Cheating Partner/Spouse
By Cornellian •
Would u forgive a cheating partner/spouse ?
And what's worse an emotional affair or a physical affair ?
Let's hear the arguments for and against...
Would u forgive a cheating partner/spouse ?
And what's worse an emotional affair or a physical affair ?
Let's hear the arguments for and against...
I work nigths Mrs. Buttercup...:)
You can't teach experience...
Thanks. Although I think the word is 'sappy'!
you're so sweet and romantic joe.
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我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
Agreed. I think the definition of love is entirely elusive, other than I know when I have been in love in the past, and can recognise all the unfathomable joy, and insufferable heartache, it has caused me.
Love means lots of different things in lots of different situations. I love this song, I love you, I love the early filmes of David Lynch, do do do de do, I’m lovin’ it (thanks for senseless abstraction by the way, Justin. I’ll have a Big Mac).
I guess in this context love has to mean ‘I’m so fond of you that I reckon there’s a very good chance that in thirty years’ time, although I’m not necessarily expecting the feeling to be entirely constant, I’ll still be desperately happy that we’re sharing our lives with each other. And our kids will be brilliant.'
That’s what I want, anyway, although I expect I’ll probably use those three lethal words again before I'm at the point where I'm trying to pick the right moment to go down on one knee. To save heartache, though, I just hope it’s the same girl.
we all know it doesnt exist gypsy...so whatever my idea of love is, its definitely not that ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
But what is your definition of love??? This is the question I'm asking, because if it's the story book kind it just doesn't exist.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
thanx swissgirl...thats really sweet ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
it will.belive me.and once when you are old and grey,sitting in a armchair,watching the sundwon then remember your time here in Ql,take your husbands hand and have a smile because of your worries now.
lol.
wish you all the best dear and verry good luck.
:-D
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
i really hope that happens swissgirl...here i go again sounding idealistic and naive but at least i know im not the only one who thinks that way ;-P oh well...i just cant help it ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Love is too vague to explain by mere words.
But if we will love it will conquer all things in this world.
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
dont search,leat you find.at the right time mr.right will stand bevore you and your heart will know that he is the special one for you.
:-D
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
You can't equate 'waiting for love' for 'waiting for perfection necessarily' (ie some geezer on a white horse or someone who'll read Satre to you wearing nothing but a Coventry City shirt or whatever it is for you personally). There are scales of happiness, just like everything else. Recognising that you could be happier if you ended up with someone you love (and who loves you) doesn't therefore make you unhappy. I think it's worth recognising that being with someone just to save you from being on your own is quite likely to make you (and them and people around you) miserable.
What am I saying? I guess just that getting married is a gamble, inevitably. I guess I'm just less of a betting man than many others seem to be.
Miss Right is not the same thing as Miss Perfect.
Oh, I'm gutted. I thought pasion would last for ever.
loving it,at the end of the day, when im sat on my own in my flat, staring at a Tv,but not watching it, im alone in my thoughts....And to be totally honest with you all... I am s*** scared of dying alone...In a pokey flat somewhere without no one to check on me and find out why they havent seen me for a week or so.....
We all need a companion, to share our hopes and dreams with...To me, thats what makes us human.
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gypsy, i didnt say anywhere that i was happy to be alone...i said i would rather be alone than have something i dont really want...
and that is why im dating because im still hoping tp find someone that i would eventually be with in the long run..
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
But what is Love? Are you talking about mutual respect, admiration, a feeling of compassion, enjoying each others company? Or are you talking about stomach turning, knee shaking passion, because that's not love. That goes away.
Anybody who says they are holding out for Mr./Mrs. Right is just looking for an excuse to never ever commit to anyone, or stay commited to anyone.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
corne...yes, we are social beings, i could have comapnionship but not to the extent of marrying someone i dont love...because thats going to be really selfish of me and i will just make him miserable because i wont be able to love him enough or the way he wants me to...
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Yeah, all up for companionship but not just settling for someone or anyone because your unwilling to develop an ability to be independent. I would also contest the idea that life is more boring on your own. It may be, for some people, more lonely or too difficult, it may for some people deny them the opportunity to create new life and intimately support someone else (which in my eyes is admitedly quite an important aspect of life itself!) but being on your own is definately not more boring than being with someone else. Quite the opposite.
I'm willing to admit that my views here are probably a little biased being a semi-entrenched batchelor! But I guess that's difficult to get away from. Our ideas on the affairs of the heart and inevitably highly personalised.
As for cheating: your right there are exceptions (and I'll take this oppertunity to point out the handy disclaimer 'generally' in my opening prenouncement!). But from what I've seen, cheating can very rarely be excused because of some mutual lack of commitment to the relationship. It's normally, from what I've seen, men thinking they've got a right to be the exception to the rules and basically not being able to keep it in their trousers.
