You must be a Nepali if.....

I know this is way too long so bare with me.

You must be a nepali if -

1. You love momo and would do anything for it.
2. You know Ganjha is really cheap in Nepal.
3. You can and/or probably have already smoked with Babas during Religious Events, ShivaRatri.
4. You know the value of $1 =70Rs++
5. You know the real name of Mt.Everest.- Sagarmatha
6. You welcome tourists and their money.
7. Sherpas are from Nepal and not from China.
8. You are jobless or in search of opportunity.
9. You stay with your parents until you get married if you are in a foreign country and you stay with your parents your whole life if you are in Nepal.
10. You would rather support China over India.
11. You prefer rice at least 2 times a day.
12. For some reason your religious days and cultural days seem to take equal amount of time during the year.
13. You watch a lot of Indian movies.
14. You hate it when someone calls you Indian.
15. You eat everything with your hand. ( I even take it as far as to eat spaghetti with hand)
16. Your parents most likely choose who you get married to.
17. Most likely you meet the person you date on myspace, hi5 or some other online website.
18. The only sport you can go professional in is dandi beu.
19. You know that nepals national food is gundruk and dhedo yet you havent tried it yourself.
20. You see girls who talk a lotta shit online but are the Virgin Mary in real life.
21. You got 2 lives, Online and Real Life.. Online is more active than real life…esp. for nepali girls.
22. If you ever recognize Nepali people on the street, you proceed to talk in English so they won’t recognize you.
23. When your relatives come to visit they stay in your house no matter how many of them gotta sleep in a single room.
24. You still think about who is a bahun and who is a newar, who is a bhote and who is a pode.
25. If you’re a nepali college attender, you either study science or engineering.
26. You go to ANA to make fun of other nepalis about stuff they do, which most likely is also one of your hobbies.
27. if you live in US, you love going to ANA and party till u get drunk
28. When something goes wrong you go "cmmmmmmaaa" dinai bigryo dinai bigryo.
29. You go to chat rooms with nick names such as hottestguy, hotgirl, sexylady when in real life you butt ugly.
30. Your parents worry about dowry (daijo) the day your mom gets pregnant
31. if you’re nepali, u cant divorce so you catch the 1-gaina disease.
32. You can go to any hispanic parade and pass as one of them.
33. You know you a nepali if your last name is bomchom.
34. You know you are a nepali if you run out of forks and spoons at a cultural festival and tear up paper plates as a replacement.
35. You serve more gods than all the gods combined of other religions.
36. You add nep to everything and never realise that adding nep makes every single word sound gay.(Nepsydaz; no disrespect but your name amazingly sounds homo erotic)
37. You are a nepali when you refer to other nepali ppl influenced by hiphop as nepsythugs.
38. You know you are nepali when you refer to the king as Gyanu uncle.
39. You know you are a nepali when you translate rap songs into nepali as a pass time hobby. example "mero hapsis nachdain, khali pant mathi sarchan. ani dhunga tadha, dhunga tadha.
40. You know you are a nepali if you take the most candies in the plane.
41. You do groceries at sabji mandi and hong kong supermarket in the same day. (Special for New Yorkers You know who you are keep rocking that Jackson Heights.)
42. If you hear the word free you go there even if it is free tampons. If its free you will take it.
43. You know you are nepali if you are willing to travel 50 miles to save 2 $.
44. You know you are nepali if you have ever sang "badar ko rato chaak"
45. You know you are a Nepali if you ever sang “ Jhilke dai cha chaina condoma”
46. You know you are a nepali if you think the national anthem should be changed to "hami nepali suruwal fukali hagna bascham condo uchali hey hey."
47. You know you are nepali if your plate has more goat meat than rice.(Khasi ko masu is the shit)
48. You know you are a nepali if you think the number 36 is hillarious.(chatise)
49. You know you are a nepali if you left other valuables in nepal just so you can bring a khukuri.
50. You know you are a nepali if you have a fake black belt certificate.(lol you know who you are. This is a true story about a person here in facebook. Lol)
51. You know you are nepali if your msn has more friends than your school.
52. If you see someone picking their nose or ear in public then they are nepali.
53. If you call the New Jersy turn pike the tunkey pie then you are nepali.
54. If you chat for 3/4 of the day you are a nepali.
55. You know you are nepali if you compare baseball to cricket
56. ou know you are a nepali if you have ever wondered " why is american football called football they dont even touch it with their feet."
57. You know you are a nepali if you have a tuppe.
58. You know you are a nepali if you call 5′7" tall.
59. You are a nepali if you ever get into a height competition with a Mexican.
60. You are nepali if you plan on naming your children harkey birkey rambahadur harigopal humagai and Thakkarbam.
61. You kick white people’s ass in Mathematics.
62. When the teacher calles attendance and there is a long pause causing the teacher to ask you for your name even after reading it like 30 times.
