Bullying at Work

Its yr first impression on ppl who tell tehm wthr thy can bully u or nt - just nevr try to be extra polite, be straight, and others will know tht thy need to be cautious wth u. it wrks for me almost all the time.

Bullying should never be tolerated.  From my previous job, my supervisor and co-worker made demeaning and upleasant remarks about me.  The followind day, I went to human resource and filed a complain.  The incident was investigated, and after that my co-worker got fired and my supervisor was put under a disciplinary action.  Bullying should be addressed to management the first time it happens or else it will just continue.

 "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. "

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Someonenew, I guess just enough to test the waters and build that assessement on who to trust.  Take care buddy!

Thanks Javi. Well said! Its kinda difficult to be stuck up all the time but we can try....

Hey, this seems to be an interesting topic.  From my personal experience, of course I have been bullied in the past as well, yup yup--iron sharpens iron, and I guess we've all evolved from this lovely experience.  Unfortunately, the life I've chosen is often subjected to who has the biggest balls (damn bullies)or who can command and lead from the fron and not from the back or God complexessssss or ok enough.  Maybe some can find my opinions/recommendation of some use some what. 

Credentials credentials some might ask.  We'll, just keep this between us guys.  I've been in the military since the age of 18 up to now as a civilian.  I deploy and wear those lovely Armani digital desert uniforms just the same.  I've lead missions everywhere taking charge of diff types of folks but most importantly, attitudes. 

I think these traumatic experiences are good to be learned while youre young.  Best to learn to be emotionally stable and to act in accordance to our age.  I say act as an adult and you will most often be treated like an adult, a reputable person worthy of respect.  An older gentlement acting like a clown is easily pushed over nor taken seriously and also then is treated like a kid.  Staying professional at work is number one, never know how people truly is in short periods of time.  Self worth and respect to yourself goes a long way, it really radiates and people see this--of course there is no guarantees to this, even Walmart doesn't have that good of a guarantee.  People often tests the validity on all important matters by considering the source, so be credible.

Much more to say but I would not certainly want to impose. 

Thank you Thank you Thank you.

next time take money in advance from your colleague and don't return for some time,,, give him hard time ,... am sure next time he will never ask you again

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 My colleague expects me to pay his kahraama bills, cart his papers from place to place etc., Sometimes he calls me when i am on my way somewhere and wants me to take his bank papers to his friends.

The last time he did this I told him, no way.

I am waiting for the repurcussions

Aunt Polly

If they pick on you the best thing to do is to fight back.....

"Everything in life is destiny."

JJ did he hit you??

where is he show me and will beat the hell out of him he will regret why was he ever born. 

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by my boss is what has happened to me when I was working as an accountant during Asian Games. I was reporting directly to our finance director, a british national. I thought everything was so smooth and going on well, he even used to treat me and my other colleague for lunch and even giving us extra overtime pay and etc. Until one fine thursday, he suddenly invited me for a dinner somewhere in ramada ( that's what he said). During that time, I was not even aware of what's really in ramada. since, I am already married and not that "kind of girl" I simply answered "no and thank u sir, but I cant".

the next working day, I was dead! he started calling me in his office, torturing me mentally by finding unecessary mistakes on my reports, shouting at me for no reason and regularly calling me on my extension, for more pressure and tension.....

I knew that my reports and my work was very good, but since I cudnt take the shouting and all with his "accent", I resigned. I brought this issue to our HR Director, but since my boss was really a bad and influential to the company, nothing happened to him. after some time, my other colleague also

resigned even our HR Director.

very bad but this is true. sometimes we get to work with people who thinks that they can do and they can get whatever they want, just because they are higher than us. but they don't know that they are not GOD, instead they are a DEVIL living in a human body.

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bullying is very sad but i have never seen as much bullying as i have seen in this country....esp when it comes to maids, cleaning people and the assistants i see in the restaurants/shops(you know the ones like the maids who are sponsored here and required to do practically everything and not treated with respect at all). I hate having to witness this on a daily basis...it makes me maddddddddddd...