Jax if you were truly happy alone you wouldn't date or look for marriage. Personally I don't think I would ever ever marry anyone who I didn't consider to be my best friend.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
Corn...........have no fear Oh precious Pearl, you knight is here!!!!
jaxs as happy as u can be, u'll still be happier if there's someone to share ur life with. I'm not trying to be negative or anything, but that's just how we are, humans are social species, sooner or later we all want companionship.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
to imagine i will marry my best friend just to be not alone makes me laugh.i trust him verry much,i care for him we are helping each others but there is not a bit love.just friendship.once he asked me to marry him.i was laughing and explained him i will never do it.well,we are still friends but nothing more and for me i prefere to stay alone then because when i will marry it is only because of love.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
lol corne ;-P who said i was going to be miserable...happiness is a state of mind ;-P i just dont like settling for anything less than what i want..
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Whether or not you are holding out for love you are still marrying because you don't want to be alone. If we were happy to be alone we would never look for love in the first place. Also love doesn't last it goes through phases, eventually it does come down to compatiblity, platonic love, respect and affection and a desire for companionship.
If you're waiting for the knight on the white horse who you will love madly, passionatly forever to come around then you're going to die alone.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
that's not optimism jaxs, that's idealism :P
you can be optimistic and realistic at the same time, if u can't have passionate romantic love then why live alone miserably ?
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong- Garfield
it does sound so idealistic...its something that i believe in...if its just companionship that i would eventually seek, i would still not marry the person even if he was my bestfriend...the real word is harsh corne, and we do get bruised and battered all the time..i just cant help it if im so optimistic no matter what happens to me ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Actually jaxs, that sounds all so beautiful and idealistic and everyone wishes for that. But in the read world, that doesn't always happen. Quite frankly although I would want to marry someone I'm in love with, if I get old and there's still noone, I would rather get married to my best friend (someone I confide in, trust, and love...but not in love with) rather than live alone...yes falling in love is an important aspect but if I can't have that then I'll be content with companionship rather than loneliness.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Sorry for ur loss BP, but ur totally right, there is a huge difference. Finding out a child isn't urs doesn't only have to do with the evolutionary theory of "not having ur genes passed on", it's also about the deception, lies and false hope u were living in. Some people, however, decide to live past that and move on...I couldn't imagine how hard it would be.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Was trying to remind don't drift too much into marriage and children and forget cheating.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Ever since I warned my husband that if he strays I will F* the first person I see for some reason he has started detesting our watchman and keeps shooing him away.
i totally agree with you joe...as naive as this sounds, id rather grow old and die alone that marry someone im not inlove with...life is already too hard, i want to spend every single day of my life with that someone who makes me really happy...(although im sure he wont be making me feel that way all the time of course ;-P)
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
well Joe, people get married cause they want companionship and want someone to share their life with. It's quite boring if ur all on ur own.
As for cheating, ofcourse there's something wrong down the line for someone to resort to having an affair. Sometimes it's a mistake from both sides which leads one party to have an affair, I don't think it's a black and white issue, it's more in the gray area.
skdak, we're not changing the thread, it's all related...as that study showed.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
This thread hasnt changed its moved to other aspects and results of affairs, its natural for threads to develop, its the nature of them.
Gypsy, sorry to have been so agressive in my tone but I had a friend who went through this terrible experience, his suicide is reminder to me how cruel people can be to each other, especially partners. The mental anguish he went through I would wish on no my man or woman.
that's right joe...marry because you love that person.
Love will always be forgiving others right?
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我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
Hmmm. Maybe this IS me being romantic and naive, but I've always hoped I'll marry because of love. Not because being on my own is too hard, but because being with that other person is so damn cool life becomes even better.
I know black prince, I was just saying. :S
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
Why is this thread changing course to marriage and children from other parents etc etc etc.... ??
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Joe if people didn't marry because they feared being alone, no one would ever get married.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
Gypsy, theres a hugh difference between a man meeting a woman who has children from a previous liason and a man finding out that what he thought was his child is in actual fact from someone else............a massive difference and if someone cant see that, then they are blind, or have a one sided point of view
I would do nothing it his call, if he allows himself be stolen away from the best thing he could have or settle for the worst thing he can throw away after. Sorry, that's my SPIRIT of CONFIDENCE ^(0)(0)^
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
You are right there what I actually meant by my posts.
I will remember to explain in future like corni... LOL, but what will I do to my english.. Cant improve it further.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
In general: get out, I'd say. Even if you patch things up they'll always be this element of resentment brewing inside you and it must be difficult to restore trust. What if he or she says that they are working late one night or going away on a conference? You'll always be worried they'll be cheating again.
