You Know You Are A Mallu......
I Know this has been hashed & rehashed and many are really tired of reading ..... but I just coudnt resist this piece!!....
You know you are a Malayalee when
You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine or in your dinner.
You don't cook rice in a rice cooker. You do it the old-fashioned way : water, a big pot, and fire.
You buy corn oil by the gallon.
Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
Uncle Ben's takes over the household.
Lipton Tea is bought by the bulk (especially when there is a sale for it.)
You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't.
The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
Your brothers and sisters names rhymes or have the some letter to start with as yours.
MacDonald's is prounounced MAC-DOUGH-NALLS.
Your father and mother endlessly tell you stories of how when they first came into this country, they had to eat the cheapest parts of the chicken (eg. the back, necks, etc.)
During evening prayer, your Grandmother let's out a wailing belch. (If you could hear it, you know what I am talking about.)
You go to FOKANA / youth / spiritual conferences to pick-up chicks / dudes.
You have to explain to everyone, "That funny name is my father's house name."
Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."
You are teased about having two first names or else that your first name should be your last and vice versa.
Your mom is a nurse or she works somewhere in a hospital.
Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from India with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
You either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to stay away from it.
"You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
You have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your father's side.
At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
You will most likely be taller than your parents.
Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
Your mother constantly professes, "I am not gossiping on the phone. It is important conversation..."
Your American friends names suddenly turn into Malayalam names. (eg. Manay, Dhaveed (David) is on the phone for you.)
When your friends find out about the name your parents call you at home, you never hear the end of it from them.
On long road trips, Mohamad Rafi or devotional songs make the time fly by.
Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
You've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
You have to hide the fact that you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
Everybody assumes you are Hindu or Muslim, because you are Indian but you stand up strong and say, "I am Christian."
Everybody assumes you are Christian, because you are Malayalee, but you stand up strong and say, "I am Hindu" or "I am Muslim".
You page yourself before you go out, so you look important.
At all the Indian parties, you and the Punjabis are the life of it..
You have heard of Malayalee Hit Squad, and you pretend you know someone in it everytime someone mentions it.
You say that you are in Malayalee Hit Squad to impress girls.
You act like you can dance Bhanghra styles.
Your North Indian friends mention a Hindi movie, you say that the Tamil or Malayalam version was the original one and that it was better.
Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
Your father and grandfathers have hair on their ears.
Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages.
Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
You are in an Engineering/Computer Science/Pre-Med/Med/Law program at your respective college.
If somebody asks you if you know a Malayalee person, your parents say, "His/Her father/mother was in my college." or else "Yes, We are from the same village."
You leave for college hating sambar, chicken curry, morra, and chor, but you come back home yearning for it.
You get angry about being compared to your other Mallu friends.
"Patti", "Thendi" and "Potten" are commonly used expressions of insult.
You create a name for IRC or AOL chat rooms it's always some name like "Thenga", "Pichati", "Ethikya" or things to that degree.
You leave it to your parents to find your spouse.
You pretend that you are not a Mallu at all.
Your Dad teaches you all the bad words in Malayalam, and your mom gets mad at him for that.
People ask you why your dad wears only a towel to pick up the newspaper or the mail.
You have a jungle growing in the backyard every summer, with pavikya, padavalingya, etc. growing and all your friends ask you why it stinks in the back yard.
(For females) You're parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari is perfectly acceptable.
(For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 11pm.
You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
Tongue scrapers are not a new fad to you.
To your American friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid.
When your American friends cringe at the thought of their parents in bed, you wonder how odd it would be to see your parents get within one foot of each other.
Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied even more."
Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street unless they're close by.
Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
You like $1.75 movies.
You like $1.50 movies even more.
Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names.
People you call "uncle" always smell up the bathroom at parties.
If you aren't married and you turn 25, your parents start wringing their hands and proclaim that it's too late.
You have never met half of your extended family.
Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds.
A horoscope must decide your wedding date.
Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day.
Your parents had eight daughters in hopes of having a son.
You are sick and tired of answering questions about "the dot."
Your friends could not explain your religion to someone if they tried.
You could not explain your religion to someone if you tried.
You sound like "Apu" on the Simpsons.
You own a 7/11 or a motel with a name like "Roadside Inn."