One of my supervisors is the biggest bully, and it is very stressful. Not only does he openly mock us, but he likes to punish us like 2 year olds. If we take a vacation or call in sick, as soon as we are back he punishes us by making us do his work.

 The worst part is, there is nothing I can do. It just makes a very stressful work environment with everyone miserable.

tra la la

well mila, ur not afraid, but we want u here

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No human can stop racism and its easier to make a deaf hear u than an ignorant.

yes thexonic and you know what, am not afraid to get deported either. so whats you againts me with??? i got nothing too lose man. unless is criminal act and we talking about jail term I am not afraid.

Everybody is right Everybody is wrong, it depend where we stand.

Mila, u know the saying about dogs tail... so there's no point... like everyone said, this is not our country... their country their rules or no rules lol.

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No human can stop racism and its easier to make a deaf hear u than an ignorant.

ok bullying verbally is different but hitting you????... you should have made a legal complaint against him... which leads me to one question, how does it work here if a complaint like this would be submitted? will something happen?

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well go up to the person and smack him soo hard, or just insult his mom... that would teach him a lesson. Dont take bullies personally, they are just meant to mess around with one's head...

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No human can stop racism and its easier to make a deaf hear u than an ignorant.

darude...i dont understand what u mean.

and sorry....spicemeup you're a guy!!

what i was trying to say was that if you have two people bullying you, it might mean that there is something wrong with spicemeup...maybe she dresses provocatively....and it bothers others...or she is really dumb...

and jasminejasmine... how come u did not tell ur husband anything?

i am sure he would have punched that man in the nose...or tried to ...

I guess I never be afraid to lose my job and this attitude help me to stay strong, and once I see the bully type of person at work, I make sure they got my message (am not afraid loosing my job - so don't mess up with me). 

So even today I said to my boss, well sir.. he is driving over 65 over speed limit, is againts the rules. I just hope after what happened he can slow down a bit and obey the safety speed limit. I doubt it tho.

Everybody is right Everybody is wrong, it depend where we stand.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE HIT U?????????????????? THE BL**DY F***ING BA***RD!!!!!!!

The worst part of being in a situation at work where you feel vulnerable is the fact that people don't believe you or they say you are simply over reacting.  Please don't question other people who have been brave enough to share their feelings. This is why I mentioned the physical violence, to show how much he had persuaded me that I was just going to make myself look even more neurotic if I accused him of things I can't prove. 2 cleaners saw him hit me but were not prepared to stand by me, they even said if they were asked in court they would say they didn't see it. And they were my friends, they were very sorry but they didn't want to make life hard for themselves.

even the doc wont like to operate on him.

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DaRuDe ... Mir change sex?

wow a member for few minutes and you know that much about spicemeup.

or should i say Mir / Spicemeup / monicasingh

is Just one person.

G R O W UP MAN 

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Yes, it is interesting to hear the experiences and views of people. It is an interesting subject that I intend to research further, possibly even write a paper on. That was my intention when posting this forum topic, to gather info and discuss experiences. I wasn't asking for sympathy or advice on my particular experience, it was years ago. 

Incidently, the guy who bullied me once punched me in the face and threatened to do it again many times so was unable to always ignore his bullying. And the fact that I didn't go to the police can tell you just how terrified I was of him. 

 Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences and opinions, it's sad to know that this problem is so common but also good to think that people are able to talk about such personal issues on QL. It just goes to show what a good community QL is.

I have been bullied too by my superior and she was female too...

i put my case before the boss, and she got a telling off.  

But somehow the multi-people bullying i dont get.

I dont understand why wud the supervisor and boss bully one person..... for example spicemeup.

why wud her supervisor bully her and the boss support the supervisor........

has she tried the department meetings and getting things out into the open.... it has worked for me.

try and obtain the support of the department......most important...

 Tweety Bird, I agree with you on both your points - insecure men threaten women they feel threatened by. Similarly there are men who can go out of their way to encourage women too.

I think the insecure men are usually ones that come from cultures that do not allow much scope for the upliftment of women.

