marrying a foriegner

I cant go through all the comments, but Tinkerbell relax, why are you so hyper and rude all the time. She didnt post her worries here to have hate comments. @sdiragen: Your husband has to tell his parents about your marriage. You cant leave him just because hes scared to confess about the wedding. Its not a valid reason for a divorce, esp. if you live in Qatar which is an Islamic country they wouldnt allow you a legal divorce. Even if you tried divorcing at church, there also you wouldnt get one. Sorry to say but I dont think your husband is scared to confess to his mother, I feel he's just trying to be single again so that he could marry someone who is a foreigner as well. I know many ladies who are from your country that have been divorced, because of many reasons like domestic violence, cheating, him not being the same anymore after marriage, but this is the first time I hear this.Divorcing is not the easy way out. And its not the moral way out as well. If you both are really a proper Muslim family then y'all wouldnt divorce and his parents would have to know. I'm half Indian/half Qatari and Im marrying a foreigner as well this year. My mom and dad's marriage ended up in divorce because he cheated. But I know my marriage would be successful till death would do us apart. And my mom already freaked out and verbally abused my bf on the phone, I stayed strong and didnot bother. Because im to live with my husband the rest of my life and not my mother. Same thing with his mom, he told me shes racist as she's white. But she found out about both of us through his msn chat messenger and she didnt say anything :) Parents just have to accept who their children wants to marry because its their future. They are not right in EVERYTHING esp. when it comes to marriage of their children. My mom always told me growing up I could choose my husband, anyone that I love would be who I'm marrying, but now when the time comes, she didnt stick to her word, she tries her best to separate me and my bf. But now its our 8 month and we are still strong together. That is what love is and not "Could I please divorce you cox of my mom?" Hope you and your husband understand. Will keep you in my prayers.

brit, exaclty my point. the guy simply has arranged a "temporary" marriage, without letting her know.. well, all is good, while both sides know what they are doing...

You need to talk things over. Perhaps he will stay married UNTIL he feels the need to go home. Why not suggest that you take a holiday together to his country and meet his family. 

 J J  

agree with flor

child yet or what may happen is "He will take your child/ren away from you and back to his "loving" Mama".Wait 'til a very serious complication happened and HE will never go on your side.  He will stay with his family and you'll end up crynig!.

That makes some sense tcom... 

A stock flew the child in.

Now where did the Child came from Inbetween ????

but i have never seen a syrian girl or another country girl with a filipino guy? except filipinas...lol

so what's the reason?

You should be knowing the exact reason for not having a child by now. Therefore others assume a lot. Nevertheless, you cannot change what happened. If a family member knows you (including his) have hidden something from them they are supposed to know, that'll sure not only hurt them also make them hate you. If it is about a marriage subject that too 2years of marriage would definitely send ammunition and hatred towards you guys may be forever and ever. I had a close friend who did not invite me for his wedding. I dont know the exact reason of his action but I am positive our relationship was very good. It could be perhaps he forgot or something else. I still have my anger reserved for him but as a friend I do have my respects too. If this is the case for a friendship, it is indeed a hedging sledgehammer when it comes to family members.

I guess there is absolutely nothing you guys can say to convince your family members if you are going to tell the truth.

Qatarisun - i know i am his first and only wife.  

guys, he is syrian, we married in philippines. 

Many were asking why i chose to marry not filipino guy? I have only one  reason  because  I  love him, i feel comfortable with him and im happy whenever i see him and i feel he loves me more than i do.

he did a lot of sacrifices for me, we've been through so many trials for the 2 years that we've been together.  i know its not easy to give each other. untill this time we've been trying all the possible ways to make everything right.

Tinker. Yup. One of my colleague has the same problem. He is also from my country India and she is a filipina. So i thought they are the same here. 

I am bad at math :( but where is he exactly from? ARAB could be Egyptians, Lebanese, Qatari and so on and so forth.

And where did you get married? here? your home country or his? or any part of this world? i suppose not in the Philippines as you are considering divorce and there is no divorce there.

But one thing is for sure.... WAKE UP girl!!!

sdiragen,Is he from India??

Couldn't you find a filipino guy? this is how you all go so cheap...at the END! post something on qatarliving.com to get rid of it

Get a life

or are you writing from the Philippines?I thought you are writing in behalf of your husband, He is ARAB and he married a foreigner, a Filipina.

Lebanese, Egyptian, maybe. They all prefer 'Mama' over their wives.

he is not a local and im from philippines.

he is not a local and im from philippines.

she is the FOREIGNER.  And the guy is a local or Arb guy! Am I correct, OP?

it has nothing to do with the fact that he is "foreigner". I know tons of happily married couples of different nationalities. And it has nothing to do with the fact that he is muslim, especially since you say you are a muslim too. What's the problem?I am married a muslim (and I am not a muslim), and he is a "foreigner" too. His mom loves me more than even he does :):) His brother is my good friend, as well as his sister. You mentioned, you guys have no kids.. is that his decision not to have kids? And how are you going to continue such marriage? My opinion: either he is already married in his country; or even if he isn't, he has no any intention to tell about you to his family and friends, keeping in mind, that this "temporary marriage" will end one day, when he decided to have a "proper" family with kids.. Now its your choice either to accept it ( by the way, nothing wrong with accepting it, it is YOUR choice at the end of the day), or to step away. If you accepted this situation then at least you will know where exactly you are standing, and won't be suffering that much.  

