patawa lang

somwerNdmiddle
By somwerNdmiddle

Sa Hospital…

Doc: Iha, mukhang pumapayat ka at hinang hina pa. Sinunod mo ba advice ko na 3 meals a day?
Girl: Diyos ko! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day eh!!!

May nagpapa-translate sa akin ng signage sa tagalog: “Emergency Exit” ang sabi ko, “MADALING LABASAN…? Tama ba? Parang bastos ata.

Lalake: Pag tayo na, magkasama na nating haharapin ang mga problema.
Babae: Pero wala naman akong problema..
Lalake: Kasi nga, hindi pa tayo. Wag ka excited!!

Sa Sauna:

Attendant: Sir, gusto mo ng tirafi?
Guest: Anong tirafi? Baka therapy?
Attendant: Tirafi po talaga sir. After you tira me, you give me fee. uki?

Mr: Hon, buksan mo ang pinto!
Mrs: Sori, hindi pwede. Wala akong suot.
Mr. (tumawa) ok lang. Wala akong kasama.
Mrs: Ako, meron!

Tip for a long life:
Wag mo isusulat name mo sa condolence book pag dumalaw ka sa patay. Kasi pagkatapos ng libing nagkakaron ng raffle kung sinong susunod….

Guro: Pedro late kana naman.
Pedro: Late po kasi relo ko.
Guro: Problema ba yun. E di i-advance mo.
Pedro: Sige po.
Guro: Oh, saan ka pupunta?
Boy: uwian na!

Mrs: Kung alam ko lang di sana ako nagpakasal sa iyo! ABS ka!
Mr: Anong ABS?
Mrs: Alak, Babae, Sugal!!
Mr: Eh ikaw CBN!
Mrs: CBN?
Mr: Chismosa, Bungangera, Nagger!.

May dalawang lala ki sabay nag jogging:
Guy 1: Pre, doctor ako. Kaya ako tumatakbo kasi HEALTH conscious ako! Ikaw pre?
Guy 2: Snatcher pre! WEALTH conscious ako.

Bakit binaril ng bobo ang girlfriend nya?
Kasi sinubukan nya kung totoong FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES!

Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po. Alalahanin nyo na palaging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya!
Drayber: E, kaya ko nga binibilisan para di tayo abutan!

Kasal…
Pari: Ikaw lalaki, tinatanggap mo bang maging kabiyak ang taong ito habambuhay?
Lalaki: Opo, Father!
Pari: At ikaw naman malanding pokpok kang bakla ka mukha kang kabayo, ‘akala mo siguro ang ganda mo sa gown o,‘ano? Tinatangap mo ba ang lalaking ito na hindi ka magsisisi kahit magkabaon-baon ka sa utang sa pagsustento sa kanya?
Bakla: Father, sabihin nyo lang kung tutol kayo sa kasal na ito kesa naman tumalak ka diyan, naka mic ka pa naman.

(sa isang turo-turo):
Customer: Manang, meh langaw sa arrozcaldo ko!
Tindera: Hello! Sa halagang P5.00 anong ini-expect mo….manok?

Tom: Alam mo pare, my new wife is a sex object!
Jerry: Wow! Maganda pala ang napangasawa mo pre!
Tom: Hindi naman. But everytime I want to have sex, she objects!

PO1: Bakit po K-9 ang tawag sa malalaking aso, sir!
SUPT: Syempre pag tinawag mo silang K-10, hindi na sila aso
PO1: Ano na sila sir?
SUPT: maliit na pusa…

Anak: Nay, yung girlfriend ko hindi naniniwala sa langit at impierno.
Nanay: Sige, pakasalan mo anak, ipatikim mo sa kanya ang langit, ako na ang bahala sa impierno.

Isang ina ang nagsilang ng napakapangit na sanggol.
Ama: Isa syang kayamanan.
Ina: Oo, nga! Ibaon natin!.....

A husband asked his wife, “What do you like most in me, my macho face or my sexy body?
The wife looked at him from head to toe and replied, “I like your sense of humor” .

Russian: Sir, we got huge order from USA for 16 inches condoms. I think it is to embarrass us.
Putin: No problem! Complete the order and mark them SMALL SIZE!

A guy picks up a girl for a date.
“Why are you wearing your belt around your knee?
Girl: I promised mom that I wouldn’t let you touch me below my belt….

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