Shaadi ka proposal - Desi English

Deer Madam,

My proposal is serious.

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely. I am a soiled son from inside Lahore. I am nice and big, six foot tall, and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket, and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone.  I am jolly. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft.  I am always giving respect to the ladies.   I am always allowing ladies to get on top.  That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else.   Every morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything.  Daily I am pumping and pumping.  If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb elles in the Jim.  I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only.  What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands. That's why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day.  In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the Jim.  If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come.
So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon

Yours and only yours
Choudhary Warraich, born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore