Obedience to your husband
What do people think of this article I came across...
"When a man and a woman marry they are no longer two but one and there is no real advantage in the wife being pedantic about points of morality if her pedantry contributes to the disintegration of the relationship. Its therefore vitally important to understand that God's instructions to wives concerning the relationship between them and their husbands do not concern themselves with the rightness and wrongness of the husband's instructions. God's instruction for wives to submit to and obey their husbands are not primarily a means of bringing about virtuous living but, rather, they are a means of bringing about peaceful and harmonious living. Once a couple have attained peace and harmony, then they will also have the conditions in which virtue (and the best of us is never very virtuous anyway) can grow and develop in its own good time.
If a woman adopts the fashionable attitude of acting as her husband's judge and refuses to obey him whenever she deems his instructions to be sinful or inappropriate then certain bad consequences follow: First, she is disobeying God by disobeying her husband. Also instead of peace and harmony there is now most certainly conflict, tension and a fracturing of the relationship between them. Her husband will feel himself less valued and the negative aspects of his character such as indignant pride and excessive egotism will be inflamed leading to worse communication between them. Also, since her husband will feel less able to depend upon her, he will ask for fewer constructive things from her. In those circumstances the woman is now less able to perform her role as helper and thus both she and her husband will feel less satisfied and the opportunities for conflict will increase. It doesn't take a lot of intelligence to see that this is a downward and destructive spiral. In some couples the destruction will be explosively rapid and in some couples it will be a lingering disharmony that leaves them wearily cohabiting for decades and never benefiting from the joyous intimacy that God intended them to have. Consequently even if the woman had been correct to think that her husband's original instruction was morally wrong, very little good, and a great deal of bad, has followed from her disobedience. Having women judge their husbands has been the fashionable and “politically correct” style of marriage promoted in many countries throughout the last few decades of the 20th century and continues to be the promoted style of relationship in the 21st century. Whatever few benefits such a relationship might have are amply outweighed by the disadvantages.
Those who try to have a wife judge the moral virtue of her husband's commands have fallen into a trap: Namely that they have started with some ideal notions of the perfect marriage and perfect husband and then, having found that the husband and marriage are less than perfect, decided that it is necessary to alter the husband or suspend the marriage obligations until he becomes perfect. These women forget that they chose to marry an imperfect man, they forget that they themselves are imperfect and liable to make mistakes and they forget that God, who has always known all of these things has already prescribed his own solution, namely that women should submit to and obey their imperfect husbands.
As you might expect, God's way is better: If we follow God's plan whereby a women submits willingly to her husband while all the while accepting that he is a fallible man who will sometimes desire and command what he ought not desire and command then we can anticipate some very positive results:
In the first place she is constantly affirming him with her respectful obedience and her submissive attitude; too few women understand the beneficial power of this kind of behavior (possibly because too few women practice it). In the second place, the gently submissive wife is helping to create a peaceable, calm and non threatening environment in which her husband feels at ease to question and criticize his own attitudes and to listen to her challenges. Of course if the man were a perfect man then he would be humble enough to accept a challenge from his wife under any circumstances but, then again, if he were a perfect man this entire discussion would be unnecessary. In third place, the wife is setting a good example and everybody is naturally attracted to righteousness even if they resent the way it shows up their own faults. In fourth place the wife will be growing into the role that God intended her to fulfill and will thereby be being obedient to God regardless of her husband's faults. Moreover, because she and her husband are intimately spiritually conjoined, then as she moves more deeply into her God-intended role, her husband is automatically moved towards his God-intended role. The conjoining is elastic not rigid but nonetheless if one moves, the other must eventually be moved too. In fifth place the wife is learning to love in the spiritual sense of that word, that is to say, she is learning to be patient, to be kind, to keep no record of faults, to persevere, to constantly hope and so on. In sixth place, and not to be underestimated, the wife's obedient submission means that there is more likely to be harmony in the home instead of quarrelling. It is true that there are rare occasions when a quarrel has a beneficial cathartic effect and is better than false harmony, but in general harmony is to be preferred. In seventh place, the woman's submissive attitude will be evident to other people outside the home and God will be glorified because of it. Furthermore, in time, it is quite likely that some other men will remark positively to the husband about his wife's pleasant nature (particularly if it contrasts with the prickly behaviour of their own women) and that will enhance his appreciation of her and help create within him a greater willingness to communicate and perhaps to compromise. In eighth place, the husband's faults are the stone against which the wife's virtues are to be honed; she will have ample opportunity to develop humility, patience and perseverance, to learn the power of prayer and to learn to trust. She will also have ample opportunity to reflect upon, and work to diminish, her own faults and failings, which are likely much greater than she realizes. In ninth place A wife who obeys her husband out of respect for God's command is thereby automatically obeying God, regardless of what her husband commands.
