Men vs. Women... on marriage
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be alone, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Young son: "Is it true, Dad that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
First guy: "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are attractive to the opposite sex.
:)
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
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Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
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Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
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Stress Reliever # 9
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
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Stress Reliever # 10
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
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Stress Reliever # 11
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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Stress Reliever # 12
A husband was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
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Stress Reliever # 13
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!"
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Stress Reliever # 14
"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."
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Stress Reliever # 15
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."
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Stress Reliever # 16
Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."
Hope it de-stressed you
Where r u buddy...hey hope u didnt feel offended when i played a joke on u earlier...where r u...get back here...champ...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Truly speaking...i have heard one of that...but this 5 mins management lesson is truly the way it is...great going buddy boy...cheers to u on that...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
Hey there buddy..how u doin...good to see u...hows things been...u been busy working...o dont lie...o i know u r making a joke in this page...bout u WORKING...LOL...ok kiddin...dont whack me...so anyways hows things going buddy...
Charan...dude...i gotto take time off from work to go thru ur jokes...
Copper...i m not available for the sheeesha...wud have really wanted to make it...but not in town tonite...buddy...so lets try to do it again next week...u guys have a rockin time tonite...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.
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Girlfriends r like chocolates,
taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there's no choice.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell
yo man, how u doing, after a long time....i was busy last few days...wts up?
Teacher:-Pls; tell what the fastest thing in the world is
Student 1:- light
Teacher:-why is that?
Student 1:-once switch on other end bulb gives light with no time.
Student 2:- i believe mind
Teacher: - why do u think so
Student 2:-can think anything we want & achieve it in dream with no time
Student 3:- I believe LOOSE MOTION
Teacher: - why is that?
Student 3:- Yesterday I couldn’t even think & even switch on the light sheet pass without giving any chance to think both options, so i believe loose motion is the world fastest thing
~ your thoughts create your reality ~
AS usual..You brought that smile again..
People,are we gonna meet for sheesha this evening?
Sheeesh...how for a moment dumb can i get...now i get that...i jus read that 3rd one with a bit more concentration...funny Charan...funny fonzie...
Now girl...who did u say that like ur head to...wicked...getting wicked ey...?
Charan: i never said nything bout they paying u for free bro...i m sure they dont want to loose u...so they can afford that can they...?
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Ksarat - I work everyday. you think they pay me salary for not working.
that 3rd one: cos yr feet ain't empty... [like yr head] ...lol
Dude...why u bluffing online...when did u work...for not workin today...LOL...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
ksarat - no mood to work (no work to do). counting days for Eid
Star: looks like this 1 day of urs...is like 1 light year away LOL...dont take that long alrite...so whats in the plannin girl for the evenin...
Charan: Hey boy...nice one except for that 3rd joke...went above me...so whats happenin boy...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
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A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
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there are a few good ones there for you men... :)
what do I do? hmmm... we'll chat one day..
Back again...now i see where s the star shinin today...its on the women today is it...
Seriously....Star wat do u do in real life not in Reel life...;
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "