Can't find Mr. Right?
Waiting for the perfect man? Mr Second Best is better than Mr Nobody... and I should know!
By Charlotte Metcalf
Last updated at 8:19 AM on 26th January 2010
Single, over 30, longing for a baby? A new book says stop waiting for the perfect man and marry the first half-decent one who'll have you. Too right! says CHARLOTTE METCALF.
One of my best single friends is witty, clever, rich, successful and bears more than a passing resemblance to Pamela Anderson.
Men tend to wilt in her presence or behave with inappropriate rashness. The world is her oyster - and yet what she wants more than anything is a baby.
Currently, she is trying to conceive with donor sperm. When I went to see her recently, she introduced me to her friend, Alana, who - as a single woman - was thinking of going down the same route, but dithering. Alana knew I'd had a baby late in life and, since she was hitting 40, was eager to meet me.
Mr Second Best: By holding out for a romantic ideal after the age of 30, girls are throwing away their chances of a secure and fulfilling family life
When she found out I was living with my baby's father, she looked miserable for a minute before saying, with admirable honesty: 'Oh, so you're OK then. I'm not sure if I can bear to do it alone.
'Ever since I was little I've dreamed of a happy marriage and a family. Facing up to having a child alone kills that dream, and I think I'm still mourning it.'
I thought of Alana when I read the vituperative, enraged reactions to Lori Gottlieb's new book, Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr Good Enough, which is published in Britain next week.
Gottlieb - a writer and columnist - would say Alana could fulfil her dream, so long as she 'settled' for the next man that came along .. . even if he had halitosis or was rude to waiters.
The thesis of Gottlieb's book is that by holding out for the romantic ideal, broadly known as Mr Right, after the age of 30, many of us girls are throwing away the opportunity of a secure and fulfilling family life - a life-affirming structure that will keep us happy, regardless of our husband's failings.
In her book, Gottlieb - a single mother who admits she wishes she had settled for any of the 'perfectly acceptable but uninspiring' men she rejected during her futile hunt for perfection - describes sitting in the park with a friend and their six-month-old babies, both conceived via donor sperm: 'Ah, this is the dream,' I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing.
'In some ways, I meant it: we'd both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream.
'The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married,and live happily ever after.
'Of course, we'd be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment.
'Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).'
Phew. No wonder Gottlieb has whipped up such a storm. Across the pond, the internet is buzzing - and most of the women giving their views aren't happy with the author's 'tell it like it is' approach.
'There's no way in hell you would get me to settle for less than the perfect man - not even at gunpoint', wrote one outraged woman. 'She needs a psychiatrist, pronto,' said another. You get the picture.
Social scientist Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out and The Living Single blog on the internet, was incandescent with indignation. She called Gottlieb's 'husband-fixation' 'tragic' and described the comments the author made as 'nakedly and proudly regressive'.
So does Gottlieb know what she's talking about? She's based her book on her own experience and research conducted among 30-year- olds. Underlying the entire premise is her conviction that they all long for conventional family life.
She concludes: 'Oh, I know there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will say that the women I know aren't widely representative, that I've been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I'm talking about.
'All I can say is that if you say you're not worried about finding the right man, either you're in denial or you're lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you're not worried, because you'll see how silly your face looks when you're being disingenuous.'
My initial instinct was to laugh and wholeheartedly agree with Gottlieb's vociferous detractors. Decades of feminism have surely convinced us that we can do without conventional, male-dominated social structures?
Dreaming of motherhood: Lori Gottlieb says that if you're not worried about finding the right man, either you're in denial or you're lying
Dreaming of motherhood: Lori Gottlieb says that if you're not worried about finding the right man, either you're in denial or you're lying
It seems ludicrous that women should be exhorted to put up with, say, as Gottlieb suggests, a widower with nightmare children still grieving for his dead wife, just for the sake of simply being able to call yourself 'Mrs' and not 'Miss'.
Yet thinking about my generation, 20 years on from Gottlieb's anxious 30-year-olds, I wonder, to my consternation, if she has a point.
Before I am labelled as regressive, too, I'm not talking about my friends who are perfectly content, having chosen to live single, child-free lives. I am talking about those who so desperately wanted marriage and children - but missed out.
Last year I went to a big 50th birthday party. Our host, happily married for more than two decades with a brood of children almost grown, made a speech in which he praised his wife's virtues and revelled (somewhat smugly) in his happiness and good fortune.
As he talked, I happened to glance over at his ex-girlfriend. A beautiful, talented woman with a lust for travel, she had broken off her relationship with our host years ago to pursue other excitements.
Decades on, she is still unmarried without children - and not by choice.
Her smile was fixed as she listened. So should she have 'settled' all those years ago for a man who could have provided her with all those things she didn't even know she wanted then? Is it even possible for today's women, so used to controlling their lives, to 'sell their soul' to someone who really doesn't do it for them? Can we really do as Gottlieb urges?
I hate to use the word 'settle' because it suggests my partner was lacking in some way, and he was not. I prefer to say that I managed my expectations of the man I would share my life with
Well, dare I say it: 'Yes we can!' Before you shriek in horrified protest, let's first dissect this idea of 'settling'.
During an interview about her new book describing her love affair with Harold Pinter, Lady Antonia Fraser coyly confided that he had sent her reams of love poems. I defy any woman who was listening not to have had a momentary pang of extreme envy. I certainly did.
Who wouldn't fantasise about being loved by a hugely talented genius who filled their house with flowers - just as Harold did for Antonia?
Yet, when I delve into my memory I recall that a painter bordering on being a genius once did just that for me. I came home to my entire living room floor strewn with scarlet flowers. He was sitting among them, awaiting my arrival. Did I marry him on the spot?
No, instead of recognising, as Lady Antonia did, that this was an exquisite gesture that could change my life, I focused instead on all the reasons why I had to resist the man.
He lived abroad, had a receding jawline and a somewhat alarming dress sense.
Surely these were the tiniest of minor obstacles if I had only had my eye on the bigger picture?
Whether my generation has watched too many slushy movies with happy endings or just read too many self-help books and had a lot of therapy to boost their sense of self-worth, many of us have failed to recognise a potential partner because we were too busy waiting for some Richard Gere lookalike to turn up and re-enact the final scene of An Officer And A Gentleman.
When I was in my early 40s, my partner of seven years left me because he didn't want babies, and I faced a bleak, childless future.
Then, at 45, I became pregnant by a man I had known for less than a year. It was such an unexpected shock that I initially mistook the symptoms for an early menopause.
I was not in a permanent or committed relationship with the baby's father, but I made a decision. I hate to use the word 'settle' because it suggests the child's father was lacking in some way, and he was not. I prefer to say that I managed my expectations of the man I would share my life with.
I finally let go of my fantasy that a millionaire poet who looked like George Clooney was going to come along and fall passionately in love with me. After all, even if an impossibly handsome, wealthy poet existed, why on earth would he plump for an ageing hack like me? What on earth was I thinking?
By waiting for some ludicrously gorgeous and perfect fantasy to materialise I had, for years, probably ignored numbers of highly desirable men who were right under my nose.
Sometimes, I've felt a pang of regret as a man I had insouciantly dismissed as being not quite good enough for me reappeared later as a model husband and father, a beaming wife at his side.
I began thinking about how often my friends and I have said, insisting it was in jest: 'Oh, I should have married him!'
So is marriage really what we wanted? One outraged blogger responding to Gottlieb wrote: 'Much of what she says is simply about wanting to fit into traditional society and has little to nothing to do with love.'
Fair enough. So, perhaps the reason this book has caused such uproar is because she's really raising that universal question we're all grappling with: does marriage make us happy?
Young people, without experience of it yet, may think it does. Older people may answer this question more circumspectly. Some of my married friends still seem happy. A few have soldiered on in unhappy marriages for the sake of their children.
Others have persevered after initial disappointments and found, to their surprise, that they have discovered a friend, if not a passionate lover, with whom they can happily share their life. Several have fled.
Having never married, I cannot tell whether I'd have been happier inside the institution, but what I do know for sure is that facing a childless future was utterly miserable - and before I had a child I often thought back to past boyfriends to indulge in wistful 'what might have been' thoughts.
Let's calm down about what this new book is saying. I think Gottlieb's fault is to use the term 'settling' when she talks about the man we choose because it has stirred up a hornets' nest of reaction.
I think, like thousands of wise matchmakers and probably our grandparents before us, she's just saying that if children and a conventional stable home are something you want, stop day-dreaming about being fought over by Colin Firth and Hugh Grant and start dealing with the real men in front of you. Or it could be too late. It's just common sense, really.
If Jane Austen or the Brontes were alive today, Jane Eyre might have failed to see beyond Rochester's crusty exterior and Elizabeth Bennet could have overlooked cold, arrogant Darcy altogether, in the misguided hope that the perfect man was just around the corner.
The last line of Charlotte Bronte's great novel might have read, 'Reader, I should have married him.' If it's a conventional happy ending you want, as opposed to the prospect of a life alone, then I urge you to take heed of what Lori Gottlieb has to say.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1246008/Waiting-perfect-man-Mr...
yeah,that's more like it.like for me,i wanted my husband to be my best friend more than anything else.kids,love,etc. are all secondary or even tertiary.i never expected him to be perfect...we have film stars to fantasize as perfect beings anyway :-D
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor
LOL, ya I should have.
Svelte makes good points, as do Xena and Eagle. I think it just depends on what you want. For some women they've always wanted the husband and kids, but have outrageous ideas of what the husband should be like. Some women just want kids, which in most places they can have on their own. Some aren't fussed by the idea of either. Depends what you want.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Olive you should have posted this topic without revealing that you are about to get married. Would have been interesting to note the number of guys offering to be your Mr. Right :P
**** Aal Izz Well****
thanks ILP :-) wish more people understood this...
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor
well-said svelte_saggi !
i wholly agree with this article.a man or a woman cannot be custom made according to your choice.if u come across a person who has more of acceptable traits,i strongly feel that there is no wrong in settling down with him/her.and it's not depending on the age.20 or 30 or 40.okay,the biological clock is a different issue altogether.but on a more personal note,i feel that a person's mind is more flexible during the period of 20-30.they are able to search for the good in their spouse and learn to appreciate that.a single person into their middle age will have seen more of the world and are hence more critical and skeptical of people...which makes making choices more difficult for them....eventually all they are left with is a sense of heartfelt regret and a sense of frustration that they are no longer wanted AND that they can practically do nothing about it.like the article suggests,they feel envious of happy families around them.cultures vary and i don't advocate marriage for everyone.but if u really intend to settle down with someone,i feel that it's pointless to keep waiting for that perfect combination to come your way.c'mon....prince charmings riding on tall white horses happen only in fairy tales.and this is life....not a fairy tale.
Going to church no more makes you a Christian than standing in a garage makes you a car. ~ Garrison Keillor
Ms. Right or Mr. Right !
The only right thing is to chose the first caring & decent person you come across .... and make it Right-4-u!
My personal observation is ... that often, ppl who r more obsessed with ideals/mr. rights end up with the WRONG onez !
only a man would understand and be able to keep up;-P
No excuses:-)
visit www.qaws.org
Xena said Its true FU, I think thats half my problem.... I have a very strong personality...
that and my active lifestyle sends most men away because I am always to busy with my life for them to keep up..."
Stop making excuses for the boys, Warrior Princess. They can't keep up or they're gutless?
Now, reiterating this conversation with my pals and I posted sometime last year, dunno where BUT do we really want to settle for a boy or a man? It'll be the latter. :P
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the beerholder.
Well said, Om Maui.
And Mr. Almost Right would do. But that doesn't mean that I'll want to change him, in the same way that he has a snowball's chance in hell of changing me.
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the beerholder.
Olive said ... But I can't imagine being 40 and still single. I think I probably would settle for the first guy that asked me."
By 40, most would not feel that biological clock ticking. They would know what they want for sure by then and not bother to settle for less, not to mention they can see through most of the bs. There are pros and cons to every situation in life.
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the beerholder.
If this is the only thing you're thinking about, you're losing half of the experience. Sometimes you or your husband being feisty or naughty or moody can be a thing or two that makes your memories happy with each other, so stop thinking like you demand something more on your type of man.
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
In a nutshell, the article is just saying to do what makes you happy. If that means waiting forever for Mr.Right, so be it. Or if it's marrying your friend cos he treats you well, so be it. Just be happy with your decision.
nice article olive, lets say that after 30yrs, I accepted to settle with the first one.....what are the guarantees that I will be happy or even comfortable......I prefer to wait for my mr. right than to end up with a separation after 30....
All what I found are wrong! Where are the real men! :\
Did they took a plane n flew away to a diffrent planet lol
''Ask me NO questions, & I'll tell you NO lies :)''
...to end up staying single above 30.
So if I was the woman, enough dreaming because they're getting nowhere. Pick the male beggar on the street and you wouldn't need to worry about your age clock ticking. ;-)
"Everything in this book may be wrong." Illusions: The Adventures of The Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach
"Decades on, she is still unmarried without children - and not by choice ."
It IS by choice! ALL we are doing in our daily life is by choice! We make our decisions subconsciously, based on our momentary needs, wishes, feelings.
You can go to supermarket by two different ways. The way you have chosen on some particular day may turn over all your life.. it was YOUR choice to take this way..
.. so when it comes to having families and babies, it is definitely your choice! Are you busy with something else? You cannot get alone with your partner? You keep in mind "I still have time"? ... Well, it's all about priority...
Each one chose his/her life this way or another.. no one to be blamed..
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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small compared to what lies within us."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
women over 30 should settle for the first man that asks them to marry them.
duh...
I don't like the drugs,but the drugs like me. :D
...to someone else. :)
Source:
- A study Conducted by FriedUnicorn - Vol I (September,1999)
"Resident Attention Seeker"
mr right will never exist LOOOOL
i'll volunteer for Mr Right Now.
I tend to agree with the author. "waiting" for the ideal man could mean the old body clock ticking too far , so go for someone you feel has "most" of the qualities you are looking for.
i hope i dont get left on the shelf :-( i want to find little miss perfect also.
live the dream, get married, travel and be happy, have a house...
Its true FU, I think thats half my problem.... I have a very strong personality...
that and my active lifestyle sends most men away because I am always to busy with my life for them to keep up...
visit www.qaws.org
Snessy.hhmm naughty forty..like that
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Can We Fix It?
Yes We Can!
Source:
- A study Conducted by FriedUnicorn - Vol I (September,1999)
"Resident Attention Seeker"
Xena nearing 40!!!!! I was surprised when you said you are past 20's ;)
**** Aal Izz Well****
tried explaining the same, but majority didn't get it...
Anyhow back to the topic... Am heading for late 30's now... when I hit 30, my biological clock started to tick loudly... so I figured I would try meet someone.... didn't work... am now nearing 40's and honestly, i couldn't be bothered anymore...
I have my life, my dogs, my work at the shelter and my 'official' job.... it all keeps me fulfilled. True, I am never short of male company, but I have become to set in my ways to change for anyone...
So definately won't be settling for second best just to have someone in my life...
visit www.qaws.org
Now I get the point when you say people are animals, they are animals by the latin definition you paste.
What is good also is that you separate the humans from the elephants, sheeps, tigers, and others according some criteria that you have mintioned.
It's a particular pet peeve of mine whyteknight. I mean Aristotle put a lot of work into classifying all living creatures, and I think we should use his terminology. There is nothing insulting about being referred to as an animal, it's a shame that it's become an insulting word in some languages/cultures.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
steve
pardon ?
You will notice that that passage mentions nothing about religious belief or evolution, it's simply our biological classification, because like it or not we share similar traits to other animals, like those listed above. Muscles, internal digestion, locomotion, etc. Our Species is Human (actually Homo Sapien) of which we are the only animal classified under that group.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Olive I can't believe you defined it :)
Straight Arrow we are mammals, a classification of animals.. First sentence of social science text book, Man is a social animal..
Now where is Ms. Right...
**** Aal Izz Well****
An animal is any living, breathing creature.
The word "animal" comes from the Latin word animal (meaning with soul, from anima, soul). The biological definition of the word refers to all members of the Kingdom Animalia including humans.[2]
Characteristics
Animals have several characteristics that set them apart from other living things. Animals are eukaryotic and are multicellular[3] (although see Myxozoa), which separates them from bacteria and most protists. They are heterotrophic,[4] generally digesting food in an internal chamber, which separates them from plants and algae (some sponges are capable of photosynthesis and nitrogen fixation though).[5] They are also distinguished from plants, algae, and fungi by lacking rigid cell walls.[6] All animals are motile,[7] if only at certain life stages. In most animals, embryos pass through a blastula stage, which is a characteristic exclusive to animals.
Structure
With a few exceptions, most notably the sponges (Phylum Porifera) and Placozoa, animals have bodies differentiated into separate tissues. These include muscles, which are able to contract and control locomotion, and nerve tissue, which sends and processes signals. There is also typically an internal digestive chamber, with one or two openings. Animals with this sort of organization are called metazoans, or eumetazoans when the former is used for animals in general.
All animals have eukaryotic cells, surrounded by a characteristic extracellular matrix composed of collagen and elastic glycoproteins. This may be calcified to form structures like shells, bones, and spicules. During development it forms a relatively flexible framework upon which cells can move about and be reorganized, making complex structures possible. In contrast, other multicellular organisms like plants and fungi have cells held in place by cell walls, and so develop by progressive growth. Also, unique to animal cells are the following intercellular junctions: tight junctions, gap junctions, and desmosomes.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
for me an animal is a living specious which lives in a jungle or forest or house or zoo or where ever.