That explains a lot and this is why I asked you where you are from. Sorry to say but you probably will never meet his mother. You must know by now what his family would think of your marriage and about accepting it. You only know what HE tells you - honestly? How well do you speak arabic? Look at your facts and listen to people who have travelled the World and know a lot about different cultures and how they interact. Yes, there are exceptions. But he is making excuses and his family will win over you anytime, it is just a matter of time. Better confront him and MAKE him make a decision before you get even more hurt. I wish you peace of mind and be strong.

I have been to the Philippines both for business and holiday, and I've always been surprised at the number of arab men who go there looking for women, either short term (rent) gf's or long term wives (women looking for a ticket out of their dreary existence). Not as in-your-face as in Thailand, where I found a street name Soi (street) Arab with exclusive arab clientele, LOL! I can tell you similar stories from Jakarta to Kuala Lumpur, but I guess that's beyond the scope of this discussion.

just stay in our country and enjoy your married life.  Second option, let him loose! No other option for you!

I find it incredibly interesting that he was willing to go to another country (near or far, should not matter) without "mom's permission" ...

And where are you from sdiragen?

islam always teach to obey the parents specially the mother, but it doesnt mean that u have to listen to whatever they say, there are things we could ignore, such as things that could mislead us from Islam. when ur parents ask u to do a prohibited (in islam) thing then u have all the rights to ignore it (without hurting them, just ignoring). if he is too concerned about his mother n islam then he would have cleared the issue before marrying u, now cant talk about obeying his mother's word n all. the rules of islam is very simple if u understand and very complicated if u dont.good luck to you both!!!

my husband is an arabic man, somebody told me that   arabic men can not refuse whatever their  mom ask them to do. what makes me worried is when he goes back to his country she might convinced him to marry again.  i'm sure that i am the first and only wife.

the most memorable things he has done for me is that he went to my home country just to see me and marry me, that means a lot for me thats why before i marry him  i was very optimistic  that everything would be ok.

riznul, there is always a Exception in Every case... :(

come on guys, it is so simple now, you guyz r married already so there is nothing to think about now. just inform you marriage to his parents and face whatever the response coming from them. since you guyz r married there r no other options left. tell ur man to stand for his love,,, i have seen many similar cases in my friends circle. its all ended happily,,, good luck!!!

Are you sure he's "afraid to tell his parents"? or is it just that he has a parallel life back home? Check if he has another wife already. Open your eyes woman!

You said you have a nice story..Please tell us the nice story.

before the married didnt gettin to worst , you have to decide it now ....2 years you've knew  him better... visit his mom ...if shes sick.

What advise is that nowreasonforsmile, that will for sure make this marriage end in divorce!

The OP has not disclosed both their nationalities yet - I wonder why? It is important to know as it reflects on what advise to give - IF the OP actually wants advise...

Call from a friends number to his family and tell them that what their son is doing here or send them few pics of ur husband and u and than keep quite..All drama will end in some kind of conclusion for sure...It is a life changing advise take it or leave it and keep crying for ever...

sdiragen, What kind of Love is this, in which Husband will leave you for his MOM, Obviously every one loves their Parents and Specially Mom's but there is a way to solve this matter, His reletives who knows about your marriage should play a Role now, They can be the Best in Solving this matter, they can Influence His Mom, you are his Priority, He can't Divorce you until you say soo too, 2 year is Hell lot of a time to be together. There should be Some Understanding between Both of You. 

i can understand  and speak but not that much,i spoke to his sister, she was fine with me.

it might be ended to divorce if everything wont be ok. NO choice.

Do you understand the language he speaks with his family?

 i know the story of his family, when he called them he is telling me everything.

How do you know his mom is sick?..... Any proof? or just from  his mouth!

some of my husband relatives and one of his sister knew that we were married, it is not actually a secret. but what makes him scared is his mom. she is sick and if he is going to tell her about us she might lose her. that is  make things going bad. i can see how he is suffering in  this  situation. 

well im just hopin god will guide us in the right way.  i really appreciated your comments.

at least the divorce will be easy.hear ye hear ye, i dovorce thee, i divorce thee and i divorce thee.   

Hi Tinker, nice to see you too, lovely lady :) Yes love, some people will never learn. As if true love between a couple is disposable :((( I would whack the OP's husband if I knew him for not putting his wife first in his life. Grrrrrrrrr!!!

It would be quite important to find out what both your nationalities are. But one thing for sure: YOU are your husbands' immediate family now and you should be the most important part of his life. He should stand up to his family and MAKE them accept you. If he doesn't then he is worthless as a human being.