Strikes me if you expect everyone you know and love to assemble together for a day and tell them how great you are together and then stand in front of them and commit to never cheating on your partner, and then you go and sleep with someone else, and then go back to the bed you share with your wife or husband, you've got things very wrong somewhere along the line.
Can't help thinking if people were less prone to rush into marriage through fear of being on their own, it would happen much less often.
My posts are always too long, I apologise.
I have noticed however, that men who KNOW for certain that another mans child is not their own (say they marry a divorcee) have no issues with raising the child as their own and being excellent fathers to the other mans kid. Especially if the other man is not in the picture at all.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
A study by David Buss asked men and women to imagine which two forms of infidelity : a) their mates were having sexual intercourse b) their mates were forming emotional commitment.
It showed that males showed a stronger negative reaction to physical infidelity, whereas females reacted more strongly to the thought of emotional infidelity. And here's the evolutionary explanation:
Males, always uncertain about who fathered their children, have evolved a greater concern for a mate's sexual infidelity. Males who did not show sexual jealousy risked raising another man's children, thus losing in the genetic struggle.
Females, on the other hand, know who gave birth to their children, however because of a female's reproductive success depends on a male's resources, females have evolved a greater concern that their mate will be attached to another woman and thus divert his attention away from raising the children.
And the responses to this thread prove exactly that :D
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Nothing more that anyone can add..other than what Jaxs 13...has mentioned...keep your calm and warn the other if things not working out, then trust in your partner...
As simple as that...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Buddy, well from what I understoof of what you had written, it sounded like you were going to take some spice from outside of your relation like a fling, affair and things like that and then get back into your relation is something like what you mentioned, so I just had to reply back to you buddy...
But if what you meant was something like what Corne had mentioned, then I guess you are also quite right to a certain extent...depending on the situation...
Who says that one is not Blind...we have butterCup on QL who is as Blind as possible...read a couple of her posts and you will notice why...
But for you buddy, if you have your eyes opened, then that is great chief...
And regarding the chances to the loved one...I would give them more than one chance and give them my life dude, but provided (I don't need her life back)...those chances are for the betterment of OUR RELATION and NOT HER RELATION...LOL...that's how I put it buddy...
I'm sure I will give her the Life that she always wanted, passions, love, luxuries and trust, and ofcourse commitment and a good cool going life...her opinions will count, her desires will be taken care off, her necessities will be fulfilled, her promises will be served (like the Genie in the Lamp case)...but all that for just one thing in return buddy boy...only one thing...That same amount of TRUST and Love...nothing else required champ...what do you think, isn't that enough...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
well u can't control ur partner and u can't watch their every move. That's where TRUST comes in. I think it's good way to see whether ur partner really cares about u or not.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
i would probably keep an eye on both of them first...then ask my partner what he thinks of the other person...if the person who has the hots for my partner is one of my friends i would definitely warn her not to mess with me...if its someone i dont know, well, all i could do is trust my partner not to do anything stupid ...;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Put your partner in chains and give him a blind or he will get distracted.
Seriously: If he realy loves you.. he might flirt with the person in your presence and never behind your back.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Maybe I did try to say the same or similar thing what corni said... but sorry for my bad english couldnt explain in length.
I thank corni for the thought put in black & white.
Secondly: No one ever will accept the partner blindly.. unless he/she is dumb. Accpetance will come after a real and proper thought on the entire situation and circumstances.
There is so less time in life to love. Why not give your loved one all the chances you can possibly give them.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Here's a question. What do you do when you notice someone else has the hots for your partner?? Your partner hasn't done anything yet, but you can totally tell that this other person wants them, and is trying to steal them away.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
i agree with that cornellian...if the person just doesnt feel the same way, walk away and move on...but there are some people who just doesnt know when to walk away...
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
But jaxs...as I said depends on the reasons, I mean even if u love the guy but he cheated on u cause he doesn't care about u anymore, then u have to walk away no matter how hard it is.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
I think what Corne has expressed to a certain extent...at first...you will surely tell him to get out...but if that is what you really want and this happened all of a sudden in the spur of the moment and things are being talked about and feeling absolutely sorry for the situation...then you might as well give it another try and very rightly said, understandings and forgiveness, but if you going to blindly forgive, understand and do it for the heck of spice in your relation and without feeling for it or remorse, then you might as well "See you in Hell" as FC put it...I think what Corne has said, serves it quite nice to a certain extent, atleast thats a suggestion or a view that someone can have to a certain extent keeping in mind your heart and mind at the same time...
Cheers...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Remember Corne, we are in a place where people believe that adulterurs should be put to death.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
love is about forgiving and understanding...if u really love the person u will be willing to take that person back and give them another chance...and just hope for the best ;-P thats what most of my friends did...
