Anyone got any good jokes?

I'll get the ball rolling. The philosopher was laying in bed one night, looking up at the moon, and he thought to himself, "Where the heck is my ceiling?" What happens if you get scared half to death, twice? Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don't work! I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole-destroying. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a no legged dog? Right where you left him. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? About two - if they're thinly sliced. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny.