i think what others have said are enough to open up your mind and broaden your thoughts. i agree with all of them.
islam does encourage poligamy for islam is the purest religion that strongly reject adultary! however, there are conditions that leads to the passable of poligamy, for islam command his people to do things based on considerable reasons and good intention-not merely for fun that leads to trouble in the future! the reason why islam do this is NOT to restrict its ummah (people), but to save and protect them from corruption. tell me, can you find any other religion that can do better than this?
its true that in islam, men are permitted to marry until 4. but islam does not emphasize the "action" of marrying 2, 3, or 4, but what being highlighted and emphasized in Islam is to be FAIR and JUSTICE to all his wives- incase he wants to have multi wives. thats why Allah says in Quran: "...marry, 2, 3, or 4, BUT if you think that you cannot be fair to all your wives, then marry ONLY one, for this will save you from being INJUSTICE to your wives..." see, how beautiful our religion is in protecting our right as woman.
you were asking about your rights as a second wife. true, once you be a second wife, you will have an equal right as the first wife. but this is where the meanings of "fair and justice" play their roles. the meaning of 'fair and justice' in poligamy are measured upon the "priority and necessities" of the situation-not merely on visible quantity.
for example, if the first wife has a child, then she has more right to have more nafkah (cost for living for: cloths, shelter and foods) from the men, compare to the 2nd wife who is still without child. the extra benefits which the first wife get is not merely for her to enjoy but its for her child, because the child has right from his father too, not just the right of wife from husband!
another example, lets say the first wife has 10 chidren, (is that "too much"? ok, 5 then,) lets say, she has 5 children, then she has more right to be catered with a bigger house, compare to the second wife if she still havet got a child, then a small house is enough for her. u get the meaning of 'fair and justice' in islamic poligamy now? its measured in 'quality' of the fairness not the 'quantity'. of course, he will cater and equip you with what he cater and equip to his first wife, but the level and amount are fluctuating according to the 'priority and necessity'. get me? may be, others can help to explain furthur...
to the best of my knowledge, islam is the only religion that permits poligamy. apart from strongly rejecting adultary, islam is the religion that is based on reasons and knowledge. another islamic reason of poligamy is: as the dooms day is getting nearer, the number of woman will exceed to the number of men with a ratio of 1:4 (which means for every one men, there will be 4 woman). economic satistical birth rate has not shown the number of population is reaching to 1:4 yet, but it has proven that the number has reached to the ratio of 1:2 (thats why we may see, in everywhere, the number of woman is almost double than the number of men-in general) so even if all men in this world get married, there are still many woman who dont have their share of husbands-thats why islams allow poligamy with considerable reasons and pure intention. infect, islam strongly restrict men from marrying a woman IF he is not able to support her! thats why prophet muhammad (pbuh)encourage his ummah (people-who want to marry but cant afford yet) to fast for it can control their lust from expanding rapidly that leads to evil deeds-adultary.
however, islam only encourage poligamy if it leads to good outcomes, BUT if by having poligamy can leads to disaster, then its not encouraage at all in islam, for Islam is not a religion that convey his people to troubles and corruptions- its the people itself who choose to fall into troubles (thats why people who dont adhere to islam often easily gotten into trouble and corruptions!)i know it must be hard for you to make desicion, but in making desicion, i suggest you to make a wise desicion that gives you a good future! dont just think in the short-term, for the long-term effect is the one which often have a lasting impact to our life.
so tell me, what is the good reason for you to marry that (refer to Apple) 'so called' man? if it is only because of love, hey come on, love may comes and goes! as how seasons change, thats how human's heart could change!..... i just cant keep on talking, but its up to you to make desicion, if you think being a second wife can overcome some problems of that couple, then perhaps there is a way for you to enter. BUT if by marrying that men can lead to troubles and disaster in the future, then my advice is: you deserve a better life and a better men, perhaps you may get someone who is better than that men-its just the matter of time. dont wait for the men to leave you first, leave-when you fell the relationship isnt going anywhere, you look after of youself first because (some) men always think of themselves first regardless of whose heart they break!
let me support my saying with the quotation of our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh): "when you are in between 2 desicion that its hard for you to choose, then choose the one which breed 'less difficulties' in the outcome."
so what other advice could be better than this?
you asked: "is it necessary for me to convert to islam if i marry him?"
what my above friends said are right! you may keep it even if you marry a muslim. BUT what more important is for you to ask "WHY?"- the reason is because: our religion, islam does guarantee the freedom and protection of other religion, thats why muslims men are permitted to marry non-muslims woman who adhere to al-kitab: gospels & bibles (jews and christion). but ofcourse muslims woman are not permitted to marry non-muslims men because to the best of my knowledge, other religion dont guarantee to protect and give freedom for us to practice our religion-so actually muslims woman are NOT restricted, but we are being saved from corruption! (because there is no such verse, law, or regulation stated in gospels and bibles ordering the non-muslims to protect and give freedom to the religion of others-not to mention to islam) islam is the ONLY religion that respect the religion of others eventhough we dont adopt them! show me, what other religion could offer you better than this? look, how much tolence and freedom does our religion (islam) give even to the non-muslims people.... if you want to embarce islam just for the sake of getting married, then its your choice. but how much better would it be if you embrace islam due to the fact that you heart is being charmed by the beauty of islam- with the will of Allah, you heart will be able to feel the sweetness of the true faith!
last touch: marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth. Allah has created everything in pairs for he knows human cannot live alone- as how Adam couldnt live alone, so from there Eve was created. Allah has written in His book of who our life partner would be. dont worry, no matter how big the world is, but if Allah has created both of you for eachother, then insha Allah, He will bring you both together trough love and legal marriage. BUT if that men is NOT made for you,then no matter how firm you try to grab him, he will slip through your hands..... if this is the case, then swallow the fact young lady, let him go, and pray for a better compensation .....