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
I always welcome opposition :-)
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Your thoughts are welcome. But most of them will not agree with you.
You are taking bare facts of life, real situations.
Still you will get a lot of angry replies..
hahahahaha - I am watching the game
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
woooooaaaah! I leave it for 2 hours and already two pages, awesome! Hmmm...what do I think about it...
It's much easier said that done, I honestly don't know whether I would forgive him or not. I mean I know I should be saying "no way I won't forgive him, he doesn't deserve me if he cheats on me, he lost my trust, bla bla" but the matter of fact is affairs happen for a reason. Now if the reason was because he stopped loving me, well I'm out the door and won't look back. If the reason was because we grew apart, we weren't communicating properly,he recognized his mistake and he was very sorry and really wanted to work things out...then I might give him a chance. Like TCOM said To err is human. It would take a long time to heal, but if I really love him I would forgive him...isn't that what love is about ? Forgiveness and understanding ?
That's what I say now...but who knows how I would react at that moment...
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Naaa...buddies don't cheat on anyone champ...it really wouldn't bother much you see...
Smokey boy, looks like you are getting a second lease or life with FC telling you no probs she doesn't mind you cheating with Corne...LOL...way to go buddy...lucky bugger...wish I get such a lovely girl...LOL...*looking at FC*...do you have any friends who are nice like you??????????
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
ks16, you are one of the best here in QL, and am proud you are my buddy! ^(0)(0)^ but don't you cheat on me! LOL
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
look here, Smokey baby is cheating on me with Cornellie, is it going to be emotional or physical? LOL
You know I can forgive both of you! ^(0)(0)^
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
However times change, there are a few basics that don't change, there may be different ways of contructing a building or a doing a project, but the Basement remains the same all throughout...LOl...
As simple as that girl...don't you worry, you can tell your husband that Smokey is a nice boy and is looking for a girl, if you have one that is...LOL...what do you say Smokey...
Unless if you have 2 girls, then I could take the other one...LOL ... j/k
And by the way how bad are your manners, you didn't even wish me Good morning and no offer of Tea...sheeeesh...atleast I will keep myside clean, Morning Mom how you doing...are you new on here...not seen much of you on QL...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
I say Corne better not be thinking of cheating on me with one of the seven dwarfs or there's going to be some serious laying of the smackth down. IF you smellllllllllllllllllllllllll what the Smoke is cooking.
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
Dude, I totally understand your concern...I ain't getting FC to run away, she is a clever girl, she makes her own choices right girl...
Where is she by the way, FC come back I hope I haven't been too tough on you, it was all Smokey's fault...*pointing the finger at Smokey*
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Ksarat16 you put me on the right track. I was just about to suggest my husband that we are sooo outdated and there is a new trend in the city. j/k.
lol ksarat stop trying to scare FC away from me i'm a good boy :)
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
Could you tell us your views
[img_assist|nid=50852|title=hmm|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here
Than a whole truck load when I'm gone
Skdkak: I think Mom_me is talking in the right direction...just because you are having a lean period in a relation that doesn't mean you could have a fling...that is pathetic to think that way buddy...you might as well do something new to add some extra spice in your current marraige rather looking for outside the house dinner meals...you might as well ask your dear wife to make you some new dish...that is so pathetic to be ignoring...
I don't know and I wouldn't comment on what you have done other than your marriage for the past 8 yrs as you put it, cos I don't see my rights there, but seriously on what you have mentioned, that isn't regarded as Open-Minded ness...that is shees stupidity...
Mom_ME: I think you were not being personal, you were being reasonable...it is not about the stone-age...or the ice-age...in any age, a Relation and a marraige is fit into place because of your choice, and once you have done that, just because the relation is a bit dry or is a bit boring, that doesn't entitle you to taste another spice that is sheer nonsense buddy...so yeah right on that...
Isn't it Smokey boy...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
skdkak looks like i wont have my hands full after all :( like swissgirl said all good girls here on QL *very depressed his plan didnt work*
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
dude, you seriously have one person in your room...LOL...
I'm sorry FC I'm taking you for a ride...LOL...I'm pulling your leg, but what are friends for otherwise...ain't it not FC...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
I am not here to prove anything here.
(HAVE TO EDIT THE REMAINING PORTION OF THIS POST.....)
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Sorry Skdkak. Did'nt mean to.
Smokey, rightly said,
FC: Come on champ, seriously, you sound to be a person who doesn't want to understand what is the point that is being put forward, you are like the one who says the Deer that I'm holding has only 3 legs, while everyone else is trying to tell you that it is 4 legs...LOL...