 As I grow older , I feel sadder , thinking of the time I waste   thinking about such people , instead of doing something to uplift myself- either professionally or educationally .

Dear jj,

From the number of responses you have got , you can see that many of us have experienced this and have been hurt by this . Each has dealt with it in a different way or is still dealing with it.

Aunt Polly

You see, I just cant do without them jokes you see...(tsk tsk and hey being a fellow indian, did you really think I was feeling guilty...)...

Tweety good technique, but i dont think i can do that i'll try though.

Ksarat i'm not talkin abt u... no need to feel guilty lol!

Abu like the poor cleaners some people aren't in a position to speak up - they are too scared to lose their jobs.....

(a couple of times I have told managers/supervisors off for the way they speak to other staff - Qatar Airways...Megamart)

If you can of course your advice is spot on..... otherwise - oh it is dreadful.

At that particular time I was stuck.  I am glad I weathered the storm though.

Well I'm not the type to ignore but I would be a little more sneaky about how I handled it.  If I could, I would turn the tables on the person in a joking way.  In this way I would bring to light what the person had done to everyone but at the same time I managed to keep it light.  Most people do not agree with bullies they just choose to stay out of it.  By bringing it in to the open in this way - I publicized the behavior, kept my dignity and put the spot light on the offender.

Hey sorry girl, didnt know that you get offended by jokes on you, I thought I was being a (BIT) nice...hmmm..now Do I have to watchout for ma lines...so that means no more jokes with SN...

At work if you stand up to a male bully it becomes an ego problem. That is much more difficult to handle than the bullying itself. Best is to ignore the person. Pretend he doesnt exist.... or at least thats what i think.

To add i am a living example of such bullying......I ve never come across such a lousy work atmosphere within the banking realm.......

   I was being bullied by my own supervisor and my boss kept supporting and whats more interesting the fools remain that way things never change...... .............

   But i persevered and now i am planng for some change.....Inshallah

I totally agree with Tweety Bird. But you have to remember that the only way to stop any kind of bullying is to pretend it doesnt effect you. I know thats really hard but you simply have to show that you really dont care about what they think and get on with your work. People try to bully me all the time. My husband says its becasue I am too friendly and I trust people very fast. That could be true...

But thats the way I am. I'm always at a loss of words when someone makes fun of me becasue I would not have expected it or donno what to say. But then again I try to learn from my mistakes and try not to put myself in that position.

True, so very true. 

Most bullies will stand down when challenged by the person they are bullying but for woman in the work environment it is a little bit more complicated because we are targeted because we are women but if we stand up for ourselves we are Biotch's or have chips on our shoulders, have an axe to grind, etc.  If we take it to management we are seen as weak and unable to handle things on our own.

When you are a women, especially at a lower management level, you walk a fine line between those two areas.  It is a balancing act that can and will effect your career. 

I probably didn't explain that very well.  I  hope it made sense.

Thats so true. Often nobody will speak up at the time but after the person has left they admit they knew it was going on. Good for you intervening, you may have made a huge difference to someone's life.

Nobody Bullies me! if someone does their messenger wont work till the time  they beg

As much as the topic is on a serious note, to sneak a quick comment (on the lighter side) in...

Freak pity those guys who just cant with them ladies around, geeeeeez, pls convey our deepest condolences (Me and Smoke) to them, such a pity,

They need to know how lucky they are (its a freaking  Gay Bash at our offices...LOL...Pardon my language ladies...)...if they are in this situation, then they would know what they are complaining about...LOL...

NO bullying is not ok under any circumstances but unfortunately it still happens.  So, I remind myself that times are better for me than they were for my mother.  And if we women continue to persevere, things will be better for our daugthers when their time comes to enter into the professional world then they are for us.

Please rest assured that I don't sit at home weeping about what happened to me. You are quite right, I am a much stronger person now, but that does not make it ok. Bullying in the workplace is an interesting subject as it affects so many people.

Aunt Polly - it has been my experience that it is the insecure men who are the guys who have the most trouble working with women.  And these insecure men have the most trouble with strong, intelligent women - so take heart.  He has targeted you for a reason - he is threatened by you.