let me console your heart with a quatation of our beloved prophet Muhammad (pbuh):
in this life, Allah has created everything to be in pairs,
where there is darkness, there is brightness,
where there is tears, there is laughter,
where there is pain, there is balm,
where there is sadness, there is happiness,
where there is losing, there is winning,
where there is sorrow, there is a tomorrow,
where there is mercy, there is hope,
where there is hatred, there is love...
nothing in life happens on its own,
there is always be a 'compensation' that comes with it,
thats why our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh) used to say:
"dont be too much happy for what we gain,
and dont be too much sad for what we lose,
for we might lose what we gain,
and we might gain what we lose."
tell me, what other 'heart soothing' advice could be better than this sayings of our beloved prophet? (pbuh).
may Allah show you the way and guide you to the straight path.
lovern_cute..If u want to know more about being a second wife..especially if u r a non muslim, reasons etc read this article ...hopefully it will help u make an informed descision before you make it...polygamy isnt forbidden in islam for certain reasons but it isnt always encouraged b/c as human beings it is hard for us to treat everyone equally and marry a second wife comes with huge reponsiblity that men may not be able to do...good luck with ur descision..
Apple thanks for your comments no offend at all!!!!..I needed it now i got some advices... I'm back here in state and remember a good memories from Qatar although it was HOT...(the Weather)
Don't worry. I'm trying to get over with it...I'm human that fall inlove.. I'm human know not to hurt someone..I better hurt myself than them...specially this situation she's pregnant she needed him and the baby ( i just think what if im in her situation)....I dont want to step on someone...Now i will do my best to let him go.....
I still love him but all i can do is pray whats good for all of us!!!..accept and so be it!!!
If he really-really love's you, he will never ever get married w/ his wife. In the first place, NOBODY can force him, not even his mother if he wants to be with you!
First of all, he is not a kid to be contolled by his mother w/ his feelings towards you.
Second, if he choose to listen to his mother's decision and not his own, then he is not a real man!
Third, he got baby from her, that means he like her(get me?) and dont tell me that his mother force him to have S** with her too???
Now, its upto you to decide if you want to married this type of man? If one day his mother will tell him to leave you, he will do it! coz he did it to you once, and he will do it again coz he loves his mother?
Thank you soo much for your advice. I do really appreciated specially as u'r from eg..CYM he told me he dont love her but bec. of the baby she need him. I do really need more time to think if i am ready to be a second wife and share him with someone...So far im no hurry anymore..I do love him but i dont want to be miserable in mylife... I told Him If u need me and only me .. and u can see urself getting old with me.....I wait for you.(curz not the rest of mylife)..
Pls. more egyptian i need to hear from you guys!!!OpinioN!!!
Lovern_cute.....take the advice from an egyptian muslim married man.
DO NOT DO IT......NEVERRRRRRRRR......
I know my fellow men in egypt....I might tell you go ahead if you are the first wife but second....no way
don't be fooled by the mirage of love. If anything happened, he will give up on you for sure.
I don't want to sound nasty about egyptians . they are very kind and loveing people but I know that dream of marrying a forigner and thinking that life will be different.....at the end he will go back to his family and you will lose your love and life
does he love his 1st wife? If not, why doesn't he divorce her.
Are you ready to share your man with another woman?
Ahh, plus his mother I guess, if she has such influence on him, he will never be able to be independent from her.
If this woman is happy with her man, why would you get in the middle?
Anyway, it gets too complicated for my lazy mood now. My understanding is that in our times there is no excuse for more than one wife. Maybe there were reasons centuries ago. But then again it's your own life. I wish you happiness whatever you choose :)
May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends below never fall out!
I knw him and both love b4 he got married..confusing? Yes it is!... Reason why he got married bcoz of his family back in eg. it was plan everything by his family while he is here in qatar. As he love his mom so much and don't want to hurt his mom's feeling... For short he was force for this married.
I'm here in Qatar to visit him and settle things for good. He still love me and i do too...( i'm might be crazy inlove:-). Tom. sunday im going back home... i really do think seriously for this ..no rush!! as im not a muslim i dunno what the hell im getting into...i need time to think...thank you all guys for the opinions...
I knew it was u the moment I saw "cornemo"! Very creative I must say.
Well that's why I think people should be absolutely positive that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, no matter what through good and bad times. People just rush into marriage thinking it's all bonbons and flowers and realise down the road that this isn't what they expected. I think everyone should get a "Marriage101 for dummies" guide book before getting married.
Personally, I can never justify having two spouses, it just goes against all my beliefs about marriage.
the DNA test would be needed if a woman had more that one husband. that was what i was talking about in reference to the ones who said how come women can't get more than one husband
that's your choice and you have a right to it. but the point of my post was to point out that not every woman wants to be alone and they dont mind being a 2nd wife.
and yes you can get a DNA test. however for every pregnancy the woman has to get a DNA test? i find that to be a hassle. plus that kind thing cost money.
i know at least 8 women (off the top of my head) who are in polygamous marriages. and it was their choices. and they have good marriages
Yes it is my choice that right.But if it is my husband i will kill him if he is doing that to me.Smile.Ok,maybe not kill but for sure i will leave him.Better to be alone as this.But wish you all the best and good luck with him.And maybe the day will come when you will be his only nr1.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
Seriously?Is anyone here which is glad to be a nr2 or 3 or...I want to be the only one and nr1 in my buddys heart.No way to share him with another woman.Never.If that would happen better to leave him as to be a nr2.That is my oppinion.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
for example in countries where women outnumber men, if every man married 1 woman there will be so many women unmarried. now would you rather have these women live a life of loneliness without a spouse? or allowing them to be a 2nd wife?
and the reason why women are not allowed to have more than one husband because there will be confusion on who the father of her children are.yes they have DNA test and all. but the husband would have to wait 9 months to find out which one of them is the father. so how could he father enjoy experience the of the pregnancy of his wife when he's not even sure if the child in her belly is his.