Seriously, girl, you need to get your priorities and understandings of a relation pretty straight...otherwise trust me you will be for a RIDE of your life...and you being a nice human being, we don't want that to happen...I'm sure Smokey boy doesn't want you to get into that ROOM with him...LOL
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
HA HA HA, yeah I read it as if me and my smokey baby is the one arguing of him cheating on me, and I am telling him it's okay and he's tellimg me no its' not ok, LOL ^(0)(0)^
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People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
I think you are getting tooooooooo personal.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Smokey: Now u better give me your number as the situation is changed and you might need a company. LOL
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Skdkak before I get a heart attack with the liberal outlook of QL members (I must be still in the stone age) just a question if you are not uncomfortable answering it - how do you manage to trust each other again and sustain the relationship.
Better let go of the relationship then a daily emotional misery.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
lol.dont be disapointed when your room will be empty.there are only good girls on QL.lol.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
Speaking as a former cheater and a cheated on, there are many many reasons that people cheat. The problem with saying Yes I would forgive or No I would not is that an affair and the reasons for it are never cut and dry. Also I really don't believe in the "If he/she has cheated once they will cheat again" I cheated once, I will NEVER EVER do it again. It's just not worth it.
As for whats worse, an emotional affair is much worse. In the run of a marriage or long term relationship there may be times that you F**K up and do something physical, one time, that you regret. And hey, sometimes that can actually be Good for the relationship. But an emotional attachment to me is something that takes time, and is a breach of trust. So fine you screw up and have a one night stand, people make mistakes, but if you keep going back and back, then you're having an affair, disrespecting me, and destroying our relationship.
"You don't have to like me for who I am but we'll see what you're made of by what you make of me." Ani Difranco
---> love and accepting is different from cheat and forgiving..my point is simple, if u cant demand for ur man to be faithful to u that means there's no foundation to ur relationship. U'll never be happy u will just let the man walk all over u, cheat when he feels like coz he knows u'll forgive him. - Smokey Habibi
I cannot demand, I don't do that. I cannot ask you to be the person that I want you to be, I cannot force you to be the partner that I long for or I wish for (maybe I saw that in you that's why were partner/ were married) but I wouldn't leave you just because you made a mistake and you have your flaws (I am just going to be hopeful, you will do the same for me.)
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People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
Ahaaaa !!!!! Very bad of you.
Call me ASAP the moment your room is filled.
I am a very helpful QL member.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
skdkak i was replying to FC's comment :) and the same goes to all the girls that want to get naughty. All naughty girls will be punished and sent to my room for further action.
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
these past week i thought ive used up all my optimism...but u just reminded me of what i always used to say to myself, that something wonderful always comes up and that we do have to keep the faith ;-P what doesnt kill us only makes us stronger ;-P positivity...thats what we need ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Why only a MAN..??
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
---> Noone is perfect girl, but then atleast you can;t be telling yourself that It would be fine to have partner sleep with someone else, just because you wouldn't mind getting satisfied with anyother person, total crap girl, don't you think buddy? - Ks16 buddy!
I didn't say it will be fine, all am saying is I know am capable of forgiving someone that I truly love.
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
Skdkak, I am hoping you are as forgiving to your partner's weaknesses.
true.reminds me of a song:che sera,sera,whatever will be,will be,the future`s not ours to see,che sera,sera,what will be,will be.
:-)
i believe in this.the future is not ours to see but we can give our best,open new dors and closed windwos and when we are confident with ourself we are attractice for others and we will face another love.
:-)
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
love and accepting is different from cheat and forgiving..my point is simple, if u cant demand for ur man to be faithful to u that means there's no foundation to ur relationship. U'll never be happy u will just let the man walk all over u, cheat when he feels like coz he knows u'll forgive him.
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
One cannot have so much dedication not to become weak in a particular relationship ever.
There are week moments in any relationships and any fling or a passing affair during that lean period should be no problem for the other partner to ignore.
It is another matter if this affair ends up with a long lasting affair.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
Let me give you a
>>>hug
Physical affair is always followed by an emotional one. I may 'forget' my partners affair but may not 'forgive' him for breaching the trust.
chose to give up 8 yrs to be with him, so why dwell, if i sat and thought about the mess, i would only make myself ill, she isnt gonna change her mind so....
Just gotta let it go......( which i have done..If some of you are thinking , im getting over it too soon and i am cold and heartless, you go through it and then tell me)
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
all we could do is hope that its going to turn out that way and that we'll eventually get our happy ending...;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
I wont forgive him, I don’t have such a big heart..lol
Emotional or physical makes no difference…cheating is cheating…..both are equally wrong, then again if we just try to analyze why he cheated…if the answer justifies his cheating (like if I was not able to give him what he want…or ignored him in the past) . .then maybe I will forgive… (remote chance). I think physical is worse...once you are into a illicit physical relation, then its hard to get out of it...and things change from bad to worse, but if its emotional affair, maybe we can talk and sort it out.
