A cheating spouse - Husband

Just step back from the relationship, no way that this can be fixed instantly... both parties needs space... if your hurting from a relationship let go and save yourself... just let go..and move on

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."

We are talking about the person whi us mentioned in the main Forum... Don know if you are victim of a hijack any

where in the middle....

Right Conscious??????

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

R u talkin bout the same person i knw.....the person i knw is married fr 11 yrs to his frst cousin....

His first wife is from village & his first cousin I think. They have a rule in their village if the couple doesnt have any child for 2/3 years, the man re-marries for the sake of a child. In their case it was 11 years, when finally this second marriage took place. I cannot talk much about her since I do not know much about her. Only thing is this man's sis is married to his wife's bro, so its a kind of watta satta in their family.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

Fren Request to a 46+ ???????? W T F ...I agree with her

You Indians are really Sick.....

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

that all of those in favour of cheating are men. Says a lot.

Most of my PM's requesting buddy contact or meets?

Are..................

Indians...

Why?

Your women are lovely, graceful people?

the guy doesnt love her...

she should leave him and start a new life...

why its ok for you girls to get a message and be friends with a guy and you always have an explanation for eveything but a guy is not allowed to have a women as a friend...am I the only one who finds this strange?

why its ok for you girls to get a message and be friends with a guy and you always have an explanation for eveything but a guy is not allowed to have a women as a friend...am I the only one who finds this strange?

is wrong in any religion or culture. To hurt another human being is wrong.

MANS...

why all man's doing this??????

what the man think about woman....Aurat ko ak mazak bana kar rakh diya hai...He think she is just like a Game... some time play with first,some time 2nd and now with 3rd.. i hate that type of man's...

.........by the way Councious effort!!..........u dint tell much abt her 1st wife..........i mean does she know all abt this??.......abt ur friend n abt tht girl, A??.......n i guess tht poor lady is living alone coz the guy lives wd ur frnd.........such a pity...tht guy has already ruined tht lady's life n now doing the same with ur frnd :( ........

Gal,...95% of guys who are advising to give it a time are themselves flirting being married or you wanna say 95% of the married guy all around are flirts. Wot actually u wanna say... Does this 95% for sure include ur mate as well... r u sure bout that....come on, give it a break... :-)

Gals do cheat as well, cause these 95% guys won't flirt with unmarried gals or GUYs, must not be all of em...yeah....so wots the big deal out here...

If these guys are moslems, both can seperate/divorce....why so much noise... Just Chill

:) Hope he has stamina of a horse to live upto his own expectations.....:)

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

He likes A because he is greedy & wants his first wife to be with him, second to be with him & this A too to be with him. Greed has no limit by the way.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

now shez talking....

Good..

Na no specific questions.. Only why he still likes the A chick.. from his view... but would be difficult to get such info so leave it...

She is out of illusion of love,,,, good...

Things are shaping up hmmm.... really Good...

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

Thankyou for the kind wishes hope they turn out true as you said. I have given you the details from both sides. If you want to know something that would prove the innocence from this man then I am sorry there isnt any. But if you have any particular questions I'll let you know. Today she told me that his parents called her for her health concern & she told what happened on his birthday & even they are upset on what their son has done. Because they know their son better than anyone. She has demanded all her money back & requested her father in law to get all the amount from his son & transfer to her account as she is not going to sponsor him for daily livings. Although he was sad but he promised to do the needful once he is back in Qatar. Btw yesterday he opened that gift of the girl too & was touched by what she has done for him. He tried to be friendly with her but she remained calm & dint talk to him because she understands now that because his family is coming back so definitely he would be in trouble that why is he giving so much pain / cheating to that girl but this time the girl is not leaving any space for him to cover up his lies as she wants to get this problem fixed once & for all.

Giving him more space means space for third wife my dear. If we notice all women posters & all male posters mostly have different kind of opinion. women are with the gal who understand her situation & agony & male 95% are those who are flirting in their married life that's why asking the girl to give him more time. Zain is the only one who is kid but still is giving out some realistic pictures.

For all such male posters I would ask the same question, if the girl keeps on jumping from one guy to another after the marriage what would the guy do ... I am sure most of you without thinking or 'giving her some more time to understand this marital bliss' would definitely ask him to divorce her immediately. Am I right :)

This is the hypocrisy of our society. Be it Indian, Be it Pakistani or be it Arab :)

Hey Concious....

Read the Long post.. his point of view one... it is same as above you had given..

I am sorry if I was not clear...

His point of view means.. no he involved.. but what he thinks.. and how it loooks at this whole thing...

See if you see the picture through his eyez... (his fren might help).. then he ll be hero... not she the victim.. or victim for a genuine reason....

This doesn't mean I don Sympathize with your fren...

And touch wood its a record till date... Whtever I hace wished for after stepping on this soil is been granted...

So your fren too shall be very happy no matter what..

request for her happiness are already been sent to God... You ll see the results pretty soon.. n do let me know when tht happens...

I ask for text from his fren.. cause only then we ll be able to find a solution....

else this forum shall generate Sympathy from kind hearts of Mali01, Zain n many many others who have gone through this..

To slove the issue .. knowing the problem is must.. from all direction.. in complete

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

I would put forth the opinion that your friend should start lving her life independantly and stop to give explanations to his or her parents,just pray to God cos he understands and knows everything.The guys parents have no morals from the start bcos when the first wife couldnt have a child they were ready to get him married a second time.They never thought what the problem was with him?He never knew how to love and his parents are just selfish.Your friends husband doesnt have any guts other than harrasing his poor wife.She should stop supporting him completely,let him feel all alone& miserable and when he is in trouble let him find his girlA come to his protection,thats the time he will really value the love and attention given by your friend his wife.