63. You know you are a nepali if you know more about U.S. History than anyone else in the school.
64. You know you are a nepali if all your politicial knowledge comes from hari bansa and madan krishna.
65. You know you are a nepali if you ever called the prime minister baje. (Girija Baje)
66. You know you are nepali if you have 1 and a half gym credits in 4 years of high school.(This one going out to Bivit sorry to put you on the spot.)
67. U know US Geography, while u still struggle with Nepali geography.( Koshi, Gandaki, Karnali, Mechi ra Mahakali, Bagmati,Sagarmatha, Narayani and that’s all I know)
68. You know never to take a dive in bagmati and bishnumati.
69. ou know you are a nepali if you think a carrom board always makes the best present. even for marriage.( I think I got like 4 carrom boards in my house)
70. You used to bully the madhesis in nepal. mainly chana chatpate and panipuri madiseys.
71. You used to get free haircut in Nepal bullying while u pay $15 in here.
72. You know who the khali sisi purano kagaj madisey is by name.
73. You go shopping with your parents at the age of 23.
74. There is a strange smell in class and everyone runs away except you.
75. You know you are a nepali if you like good shit aka ramro achi aka pavitra tatti.
76. You know you are a nepali if you know hindi but are ashamed to admit it.
77. You are a nepali if you think dhoti is a race.
78. You are a nepali if you wear dhoti to do puja but dont wanna be called one.
79. You are a nepali if you yell guahaar guahaar when you are in trouble.
80. You are a nepali if you think Mahabharat and/or Ramayana and/or ChandaKanta are all commedies made by dhoties.
81. You are a nepali if you get 100 in math and your parents still yell at you for not getting the extra credit.
82. You have to wash your ass with water and your left hand. Toilet paper is not satisfactory.
83. You are a nepali if susu darling is your favourite imaginary girl friend.( Rehal where are you?)
84. You are a nepali if you refer to your nepali cousins as pattu hajurbuas.
85. You know you are a nepali if you go out with a girl and the whole community knows about it before your parents do.
86. You know you are nepali if you go bald before your dad.
87. If your mom combs your hair on the first day of collage with tori ko tel you are a nepali.
88. You know you are a nepali if you add ing to every word like haging, ghicing, ganaying, pading etc.
89. If you ever sang the song “Hamilai pani ta maya le hera na Panther” Then you are definitely nepali.
90. If you ever had fights concering changa(kites) then you are a nepali.
91. If you know what a mandali(stone tied around a string used to catch kites illegally) is then you are a nepali.
92. You only know Dilip Kumar because that’s the name of the dhago you buy for dashain.
93. You are the only person in your class to think that Mustang is the name of a place.
94. You look up when you hear an airplane.
95. You point with your lips or with your middle finger.
96. Whenever you meet someone you ask, " Have you had your food?" ( bhat
khayao?)
97. You meet someone in a movie hall and ask, " Have you come to watch a
movie?" ( cinema herna ayeko?)
98. You call all action movies " action pacck"
99. You meet an elder and he/she asks you, " when did you come back?"
100. You know the three Ds of partying. i.e- dance, drink and dangdung.
101. You think all festivals mean relatives playing cards and getting drunk.
102. You cannot drink without chicken chilly and momos.
103. You think chicken chilly and momo are nepali food.
104. You are crossing a one way street and you have to check both sides. (
daya
ani baya )
105. You get annoyed when people think you are from Naples.
106. Your relatives give you money whenever you visit them. ( even when you
are 40)
107. When you see a pair of slippers upside down ( ulta chappal) you have to
turn it around.
108. You dont cut your nails at night.
109. You feel you havent eaten if you havent had Bhat ( rice).
110. You laugh at everything on Nepali TV but you still watch it.
111. You dont know that the buff you have been eating is actually short for
buffalo.
112. You have been dragged to a mandir on saraswati puja so that you will get
good grades.
113. You know the song Bijuli ko taar with rajesh hamal in it cuz every nepali girl dances to that shit or gairikhet ko sirai ma.
