Jokes
One liner Jokes
Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."
******
"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"
******
My friend has a fine watch dog.
At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark.
******
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
******
"Room Service? Can you send up a towel?"
" Please wait someone else is using it."
******
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
******
"Where did you get those big eyes?"
"They came with the face."
******
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls .
******
But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
******
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !!
******
"Look, guide, here are some lion tracks."
"Good. You see where they go and I'll find out where they came from."
******
"Do you think I"ll lose my looks as I get older?"
"Yes if you're lucky."
******
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
******
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
******
I was thinking of becoming a doctor.
I have the handwriting for it.
******
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
" You're lucky. My wife does."
******
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
******
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "
******
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
******
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well that's the last straw," says the wife.
"I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
She replies, "Ours is prettier."
Mohd Abdu,
The Stock Market - simply illustrated
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs10. The villagers went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands @Rs10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.
He further announced that he would now buy @Rs20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.
The offer rate increased to Rs25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it.
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys @Rs50 ! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. The assistant told the villagers "Look at these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at Rs35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell it to him for Rs50." The villagers squeezed up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys everywhere!! !!
Thank you
Welcome to Market!
Good One Charan
A newly married couple returned to their apartment after being on
honeymoon."Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked. "Sh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For
example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open'
instead?"
So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied
the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was
feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I
think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like
to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small
load so I did it by hand."