Until he is alone,he gets into troubled waters and he is neglected by all,he wont understand.God will surely work a way,I am sure everyone in QL will pray.He can work miracles.I know a counsellor,hes worked with a lot of couples but hes in India,Dr George Alexander +919847201789,you can give my ref Sojy in Doha,he will understand.Hope I have been of some help.

Am reading ur responses and wonderin, how come u know more then the gal in trouble...

Are you the gal in trouble or the gal making da trouble...LOL

Wotever,...Just tell the gal in trouble to chill for a while, the dude is lost in his way of life. Just ignore him n give him more space...he will come back for her..

Don't forget breakin in much easier than makin it...

Peace n Patience is needed

Thank you Mr.Rizks...

only pray for that girl...thank you

if she didnt get the child yet, i think she must wait for the delivery and handle the situation with patience, some times a child strengthen the bonds between parents,

she must ignore everything for sometime more , behave normal, so that it dont effect her life and her babys

she must be under real stress, ask her to have patience..

and trust in Allah ,

she should consult some one wise on this issue, check out

www.islam-qa.com

he may provide some solution in the light of islam, as she is a muslim..

the husband must fear Allah

hmmmm...

Allah will help her soon...inshallah

we all pray for her...tell her don't worry about anything Allah with her...

mali01...

apologize for my earlier comment, but if i can be of any help.... do let me know !!

Cheerz !!

.........well mali i think its not tht much easy for some1 to leave his/her spouse......n specially in her case when she's going to have a baby in few months :( ........n u know na tht in our 'sick' society.......there r very few chances for a divorced lady to get married again(thtz wht i think..mayb m wrong).........

She is bound to not leave that man. Her husband's family blames her, her own family blames her. She said yes I take the blame but I did this commitment to change his behaviour but he is not ready to change. He doesnt care about the baby because baby means responsibility. She has started shopping for the kid but the guy hasnt even given her a single penny. She thanx God that at least she has a job otherwise she would have went crazy after going through all this ordeal. Now she is not in talking terms with her husband. She's simply waiting for his parents to come back to Qatar after their vacations so that she can have some heart to heart talk about it & get some solution.

Yes mzain...you are right...but i don't understand that if she know that her husband don't love her and don't care about her...then why she don't leave that man??

...........but conciouse effort!!.........therez one thing i do not understand..........look!!......u said that he dznt hv any child from his first marriage.........and still he told ur frnd tht he dznt care abt her or the baby..........so i was wondering tht y is it so??.........y he dznt care abt the baby??.. bcoz as far as i get the story, he married her jz for the baby............ofcorz he wasn't in love with her.....isn't it??..........

Readin your story i cant say tht the guy evr luved her must b vague passion,obsession or whtevr u may call.

Wht i personally feel is this guy is nt goin 2 mend his ways hes nt worth ur frds luv she shud dump dis guy whn hes a worse husband i m sure hes goin 2 b d worst father she shud dispose dis garbage n move on in life wid her kid.

The first thing u can do is take her to a psychiatrist that would b better deir must b certain things she would hav still kept in her mind,Speakin of d same story one of my frd also went thru the same situation the guy fooled her n he was also married with 2 kids she did her best 2 convince her family and got married 2 dis guy who was a real ass***e she went thru 3 yrs of endless pain n thn got divorced with tht guy who wasnt evn ready 2 leav her but the only diff is tht she dint hav a kid bt nw as v say lifes full of surprises she got married again again a luv marriage bt a sensible n responsible guy and is happy.we all can jus pray for her and i m sure shell b better with the passing time as far as i feel she shud dump dis good for nothin man.

seriously i dunno knw wht 2 say can luv b tht blind?

Mr.Rizks this is not joke...this is very serious matter...

kissi ki zindgi ka sawal hai...or aap ko mazaq sujh raha hai...buhat afsos ki bat hai...plz try to understand that girl,s problem...we should help her

Hey Concious.. m the fren.. who had asked you Guyz point of view..

Shall read later.. now in office....

and revert back pretty soon

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

conciouseffort...

i say u have a very strong fingers to type tat lot....:)

Kis chakki ka atta khate ho aap or your fingers ??

Sorry for a lil hijack...:)

She is very sick now & this all situation is beyond her control. She is so shocked with what has happened to her on his birthday that she simply lost the charm of life. This man never let her enjoy the joy of having another life into her. He even tells her numerous times that he doesnt care about her or the baby & doesnt care if both of them die. Its easy to say Alumnar that she should care about the baby but this guy has shattered her confidence into him to pieces & believe me she needs some counselling to help her out of this situation.

Weekend is over & here I am. A friend has asked for a boy's side of story ....... fine here it is .....

1. First thing we need to keep in mind is the boy has started out this relationship with the false statements so that he doesnt lose this girl. He hid his education & said he is an Engineer whereas later on the girl found out just a month before their marriage that he is matric (10th standard pass). He hid his 11/12 years of childless marriage, which she found out only when after a lot of suffering & wait she spoke to his father. To till date he isnt sorry for hiding these two important things from her & bluntly says that I told you whereas he didnt.