114. You are not allowed to hum or sing while eating.
115. Your grandmum doesnt let you whistle at night.
116. You cant date someone if you are not in love.
117. You have a problem following rules and standing in line.
118. You call anyone rajesh hamal if he has a long back-hair.
119. You wait for someone going "Khali Sisi Purano Kagaj" when you have
loads of beer cans and bottles,
120. You watch korean movie and try to act like one.
121. You miss those mountains you used to see the moment you opened your eyes in the morning.
122. You go out for lunch/ dinner/ whatever in a group and look at the menu
for half an hour and order the following:
a. momo
b. chowmein
c. fried rice
d. chicken chilli
123. You think of titaura and your saliva glands go wild !!
124. You think Toyota Corrolla is the no.1 car in the world!
125. You can sing this song… " super top, ma hun super top… ma luga lai
seto paarchu…"
126. You miss mango tart, wai wai, rara and hatichap chappal..
127. You are good at drunk driving, especially on motorcycles…
128. Your house smells like fried onions.
129. When there is a sale on any item, you buy 100 of them.
130. You make tea in a saucepan.
131. You never buy bin bags, but use your saved grocery bags for it.
132. You put your clothes in suitcases instead of wardrobes.
133. You have a sewing machine at home.
134. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister-in-law and doesn’t talk to her for ten years.
135. You call an older person you’ve never met before "uncle".
136. You hide everything from your parents.(damn knows me perfectly)
137. Your mother does everything for you if you are male.
138. Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
139. Everyone always calls you for help on homework if you have previously studied that subject but doesn’t even bother to smile at other times.
140. You know no one who has studied music.(actually I do one person lol bivit)
141. If your parents let you, You try to go to a university as far away from home as possible but still come back home to live with your parents after you had finished.
142. Your best friend got married at the age of 18.
143. You only make telephone calls after 9pm.
144. You like the meat well done. (no medium rare bullshit)
145. You mix onions and tomatoes with everything(nanu pyaaj golbeda halyo?)
146. You use chilli sauce instead of tomato ketchup.
147. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
148. You say you hate Indian films(/songs) but secretly watch(/hear)them.
149. You teach Westerners swearwords in your language.(damn straight)
150. You try to order Indian food/chinesefood in thier language to impress the people you’re with but the waiters don’t understand you.
151. But when you see other nepali people you try to speak English just to prove you can and when you wanna comment on people from other country you speak pure nepali.
152. You avoid public places when with a member of the opposite sex,especially if there is an acquaintance within a 250 miles radius.
153. You always say "open the light" instead of "turn the light on"
154. You’re walking out of customs with your trolley at the airport and you see all twenty-five members of your family who have come to pick
you up.
155. You get very upset when airlines refuse to accept your luggage which is just 80 lbs overweight.
156. You go back to your country and people treat you like a member of the royal family.
157. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you story of how he had to walk miles barefoot just to get to school.
158. If you are a female Your parents would freak out if you wore a crop top baring your midriff but wearing a sari with baring blouse is perfectly acceptable
159. (For females) Your brother had no curfew while you had to be home at 8pm. (more like 3 or right when school ends)
160. You are ALWAYS taking off and putting on your shoes wherever you go.
161. To your English friends, oil is used purely for cooking and not as a grooming aid
162. Your parents have nicknames but only because people they work with just stop when trying to read their names
163. You have annoying middle names like kumar/kumari, prasad or bahadur. (how about twake or ghantauke?)
164. Your mother measures wealth in gold and diamonds
165. Your parents drink 6 cups of tea a day
166. Your parents push the concept of an arranged marriage on you and try to demonstrate how well it works whenever they’re not fighting.
167. Your parents compare you to all of their friends’ kids.
168. No one ever seems to call ahead of time to say they are coming over for a visit.
169. Your parents worry what other people will think if you’re not going to be doctor/lawyer/engineer.
170. You know you are Nepali when your romantic relationships are usually preceded by a brother/sister relationship.
171. ou know ur nepali when u find yourself forcing someone to hav second and third helpings of bhat and if they refuse..u find yourself throwing large amounts of bhat onto their plate or garbage when they’re not looking.
172. You know ur nepali when u find yourself suddenly gathering a whole load of almighty spit in ur throat makin a noise like…. Woooaarrkkk!! … then Thukkaa!
173. You know u are a Nepali when u gobble down fistfuls of bhat n dal with a splatter, and u like licking that beck of dal that seep down below ur elbow.
174. You always begin ur conversation saying, "when i was in U.S/aus/uk…."
175. You always say: "Gas station" instead of Petrol pump eventho u know they dont use the term "gas station" here in nepal.
176. hen u spell any word with a letter "Z"…u prounce the letter ‘z’ as: Zeeee; not "Zed" however, u know ppl here wont understand wat u are saying, but still u keep saying, "zeee, zeee…zeee ke zeee…x y zeeee"; Zed wont come out of ur mouth.
177. You know you are a Nepali if your parents told you about kumbha ko mela to scare you.
178. You know you are a nepali if you used to scared of bhakundebhoot.
179. You know you are a Nepali if you read this whole thing and realized oh fuck they are on to me.
180. If you put your info at sajha in hopes you can find yourself a bride/groom then you are a pure nepali.