recognized as a type of harassment".... my misunderstanding is also your fault and so liable for not so good words being hurled at you and more often than not that is very close to reality as it happens....
Gringo! You should have learnt Spanish, brit!
I was verbaly abused by my Cuban Shotputter - I think. I never understood a word she shouted :O(
You may say what you want, call me what you want, it doesn't affect me. I can't be abused. Simple as that. I do not need other people to give me their opinion about me! I have my own.
Guess many of us have at one time or the other either been the victim or the abuser. Sadly whilst we hate it done to us again its an act we may do quite easily to another specially a loved one or worse still our children. It again goes with the "sticks and stones may brake my bones but words can truly hurt me". Sometimes verbal abuse can be as soul scarring and emotionally traumatizing as physical abuse. Whilst its all well and good to chastise and correct a person,maybe even sternly, who has done a wrong, we should at all times avoid using abusive language and hurling insults.
I dont abuse people verbally or physically, nor I was subjected to any such abuses.
But I never thought saying that 'you cant do a thing right' is an abuse! There is a limit for patience.. we can say nicely once..twice ..thrice.. still doing the same mistake means either he is stupid or he cant do anything properly.
Thats why rizks does all the wrong things in a right way
are people entitled to such harsh words? if the person is really not doing anything right, isnt it much better to tell him in a proper way and just issue him a warning?
verbal abusers normally abuse those whom they know will not fight back... In such cases, people must know how to respond. fighting back using same foul words is not a solution, but show them that you know what they meant and warn them. This will somehow reduce these abuse.
and if he got it right and later again start doing everything wrong, then the person is entitled for this kind words " you are so stupid"......:)
If someone is doing everything wrong everytime...what else are we supposed to say other than "you cant do anything right"? you can tell a person two or three times..if they cant get it right?
lolz @ pix
What to say Yanni! better not say anything at All..:)
ROFL on the pic ! :)