With that said - I have worked for some incredibly professional men who have gone out of their way to help me grow in my profession so while there are some real stinkers out there - there are some real gems too!

 I am often bullied at work by a person who feels he is my supervisor  , but actually is not.

It makes the work situation very bad.

He gangs up and back bites with other staff when I am not around and even if I am around , he goes around talking crap about me. This amounts to emotional abuse according to me .

Often it is men who have abused me at the work place

Aunt Polly

The way to look at this is not what happened in the past but what you learned from it for the future.  Unfortunately the world is not a fair place and the work environment is even more unfair - especially where women are concerned. 

There have been times when I was subjected to unfair treatment in the work place but, believe it or not, I did learn from each of those experiences.  And while they were unpleasant (and even hurtful) at the time, I truly believe they are part of what has made me the woman I am today.

So take a quiet moment to reflect on your experience and decide if you were in that position again, what would you do differently.

I think it's impossible to say that it would never happen to you. I would never have imagined it would happen to me. I started off feeling angry and tried to go through the proper channels but the drip drip of being undermined and generally being made to feel that it was my fault, left me a nervous wreck. Then people stop listening to you because they think you are just over emotional, by which time you are.

This guy was sacked shortly after I left but was sent away with a glowing reference only to get an even more powerful position in another organisation.

Mila, I really hope that this situation blows over, it's miserable for you.

You did the right thing by reporting him to the safety director.  Safety rules are in place for a VERY important reason and I think it goes without saying what that reason is.  Unfortunately when the rules only apply to some but not all, the entire message is jeopardized.  The way I have always looked at - accidents happen to everybody.  They do not bypass the bosses or the relatives of the bosses.  So if accidents are not selective then why should the rules designed to protect people from accidents be selective.

For what it's worth - if you would have reported the violation to me I would have given him the same disciplinary action that would be warranted by anyone violating safety requirements.  So not everyone out there operates that way. Many do the right thing and eventually the safety culture in Doha will improve.

You did the right thing. I admire your courage.

Just call me Tigasin. That's what I'm talking about

First of all, a nice topic I would say JJ,

And second, sorry you had to leave your job that you love( I know how hard that is now to find such a job)...

and then ladies, Oryx, Mila, well...quite interesting...Oryx your description of the event, and Mila, you too girl, sometimes its best to stay low profile girl...

I always knew about "Ragging" (Bullying) the Juniors at College...That was real fun I must say...real real fun...got into trouble for that, but still I enjoyed it thoroughly...

But at work...hmmmm....interesting...(or maybe for people who WORK)...lol

well, nothing can bully me or i should say i will not let myself to get bully. no matter the circumtances are. so far nothing happened to me. but lately, there is one guy from client office, he is cousin of one of the big manager in where in work. he is only supervisor but he drive like an idiot.

in our weekly meeting we always talk about safety and the important to obey the project rules. driving under 50 speed limit. several times i see him flying and yesterday was the worst, he almost knock somebody from behind, so i reported his behaviour to our safety manager and he got warning because of my report. well guess what, he acting like the prince here say to my boss, watch out your secretary, whats her business to report me. i drive whatever i want.

so my boss asked me today to let him be. and i say to myself, whats wrong with this people??? (i understand my boss situation and his decision to asked me let him be, as i know we dont want trouble with client) but still...in the meeting we keep stressing about safety issues and obey the rules but now somebody violate the rules and just because he is cousin of the big manager in the project is untouchable???

i feel want quiting just because of this descriminition. if one of our driver doing this, for sure he already pack his back and go home to their country.

so sad. what i have to do.

Everybody is right Everybody is wrong, it depend where we stand.

I cried a lot.......... I felt absolutely horrible like a little crawly worm.

One time I was crying the woman just kept going on at me and I was begging her just to leave me alone.

Awful.  quite a few got sacked because of her. .... she was a pyscho baitch....luckily she got sacked when it finally dawned on the right people that she had lied and cost people their jobs.

thats not very helpful - is it?