So, when we consider the problems that can arise when a wife gives her unconditional, respectful and submissive obedience to her husband we must also take care to consider the benefits and offset the one against the other. The benefits are many and accrue to both parties. Moreover the benefits are guaranteed to occur while the problems are only possibilities of which many will never actually happen. The benefits accumulate day by day, while the problems that can come can also go. The benefits can be carried forward into eternity while the problems are merely temporal and will one day be left behind.
When we take the benefits into account, and see how large and how many they are, and when we remember that our life on earth is temporary and is the environment in which we can learn to become the people God intended us to be, it is no longer surprising, or unreasonable, that God should instruct wives to submissively obey their fallible husbands
Last Thought to Ponder:
· The means by which woman was created was unique — every other creature (including man) was formed from the dust of the planet but woman was extracted from within the already formed man (his rib), thus emphasizing the interlinked and intimate nature of the relationship between them. "
Unconditional obedience to your husband has its dangers, but the benefits are so much greater…..
Panthra, in my country and in many others marriage is merely a legal contract! It saves you a lot of taxes, compared to being a bachelor, and it brings you some LEGAL obligations. The show in a church is only for the grandmothers and for Hollywood, but it has no meaning whatsoever.
I think LP, you are cornered if you are married or plan to marry. ;)
LP I understand what you’re saying, your point is well made - I don’t personally agree with it however - but it makes sense that if you don’t agree with the similar concept of an all creating GOD, then there are items in the text that make an assumption that you do...........but then again, only because something makes references to god doesn’t prevent a discussion on the topic of the article which is not about GOD its about the relationship between wife and husband and who is at the helm.
I also wonder something else - people like yourself who do not believe in a god do they believe in getting married?? If so can you explain why, cause from what I understand marriage is a holy union based on religious beliefs and limits...
If you would eliminate the references to God, it could be a basis for a discussion. Otherwise it is conditional, and not everybody agrees on the given conditions.
gtim, I definitely didn’t expect that at all - just wanted to provoke some thought and get some explanations as to why people agree/disagree with this guy’s article....thats all...
I think your answer is PERFECT btw!!
Pantra, don't expect a 100% positive reply out this post. Lots of liberal women will gonna contradict this idea. Gone are the days of those women who will just say "Yes", and obey. Of course, there are still women who are submissive, but for me, i will obey him as long as he doesn't abuse my rights as a woman and a wife.
Alumnar I wasn't actually referring to your posts specifically - but I now see that your one brain cell is actually getting overloaded - so just take it easy and relax, we wouldn’t want that last remaining cell to fizzle out too now would we - then where would you be!!!
I do think responses like Bu*l Sh*t and co. are very intellectually thought through responses. There are other ways of saying you disagree and by explaining why you disagree (which you actually attempted to do to some extent)..
And my mind is not actually made up as you can see from my last post, Im just putting out that I feel there are something’s in that article that do ring true; for example:
In the second place, the gently submissive wife is helping to create a peaceable, calm and non-threatening environment in which her husband feels at ease to question and criticize his own attitudes and to listen to her challenges. Of course if the man were a perfect man then he would be humble enough to accept a challenge from his wife under any circumstances but, then again, if he were a perfect man this entire discussion would be unnecessary
There are a lot of things this Christian fundamentalist says in his article that I disagree with and they go too far but I don’t think going to the other extreme and just writing off the 'whole' thing because of that is correct either....
hahaahahahahahahahahah :D :D :D :D :D
only dogs obey .
Panthra, would you like me to obey you just to please you? This article, like many others, is, in MY opinion absoluye crap! As I said: MY opinion. Don't like it, then please don't ask for other posters' opinions next time. No point if your mind is made up about the topic! And please stop being offensive about braincell count - you are only showing how many braincells you have by using this kind of personal attacks.
Have a good night :)
Obeying an imperfect being? Never! Obeying a perfect one? Always! Luckily they don't exist!
nonsenseno man should marry if he just wants an obedient servant
posters above have given their opinion. what more do you want to hear?