2. He didnt want to marry her at first just wanted to time pass whereas the girl trusted him blindly & whatever he said she believed in him. He said to her that I spoke to my father about you & he is very happy with this proposal but because now they are going to their native country so the decision would be taken only when he comes back. The girl believed her & repeated the same story to her parents so they do not get her engaged to someone else. After his father's arrival, girl again asked him then he started to fight with her so that the case remains pending for some time but again later after a month when everything was alright between them he gave new excuse that all marriage decisions are taken by mom & she would be back by 6 months. Girl said the same story to the parents of hers. Later when both his mom & dad were together in Qatar, she spoke to him again & he started fighting with her by saying that she doesnt believe him that's why she is asking again n again about his parents & everytime after the fight he said to her that he is not going to marry her go n ask ur parents to find another person for you. Unfortunately her email addresses with passwords were always with him, even if she didnt give him he would hack those & get by himself & wherever she made her id like matrimonial sites & managed to get someone decent he would always add that guy thru fake id of his of female & would say to him that this girl has 15 boy friends & she is already divorced after a year's marriage etc etc. All bullshit he would say about her so that she doesnt get anyone proper for herself.

3. When the girl found about his first marriage from his father after talking to him directly she was shocked & after hearing about all the watta satta marriage that boy & his sister had in one family, she left him & for 6 months she didnt speak to him. SHe changed her email id, she changed her mobile number & then the boy started to park his car at a distance from her home from where he could see her movements. At that time, the girl was not working anywhere so she was doing pick & drop for her bro & sis & he always used to follow her & tried to stop her so that he could talk to her. At few times he found her alone & started crying on her shoulder that everything is going against him & she also left him etc etc. After his numerous attempts, the girl who was engaged to someone in those 6 months thru her family, she finally told him that okay she would accept him if he promises to mend his ways by keeping away from other girlfriends, by leaving all the stupid things & hacking stuff & by starting everything from scratch as new & she would help him in becoming a better person & clearly told him that they would not meet like before, he has to send his family with formal proposal respectfully to her family & they only she would marry him.

4. At this time, she contacted her father & told him about the whole story of what his son is doing with her but father instead of helping or asking his son to stop all this nonsense, started saying her that he is a blackmark in our family & he doesnt listen to anyone of us. So you try to marry someone as soon as possible. He also said to her that if my son asks you to marry him then simply tell him to send your parents. The girl promised him without his & hers family's approval this marriage is not going to take place.

5. After lots of ups & downs, they both finally did their nikah. After nikah, the girl started to look for separate accomodation for them whereas this was the responsibility of the boy but she didnt want this to take further & wanted to share his responsibilities. She spent around 15k in getting that home furnished. This time his family started creating drama that they are not going to attend wedding ceremony. The girl & her family were shocked without them ppl would start pointing finger at them & after huge convincing finally 2/3 members of his family came as guests to their wedding party.

6. After the party, when they went to their home, her husband slept as soon as both their families left. She was surprised about this but she didnt wake him up. She tried to convince herself that he must be tired. Her intention was only to talk to him & make him understand that she would help him in making this marriage successful & would try to be friends with his first wife so that she doesnt feel left out.

7. Next day, he started fighting with her. Which kept going on almost everyday. She took week's holiday from office to spend time with her but he didnt take even a day's leave. The girl felt bad but didnt say anything to him. She used to visit her in laws almost twice in a day which is an hour drive from her home, by spending time with them, by doing all sorts of jobs for his family like taking his sister to hospital appointments, taking his mom n sister in law for shopping etc etc she finally won all their hearts. But instead of becoming happy he started becoming jealous & started saying things now my family likes you what about ur family do they like me? She used to say him I have done a very hard work to make a place in their heart, for you, you too have to do the same thing but instead he started saying to her that you should not meet ur parents, you should not meet ur sister's husband but you can let ur brothers & their wives come to our home. He started saying all the bullshit about her mother & sister as someone would think of prostitutes & when she fought for her self respect he used to say her that you do not listen to your husband so you are not a good wife. He wanted her to listen to all his bullshit & say nothing like his first wife but here clearly was the difference she didnt surrender & said she would listen to all his proper demands but if he has a bad eye on her family, she would talk to his parents about this.

8. Whenever, to till date, she takes him anywhere he starts insulting her infront of other ppl, wherever she keeps quiet & doesnt talk to him & later when they reach home she tries to make him understand whatever he did in front of other ppl was wrong & this would let ppl talk about their newly wed life but he never understood & instead lectures her that she should listen to him always because 'husband is always right'.

These are some of the few important points that I remembered & narrated now you have to help her in taking a decision.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

She needs to think about the baby now. Easy to say because she is hurting, but she needs to think about the baby because one day she will regret having put her pain and hurt first and not looking after her baby which is growing inside her.

Thank you mzain...

buhat kam log is chiz ko samajhty hai...

zain Bhai...

actually m hacking the forum for a while.. apologies.. this statements are very general...

Issues happen in Arrange marriage too but the + it has over the Love onnes is -

1. It is not jus two people liking each other, but two families coming together, so being there decision to tie the two in social relationship of husband n wife, they contribute more in this case..

2. There are no Ego clashes in Arrange marriage... In love marriage the Girl/Guy exoects to be given tht VIP treatment of GirlFren Boyfren even after the marriage which is difficult practically.. You mus be knowing it for sure...

Of course nature of the people involved haas a major role to play.. but if same person was involved in this two diff types of relations... you could see the differnce in his/her understanding n tolerance level....

And Don jus Agree with Mali and say we should pray.. strt praying.. you are already 24 hrs behind me... :)

But one thing still bugging me.... Why in this world the guy is doing so...??

