How to make a surgeon?

Ingredients

1 slightly demented, partially egotistical, aspiring, alpha human

3-4 fully demented, megalomaniacal, brilliant surgeons/ consultants/ mentors

826 surgical tomes (assorted)

Any number of ailing, broken, hapless patients (number required depends on finesse desired)

13458 surgical instruments- scalpels, drills, bone- saws, retractors, elevators, chisels, mallets….

3943874 litres of Betadine

191878 litres of surgical spirit

456667 bandages

1928345 stents, catheters, wires, screws, plates, iv tubes, syringes….

Several scores of nurses and support staff

1, preferably 2 well- off, ambitious parents

1 very, very patient and accommodating spouse

14598093093248 hours of toil

12390180497 days of frustration and fatigue

3958039467397 drops or sweat (mixed with a dash of blood)

400034 kilograms of detergent (to wash scrubs, lab coats, shoes)

5096548 litres of cheap, instant coffee

2938 nights of sleeplessness

9204807 hours in the OR

90328 hours in the on-call room

9124870927 hours in the surgical wards

1 or if you can manage 2 friends

234566 litres of alcohol (if no religious mores bind you)

Method of preparation

Method of preparation is fairly straightforward. Put all the above ingredients into a pressure- cooker and let it cook under high pressure for a decade at least. Do not release the steam at any point of time. Greater quantities of certain ingredients will ....

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