now,i personally do not think i could handle my husband having another wife. but having said that i would never put down a woman who was in a polygamous situation nor would i look down on a man that wanted more than one wife.
nib said "well.. ok i am single i dont have a gf. i want a relation and sex.. does islam has a solution for this??"
yes Islam has a solution for that. get married. one of the objectives for marriage is to satisfy one's desires. whether you are a man or woman. same rules apply to both genders. of course marriage is all about sex. but this is one of the objectives of marriage.
studies have shown that good marriages often have good sexual relations involved.and bad marriages the couples often don't have bad sexual relations
there is also another solution if you don't want to get married. the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said to fast.as it decreases one's desire. so if you don't want to get married. then fast
I have a problem with that Scorpio. I lived with 3 guys during Uni and they were complete pigs. If I'm going to be allowed to marry 2 or 3 guys I'm putting a stipulation in the wedding contract that they have to clean the bathroom (especially the toilet)
"I fight with love and I laugh with rage, you have to live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change." Ani Difranco
What a load of bollox, men having 2nd or 3rd wives...why not make it 10? If thats the case, I'm all for woman having 2nd, 3rd husbands...any guy got a problem with that?
People misunderstand eachother everywhere, that's why it's ur job as a poster to make sure that u say ur idea as clearly as possible to avoid confusion :-)
"and in islam as a guy i shud marry someone to have sex"
Please don't get married for sex, that goes against all the foundations of marriage. Furthermore, Islam doesn't tell u get married to have sex...that's just crazy! Please don't drag Islam into this.
i dont want to offend anybody or any religion or culture. i just tell my opinion how things shud be.
and in islam as a guy i shud marry someone to have sex. but i am 23 and i dont want to marry before 30. so i think there is no solution for me:)
and in turkey here some guys have a solution for that. they make islamic marriage for sometime than divorce after some time without marrying in law. and it is also forbidden here. i am sure that happens with most of the muslim guys. and i dont wanna live it.
and i believe every one can live in the way they believe. like that guys i may have some inconsistent behaviours and any of us here can have. so ...
NO to polygamy! NO to adultery! remember our thread about jealousy?
never a man can love equally! LOL!
I think i was just misunderstood by Nib, coz what i wanted to tell him is lover_cute a woman like me, she wanted and ready to marry a married man! and she asking her right as a 2nd wife! and we explained it to her(though NOT from expert)!
But here, we dont know if the 1st wife agreed or NOT?(though NOT necessary) And if she agreed, then who am i to judge lover-cute?
and yes in turkey it is forbidden to have more than 1 wife or husband.. u have one chance according to law and it is forbidden for people who marry in law and gets others with islamic marriage. and i think it for protection of poor ones who became the slave of the guy.. things can vary but this is like this in turkey. i mean that women are almost like slaves..
I'm against polygamy and adultery no matter what the situation is. When ur married to someone, that's it ur commited to that person, should u decide u want to be with someone else then get a divorce and be with the other person, but don't be with two people at once, it's just not fair to both parties.
Put urself in the first wife's shoes, u fall in love with this man, he promises to love and cherish u for the rest of his life and after years down the line, he gets attracted to another lady and marries her! It's a stab in the back!
And about being equal to all the wives...that will never happen! No matter how he tries he will never treat them equally cause he doesn't have the same emotions for both. So it's a lose-lose situation.
well.. ok i am single i dont have a gf. i want a relation and sex.. does islam has a solution for this??
there cant be everything perfect. and if we want everything to be perfect multi wives are not solution for this. there is that situation there and in my country bec women are not free to work, earn their money and life so they need a 'man' to take care of them. and also there wud be many poor ones that cant take care of themselves and working guys. so that guys can marry them.
so the 'real' solution is not marrying with poor ones that u can take care, it is to give them chance to work and freedom.
Do you mean, its illegal to marry more than 1 in Turkish?
Well, i dont promote polygamy here nor i'm promoting adultery:(
A man are only allowed to marry more than one if he can provide justice and support his wives equally! OR in some cases which i gave you example in my previous post. But there are some man who disagree to marry more than 1, even if they can afford to. Just like you! And I salute you for that:))
But what will happen to other woman? I dont know the current world statistics of Men vs Women.
How would you find a solution in the surplus of women? If adultery is forbidden in Islam, will these single woman stay singles all their life?
what about the love between the husband and the first wife. something brought them together too.
so if the man keeps falling in love again and again, he should be allowed to marry as many times as he wants, because religion and science permits him to do so?
if u decide to marry someone probably u be with him/her for long and that time u shud think about future.. how it will be or not. what u want and what he/she has. and what is his/her culture.
if it is in culture of qatar or arabs it is ok for me and it is her decision to marry or not. but i think a human being shud be more sure when he/she decides to marry.
and multi wife was first a jewish tradition than arabs. and passed to turkish from arabs. but it is not so comman here. just people living in south which are closer to arab culture. so i dont think i shud know about it bec here we are not keen to marry 2.
Nib- Why she shouldn't marry if she asked this question? the reason she asked is she wanted to get married! and that's why she asking her rights here to get better idea from us before getting married;), And if you're muslim, you should know this thing coz there is only 1-edition of the Holy Qurán:)))
Goodfriend- I think, she will unintentionally break the other woman's heart, do you believe in love? Well, we are nobody to judge her. If she is capable to handle being a 2nd wife, then let her be! On man's side, maybe he prefer to marry another wife than to commit adultery w/o legal marriage (I'm talking in Islamic law). And again, we dont know his reason of marrying another wife. Alot of reasons ex. his 1st wife unable to bear child, she is sick etc. etc.
Anyway, lover-cute...a tough decision you'll gonna make here. But i wish you good luck & happiness:)))
goodfriend 812......you are so right, yet love is blind, at times deaf, dumb and even retarded. it doesnt understand sense or sensibilities when in love.
all love cares about is love, even if it means breaking hearts.
I think,there is another best option for Lovern_cute.
And that one is :- Why to break and hurt the heart of a married woman,who is living with her husband hapily.If a woman needs to marry,then there are many single men present in every part of the world.So what's the need of trying to kidnap the Husband of another woman,for whom,her husband is every thing.
well it is her decision to be 2nd or not. sometimes people decide to have one night stands too right?? so i think we cant judge or ask questions how long u know him etc..
yea it is not for me. and i dont think that is right and yea so weird and not feeling good for me..
i am muslim but i dont know these things cuz in turkey we dont marry more than 1. some do but it is illegal.
and also yea this will be like judging her but.. if u will marry him he shud tell u ur rights right?? bec u r not muslim and u may not know these kind of things. so i think if u r asking questions like this u shudnt marry.
oh yes apple, somehow we always emerge in these topics...well as long as soemthing gets us together in one place....so what if its not a coffee shop..but a forum instead.....LOL
i agree with jauntie on this one....why the hurry?
Thanks for all the help...Sad if he wont inform his 1st wife. SO 1,2,3,4, have all THE saME RIGHT....(in islam)...God how can i handle this? hehehehe Whew!!!..Do i have to convert in islam as am christian b4 we get married?
Tom. just incase (i decide)were going to get married here in doha...Office is open?....
okie getting back to subject.....no the husband doesnt have to take any permission from the first wife to marry second time. sad isnt it? but like i said, out of respect for the first wife and her status in his life, its always encouraged for the man to inform the first wife about such an intention and if there is resistance and the husband takes it into consideration, then its still all game for the man to decide to go ahead with a second wife or just leave the idea alone.
In Islam, the husband doesnt have to take permission from the first wife to marry the second time....but its always be suggested to inform the first wife about his intention, as respect to her and not to shock her out of her wits.
your rights are the same as the first wife....but remember you can never take the place of the first wife. i know of a couple of ladies who are the second wife and sadly they are under the impressions that becasue their husband swayed away from the first wife, it means that the second wife has the extra special x-factor that drew the man to them. its just a momentary feeling, it comes crashing down on them when they realise that the man has to share his time equally between the two wives and the first wife is equally important as the second.
I dont know how this is in other religions, considering most religions dont encourage polygamy.
jauntie...huns, i dont think she is asking about affair.
Yes! he needs to inform his 1st wife, and if she said NO! you can still get married if he wants, the decision is w/ the man, not w/ her! BUT when you're married w/ him...both of you(wives) have equal rights to your husband. No less, No more!
in islam women have rights whether they are a 1st,2nd,3rd or 4th wife. each wife in entitled to her own space and house.each wife is entitled to getting a dowry. the man has to provide for all of the wives.
Do he need to ask his 1st wife? If she will said NO!...can we still get married?...I heard that being a second wife dont have much right compared to the 1st one....is that right?..pls. help...
I need to know all this...now im going back home on sat...Im here in doha now.
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hello
lovern cute,
i think what others have said are enough to open up your mind and broaden your thoughts. i agree with all of them.
islam does encourage poligamy for islam is the purest religion that strongly reject adultary! however, there are conditions that leads to the passable of poligamy, for islam command his people to do things based on considerable reasons and good intention-not merely for fun that leads to trouble in the future! the reason why islam do this is NOT to restrict its ummah (people), but to save and protect them from corruption. tell me, can you find any other religion that can do better than this?
its true that in islam, men are permitted to marry until 4. but islam does not emphasize the "action" of marrying 2, 3, or 4, but what being highlighted and emphasized in Islam is to be FAIR and JUSTICE to all his wives- incase he wants to have multi wives. thats why Allah says in Quran: "...marry, 2, 3, or 4, BUT if you think that you cannot be fair to all your wives, then marry ONLY one, for this will save you from being INJUSTICE to your wives..." see, how beautiful our religion is in protecting our right as woman.
you were asking about your rights as a second wife. true, once you be a second wife, you will have an equal right as the first wife. but this is where the meanings of "fair and justice" play their roles. the meaning of 'fair and justice' in poligamy are measured upon the "priority and necessities" of the situation-not merely on visible quantity.
for example, if the first wife has a child, then she has more right to have more nafkah (cost for living for: cloths, shelter and foods) from the men, compare to the 2nd wife who is still without child. the extra benefits which the first wife get is not merely for her to enjoy but its for her child, because the child has right from his father too, not just the right of wife from husband!
another example, lets say the first wife has 10 chidren, (is that "too much"? ok, 5 then,) lets say, she has 5 children, then she has more right to be catered with a bigger house, compare to the second wife if she still havet got a child, then a small house is enough for her. u get the meaning of 'fair and justice' in islamic poligamy now? its measured in 'quality' of the fairness not the 'quantity'. of course, he will cater and equip you with what he cater and equip to his first wife, but the level and amount are fluctuating according to the 'priority and necessity'. get me? may be, others can help to explain furthur...
to the best of my knowledge, islam is the only religion that permits poligamy. apart from strongly rejecting adultary, islam is the religion that is based on reasons and knowledge. another islamic reason of poligamy is: as the dooms day is getting nearer, the number of woman will exceed to the number of men with a ratio of 1:4 (which means for every one men, there will be 4 woman). economic satistical birth rate has not shown the number of population is reaching to 1:4 yet, but it has proven that the number has reached to the ratio of 1:2 (thats why we may see, in everywhere, the number of woman is almost double than the number of men-in general) so even if all men in this world get married, there are still many woman who dont have their share of husbands-thats why islams allow poligamy with considerable reasons and pure intention. infect, islam strongly restrict men from marrying a woman IF he is not able to support her! thats why prophet muhammad (pbuh)encourage his ummah (people-who want to marry but cant afford yet) to fast for it can control their lust from expanding rapidly that leads to evil deeds-adultary.