Paul...
;(
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
For a man it is much easier than for a woman, I take time to recover and think what I really would like next.
I do know many women have a new partner within the following months but I find it hard to move my emotions that quickly.
I have been out a few times for dinner but I hate the question of when can we go back to your place lol.
Oryx: Girl, truly said about Divorce in a lot many countries, but still girl, even if the lady isn't financially independent, she shouldn't be overlooking the Bad things...infact I would say, why should a lady get into that position in the first place tell me...In today's world, I believe that Every person should have the bloddy sense to get Educated, and should be able to survive independently (ooo...sounds like a Ms. World Speech...LOL...yuckkk)...but yeah seriously, everyone should be able to survive make money so you don't get yourself into awkard positions, or you find yourself a society and a person who is true to you and doesn't play ROULETTE with your emotions on the numbers and he is flipping the White Ball, if the ball lands in your number, then he is yours, if it doesn't he goes away for the night and comes back tomorrow to play the GAME ONCE AGAIN....
O...How lovely I PUT, come on people, Give me 5-er...give me a claps...give me a pat on the back...such lovely words I just mentioned...YES OR NO...What do you think people...wooo hooo...LOL
And Paul: Absolutely buddy, there is someone else for you, it is time to move on...and it is heart-touching about the way you mentioned about your little star...sorry buddy...but again...we are giving you a good time ain't we champ...
And serriously, you are taking words from ButterCup...who is insane herself...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
easier said than done.yes it is.but at the end you can be proud of yourself that you made that step.and life goes on and when the time is right you will meet another one and love again and be loved.
:-D
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
If being a forgiving person makes me a rubbish one then so be it ^(0)(0)^ in the name of love I will be and I will not regret that!
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
no worries...better to just leave the guy than torture urself agonizing every minute he's not with u if he's with another person ;-P it'll make u go insane...so better end it and just look for someone better...easier said than done of course...;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Smokey Hayati (since your calling me habibi) I personally believe that I could never ask anyone to love and accept me for who and what I am but I could just give love and accept you for who and what you are. ^(0)(0)^
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
O I'm sure the wonderfully large number of girls here on QL know that Good things at a price, I'm sure they would decide which category you fall under boy...LOL...and ofcourse what is the price...you know it is like that Game: "THE PRICE IS RIGHT"...have you heard about that Game...thats really fun to play...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
I can please myself now, when and where i like.
My only regret is i will miss my kids growing up, especially him as he is only 4.
Still, like you say ....Move on. Nothing to see here !
That true Lady is out there somewhere, for everyone, not just me.
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
Now that you have agreed to, let us start negotiating the amount.
..**.. ""They walk among us. They vote & they even reproduce"" ..**..
BC - easier said than done....to forget is to deny it ever existed.
It can take at least 18months to 2 years to get over a major emotional distress.
I think the major challenge is not hold the actions of others against future partners
Kasarat... a lady may not forgive in her heart but she may have to 'overlook' bad behaviour because she is not financially independent.
Oh and it is a lot of countries where divorce is not socially acceptable....
Well Said Smokey boy, You not only have a sense of Humor but you also got some Sense up there...not too bad buddy...LOL...I totally accept what you just said...
FC, today you don't seem to be making much sense girl, your shortcomings should be filled by your partner and the same should apply with you as well that you fill his shortcomings, not you go your way he goes his way and both of you find others to fill your shortcomings,,, LOL...that is stupidly insane...girl...what do you say Smokey...
Noone is perfect girl, but then atleast you can;t be telling yourself that It would be fine to have partner sleep with someone else, just because you wouldn't mind getting satisfied with anyother person, total crap girl, don't you think buddy?
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
:-)
sorry then for my missunderstanding.
me too i would leave him.
:-)
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
a million bucks u think i'm that cheap may be for 3 million perhaps i always wanted to buy myself a ferrari *dreams*
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
i didnt say that...she was just asking which one is worse...i did not say that i would tolerate a physical relationship...either way, i would probably leave the person ;-P
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
Paul just forget the past and start over.
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
you mean to have one nitght stands is ok when you are in a relationship?
i take your words like this.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
Good morning Swissy Missy, and Oryx...
SwissGirl, indeed girl, cheers on that, I mean a relation doesn't build upon beauty does it...it builds on the times you share, the emotions you share, the fights you have, the arguements you have, the fun that you have, the company of y'both that you share, and ofcourse the Trust you both place in each other...so there you Beauty doesn't fall in line...maybe it would just before the start of the relation for a little significant %-age...but not to the point that Beauty Overtakes Brains...