We want logical and intelligent responses to this article please if you agree or disagree with it – not one brain celled comments like is ‘its all b**l sh*t'.........hmm very clever...
I just wonder how many of the people who answered here with comments such as 'complete bull', 'load of rubbish' and 'b**l SH*T' actually read the ‘WHOLE’ original posted article, or just read the title and then zipped through a few other words - my bet is thy probably all did the latter!
Now don’t get me wrong I am not at all condoning everything this article says (it does go a bit too far in my opinion) - and yes as one QL rightly pointed out this was written by a Christian - which I am not – but nevertheless I do think that if this article is read fully with an open mind and an honest outlook you will see there is some truth in some of what he says for reaching a harmonious marriage. It is his proposal at a solution to the raging epidemic of divorce and broken families...
Someone above said it was probably written by an insecure man...maybe it was... but that dosent make it complete rubbish….and also comments like 'b**l sh*t' that attempt to immediately rubbish the whole article because of a few 'unaesthetic' 'unseemly' choice of words by the author (such as 'obediance') rather than attempting to look beyond that to what the writer is actually trying to say sounds like it’s come from a very insecure women……actually
let me think that you are shallow minded, because shallow minded people never try to see what other meanings the word has or what things represent this word.
In Arabic obeying means obeying.
It has come from a Christian website, so it won't be Straight Arrow. http://www.reason4living.com/articles/totw0146.htmThe rest of the page is quite amusing. Here are some of the examples of the problems have complained about regarding their husbands:My husband is not a Christian and sometimes he invites other women to our house and tells me to do sexual acts with them. So far I have obeyed him and sometimes I even enjoy what I do, but I also feel disgusted with myself and angry and disappointed with my husband. I love my husband very much. What should I do?My friend's husband is neglectful, verbally cruel and abusive, and a serial adulterer although he also attends Church regularly. She, my friend, is feeling despondent and doesn't know whether she should leave him or keep trying to improve the marriage. What is the right thing for a Christian woman to do?My situation is complex. I am an illegal immigrant in [a cold North European country] and my husband has left me and is living with another woman. He has asked for a divorce but so far I have refused. If I was not married I would be able to get a visa to enter [another country] and apply for asylum but this is not possible if I am married unless I lie to the immigration officials at the embassy. Now I am thinking to agree the divorce. If I stay where I am I will be caught and deported. What is your advice?I am pregnant but my husband doesn't want another child and he has told me to have an abortion. I don't want to disobey my husband and I don't particularly want another child because we don't have enough space or money but also I think abortion is wrong and I cannot face destroying my own child. Please tell me what to do, I must make a decision very soon.My husband has told me to file for divorce but the bible says that God hates divorce. What am I supposed to do? I love my husband but he doesn't want me and I have to obey him ... but if I obey him I will do something that God doesn't like. I feel trapped and miserable.
Trust and respect should be from both, just a question for you guys why sould the wife be obedient first? Is there any reason?
Well yesterday I was hearing the news and there was an american institute which made a study and found that men get quickly angree compared to women, so if the wife is a smart she will deal properly with her husband when gets very angry whether this anger was on serious causes or trivial causes.
Also anger is one of your enemy right?
I know how you feel. Luckily for me, the swelling only lasted a couple of days, and gradually i regained full sight in both eyes :O(
I lost one eye when I refused to obey her!
It is the other way around: men are obedient! If not, they'll have a problem!
Yes, probably Straight Arrow :)
This B**L SH**T was obviously written by a very insecure male.
Is the article about a human being or a deota?
All Men,Dont get trapped into these illusions..They are very deceptive!!!!.This article is a mere fantasy..If you are Single, BE WHERE YOU ARE FOREVER. If you are married, please dont read such posts.. It will just make you more frustrated...
Rubbish!
Caution! Potential multi-page thread!A strong opposition from women Qlers expected.Religion/Nation bashing could be a byproduct.Might even call for Mods intervention!Recommendations: Better drop it here and move on.
TFS ;)
just rubbish..... non sense
I'm guessing a Southern Baptist wrote this???
Sorry, who wrote this??? A man? txs
A whole bunch of rubbish to me. There are no such words as obedience, submission in a balanced relationship between a man and a woman. The important words are respect, love, trust, harmony and kindness amongst many others.
Scrap this way of thinking because in modern, civilized society man and woman are equal partners in a relationship AND in every day life too!