however, islam only encourage poligamy if it leads to good outcomes, BUT if by having poligamy can leads to disaster, then its not encouraage at all in islam, for Islam is not a religion that convey his people to troubles and corruptions- its the people itself who choose to fall into troubles (thats why people who dont adhere to islam often easily gotten into trouble and corruptions!)i know it must be hard for you to make desicion, but in making desicion, i suggest you to make a wise desicion that gives you a good future! dont just think in the short-term, for the long-term effect is the one which often have a lasting impact to our life.
so tell me, what is the good reason for you to marry that (refer to Apple) 'so called' man? if it is only because of love, hey come on, love may comes and goes! as how seasons change, thats how human's heart could change!..... i just cant keep on talking, but its up to you to make desicion, if you think being a second wife can overcome some problems of that couple, then perhaps there is a way for you to enter. BUT if by marrying that men can lead to troubles and disaster in the future, then my advice is: you deserve a better life and a better men, perhaps you may get someone who is better than that men-its just the matter of time. dont wait for the men to leave you first, leave-when you fell the relationship isnt going anywhere, you look after of youself first because (some) men always think of themselves first regardless of whose heart they break!
let me support my saying with the quotation of our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh): "when you are in between 2 desicion that its hard for you to choose, then choose the one which breed 'less difficulties' in the outcome."
so what other advice could be better than this?
you asked: "is it necessary for me to convert to islam if i marry him?"
what my above friends said are right! you may keep it even if you marry a muslim. BUT what more important is for you to ask "WHY?"- the reason is because: our religion, islam does guarantee the freedom and protection of other religion, thats why muslims men are permitted to marry non-muslims woman who adhere to al-kitab: gospels & bibles (jews and christion). but ofcourse muslims woman are not permitted to marry non-muslims men because to the best of my knowledge, other religion dont guarantee to protect and give freedom for us to practice our religion-so actually muslims woman are NOT restricted, but we are being saved from corruption! (because there is no such verse, law, or regulation stated in gospels and bibles ordering the non-muslims to protect and give freedom to the religion of others-not to mention to islam) islam is the ONLY religion that respect the religion of others eventhough we dont adopt them! show me, what other religion could offer you better than this? look, how much tolence and freedom does our religion (islam) give even to the non-muslims people.... if you want to embarce islam just for the sake of getting married, then its your choice. but how much better would it be if you embrace islam due to the fact that you heart is being charmed by the beauty of islam- with the will of Allah, you heart will be able to feel the sweetness of the true faith!
last touch: marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth. Allah has created everything in pairs for he knows human cannot live alone- as how Adam couldnt live alone, so from there Eve was created. Allah has written in His book of who our life partner would be. dont worry, no matter how big the world is, but if Allah has created both of you for eachother, then insha Allah, He will bring you both together trough love and legal marriage. BUT if that men is NOT made for you,then no matter how firm you try to grab him, he will slip through your hands..... if this is the case, then swallow the fact young lady, let him go, and pray for a better compensation .....
let me console your heart with a quatation of our beloved prophet Muhammad (pbuh):
in this life, Allah has created everything to be in pairs,
where there is darkness, there is brightness,
where there is tears, there is laughter,
where there is pain, there is balm,
where there is sadness, there is happiness,
where there is losing, there is winning,
where there is sorrow, there is a tomorrow,
where there is mercy, there is hope,
where there is hatred, there is love...
nothing in life happens on its own,
there is always be a 'compensation' that comes with it,
thats why our beloved prophet muhammad (pbuh) used to say:
"dont be too much happy for what we gain,
and dont be too much sad for what we lose,
for we might lose what we gain,
and we might gain what we lose."
tell me, what other 'heart soothing' advice could be better than this sayings of our beloved prophet? (pbuh).
may Allah show you the way and guide you to the straight path.
lovern_cute..If u want to know more about being a second wife..especially if u r a non muslim, reasons etc read this article ...hopefully it will help u make an informed descision before you make it...polygamy isnt forbidden in islam for certain reasons but it isnt always encouraged b/c as human beings it is hard for us to treat everyone equally and marry a second wife comes with huge reponsiblity that men may not be able to do...good luck with ur descision..
www.answering-christianity.com/polygamy
Apple thanks for your comments no offend at all!!!!..I needed it now i got some advices... I'm back here in state and remember a good memories from Qatar although it was HOT...(the Weather)
Don't worry. I'm trying to get over with it...I'm human that fall inlove.. I'm human know not to hurt someone..I better hurt myself than them...specially this situation she's pregnant she needed him and the baby ( i just think what if im in her situation)....I dont want to step on someone...Now i will do my best to let him go.....
I still love him but all i can do is pray whats good for all of us!!!..accept and so be it!!!
Its just a Guy! but really deeply it hurt!
Lovern-cute,
Please understand this and dont get me wrong...
If he really-really love's you, he will never ever get married w/ his wife. In the first place, NOBODY can force him, not even his mother if he wants to be with you!
First of all, he is not a kid to be contolled by his mother w/ his feelings towards you.
Second, if he choose to listen to his mother's decision and not his own, then he is not a real man!
Third, he got baby from her, that means he like her(get me?) and dont tell me that his mother force him to have S** with her too???
Now, its upto you to decide if you want to married this type of man? If one day his mother will tell him to leave you, he will do it! coz he did it to you once, and he will do it again coz he loves his mother?
Think about it Honey!
Thank you soo much for your advice. I do really appreciated specially as u'r from eg..CYM he told me he dont love her but bec. of the baby she need him. I do really need more time to think if i am ready to be a second wife and share him with someone...So far im no hurry anymore..I do love him but i dont want to be miserable in mylife... I told Him If u need me and only me .. and u can see urself getting old with me.....I wait for you.(curz not the rest of mylife)..
Pls. more egyptian i need to hear from you guys!!!OpinioN!!!
Lovern_cute.....take the advice from an egyptian muslim married man.