Guys please list what are the differences and similiraties?
Mr. Right is a myth, there's no such thing. stop dreaming
www.live365.com/stations/thevault85
Wait, just heard she is on her way.. have a look then decide if u wanna settle for the first girl asking...
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Even Birds find Nest to Rest... am still Wandering.
Cheers
~ AK ~
Is there anything like a Miss Right or should I just settle for the first girl asking me to marry her ;)
And by the way Man IS a social animal :)
**** Aal Izz Well****
Human beings ARE animals! We are not plants or rocks! By saying we aren't animals you're saying we are something else. It's just a generic term. Yeeesh.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
I am Mr.Right/Perfect for someone and we both find each other before the age of 30..
Every agegroup had its own charm! I miss my 10s,20s and now I cross my 30s, I am missing it too and looking forward to the 40s.....
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Have Courage To Live.
Anyone Can Die.
Just be proud, and as you know there are two divisions of people, one thinks we are animals and other no we are human beings.
I am one of those who believe we are human beings and not animals, and I do not want to enter this debate again guys.
aaahhhhhhhhhh.......
bored.
peace
can you make it short!
cause maybe he is on your left
Found and married Mr. Perfect before I was 30. Had the babies. Now enjoying my mischievous 30's.
I think its not about "finding" Mr. Right. I think its about finding perfection in the one that we have, loving him inspite of his faults, working through conflicts together.
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"We live life forward, but understand it backward"
good topic, but it's too long to read!
olive :D
because the docs told me olive is good for health
Buzz off! What are you doing in a thread about babies? Or is it about Mr. Right? Whatever.
Lol forget my 20s 30s 40s, I"m reallllyyy looking forward to my 50s :P
Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~
are you sure??
but how can that be you have been on US base all your life.
20 or 30 or 40 what did you enjoy.
A new thread... babies at ___ ___ age. If Done with perfect women and mr. right ?
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Even Birds find Nest to Rest... am still Wandering.
Cheers
~ AK ~
I"m not saying that 40s is the best age. A lot of experts would say the 20s are best...
But like I said, I don't get what's so magical about 30.
I don't want to have any babies now at my 'advanced' age, but I know without a doubt that if I did, I would be a much better mom in a lot of ways than I was in my 20s-early 30s.
~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~
Sorry Om Maui but the last time I checked we're mammels and are subject to many of the same instincts, especially in regards to child rearing as our animal brethren.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Not sure where you get that the 30s is the best age to give birth. There are too many factors to determine a "best" age.
Even so, you could meet Mr. Right in your mid-30s and still deliver before the decrepit old age of 40 :P
~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~
Well menopause generally starts in your late 40's- early 50's, which means in your early 40's your in your last childbearing years. It's well documented that women who give birth in their 40's are more likely to have children with Down Syndrome and other illnesses and are more likely to have a difficult/dangerous childbirth. Also, saying you gave birth at 42, you'd be 60 by the time you're child is 18. I'd be ready to think about grandbabies and retirement then, not how I'm going to pay for my kids college.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
my two cents...forget Mr. Right...go for Mr. Right Now.
No one is perfect and don't even try to seek one.....
That guy/girl will remain single forever in searching...
or may get compromised with 'Married but still available' :D
Learn to appreciate good qualities/characteristics and ignore/forgive bad ones are the magic Mantra for lasting relationship.
Olive, I wish you said people are social beings, rather than social animals :(
Chocoholic, I've heard great things about the naughty forties ;-)
*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****
chocoholic, agree with Olive on that. it's a biological thing. it becomes harder and harder for a woman to conceive as she ages. it's nature's way of ensuring that the baby grows up with a mother who is young and healthy enough to care for the offspring.
OK How many people define Mr/Miss Right by which "bad" characteristics they have?? She met many wonderful, suitable guys but pushed them away because they did not meet her expectations of Mr Right. Only in hindsight did she realize her mistake. Everyone needs to manage their expectations if they want to acheive happiness.
"Happiness is not having what you want it is wanting what you have"
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"A Wise Man knows what he does not know!"
if you cannot find mr. right, you can try mr wrong maybe he is right....
I would say it's because most women don't want to be having children in their 40's. It's our biological clocks that dictate that our 30's is the prime time to be giving birth.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Uh no, I just don't get what's all the rush. Why do the companionship and kids have to come before the magical age of 30?
~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~
"The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; its learning to love the person you found."
Hence, there is nothing like the right person to marry. Everybody has flaws. We need to accept any person along with his flaws. That's what make a marriage blissful.