One or both of your parents skipped at least one year of elementary school.
In the smallest of subcompact cars, you still can't see over the wheel without a phone book. WITH the phone book, you can't reach the pedals.
You have cousins you have never met, whose names you don't know, but who insist they're related to you, even though they bear NO resemblance to anyone YOU know.
Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try and demonstrate how well it works whenever they're not fighting.
You have trouble paying attention to "minor" items like your kids' social lives, but you know the exact number of the check that you're on in your checkbook
Dear Known friend,
Positing this type of articles in a public from you are insulted a respected community so that your case is going to report to the Kerala Police Cyber cell though NORKA head office.
If you would like to do an apology you can do it now and finish it. Or wait for further consequences.
Beast Regards
http://www.norkaroots.net/Contactus.htm
Indian
yup..good work pradeep. and i am also sorry to lose my temper,i shouldn't have reacted for such a stupid comment posted by someone who is yet to meet his dad..:)
anyway all are welcome to kerala,rightly described as the 'god's own country'...and recently the NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL have selected kerala as one among the 10 PARADISES in the world...!!
I wish to apologies on behalf of KNOWN FRIEND my fellow countrymen. We are really ashamed of his sarcastic posting. Sincere thanks to laplandsql sebichanmjose & laplandsql for their effort to resist.
Funny part is unknown friend never commented or dare to clarify.
Dear known friend what did u drink last night?
I appreciate him for doing copy, paste, edit work and posting in QL from the following link.
http://www.youknowster.com/jokes/view/286-you-know-you-are-a-malayalee-when
Like sebichanmjose mentioned as below I agree with that.
i really hate those persons who make fun of religion, ethnicity, culture, tradition and so on... you know, these guys really don't know what the hell r they talking about...
That should hold good for all new generation , ideally, not just for mallus!Laws of Natural Selection!
You will most likely be taller than your parents.
vry true
meaningless topic.. from a guy good for nothing.. tats all i have to say...
:)
lol laplandsql..
fight between north x south or 2 indians..or why should you invite or hope that b-----d to reply again?
soniya can't wait to see a fight..reminds me of that fox waiting in lure of blood..
laplandsql, fight?? with whom buddy??
I doubt if the author of this thread is a real MALYALEE..BTW,where is he?? He hasn't posted any comments further..
SO true,JM, a lot of it is just common traits of parrent hood ,not just mallus....and the writer has a lot of complexes to clear before he/she can clearly distinguish the tru MALLU spirit;-)
Ok I cracked it...
"You like $1.75 movies"....
its by a guy born and brought up in US thats why its neither "here or there".
This is a very strange post indeed....
Cant identify with it and other mallus I know....looks like its written from his own perspective....looks like this is a mallu guy born and brought up in Qatar...lol
I have yet to meet a Malayalee who doesnt know his entire family....touchwood.
another one "Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds"....usually Mallus dont give any value for dimonds...
MR. KNOWN FRIEND,YOU ARE JEALOUS I THINK ONE MULLU F---KED YOU NICLY.
sebichamjose..,good work.hats off to you..and stillwater is still in water..
laplandsql... u said it.... i really hate those persons who make fun of religion, ethnicity, culture, tradition and so on... you know, these guys really don't know what the hell r they talking about... always pops up with a thought that they are the best...
Really tell u.. if this guy was in front of me, i would have been knocked him down. I really wonder why the hell its happening here....
These guys are everywhere.. like stililwaters.....
Mr. Still waters... who told u that, everyone hates Malayalees????? (By the way.. its not Mallus.... they are called malayalees)
If you have some problems with some malayalees.... solve it out with them.. Don't generalize...
Mr. Stillwater.. being a Qatari (From ur profile), you should come to know the the importance of an expatriate in this country... regardless nationality....
Better try to understand that, if these people were not here, u would have been living in sand dunes....
So plzzzzzzzzzz awake from ur foul thoughts.....
Try to be in in good relation with ur colleagues....
Funny, good sense of humour. Mallus rule ! :)
Indians hate Indians??