Oryx: Something that I accept half n half of your reasoning...about some countries and Divorce (its all a Game of Fate in those countries for Women ain't it girl)...but the first point...Financial...Girl, I really don't think any lady would allow her partner to sleep or have an affair with anyone else if she was given a Million Bucks...(except for Smokey Boy)...or vice-versa...that's the Bottom line chief...what do you think...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
FC ur talking rubbish...why would u think there's something wrong with u..are u saying the man is perfect that there's no flaws in him so if he cheats on u its justified?? What about his "short" comings would he forgive u if u did the same to him. Sadly i dont agree with u on this habibi.
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
Well said Jaxs
[img_assist|nid=50852|title=hmm|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here
Than a whole truck load when I'm gone
Just disbelief at first...Then anger...Now just cold feelings towards them.
Now, i dont care what she does anymore, she made her bed, she can lie in it.
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
i think having an emotional affair is worse than a physical affair...if its a physical affair once the lust is satisfied they just leave the person and forget about it and come back to you. an emotional affair is more intense which will definitely lead to a physical affair eventually...so u forgive but then u dont forget and move on...;-P if the other person really loves u, he wont hurt u that way...
"Ad astra per aspera" ~ AS
EWWW TCOM i aint interested in ur croch hence i want to throw hot coffee on it :) I was just giving u examples of forgiveable mistakes and unforgiveable mistakes dont go digging too deep into things now. useless bugger. :p
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
I would forgive him whatever reason he has why he cheated on me because I know I have those shortcomings and I know I could never have all the qualities that he obviously looking for in all aspect of partnership. I will try but I know I cannot have it all.
Emotional Affair is worst because, I know he fall out of love, of care and of affection and Sex (physical affair) you can just get it anywhere but to get the love, care and affection from someone, is not easy as ABC!
The above is if he is asking for forgiveness, but if he's not and no remorse, "I would say see you in hell baby" ^(0)(0)^
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
I think for women it may also depend on:
a) whether you are in a financial situation not to forgive?
b) the prevailing social attitude - that is it is more acceptable to be married and over look some 'indiscretions' than be a divorced woman?
In some countries divorce is illegal so you can't break up.
you are right.i would not forgive him.if he is cheating me he found someone more attractive and better then me and so he should stay with that female then.
by the way good morning to you.
*Create your own destiny,fighting against your dark sides,raise your
spirituality.Every day is a new day.A new life.
Keep the faith!*
We all know when you went through this situation in your life, and how you got affected, well buddy to be frank, may God give the resistance and power of control of emotions like he did give you buddy, you were a strong man...so lets hope everyone stays like that and moves on...Good on ya mate...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Good Morning Mr. Paul,
I have experienced this too, when I found out the first time I felt the blood rush to my head and make me dizzy, the second time I tidied up his room lol. After that well we all know what happens.
Buttercup: Girl, are you sure you are a lady, cos as far as I know ladies don't forgive their partners...that's stupid...you sound to be very very submissive if I may put that as...wake up girl, you are in the 21st Century, things have changed, don't close your eyes and follow your partner blindly, open your mouth and speak...and try to be a person who can make a decision for herself rather than be a dummy in the family...
FC: Girl, first up, morning to you, and secondly, you would forgive your partner O pls...I really wish anyone would not find a partner like you for a simple reason that, this is Love and Marraige buddy, there is no second chance of making it up (unless you really love that person and you understand that it was a rush of moment at that moment that your partner cheated on you), but other than that...O hell no, would you wanna forgive your partner for crap...
Yes, if it is a fling, and you are just going around with someone with no intentions or no idea to take the relation to destiny, then it really wouldn't matter who sleeps with whom kinda stuff...
So my take on this,
Would you forgive your partner: O HELL NO ! ! ! I think all that one can or should ask for your opposite, is a true commitment towards a five-letter word "T - R - U - S - T", thats as simple as it gets...
Emotional Affair or a Physical Affair: O please people, you already are in a relation, you have committed to the relation emotionally and physically, then whats the second thought about, but again, to the question, I would really say No Way to "Physical Affair" and to a certain extent if Emotions can be controlled and pulled back its alright with an Emotional Affair, but it shouldn't be crossing the LINE...
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" Live Life To The Fullest ! Enjoy Yourself "
Usually (or maybe - always) there're reasons behind any unfaithfulness ...
somehow we have to look ourselves first ,and asking why it can happens..
- do we have enough time for our spouse ?
- do we treat him / her nicely ? with love ?
- do we match each other ?
and thousands questions we ask ourserlves
if after long (or not too long :P) self introspection we find it's not our mistake, than just stand up, take your pride and left the spouse ...
However, the hardest part is can we really look ourselves objectively ??
If we have almost perfect couple, why should we cheat ?