DO NOT DO IT......NEVERRRRRRRRR......
I know my fellow men in egypt....I might tell you go ahead if you are the first wife but second....no way
don't be fooled by the mirage of love. If anything happened, he will give up on you for sure.
I don't want to sound nasty about egyptians . they are very kind and loveing people but I know that dream of marrying a forigner and thinking that life will be different.....at the end he will go back to his family and you will lose your love and life
does he love his 1st wife? If not, why doesn't he divorce her.
Are you ready to share your man with another woman?
Ahh, plus his mother I guess, if she has such influence on him, he will never be able to be independent from her.
If this woman is happy with her man, why would you get in the middle?
Anyway, it gets too complicated for my lazy mood now. My understanding is that in our times there is no excuse for more than one wife. Maybe there were reasons centuries ago. But then again it's your own life. I wish you happiness whatever you choose :)
May the roof above us never fall in, and may the friends below never fall out!
I knw him and both love b4 he got married..confusing? Yes it is!... Reason why he got married bcoz of his family back in eg. it was plan everything by his family while he is here in qatar. As he love his mom so much and don't want to hurt his mom's feeling... For short he was force for this married.
I'm here in Qatar to visit him and settle things for good. He still love me and i do too...( i'm might be crazy inlove:-). Tom. sunday im going back home... i really do think seriously for this ..no rush!! as im not a muslim i dunno what the hell im getting into...i need time to think...thank you all guys for the opinions...
I knew it was u the moment I saw "cornemo"! Very creative I must say.
Well that's why I think people should be absolutely positive that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, no matter what through good and bad times. People just rush into marriage thinking it's all bonbons and flowers and realise down the road that this isn't what they expected. I think everyone should get a "Marriage101 for dummies" guide book before getting married.
Personally, I can never justify having two spouses, it just goes against all my beliefs about marriage.
and there is always divorce, which saves the hassle of more then one at a time *G*
I was bought up with the 'until death do us part' ideal, but it doesn't always work :(
A woman should have one husband...and a man should have one wife! End of story :-)
Honestly, I have no problem with woman who want to be 2nd, 3rd, 15th wives....if that's what they want so be it.
But....I find it offensive that people make comments such as 'a woman can't have 3 husbands'....it's called discrimination!!!!!
You find getting a paternity test a hassle....LOL... for every pregnancy....are these woman planning on having 20 kids....LOL
Oh and just because your not married, doesn't mean your alone! Not everyone believes in marriage.
the DNA test would be needed if a woman had more that one husband. that was what i was talking about in reference to the ones who said how come women can't get more than one husband
When a person has got a second wife,where is the need for DNA test for the Pregnency.
Does it mean,the husband is Impotent and suspecting neighbour or people around for his wife getting pregnent.
Then why should he have a second wife,if they dont have faith.
that's your choice and you have a right to it. but the point of my post was to point out that not every woman wants to be alone and they dont mind being a 2nd wife.
and yes you can get a DNA test. however for every pregnancy the woman has to get a DNA test? i find that to be a hassle. plus that kind thing cost money.
i know at least 8 women (off the top of my head) who are in polygamous marriages. and it was their choices. and they have good marriages
Yes it is my choice that right.But if it is my husband i will kill him if he is doing that to me.Smile.Ok,maybe not kill but for sure i will leave him.Better to be alone as this.But wish you all the best and good luck with him.And maybe the day will come when you will be his only nr1.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
A DNA paternity test can be performed accurately before a child is born... 8 - 13 weeks into the pregnancy.
I would prefer to be single my whole life then be a 2nd or 3rd wife.
Seriously?Is anyone here which is glad to be a nr2 or 3 or...I want to be the only one and nr1 in my buddys heart.No way to share him with another woman.Never.If that would happen better to leave him as to be a nr2.That is my oppinion.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
for example in countries where women outnumber men, if every man married 1 woman there will be so many women unmarried. now would you rather have these women live a life of loneliness without a spouse? or allowing them to be a 2nd wife?
and the reason why women are not allowed to have more than one husband because there will be confusion on who the father of her children are.yes they have DNA test and all. but the husband would have to wait 9 months to find out which one of them is the father. so how could he father enjoy experience the of the pregnancy of his wife when he's not even sure if the child in her belly is his.
now,i personally do not think i could handle my husband having another wife. but having said that i would never put down a woman who was in a polygamous situation nor would i look down on a man that wanted more than one wife.
nib said "well.. ok i am single i dont have a gf. i want a relation and sex.. does islam has a solution for this??"
yes Islam has a solution for that. get married. one of the objectives for marriage is to satisfy one's desires. whether you are a man or woman. same rules apply to both genders. of course marriage is all about sex. but this is one of the objectives of marriage.
studies have shown that good marriages often have good sexual relations involved.and bad marriages the couples often don't have bad sexual relations
there is also another solution if you don't want to get married. the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said to fast.as it decreases one's desire. so if you don't want to get married. then fast
I have a problem with that Scorpio. I lived with 3 guys during Uni and they were complete pigs. If I'm going to be allowed to marry 2 or 3 guys I'm putting a stipulation in the wedding contract that they have to clean the bathroom (especially the toilet)
"I fight with love and I laugh with rage, you have to live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change." Ani Difranco
What a load of bollox, men having 2nd or 3rd wives...why not make it 10? If thats the case, I'm all for woman having 2nd, 3rd husbands...any guy got a problem with that?
yea nice to be friends:)
we thrive on it.
its just a wee bit of communication problem.
what we have in our mind is very clear,
what we write down appears slightly different from what we had in our mind and
what each reader prefers to read and understand can be an entirely different ball game all together.
so its a very very tiny issue :-)
but we also clarify matters and are friends after that:-D
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
but i think i never meant something like i will marry for sex:)
so it is ur problem:p
People misunderstand eachother everywhere, that's why it's ur job as a poster to make sure that u say ur idea as clearly as possible to avoid confusion :-)
well i am sure i wont marry for sex :) but whatever.. believe me there are people doing it for that..
and here on this site everybody misunderstands each other. how nice:)
Ah yes ur a female and u have 2 wives...wonderful! Hope the cops catch u :P
-comment deleted since it was crap anyway-
yeah sure, i just pm'd corny about it.
suddenly it seems to far away.
if conry is free before that, then we should think of something.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
"and in islam as a guy i shud marry someone to have sex"
Please don't get married for sex, that goes against all the foundations of marriage. Furthermore, Islam doesn't tell u get married to have sex...that's just crazy! Please don't drag Islam into this.