I am not trying to add to any volativity of the thread, but perhaps I can offer a bit of my own experience.  My husband and I are different nationalities- completely opposite cultures.  I was afraid to tell my own family about him at the start of our relationship (but before marriage) because of all the misguided stereotypes, and at first, my family was rude and almost condemning, but in the end when they see we love each other and are trying out best, they support us 100%.  On the other hand, my brother in law was basically forced by his parents to get a divorce from his first wife after only a few months almost strictly because of her nationality.  So you can have both ways- I feel the most important thing is the relationship between the man and his family.  If he is weak minded or strong, and able to stand up for what he believes in (which should be you) without fear of consequence.  But, I tend to also agree with the PP- why shame yourself and get married in secret? We got married even though we had to have 3 ceremonies, but I did not feel like we did anything with shame or secrecy.   

Its not your destiny, its your choice my friend, I am sorry to tell this, but i think, you married the wrong guy :( (well., only in my opinion, based on your thread)I wont point fingers on who to blame, the situation that you are in is kinda complicated. you ALL have to weigh things whether "not to or to" but my concern is.,  it took both of you 2 years to set things straight. (?)And to give an answer to your question, yes! I know a couple of friends who had success marrying a foreigner and live a happy life. :)As of this moment what you can give your husband is support., communicate with him.,let him know that you both need to set things straight., besides 2 years is long enough for him to be "prepared" to tell his parents. He had kept you for 2 years and i think its time to let them know., which i think is FAIR for all of you. Good luck and God Bless :)

Combine those three words - Marriage, Destiny, Choice and you can have a never ending discussion with no conclusive message.If you believe Life is hard..it will only get harder. Judgement of character in other people plays a huge role in how hard or easy life can get. These judgements can change but what is always consistent is "you".If you are clear on what you will accept, how much you will compromise and what you will endure, then your life will be lived on your terms irrespective of how well you have judged the character of others.Though this sounds a lot more complicated than it is, think through it, it is not!

I refuse to believe that "fate" or "destiny" chose the path for me. I choose my own way of life and happiness, not "destiny."

life is so hard, thats the reality. No matter how carefull you are in making decission if the god give it to you, there is no way to avoid it.  Thats what we called destiny. I believe that what is happening to me is my destiny. Thank you all for your post..

not again!!!dont be naive....you marry a so called mama's boy...you choose this kind of life... so face the cosequences in the end...goodluck & Godbless...

thank you all guys for your comments.

Take help of ur own friends...Post a letter and few fotographs of u and ur husband in closeups and enjoyin glife to his parents.,....Dont tell ur husband about htis...clear the things at the eraliest possible....do it urself project...OK?

Posted several times before.

Mister X's Thank you for your nice comments.

IF IM YOUR HUSBAND I WILL NOT LET YOU GO..ILL FIGHT FOR YOU ILL FIGHT FOR THE TWO YEARS THAT WE HAD..AND MANY RE YEARS TO CAOME..FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE...IF YOUR HUSBAND STILL REMEBER THIS LINE THAT HE SHOUT OUT WHE HE MARRIED YOU..

as what i told you, he informed his mom before we got married and there was bad thing happened to her, during that time i proved to myself that he really wanted to tell his family about me but now he is so scare to let them know because of what had happened before.

the reason why i make this forum is to know if there are couple who had been married a foriegner and their life become happy and they live a normal  family life.  i am just asking your opinion and not absolutely to solve my problem. somethime its good to talk with someone who has an experience and mature person. but i think you are not. anyway thank you for your comment thinker bell.

as what i told you, he informed his mom before we got married and there was bad thing happened to her, during that time i proved to myself that he really wanted to tell his family about me but now he is so scare to let them know because of what had happened before.

the reason why i make this forum is to know if there are couple who had been married a foriegner and their life become happy and they live a normal  family life.  i am just asking your opinion and not absolutely to solve my problem. somethime its good to talk with someone who has an experience and mature person. but i think you are not. anyway thank you for your comment thinker bell.

Different culture has different approach. Any advice might be appropriate to most but not to some.

Well, communication is very important. You must open up with your mother in law and tell her the truth that you two are married. There's no such thing as to choose whether his family or you because if they like it or not, you are already part of his family. At first, hatred and anger is normal in your situation but eventually they will accept you at the end. Soon there will be understanding especially if you have a child. "Grandparents always loves their grandchild." 

is he a foriegner too? how about his family, do they know about it?

It is very hard to face such kind of situations...Please help her....You have such a matured mind and u can advise her well ...I m sure....

the reason we married and stay until now its becoz we love each other. but i just realized now that married has more things aside from love. are you married? have u ever been inlove?

I can understand ur problem well .....I know how it feels....Happening to me too...My parent still dont have courage to tell my first husband's family that they remarried me....I m still in distresss to how to disclose the thing to them....

when we married he informed his mom but there was something happen to her, but inspite his some had an heart attacked, we decided to continue our wedding. now the problem is he has to choose between his mom and me. i know he really loves me and so do i. do you think to let him go is the best thing to do?