I was not trying to judge you or her, I stated my observation based on your story and your other comments. And I believe she is not a horrible woman as how the other people sees her. I don't know what your REAL story is, but I can tell you both have loved each other so much and if you both are really meant to be LOVE will find forgiveness in your hearts. In the mean time, nobody can tell you how to get over the pain. You will get different inputs from people what may have worked with them in the past but the reality is, you are the only one to know what will help yourself. What I can tell you is that, you need to face the reality, she is gone and you have to face this alone. I know that everything begins with acceptance. You have so much energy in you and you have to find ways to transform it into something positive, do some activities, travel, work hard (harder),, you did mention writing which is a good start. It will suck in the beginning but you gotta keep yourself busy at least to divert your mind from thinking of her. Good luck!