For me, can I forgive ?
If my mistake, I have to !
If not my mistake, why I have to ? :)
Now why would smokee be interested in my croch.... change of preference may be!
[img_assist|nid=50852|title=hmm|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here
Than a whole truck load when I'm gone
.....Good Morning...
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
TCOM the err's ur talking about doesnt include intentionally sleeping with someone when ur married other err's can be forgiven like say i drop hot coffee on ur croch :)
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
I want to sing first, if its alrite... oh well, here it goes ^(0)(0)^
Come on, baby, dry your eyes
Wipe your tears
Never like to see you cry
Wont you please forgive me ?
I wouldnt ever try to hurt you
I just needed someone to hold me
To fill the void while you were gone
To fill this space of emptiness
Im only human
Of flesh and blood Im made
Human
Born to make mistakes
So many nights I longed to hold you
So many times I looked and saw your face
Nothing could change the way I feel
No-one else could ever take your place
Im only human
Of flesh and blood Im made
Human
Born to make mistakes
I am just a man
Please forgive me
The tears I cry arent tears of pain
Theyre only to hide my guilt and shame
I forgive you now I ask the same of you
While we were apart I was human too
Im only human
Of flesh and blood Im made
I am just a man
Human
Born to make mistakes
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
this wasnt the first time....
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
cheating partners?...been there...really hard to forgive the guy, but of both of you are willing to work things out (im expecting a dang in my head with this comment)...a lot effort has to be considered before accepting him back..
with regards to physical and emotional affair, in my opinion, you can't get any physical without letting your emotional set in..and what is more worse between the two?...the physical affair...coz when you get into this...there'll be no more turning back...and the guilt you will feel afterwards would be affecting you greatly...(that is if you have guilt so to speak :P)
[img_assist|nid=12867|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
So easy to put a question like that on as a thread but to be quite honest no I would not.
Cheating is a violation of ones trust, the emotional stress that the other partner goes through when he/she finds out is very hard and distressing.
I am surely not the only person on this thread who has gone through this and if a partner cheats once thye will cheat again and again.
No I would not forgive
Good Morning!!
goodnight?
you're just gonna sleep now?
are you a vampire?
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
This is too simplistic a question...
We need details man...
Nite buttecup
You can't teach experience...
if any one has been through it like me, then you will understand my feelings.
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
I have experienced this thing that's why I can answer this question.
if you really love him/her you will forgive...
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.
I completely agree with you about the emotional affair.
This is a depressing thread...
tra la la
FC, by saying "let's hear arguments for and against" I mean explain why u think emotional is worse and why u would forgive ur partner
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Its more easy to ask pardon than ask permit.
But I think we can forgive and we must forgive. But if the situation its becoming out of control, then we have to move away and let them take the flight wherever they want to go.
I do forgive, and i have been forgiven.
To err is human to forgive is divine
[img_assist|nid=50852|title=hmm|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here
Than a whole truck load when I'm gone
Corne are u thinking of cheating on me now??? very bad. cheating spouse no forgiveness cheating bf/gf just dump them and move on if they cant be faithful to u there's no point to the relationship. just my 2 dhirams
Where there is Fire...There is Coke. Where there is Rum..There is Smoke - Sir Smoke-a-Lot
Buttercup...
No one would cheat on you...
:)
You can't teach experience...
Ok u guys can't just say yes or not, u have stated the reasons, so the rest of us can understand ur point of view.
As for the physical vs. emotional: Isn't worse to have ur partner emotionally attached and in love with someone else rather than just let's say purely physical sex with no emotions ?
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong :P - Garfield
Would u forgive a cheating partner/spouse ? YES
And what's worse an emotional affair or a physical affair ? EMOTIONAL AFFAIR
Let's hear the arguments for and against... hmmnnn I cannot hear anything yet at the moment ^(0)(0)^
___________________________________________________________
People are very inclined to set moral standards for others.
~Elizabeth Drew, The New Yorker, 16 February 1987
I would like to say I would not forgive my husband is he cheated, but the thought of him doing that is really painful and it's one of those things that I cannot know what I would until it happened (hopefully I will never have to find out).
IMO, an emotional affair is just as bad, maybe even worse than a physical one. With physical, it could just be lust, but emotional- its companionship and a deeper connection.
tra la la
i wish my partner is as forgiving u...
anyways i dont think emotional should ahve any prob but physical i guess its a prob.
but thats just my experience !
[img_assist|nid=47010|title=Captain Smiley is here to save the world !!|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
yes...I will.
but physical affair is really not easy.
[img_assist|nid=48103|title=**** ****|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=|height=0]
我听见 我忘记; 我看见 我记住; 我做 我了解。
You can't understand until you walk a mile in someone else's shoes.