LOL! Han,
Dont forget our coffee break?? hmm, i'm excited to meet a new friend, i hope corne babe will join us too:)))
Nib-->
Its ok Nib, i'm not offended. NOT at all! enjoy your life, we only have one, so make the most of it:)))
see what you did apple????
you got this to page 2, now theres no turning back for you.
enjoy.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
i dont want to offend anybody or any religion or culture. i just tell my opinion how things shud be.
and in islam as a guy i shud marry someone to have sex. but i am 23 and i dont want to marry before 30. so i think there is no solution for me:)
and in turkey here some guys have a solution for that. they make islamic marriage for sometime than divorce after some time without marrying in law. and it is also forbidden here. i am sure that happens with most of the muslim guys. and i dont wanna live it.
and i believe every one can live in the way they believe. like that guys i may have some inconsistent behaviours and any of us here can have. so ...
NO to polygamy! NO to adultery! remember our thread about jealousy?
never a man can love equally! LOL!
I think i was just misunderstood by Nib, coz what i wanted to tell him is lover_cute a woman like me, she wanted and ready to marry a married man! and she asking her right as a 2nd wife! and we explained it to her(though NOT from expert)!
But here, we dont know if the 1st wife agreed or NOT?(though NOT necessary) And if she agreed, then who am i to judge lover-cute?
double post
oo... me did it again? told you got your pic save.
Whether people expose and exhibit their sexual preferences or they use religion and do things under the Table makes no difference...
Having Faith is different from being religious and in no religion males can have hundred wives.....
Quote:
"i want a relation and sex.. does islam has a solution for this??
Well, ask yourself! you said you are Muslim? definitely your religion is Islam!
But if you're asking me? i would give you an answer from a Sunni points of view. But then, i must not forget that there are other sects in Islam.:)))
Han19, promise this my last post here:))
Have a good life Nib!
Peace!
i was under the impression that turkey is a forward and modern place, which is why they have been trying to bring reforms in muslim practices.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
and yes in turkey it is forbidden to have more than 1 wife or husband.. u have one chance according to law and it is forbidden for people who marry in law and gets others with islamic marriage. and i think it for protection of poor ones who became the slave of the guy.. things can vary but this is like this in turkey. i mean that women are almost like slaves..
I'm against polygamy and adultery no matter what the situation is. When ur married to someone, that's it ur commited to that person, should u decide u want to be with someone else then get a divorce and be with the other person, but don't be with two people at once, it's just not fair to both parties.
Put urself in the first wife's shoes, u fall in love with this man, he promises to love and cherish u for the rest of his life and after years down the line, he gets attracted to another lady and marries her! It's a stab in the back!
And about being equal to all the wives...that will never happen! No matter how he tries he will never treat them equally cause he doesn't have the same emotions for both. So it's a lose-lose situation.
well.. ok i am single i dont have a gf. i want a relation and sex.. does islam has a solution for this??
there cant be everything perfect. and if we want everything to be perfect multi wives are not solution for this. there is that situation there and in my country bec women are not free to work, earn their money and life so they need a 'man' to take care of them. and also there wud be many poor ones that cant take care of themselves and working guys. so that guys can marry them.
so the 'real' solution is not marrying with poor ones that u can take care, it is to give them chance to work and freedom.
from this topic:)))
sorrrrry! but i'm done here....
-Tnx to remind me Hanny!
-Good luck & best wishes, lover_cute!
-Take double care of your loving wife, Nib!
Peace!
-I see dead people and bad comments -
apple, dont get into that dear.it wont take long to enter into a discussion on religion. been quite sometime now, hasnt it.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
Do you mean, its illegal to marry more than 1 in Turkish?
Well, i dont promote polygamy here nor i'm promoting adultery:(
A man are only allowed to marry more than one if he can provide justice and support his wives equally! OR in some cases which i gave you example in my previous post. But there are some man who disagree to marry more than 1, even if they can afford to. Just like you! And I salute you for that:))
But what will happen to other woman? I dont know the current world statistics of Men vs Women.
How would you find a solution in the surplus of women? If adultery is forbidden in Islam, will these single woman stay singles all their life?
Hiya jamesbond.
what about the love between the husband and the first wife. something brought them together too.
so if the man keeps falling in love again and again, he should be allowed to marry as many times as he wants, because religion and science permits him to do so?
can lust factor come in this arguement?
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
if u decide to marry someone probably u be with him/her for long and that time u shud think about future.. how it will be or not. what u want and what he/she has. and what is his/her culture.
if it is in culture of qatar or arabs it is ok for me and it is her decision to marry or not. but i think a human being shud be more sure when he/she decides to marry.
and multi wife was first a jewish tradition than arabs. and passed to turkish from arabs. but it is not so comman here. just people living in south which are closer to arab culture. so i dont think i shud know about it bec here we are not keen to marry 2.