That's a new one, I will make a note of it ;)
:)
Indians hate INDIANS in General
But
Everyone Hates MALLUS
Great Mate Keep up the Good Work
Now i know the true colors of a TYPICAL MALLU
MR. KNOWN FRIEND, IF YOU ARE AN INDIAN ,I PITY YOU. I DIDNT WANT TO SEND A REPLY BUT COULDN'T RESIST.PEOPLES LIKE YOU ARE A THREAT FOR OUR NATION...PLEASE DONT GO BACK TO INDIA IF YOU ARE HERE IN QATAR....AND I AM 100% SURE THAT YOU WONT DARE TO REVEAL YOUR NATIVE PLACE...LOL... SORRY GUYS,TAKE IT EASY.
WHY ARE KERALITES DISLIKED BY SOME FOOLS??
Check out the following facts:-
1. Indian Defense Minister is from Kerala
2. Indian Foreign Secretary is from Kerala
3. Chief Justice of India is from Kerala(SORRY,JUST RETIRED)
4. Chief of "Chandryaan' , the Indian Space programme is from Kerala(MADHAVAN NAIR)
5. Chief Security Advisor to the Prime Minister if from Kerala
6. Chief of the new Federal Investigation Agency is from Kerala
6. Principal Secretary to Prime Minister is from Kerala
7. The only Indian to contest for the UN Secretary General's Position is from Kerala.
8. The chief of Staff for Security to UN Secretary General is from Kerala
9. Kerala is the only 100% Literate State in India .
10. Kerala was rated as the most baby friendly state with the lowest infant mortality rates and the best Health Care Model by UN.
11. The last Indian representative to the Miss Universe contest was also a Keralite(RUNNER UP)
12. THE REASON FOR KONKAN RAILWAY,DELHI METRO AND ALL THE COMING UP METROS IS A KERALITE..MR. SREEDHARAN.
You know that coming from a small province our people did not climb the above positions thru back door, it is thru sheer competition! !
You will find Keralite farm workers, artisans, technicians, manual labourers, illiterates and semi-literates all migrating to all parts of the Globe.
When they start most of them only know their mother tongue. Thru hard work, drive, enthusiasm, tenacity, persistence , Humour sense they learn the trades and also , Hindi, English, Arabic and many other languages necessary to sustain them.
True that none of them speak Queens English, but most of the world do not do so as well.
The great Chinese Population, majority of the French, German, Arabic, East European and even good percentage of UK population do not speak English or speak only a version of it. ?? Nor the vast majority of Indians can speak Hindi , our National language?
You can hate a race/tribe if they are dishonest, lazy , untrustworthy, uneducated etc. We definitely do not belong to any of this categories??
So why you hate us??….reason is simple, professional jealousy!!!
In your city you have seen Keralites as narial pani wallahs, manual laboures and shop assistants only. When you come to Dubai you are amazed at their success, influence and the sheer majority irritates you, you cannot take it that those who cannot speak Queens English have become so successful?? You do speak English but your writing and spelling are a horror story!!
So dear Friend, we do not apologise for our success, whether you like us or not, we are full of sympathies for you because your fishermen, labourers, artisans do not dare to come out of their villages, because they are illiterates, our men are not, they dare to come out and challenge themselves, become successful.
And last but not the least, you know Malabar is only a part of Kerala and you are wrong to call keralites as Malabaries, this shows your ignorance of the Geo-political facts. Do you call all Britishers as Scottish or Irish?? Do you call all Americans as Texans or New Yorkers? So stop this, get some information on Indian provinces, start reading newspapers (Keralites do not start the day without reading newspapers, sorry for that!).
Therefore if you do not like us, so be it, go get a wash, at least once in a while.
lol, mallu's get double appreciation thread:P Oh well I liked this one better than the last one though.
You have never met half of your extended family.
You have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie and Uncle."
I can relate to those two.
This is Colt's fault.. He started all these, not it's unstoppable..
Ohh no plzz..not again...
wil have to really suicide to save us from this kind of Torture
I want asif_khan to read this.. LOL
Finally one more thread for his suicide attempt.. :D
at its worse
Stoppppppppp posting such threads........... if not,
pannakkazhuveri... ninte @@@@%%%##**&&@@ F******%^^^^^^
At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert. lol
Again?
mallu is rockin the boat...Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head...lol
Yeah, we read and commented on this topic 2 days ago..