Has no logical reason..

He cannot be a complete jerk because the girl in the picyure sounds to be a sensible one... She wont marry to a Jerk.... If he is acting like one then ..Why???

ConsciousEfforts I am really waiting for his point of view.........

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

.........n i agree wid mali01......we should all pray for her............

.......but ashwindoke bro!!.........who said tht these thingz dont happen in arrange marriages??.........its not abt love or arrange marriage........it abt the nature of the guy/girl............

NEVER LOVE A PERSON WHO HURTS YOU...

NEVER HURT A PERSON WHO LOVES YOU...

Mali Mohtarma....

Yeh Ishq ka Dariya hai aur inhe Dub ke jaana hai...

Issiliye.. apne Bujurg sahi they.... Arrange Marriage Roxs....

Yeh Pyar Wyar sab bogus hai......

Its all need... sometimes physical ...sometimes emotional... n sometimes the Ego.... It takes ages to understand the true Love....

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

you know she don't think about her baby....only think about that stupid,cheater,& selfish guy....or maut ki dua karna tu buhat bara guna hai...Allah se umed rakhni chahiye...i think we should all pray for her.

THIS IS WHAT THEY SAY "LOVE IS BLIND"...

My friend has a similar story like your friend but in a different level,thank God they were just engaged when she found out about his secret. Unfortunately after almost years of separation from her ex, she still can not recover, she is still totally in love, still wishing that everything will turn out ok one day... Your friend already close her mind to it. Even you talk her out of it, even you will show her the pros and the cons, it is useless because your friend is HOPELESSLY INLOVE with her husband. Men, women... all of us HUMANS are cheaters by nature. It is so happen that majority of cheaters are men...and the problem with us women when we love we give our 100% until there is no left with us...

GOODLUCK with your friend and I hope she will start to face the truth, the truth that their relationship has fell to pieces and cracked a hundred small pieces like a mirror,she will be hurt if she start putting it together. BUT THEN AGAIN IT ALWAYS TAKES TWO TO TANGO. If she will always be alone doing it then IT IS USELESS.. Hope your friend will be strong to decide for the best.

Thaks mZain... I totally forgot about tht...

Killing yourself n your kid is no solution.......

It is act of Cowards... after portraying so much of bravery... selflessness... self control...forgiveness... (ohk whtever good you can think of)... this would undermine the whole effort......

If she does tht.. she is proving she was wrong.. n he correct..

Par.. yet again.. little secret about Human Mind. those who say they ll they never have juice in the right areas to d it.... Those who do.. don give a clue.. jus commit...

Jo Garajhte hai woh Baraste nahi...

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

........well i have something in my mind........tell ur frnd to ask her husband tht y did he marry her?....jz bcoz he and his parents wanted a baby,right!!........and all these things which he's doing now-a-dayz is affecting her health n ofcorz directly affecting their baby's too........i mean try to emotionally blackmail him.........i dnt know abt their case but most of the time it works......its really very easy to emotionally blackmail us(boys)........

..........and as mali01 said.........tell her not to pray for her death.......its a great sin to do so........waisy b kehty hain na k Allah k ghar deer hai andheer nahi........inshallah everything will b alright......

Hmmn you are right dear. I'll give you the man's side of the story too.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

And if you loook at her personality.... (CE's fren)

May b coz she has seen her mother or some very prominent person in her life whom she looks upto.. maybe the very society... that for a Married life to be happy n successful ......the lady has to go through lot of pain..n suffering... its her destiny n all tht

And she took it very seriously.. n tried to maintain tht as much she is able to... Brave soul....

I salute her for tht.... But....

This is where half knowledge or understanding is dangerous......

As I always say.. Extreme of anything is BAD....

Sweet is good.. too much .......is Diabetes

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

Consciousefforts!!!!

And the others...

Never seen a hell... It is right here ...

Her fren is living hell...

With due respect (heartfelt one) for your fren..

I was curious to know if you could tell us story from his point of view.. or what he thinks or how he pictures it...

I am asking you this because you know our Mind is a funny thing... when we are in trouble.. it showz us the dark side genrally darker than it is... you know to make it look lasger than life... and knowingly or unknowingly enjoys being in tht state...

sometimes coz it enjoys sympathy it generates from others... or sometimes coz it is our comfort zone....

So if you could tell or one of his frens tell wht he thinks .... bcoz everybody does what s/he thinks is correct... no body does it enough if they know its wrong..

You know rt.. Right/Wrong correct/incorrect joy/sorrow are relative terms..

And once we see both the side.. the true picture might jus pop up..

and once the problem is clear soln strikes you in a second..

Hard Work Doesn't Kill Anyone... But Why take Chances.

ebony,

YOUR KEYBOARD"S SHIFT KEY IS STUCK

OH MY GOD!!!

WHY ALL THE DRAMA ON WHAT TO DO,

IF YOU LOVE HIM THAT CRAZILY AND YOU DON'T WANNA LEAVE, THEN STICK TO THE BULLSHIT HE'S DOING AND BELOW YOURSELF BY THINKING YOU CANNOT MAKE IT WITHOUT HIM

IF YOU LOVE HIM BUT WILLING TO WORK THIS OUT- TALK TO HIM AS HIS WIFE AND ASK HIM IF HE PREFER THE OTHER GIR TO YOU? IF HE SAY YES YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO, IF HE SAYS NO ASK HIM HOW BOTH OF YOU CAN WORK THINGS OUT IN ORDER FOR YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK.

