Lawyers

Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetary.

Q: How does an attorney sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other.

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: "Your honor."

Q: It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
A: ...... I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
A: When you die, a leech will stop sucking your blood and drop off.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q. Why do lawyers display a copy of their bar association cards on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones?

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Senator.

Q: What do u have when their is a lawyer up to his neck in cement?
A: not enough cement

Q: How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
A: Just say "Fees!"

Q: What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
A: Retired.

Q: Have you heard about the lawyers' word processor?
A: No matter what font you select, everything come out in fine print.

Q: Did you hear about the group of terrorists that hijacked a plane full of lawyers?
A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.