Doha Driving - a lighter look...

I first received this about 3 years ago, and with all the recent driving comments I though it worth resurrecting;

Driving in Qatar
(a tongue in cheek look at the situation)

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A confident driver in Qatar avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit or photographed by the camera.

4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork, especially with low number plates. With no insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.

6. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway. Also it makes for interesting driving conditions when a vehicle is overtaking on both sides.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Qatar [especially during rush hour.]

8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Qatar is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of Public Works, which puts potholes [and protruding manhole covers] in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!

10. It is tradition in Qatar to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green, or when they ‘flash’ you.

11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

12. Remember that the goal of every driver in Qatar is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.

13. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended.

14. At all junctions it is mandatory to extend your bonnet way over the stop line/marker or give way line, so that vehicles going by must swerve to avoid taking your bonnet off.

15. It is mandatory to use a mobile phone when driving at high speed in Qatar, the greatest exponents of this art form are the Police and of course the military. To observe the skill and dexterity of these artists is a joy to behold.

16. Another ‘’must do’’ for drivers who have young children is to have them in the front seat of the vehicles without seatbelts. This demonstrates that you are a confident driver with superb driving skills and that no harm can befall you or your family. Also when in heavy congested driving areas have your youngest perched on your lap and in control of the steering, again this conveys the message that you are a family man and you are sharing the driving experience with your family. You must also allow the children full access to all areas of the vehicle, this allows them to frolic freely from the back seat into the front without any restrictions, thus again conveying the image of a united family and a fun loving guy. Also ensure that adequate toys are placed on the front dashboard of the vehicle, as this then affords you additional room in the vehicle for extra passengers.

17. Another mandatory action is, as a driver you must look at your passengers during conversations whilst driving. This ensures that you are fully engaged in the conversation and that driving is only a second consideration. In addition during any conversation between driver and passengers, the use of hand gesturing by the driver is compulsory even if this means he takes both hands of the steering wheel.

18. At roundabouts any driving rule that may exist is forbidden to be utilized and one must attempt to break all code of conduct on driving standards to ensure that you are first off the grid. Please ensure that you use the left hand lane when you wish to make a right hand turn and vise versa, thus ensuring maximum disruption to the traffic flow. Please note that the centre lane is never to be used as this demonstrates that you are a newcomer to Qatar.

19. Whilst attempting driving onto a main road you must wait until the oncoming vehicles are within collision distance with your vehicle before entering. This then ensures that oncoming vehicles must brake sharply, and gives the driver the opportunity to test his ABS...

20 Anti Speed Ramps/Bumps; the traditional objective of the anti speed bumps is to slow speeding vehicles. In Qatar they serve another purpose, and that is to test the suspension of vehicles and also the braking ability of the following vehicles. .

21. Also there is a unpublicized rule [or it could be a national past time] that you must obey. Drive as fast as possible between anti speed bumps and then slam on your brake, this is seen as a mandatory requirement and glad to say everyone obeys it.

22. The object of the interior rear view mirror is to allow the driver the opportunity to arrange the angle of any head dress, make-up, hairstyle, etc. so please dispel any notion that its use is intended for safety purposes.

23. The purpose of roundabouts within Qatar is to give taxi drivers convenient locations for the pick-up/drop-off of passengers. Please dispel any notion that pedestrians within the roundabout have the right-of-way or should be accorded any courtesy such as permitting them to cross the road.

24. Please ensure the use of the hazard warning lights during any inclement weather. Please note the custom of speeding through fog will help to dispel the mist and thus further ensure the safety of following vehicles.

25. Purchasing a newspaper at roundabouts or intersections; when slowing (never stopping) to receive the newspaper and make payment please ignore any feelings of guilt for the newspaper vendor as he jogs alongside the car to receive payment, he probably needed the exercise anyway. After purchasing a newspaper please ensure compliance with rule #1.

26. Qatar residents are such fun loving and creative people they turn any everyday activity into an amusing game. The scoring systems for most of the games are a little obscure, but it must be understood and documented somewhere, as so many partake, The most popular game is ‘’Double Parking’’ The game has no penalties and the rewards are great. You can disrupt volumes of traffic, cause traffic accidents, inconvenience other road users and still come out a winner, its great! Another advantage of this game is you play it anywhere and at any time. A maximum scoring opportunity is to play to during the rush hour and to double park when there are there are vacant parking spaces available.

27. Another amusing game is called ‘’hogging the middle lane’’. Again this is tackled with fervor by so many it must be classed as another nation game. This game is not restricted to gender, age, or type of vehicle and the rules are rigorously followed by all participants it surely generated rule # 6.

28. Directional turning, or turning into or out of any road. This activity must be completed in the minimum amount of space and turning circle thus ensuring you cut up as many other drivers in you enthusiasm to get to your destination quickly.

29. Vehicle loading, vehicles in Doha, and most especially trucks, are viewed as marvelous work horses with a near limitless carrying capacity. The aim of all vehicle operators is to load, cram or pile as many people, mattresses, cars, etc. into or onto their vehicles as possible whilst still being able to achieve a forward motion. Stopping and cornering are inconsequential details which are usually addressed along the route of their journey when necessary.

30. Lastly, remember always when driving in Qatar, when (and not if) you have a traffic accident; always abandon your vehicle at the exact location of the incident. The amount of disruption caused to other road users and the potential delay to emergency vehicles attempting to reach the scene of the incident is irrelevant to the difficulty that will be experienced trying to explain the cause of the accident to the experts. And remember the issue is not who caused the accident but the surnames of the parties involved, therefore always carry duplicate identification displaying the Al ***** surname.