Om Maui, people are by nature social animals. Respecting and loving yourself doesn't mean your immune from loneliness.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
alpha wolf, you are correct if we're talking about perfect. but perfect guy is different from right guy.
people think they need another person to make them happy. if you're not comfy being by yourself, how do you expect another person to do that job for you? i just don't get it.
Why haven't we come along way chocoholic? Is it wrong to want human companionship and a children?
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
"I'm glad I found my Mr. Right before the age of 30. But I can't imagine being 40 and still single. I think I probably would settle for the first guy that asked me."
What is this, 1965???? Girls are STILL waiting around for Mr. Right??
If he's Mr. Right, he'll show up at whatever age he's supposed to show up.
Guess we haven't really come a long way after all, baby
:(
And snessy, if you're loving your 30s, you'll love your 40s even more... after all, 40 is the new 30!
~~Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy~~
I think the point is about managing expectations. There is no perfect man/woman, no perfect job, no perfect place to live - eveything has a good and a bad side. If you are waiting for the perfect partner you will never find him/her - they just don't exist. You must learn to set your priorities - and thus your expectations. Focus on the good points and minimalize the bad and you might just find out you really are happy.
Just a thought.
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"A Wise Man knows what he does not know!"
Yup Uk. I just couldn't resist him. :)
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Olive so finally you've coinceeded and getting married, where is that motto I shall remain single all my life kinda thing?..:) lol
Anyway getting back to the post. My reply is that Mr right already has a boy friend! so it is very hard for the ladies to find him now a days..:)
-----------------
Can We Fix It?
Yes We Can!
I would just have babies on the brain snessy. I'd probably be off to the sperm donors.
Thanks. :)
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
Mr. Right only exist in our dreams....
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
Very true, 40 and single, it would feel like the Sex & The City girls! BTW, Best of luck for your forthcoming wedding :-)
*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****
aah.. so there is a first guy and he asked too... hmmm i guess i was late...
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Even Birds find Nest to Rest... am still Wandering.
Cheers
~ AK ~
Is it a boyfriend or a husband?
I have to agree Snessy, I'm glad I found my Mr. Right before the age of 30. But I can't imagine being 40 and still single. I think I probably would settle for the first guy that asked me.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
I'm glad I found my Mr Right before the age of 30, I wouldn't be happy with second best ;-)
Olive, 30 is a great age to be, I'm very happy in my flirty thirties ;-)
*****If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all*****
All I can do is to quote what most relationship therapists say, "Once you settle for less, you get less than what you settled for."
Women above 30 who are desperate to be married for the sake of being married, have self-esteem issues, that will not be solved by coupling with the first man who is stupid enough to marry such an insecure person.
looking for perfect man on QL...keep waiting...:D
... BAADSHAH ...
FU and single?Hahaha..Joke of the year!
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Pray, Before prayers are said for you..
LOL, I'm getting in right at the last minute FS. It will be 6 months till my 30th birthday when we get married.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
"NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNING, NEW LIFE"
Olive sad that you didnt wait to be 30....otherwise FU would have got a chance...
and he is still SINGLE!!:(
I didn't say anything eaglemannuel, it's written by some columnist from the Daily Mail.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
i appreciate to the author olive typing this long story....
Women over 30 should settle for the first man ? so what about the 29 who were in queue.. chuckles...
Cheers
~ AK ~
Olive said, "Waiting for the perfect man? Mr Second Best is better than Mr Nobody... and I should know!"
No such thing as a perfect man but Mr. 2nd Best is NOT better than Mr. Nobody.
"Single, over 30, longing for a baby?"
Yes, yes and not really.
"girls are throwing away their chances of a secure and fulfilling family life"
Define secure and fulfilling family life - if married to a GFNASBSSEFM.
No time to read the rest of the postie. Maybe later. TTFN.
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Beauty lies in the eyes of the beerholder.
Sorry. Basically says that women over 30 should settle for the first man that asks them to marry them.
"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect." Ambrose Bierce
I read it in 3 minutes flat.
Source:
- A study Conducted by FriedUnicorn - Vol I (September,1999)
"Resident Attention Seeker"
www.perfectman.com am sure you can find one there.. even if not perfect everyone there pretend to be one...
Cheers
~ AK ~
yes very long olive :)
too long to read.
Aana free, jaana free,
Pakde gaye tho khana free.
I know many who have gone through a similar experience.
Source:
- A study Conducted by FriedUnicorn - Vol I (September,1999)
"Resident Attention Seeker"