IF YOU ARE JUST THERE COS YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM AND YOU ARE TIRED OF HIS BULLSHIT, DON'T LOOK BACK, SPIT ON HIM, CLEAR HIS ACCOUNT IF YOU CAN AND GO

MA SA LA MA

She also got a lot of tension because of her husband & the doctors are continously telling her not to take tension & not to put urself under depression but with husbands like this how she can remain calm. Her sugar too is increasing day by day & she is not even taking care of it, she says let something bad happen to her. Anyways, thanx mali for your response, I'll pass it on to her.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

Oh my God...she is pregnant...

i want to tell you something...that type of husband never changed...please tell her that don't think about that cheater husband...why she don't understand that he don't love her..why she don't leave him????

And tell her that don't pray for death...

I will pray for her...Allah will help her...inshallah

She is in a state of shock for getting betrayed again n again. She is quiet & getting sick too & is not in talking terms with her husband. She did not say directly what she wants to do now but at times thinks of getting separated from him as she can see he will keep on cheating her & would never improve, or she wants to do the same thing what her husband did to her to make him understand how much is she hurt but otherwise after all this she prays that she dies with the child at the time of delivery so that he never hurts her again.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

Hi

Consciouseffort,did she tell you what she want to do now?

Her parents & the man's parents both are blaming her & making the situation worse for her.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

.......no inshallah nothing will happen to her.......by the way..why dnt u tell her to go to her parents home for some days......i mean just for few days.......jz for some relaxation........

I hope he understands the way you ppl have got the point but unfortunately he has darkness in his mind & he turns blind to all her positive & good things. If after the child the similar attitude continues, I am sure she'll be very very frustrated & something might happen to both baby or her. We can only pray for good & give good suggestions.

......oh man!!........he is such a loser........he dznt deserve such a nice and kind lady.........well consciouse-effort sis!!.....i dnt know wht to say abt this but my prayers r wd ur frnd........may Allah give her patience..........n also to her loser hubby........maaaan he is such a non-sense guy...i mean how can he beat her??.......she sacrifizd alot for him.........n this is wht shez gettin in return.......if i was there in place of tht guy........i would respect her and love her so soooo much........ooppss!!....m getting a bit emotional now......hehe :).........

You said she has already been beaten up once, so she should just let him deal with the costs. If he won't pay, he can starve. She needs to consider the divorce immediately, whether it is a shameful separation for her or not. This man... he is disgusting. He deserves all the bad things that in the end will come to him, wait and see. Tell her to be strong and brave. To leave him as it will not get any better and she has a life in front of her. To go to her parents and take what is hers. Let's see if he can deal with things. And most of all - be strong and stand by her decision. Once she does it, she needs to carry it through. I am sorry she gave him a second chance. But that man... he will pay one day for what he has and is putting her through.

Good luck, and God bless.

There's a lot of emotions involved in these situations.

Not only between the couple but additionally from your readers and audiences here.

I'd propose themselves to be brave & strong - step away from the situation for a couple of days to think & reflect on moving forward. Mistakes have been made, that's in the past. But go back and discuss as adults on what's the decision in moving forward.

At the end, it's for the couple to resolve and no one else.

VBProgrammer said A REPORT once i read said, ...

A REPORT once i read said, 80% of extra marital affair is attributed from or done by women who are mostly professional...

i second the motion. =)

"a step towards the right path is two steps away from evil"

Also, like rated_PG says, don't try to interfere. If you tell your friend that this man (who she still loves) is bad for her and she should leave him, you will alienate her from you. She will think you don't understand and will stop confiding in you. The best you can do is support her in every bad decision she makes, until she finally is able to make the painful but better decisions for herself.

she enters a very complicated situation girl. as a friend to her you can give her advice if she asks you but never interfere i hope you dont want to be in trouble too. goodluck to your friend i hope she can find ways how too work it out.

"a step towards the right path is two steps away from evil"

She married him with the hope that he will be able to see her sacrifices & will try to mend ways. But he doesnt seem to change. Over this she is paying for most of the household expenses, now she really feels bad. I hope her sufferings should end.

This is where the problem of marrying for love and for convenience, clash. Your friend obviously has feelings for this man, but she needs to look at their relationship seriously. While the man may feel affection for her, it is plain for anyone to see that he is not in love with her, and neither is he in love with his first wife. History is repeating itself, he will cheat on your friend, like he cheated on his first wife with your friend. It is the pattern of a man who knows he can have more than one wife, but is not in love with any. Your friend will have to accept that the man will never be in love with her, like his first wife had to. She must also accept that the man will most likely take more partners as he searches for something that is missing in his current marriages. That my friends, is the endless search for love.

As his second wife, she should have been prepared for this, I find her a little naive, but she loves him, so her mistake was that of blind love. If she truly wants a partner that loves her as much as she loves him, then she will have to be strong and leave him, but I fear she wont be able to.

Why all this, if she still love him she can forget it, and remember that now nothing she is blind about, she can ask him divorce and start another life alone or with some one elese who respect her, no kids with her so no suffer to any body except her, she can think but not too loud and not for a long time, as the case is v easy.

She has sacrificed a lot & talked to him a lot on this issue, if the guy doesnt understand then she should do the same in order to make him understand how much is she hurt. Maybe this is the only way where he'll be able to notice his mistakes.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

Consious ...eye for an eye is not the answer..it will only worsen the situation...

Hmmn .... I personally feel that she should start having similar kind of relationship with her ex too so that it might open his eyes instead of being patient & understanding all the time.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

thats the reason why they the secret to a lasting relationship is with the wives, coz once they turn their back on the ralationship its finish...

