Jokes...
"...The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the Margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pi**ed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh 5hit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and frated..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned on the phone answering machine, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house.
The cat they had put out into the yard ran back into the house.
They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tried to eat the bird. The wife got into the taxi while the husband went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, the wife didn't want the driver to know the house would be empty for the night. She explained to the taxi driver that her husband would be out soon. “He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother.”
A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab. “Sorry I took so long,” he said as they drove away. “Stupid b***h was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat azz downstairs and threw her out into the back yard! She better not 5hit in the roses!'”
The cabdriver hit a parked car.
