"Senior" humor :D

a slight change of plan for our next meeting lol.

good one.

Leelah and chocoholic were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

Leelah, in the passenger seat, thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.

Leelah was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Chocoholic turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

Britexpat and Dweller are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.

Britexpat, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Dweller said to Britexpat, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"

Brit replied, "Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."

"Memory school? What memory school?"

Brit thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower . . . "

"A rose?" asked Dweller.

"Yeah, that's it!" Brit turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

I don't think britexpat will be too happy to find that you've posted his pic here :D

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

New crossings in town for the seniors..

**** Aal Izz Well****

Choco, excellent one...I feel pain on my cheeks after laughing. expect more.

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Texas cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Houston. Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

For the first time in many years, UkEngQatar decided to get out and see the latest movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn.Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldnt help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "Youre really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now.."

I had to re-read the thread because I couldn't remember if I had already posted this one-

:-/

Britexpat was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

Two old geezers, Bill and Bob were shooting the breeze. Bill sez, "You ever made a Freudian slip?" Bob sez, "What's that?" Bill: "Well, I'll give you an example. The other day I was at the airport, and the woman at the airline counter was quite well endowed. I meant to say, 'I'd like two tickets for Pittsburgh. But it came out, 'I'd like two pickets for Tittsburgh.'"

Bob: "Ahh, gotcha Bill. That happened to me this morning. My wife and I were having breakfast, and I meant to say, 'Dear, could you please pass the marmalade.' But it came out, 'You old hag, you're ruining my life.'"

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.

One day when playing cards, one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends a long time, but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."

An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room, and he says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

"Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?".

No response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"For the fifth time, CHICKEN!"

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

:D lol

An elderly couple was attending a church service, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home.

The first says, “Fellas, I got real problems. I m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.”

The second old man says, “You think you have problems. I m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps.”

Finally the third old man speaks up, “Fellas: I m ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up.”

keep going guys, I am loving this. Jokes are really good.

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older.

One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, ” Well, ladies, I m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, “That must be the door, I ll get it!”

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly

widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented. "Hardly worth going home, isn't

it?"

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, “I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5 tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Hence it is proved that Test tube is better then a jar.

A 75-year-old man went to the doctor's office to get a sperm count.

The Doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the 75-year-old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, Doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then with her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with he teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get that damn jar opened!"

--All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt-- Lucy Van Pelt

Three old guys are out walking. (DaRuDe,UkEngQatar and A.Nother)

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

Ah...ha ha ha ha.....That one was really good chocoholic, cannot stop laughing

Lmao!

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon."

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"

He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours"

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

He said, "I can't remember where I live!"

~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish..

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,Awakened the kids,Set out their school clothes,Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches,Drove them to school,Came home and Picked up the dry cleaning,Took it to the cleaners and Stopped at the bank to make a deposit,Went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries,Paid the bills and balanced the check book.He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.

Then it was already 1P.M. And he hurried to make the beds,Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and Mop the kitchen floor.Ran to the school to pick up the kids and Got into an argument with them on the way home.Set out milk and cookies and Got the kids organized to do their homework,Then set up the ironing board and Watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and Washing vegetables for salad and Snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen,Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, Bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, He went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my Wife's' being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us Trade back.'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait

nine months though. You got pregnant last night.'

_______________________________________________

A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose! Dr. Choc

Karl and milly one is hilarious.

Thanks for sharing buddy.

because of their waitresses with low cut blouses

Because it's wheelchair accessible and they have an elevator? :P

~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~

Gasthaus Gutenberger restaurant open a branch here in doha. will like to go there often.

some one is bored at work.