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."

there are only 2 options, one.. get out of the relationship, you cant realy compete with an ex gf specially when its their first loves, you can but its hard, men usally chose the ex's over there present if given the chance...its reality of love.. nobody cant explain it really.. second thing is stay...hope that it wont become worst and do everything to win him back, dont nag, it will worsen the situation, the hubby will only find reason why should he love more his ex.

and dont pry on someone elses mobile even if its your husbands, give him his that small space of privacy (fone and wallet)eventhough you are married hihihi..

hope this will complicate more hehehe

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Why doesn't she just leave him, She is neither the first nor the last who is in a tricky situation. She needs to move on with her life, and not suffer for someone who doesn't care....

I have put this all on the forum because she needs to have some proper solution to this situation & this is all with her consent plus no names are given or nationalities / native places so I am sure it wont harm.

Thanks for the advise gudgurl

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

I dont think so Azam, its easy to say that when she knew all these things why did she marry him but based on circumstances sometimes ppl are bound to do things they do not like but just because to save the reputation of your family one sacrifices. But sacrifice doesnt mean a person has to do that all the time there is a tolerance level in every human being & others should respect that too. Just an example, whatever her husband is doing to her if she does the same to this guy how would he feel & what would your answer be, I am sure your answer would have changed & become 'divorce her' :) so this is the satirical situation in a male & female's outlook towards life. A woman is a home maker & a man is a home breaker

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

i knw a similar kind of reality and similar kind of guy...very sad...bt god is great..leave everything on god...he is watchin..ther is absolutely no need to put up all this on this forum...patience is the key to success...

I just read all the comments as was not on net yesterday, some are pretty rude & some are plain ignorant. I wouldnt finger point with a particular name & say that this is not right or this is not wrong. I wrote the story & especially mentioned that she talked to him on this issue long time before too & this is not his FIRST rather SECOND marriage. Now just to give you a little more detail let me mention in points:

1. This guy is already married with his first wife for 12 years & is childless.

2. He & his parents wanted him to marry again for the sake of child & during all these years even after having a wife in the first place he got involved with so many ladies of different nationalities too.

3. Out of which he got serious with two ladies & wanted to marry either both or one of them.

4. We'll name those girls as A (programmed as contractor) & B my friend who is his present wife)

5. With A, she comes from the kind of family who is not educated & well respected, & is only intermediate or Matric in qualifications. Her brothers had a huge fight with him in the past & they made him see police station in Qatar. So, basically A's family doesnt approve of this relationship / marriage & the same goes with this man's family they do not like to have any relationship with A & hence didnt approve so they cannot be more than lovers.