NOT me!;)
yep! PM better, coz you continued hijacking the 2nd wive's thread!
who's picture ...
shall we make it next week han? we PM'ed each otehr because there is trolls around.
friday eve is fine with me...but if tomorrow...will have to check and get back.
hubby n son arriving insha'allah midnight, if no further delay.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
Nib- Why she shouldn't marry if she asked this question? the reason she asked is she wanted to get married! and that's why she asking her rights here to get better idea from us before getting married;), And if you're muslim, you should know this thing coz there is only 1-edition of the Holy Qurán:)))
Goodfriend- I think, she will unintentionally break the other woman's heart, do you believe in love? Well, we are nobody to judge her. If she is capable to handle being a 2nd wife, then let her be! On man's side, maybe he prefer to marry another wife than to commit adultery w/o legal marriage (I'm talking in Islamic law). And again, we dont know his reason of marrying another wife. Alot of reasons ex. his 1st wife unable to bear child, she is sick etc. etc.
Anyway, lover-cute...a tough decision you'll gonna make here. But i wish you good luck & happiness:)))
will post it somewhere else ho ho ho!
sunday, tuesday, thursday my son not free. Have tae kwon do lesson.
he is busy in the morning with his summer play school.
somewhere friday in the evening? what do u think? not sure about apple going somewhere where all the kiddies are though.
yup cool, where would that be now?
which day and what time? weekdays i am home by 4 pm.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
apple
before we get thrown out of our favourite topic, the answer is yes.
PM me a day in advance. if novi's little man is coming along then i shall insha'allah get my batallion with me too.
----> i would suggest we go somewhere with play area. What do u think?
goodfriend 812......you are so right, yet love is blind, at times deaf, dumb and even retarded. it doesnt understand sense or sensibilities when in love.
all love cares about is love, even if it means breaking hearts.
sad reality.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
before we get thrown out of our favourite topic, the answer is yes.
PM me a day in advance. if novi's little man is coming along then i shall insha'allah get my batallion with me too.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
I think,there is another best option for Lovern_cute.
And that one is :- Why to break and hurt the heart of a married woman,who is living with her husband hapily.If a woman needs to marry,then there are many single men present in every part of the world.So what's the need of trying to kidnap the Husband of another woman,for whom,her husband is every thing.
Good luck for all.
well it is her decision to be 2nd or not. sometimes people decide to have one night stands too right?? so i think we cant judge or ask questions how long u know him etc..
yea it is not for me. and i dont think that is right and yea so weird and not feeling good for me..
i am muslim but i dont know these things cuz in turkey we dont marry more than 1. some do but it is illegal.
and also yea this will be like judging her but.. if u will marry him he shud tell u ur rights right?? bec u r not muslim and u may not know these kind of things. so i think if u r asking questions like this u shudnt marry.
up^ up ^
Lol! last hijack post, promitz!
sorry to hijack this thread, just this one, plzzzzz?
Han, we have plan to have coffee break w/ Novita and (i told her)you will be our guest, what ya think?
how long u have known him?
oh yes apple, somehow we always emerge in these topics...well as long as soemthing gets us together in one place....so what if its not a coffee shop..but a forum instead.....LOL
i agree with jauntie on this one....why the hurry?
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
wrong post..
You can keep your religion if you want. A muslim men are allowed to marry non-Muslim (Jews & X-tians).
Are you Korean? You profile says you have only been on QL 7 weeks is that how long in Doha and you met this man here during your stay?
Just trying to ascertain why you are in such a rush. You said you're going 'home' so need to know quickly.
Thanks for all the help...Sad if he wont inform his 1st wife. SO 1,2,3,4, have all THE saME RIGHT....(in islam)...God how can i handle this? hehehehe Whew!!!..Do i have to convert in islam as am christian b4 we get married?
Tom. just incase (i decide)were going to get married here in doha...Office is open?....
Thanks alot
yes! i am:)) tnx...
why we always meet in such topic? LOL!
The same thing if he wants to marry a 3rd wife, he has to inform both of you (1st & 2nd), agree or disagree, upto him!
Hi Han19;)
hi sweety long time.sorry havent kept in touch.
hope you are well.
okie getting back to subject.....no the husband doesnt have to take any permission from the first wife to marry second time. sad isnt it? but like i said, out of respect for the first wife and her status in his life, its always encouraged for the man to inform the first wife about such an intention and if there is resistance and the husband takes it into consideration, then its still all game for the man to decide to go ahead with a second wife or just leave the idea alone.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
In Islam, the husband doesnt have to take permission from the first wife to marry the second time....but its always be suggested to inform the first wife about his intention, as respect to her and not to shock her out of her wits.
your rights are the same as the first wife....but remember you can never take the place of the first wife. i know of a couple of ladies who are the second wife and sadly they are under the impressions that becasue their husband swayed away from the first wife, it means that the second wife has the extra special x-factor that drew the man to them. its just a momentary feeling, it comes crashing down on them when they realise that the man has to share his time equally between the two wives and the first wife is equally important as the second.
I dont know how this is in other religions, considering most religions dont encourage polygamy.
jauntie...huns, i dont think she is asking about affair.
happy heart
DRIVE SAFE,someone is waiting for you at home
If the 1st wife can say No?.. even if she said no she cant do anything about it? as its the hubby decision and he still want to get married..
Yes! he needs to inform his 1st wife, and if she said NO! you can still get married if he wants, the decision is w/ the man, not w/ her! BUT when you're married w/ him...both of you(wives) have equal rights to your husband. No less, No more!
in islam women have rights whether they are a 1st,2nd,3rd or 4th wife. each wife in entitled to her own space and house.each wife is entitled to getting a dowry. the man has to provide for all of the wives.
3rd wife, 4th wife...have ALL equal rights as to the 1st wife;) that's only in Islam! I dont know in other religions.
there may be an answer in there and it could be the simplest solution
*weg*
Do he need to ask his 1st wife? If she will said NO!...can we still get married?...I heard that being a second wife dont have much right compared to the 1st one....is that right?..pls. help...
I need to know all this...now im going back home on sat...Im here in doha now.
can we guys have 2 wives in qatar?? wohoo!!:) i think that wud suck even hard to deal with 1.
i failed being the 1st wife..so better leave this one to the expert..:)
if u are that much ready to be 2nd wife then
ask for equal rights simple.
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