Noah's Ark....
In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
South Africa , and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the plans, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah sweeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Metro Council for a decision.
Then ESKOM (South africa's electric company) demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees because the Nature Conservation authorities say it will upset the balance of the local ecological system.
I tried to convince them that I needed the wood to save us all from extinction - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, the SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) prosecuted me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
The traffic authorities said it would take six months after completion of the ark to plan a route to the sea. I told them also that the sea would be coming to my back yard. They threatened to have me committed.
Then the Department for Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until I had arranged and conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the BEE group on how many affirmative action persons I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
The Department of The Interior has insisted that I provide them with a list of the people who want to work so that they can check that they are not from the non designated group .
COSATU say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, SARS (South African Revenue Services - as in tax department) seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. "
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord.
"The South African Government has beaten me to it."
maybe hardly any regulation, maybe plenty of cheap labour and little regard for the environment, but the construction phase would take far, far too long, cos the labour is slow, would it float as most buildings here built by that cheap labour leak and crack and fall apart, and the permits, permissions, approvals, would take a decade to sort.
He should build it in Qatar--hardly any regulation, plenty of cheap labor and little regard for the environment. But then there are so few animals in Qatar, that is unless you wonder around people's houses and start collecting their 'pet' tigers and such. No doubt someone has a rhino tucked away somewhere ;-)
how true britexpat, how true
oops... sad..
To conclude i would replace:
"The South African Government has beaten me to it."
...by
"Israel and its Zionists have destroyed South Africa by implementing the Apartheid system before..." to be right and fare. Simply return to Caesar what belongs to Caesar.
It would be funny if it wasn't true. Sadly, its even worse in the UK :O(