6. With B, who is my friend, she is an MBA in Finance, comes from a very respectable family & is well known figure in business community due to her good customer oriented positions in jobs & this man's father too. His father knew her through her job & always use to praise her for her problem solving abilities & etc etc. When this man proposed to her for marriage, he hid his first marriage from her all this time & they were seeing each other for almost a year & a half. She used to trust him blindly as he was caring & loving (this is as he show cased himself). But he was hesitant in talking to his parents about B & marriage to her. Whereas B never hid anything from him & she told him about her whole past whereas he hid his marriage which was a serious issue. Whereas on the other side B's family was pressurizing her to get married as they wanted her to settle in her life & she already spoke to them about him, they agreed provided his parents come with the formal proposal. When she mentioned this all to the man he started giving out lame excuses, sometimes that his family is in their native country & they dont have any objection to this marriage, sometimes that father is in Qatar but all decisions are taken as final from mum so they should wait etc etc. In the end when the girl found it out that it was enough for her, she spoke to his Dad directly & from him she came to know that neither is he an Engineer which he used to boast about infact he is only Matric which is 10th standard & he is married for 12 years but is childless. She felt as if her whole world has collapsed, she was sick, she automatically became silent & didnt speak to anyone about this but told his father the whole truth that what that man used to tell her & how she was praising him in front of her family so that they approve of their marriage. Her father indirectly said to her that she should look for a good groom for herself & he cannot approve of their marriage as this might cause trouble in their family. She was shocked that already they want him to get married so why not her. But she respected his decision & said she'll not see or contact him or anyone from his family anymore. In the meanwhile, her father arranged for a marriage for her & the marriage was supposed to be taken place next year. She quietly joined gym to spend her time there & avoided him the best. Now this man who doesnt have guts to fight for her in front of his family & always lied to her, couldnt do anything more but keep any eye on her like when she goes out & comes in & tried to hack her email account to get info about her. But she avoided her all the time & told him clearly that there is nothing between them. He followed my friend everywhere like crazy, the girl called her father & spoke to him what his son doing (this happened for almost 6 months) & requested him to ask his son not to do this all as they themselves dont approve of it & now she is engaged to someone else. Her father showed his incompetence & said he cannot do anything as his son doesnt listen to anyone. To cut the story short, one day he caught her all alone & started crying in front of her that he wants her back & he will talk to her & his parents & she should finish that engagement with that guy. My friend gave her another chance that okay although you are married & you hid it, although you are very less educated & you were always lying about it, but because I sincerely loved you, I'll give you another chance only if your family brings formal proposal to my home. Now there were new excuses again but in the end after such a large fight they both got married. At first Nikah took place & wedding ceremony was supposed to be done after a month or two. Now coming to his first gf A, after only A WEEK's time B went with her husband to look for an accomodation for themselves & in the end came back to his office as he required some important papers from them. There she saw he is getting some miss calls & msgs, when she enquired who is this he said this is A, B asked did you tell her that now you are married for the second time & she should stop having all false hopes as he used to give B before marriage, he said no. Then B said okay let me send her a proper message so she understands. B sent a polite msg to her informing her about their Nikah & said she requests her to stop interfering in their already messed up life. A called her after few minutes & blamed her for everything & etc etc, which she explained to A that the man's family didnt agree for A but B that's why the marriage took place & now she cannot do anything so lets quit. AFter the conversation, B asked this man that already after so much of troubles they got married so he should stop talking to her as this hurts B plus he should not encourage A to continue with him anymore as B will not take it easily. Instead of saying that okay whatever I did in the past was wrong & now with a new marriage & new life I'll try to be loyal he started saying that I would divorce you for her but would not leave her. B was shocked at his mental state & because of all the pain she started crying & left his office to leave for her home. He kept on having this attitude till their wedding ceremony, during this time Eid came & on the first night of Eid he again fought with her & on chatting said divorce to her 3 times, this time again for that A. She could not sleep, that what kind of gift she got from her husband, he might be having 12 years old marriage but for her this is first time & she still needs to experience its job & bliss. Next morning she narrated the whole story to her family & everyone had a sad time, & they called his father to come & speak about this issue. Unfortunately, when the father came he completely showed that all mistake is of B & not his son & he put so many blames on her for nothing. Anyways the issue got solved in few days & she checked with the local religious men about the issue of divorce is this is taken place or not. As per one it happened and as per other 2 one 1 talak took place & the marriage cannot be nullified till other two are being said. So based on this wedding ceremony took place, & on the second day he fought with her again! He kept on fighting over every issue & she used to weep that what fate has written for her in this life. After 1 week of marriage he beat her so much that her face was swollen & he made the whole home dirty by throwing everything breaking everything (btw their culture for wedding is like Qataris where man pays for everything whereas my friend paid everything herself), she was heart broken that he didnt pay a single penny & is breaking her all stuff, she complained to his parents but they simply shrug their shoulders & said its your call. Later on time passed by & she found out that she is pregnant & she gave this news to her husband & family, all were happy but he continued to be in touch with A all this time. One day she found out that he is still in touch she asked him why is he cheating her, he married her for a child & God has helped her to save this marriage now he should not keep relations with other women because of whom their marriage is on rocks, again same immature attitude from the man & huge fight. Then later on so many things happened but I wont go into those details & would come to his birthday date. On his birthday she started preparing his surprise gifts & hid it in the home so that at 12 she would greet him & he would be very happy but all of a sudden his mobile rang which was on charge & normally he asks her to check his mobile to see who is calling & whether he should respond or not. At first she was surprised that who sent sms at this time, & to add to her surprise more the name appeared as contractor, whereas he never receives any sms from contractor only calls. So, in the course of moving to him & showing him his cell she read it was from A & he is still in touch with her. She gave him the mobile & asked wat is this & stood there. He couldnt give any explanation because he knew he was cheating her wife who was 24/7 thinking of him & his betterment only. She went into the room, & said now there is no need for me to wait till 12 you can see this gift now, she kept in on sofa near his hand & he threw it as if it is something dirty & didnt see it. B went to sleep directly but could not & instead spent whole night crying on her fate that what she should do now. She cannot take a proper Khula (divorce from women) from him as this would bring bad name on her & her family, she cannot fight with him as she is educated enough not to fight like dogs & in this state of pregnancy where doctor at every visit asks her not to take tension as this will harm baby & increase her sugar & blood pressure, she cannot do anything. Today is the third day, the gift is lying on the floor as it was thrown & she is not talking to him or looking at him & on top of that previously he used to come home by 6 now he comes by 10 p.m & the poor girl cannot even rest as she fears something might happen to him in traffic or something. So when he enters home then only she goes to bed for rest after long hours of duty & all this situation.

Now what would you say. She is very dishearted she only prays that she & the child die at the time of delivery so that she is put to rest from all these troubles. She is not a coward, she has faced the life very toughly but this cheater has broken her completely.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

It,s really very bad for your friend Consciouseffort...her husband is not good for her,he never care about her wife,i think your friend must leave him...

Gentlemen please be careful and do a proper reference check before making commitments of any type!

This is a sad situation. The girls should be careful before marriage. Check the guys credentials and speak to him, spend some time with him to know him better before marriage. Don't just rely on your parents.

I agree with Qatarisun on this, though..

The first thought i had was: men are all the same. But, the most sane thing to do is for the wife to be calm and talk with the husband about this issue to clarrify things out. Of course, as always, husband will deny. Gather more evidences, and if proof points to nearly cheating,use magic wands to bring back his attention. Otherwise, if cheating is positive, only two choices are left: either be a martyr and continue living with him or get him out of your system. Easier said than done. I feel sorry for the wife

thts nt nationalism...thts the truth...

Alexa is right...

Consciouseffort,did your friend still love her husband?

if yes...then its very bad for her because every time she thing about him and then she going sick & mad...

from where this nationalism came into story??

from where this nationalism came into story??

y r most paki men like this....is it to blame on paki wives or the men???? i really need to know this...i suppose 1 amongst 100 paki guys r good bt rest r all cheaters..sorry to discourage you bt thts the truth....no offence

I just hope no woman ever goes near you! What ignorance and selfishness! Unbelievable! What do you know of what he gets at home? A good wife and decent treatment for one, I bet. Not enough though for some...!!!

Oh and another thing - if there is nothing wrong with the contact, why is this ex-girlfriends name programmed as a contractor? If there was nothing to hide, I am sure she would be programmed as she is called.

Pretty obvious what is happening here - wife in the house, gf on the side!

Is he responsible for receiving a sms from his ex-gf?

Is that your friend's problem or because he saved her name under someother name?

If he was really expecting her SMS..he would have kept the phone with him. Probably he saved her name under someother name just to avoid such situations at home.

Your friend could have handled it wisely (without blaming him).....by asking him..is she still bothering you with PMs? Do you want me to tell her not to text/call you again...etc etc...

What he did with the gift is wrong...maybe he was innocent in this situation and when she accused him..he might have lost control..:(

A REPORT once i read said, 80% of extra marital affair is attributed from or done by women who are mostly professional...

yeah brit.. they all cheat.. what a cheaty (sh*ty) life.. ;0

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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Is this thread in response to the cheating wife one ???

Why isn't anyone at all listening to what Dr. Phil is saying???

what is wrong in receiving an SMS from EX happens all the time. She made a mistake by loosing her temper

[img_assist|nid=50852|title=hmm|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]

does this wife have a proof that ‘relationship’ of her husband with another girl are mutual? It is very possible that the girl keeps following him, and he just cannot stop it. It doesn’t mean he is cheating on his wife. Receiving the messages/phone calls from ex’s are pretty normal… Maybe she can react somehow different, or not to react at all… why did she open his mobile and have read the message in the first place? Even if he is her husband, he is not in her possession...he is not one of her belongings… She shouldn’t have read the message, she could ask him who sent him the message instead at least…

but midniteboy, what the hell is that suppose to mean: “men must have an option coz wife never give that much that husband deserves”.. are you out of your freaking mind?.. what is that idiotic statement?

azzi, I wouldn’t agree on this… it is wrong decision just to pack and walk away. If every time for every stupid reason we had to pack and walk away, no one couple would stay together for more than couple of years.. do you think these couples who live together for entire life never had any problems? And their marriage was as beautiful as paradise?? Wrong! They also had enough of its own sh*t, but they were wise enough to overcome the issues…

Advise your freind to be wiser, leave the guy alone and get busy with something else... let her try to pay less attention to him, she will see, she will be missed more... tested and proved.. ;):)

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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Dr. Phil: "Threesome"!

contact Dr. Phil,

next topic!!!!!!!!

your friend should talk to his husband for the matter. Open communication is the key (i guess cause it works for us). Everyone has a past it depends on the persons how they accept and deal with it. It may be hard hearing the truth if your husband has still feeling with her ex but i think though that before he enter into marriage he already move on. Your friend being knowing his pasts all along should also made herself ready to the situation that she will deal this kind of dilemma as she enters into a marriage with him without having him moved on.

I feel for your friend. its hard to be in a relationship without trust and respect. Its like a rollercoaster ride. i hope they can work it out before they bring another life to a unstable situation.

"a step towards the right path is two steps away from evil"

the poor guy, he's already guilty until proven innocent.

It’s not ok to have another relationship if you are already in a relationship it’s applicable to both genders.she’s the only one who will know to what extent she can tolerate of her husband’s behavior, maybe you can make another forum and invite the wives on how did they caught their husband cheating on them so you would know, a phone call from an ex sounds harmless.

Big deal,, so what, it is not cheating.. stay out of it and get your own sad life.

Power to the non believers, it’s a great feeling to have and hold.

Actually this issue was discussed between both of them & even my friend involved his parents too (as they also knew about this girl) & they too made him understand that he should not let that girl destroy their life. Btw this is his second marriage with my friend. Several times they had fight over this girl but he doesnt pay a heed.

Someone has written over here that its okay to have a girlfriend after the marriage then how about having a boyfriend after a marriage because even husbands also dont give good attention to their wives at home, either they spend their time playing games on tv or watching tv. Its a serious stuff believe me & my friend until now hadnt wished him for his birthday because she feels there is no need of her to celebrate his birthday as he prefers a stranger over his wife that's why cheated her by saving her contact with a different name. Even the girl had a past but she didnt encourage anyone to continue with her after marriage & she expects the similar attitude from her husband but that idiot doesnt understand anything. The way he threw her gift & didnt bother to see it shows clearly how much he cares for her emotions.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!

it was the ex who is calling the husband, she will have bigger problem if she found her husband calling the girl,

change the lock and call the lawyer...

I would have kicked his balls, if I was the wife...GRRRR

Good thing, I'm not...

Ask her to give him sometime.. and talk to him later on. as they are married now, the result of sudden desicion will harm both of their lives. so must be patiant. he is completely wrong. but if she go after this problem and troble him, he might think of it a lot....and sometimes he will also call that girl ...

and she can call that girl and shout..and tell her not to interfer to their lives..

best thing is to give him sometime and explain how the same thing happend to her and how she feels.

Tell her not to allow outsiders to distoy their happyness...

"she got mad & gave the cell to her husband & stood there to see what explanation would her husband would give to her in cheating her in that girl's / contractor's name"... She should have dealt with this differently.

if he is fine wid his wife then nothing to worry

its ok if someone had friend girl

mens must hve option coz wife never give that much that husband deserve or get by there friends girls..

What you are saying is right. But the girl's trust is completely broken, since long time before she told him very clearly she doesnt want him to be in touch with her & even after promising he did that secretly. She does not want to trust him anymore.

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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!