How to Know What Women Want -25 Ways

Step1 - Be faithful. 100%(!!) If you're going to stray, don't waste our time and call it relationship. Go hook up with the party skank you run into from time to time, no strings attached. [Ask yourself: Can you be completely monogamous? If not, are you honest enough to tell us before it gets too serious?]

Step2 - Be healthy. It is hard to resist a strong, active, vital man who is in good shape. No matter what our "type" is, or if we even have a type, we can all pretty much agree that we don't want a gaunt, underweight man, nor do we usually go for a flabby, sluggish man. [Ask yourself: Are you in the best shape you can be in? If not, what can you do to be healthier and more fit? Do you make healthy food choices? Do you take vitamin supplements? How is your immune system? When was the last time you were sick? How stressed are you? How do you deal with your stress?]

Step3 - Watch yourself. We know that no matter how beautiful and/or wonderful you think we are, you are going to look at other women. Recognize when you are being obvious about it because it is inconsiderate. If you remark about another woman to us, be prepared to pay for it... or expect to hear all about the magnificent perfection of our personal trainer's abs. [Ask yourself: How many times have you gotten busted for browsing busts? How would you like it if we checked out other guys in an obvious way in front of you?]

Step4 - Take care of yourself. A man's hygiene and grooming practices can make or break women's attraction. [Ask yourself: Do you have a receding hair line? Excessive body hair? One too many tattoos or piercings? Bad breath? Bad teeth? Body odor? A skin condition? Crazy hair? Ugly glasses? Are you too pale or too tan? Do your eyebrows/ears/nostrils need tweezing? Do you smoke? See Step 15.]

Step5 - Recycle. Or at least give a damn about something important... politics, the environment, the AIDS epidemic in Africa, civil rights. [Ask yourself: Do you even read the newspaper occasionally? What are you passionate about? Do you step outside of humdrum daily life to make a difference? Have you ever volunteered anywhere? Donated to charity? Given the bell ringer your last quarters?]

Step6 - Compliment us. Mean it. [Ask yourself: What do you like/love/adore/appreciate about us? Do you ever communicate it to us? We are not mind readers either.]

Step7 - Turn off the TV. Live life instead of watching it. It's a big world out there, and the TV is just a glowing box. [Ask yourself: Do you watch more than one hour of TV each day? More than two? Is it substituting going out and living life?]

Step8 - Call us your girlfriend. After about the third or fourth month of dating and spending a lot of time together, it's pretty clear what our title is. It won't kill ya to say it. [Ask yourself: Do you have a problem with that word? If so, why? Is it a fear of commitment? What the heck is wrong with you?]

Step9 - Pay attention. A lot of the stupid beautifying stuff we do is for you. If we walk in the room wearing a drop-dead sexy dress, please notice. If we dramatically (or semi-dramatically) change our hairstyle/color/length, you should probably notice that too. [Ask yourself: How many times have you gotten in trouble for failing to observe something you should have?]

Step10 - Be a gentleman. Even the most independent women want the infamous "knight in shining armor"-- the man who is respectful and chivalrous and courteous. Have some manners for crying out loud. That means restraining from swearing a lot, saying perverted things, eating like a pig, telling sexist jokes, and adjusting yourself in front of us. (Those are just a few examples.) Sure, some stupid women want the jerky bad boys who act like wild rogues and treat them like trash. In the meantime, there are plenty of women who won't tolerate being disrespected or mistreated. If you are a jerky bad boy, know that acting like an inconsiderate jackass is about as unsexy and unappealing as a wet sock. [Ask yourself: Are you more Colin Firth or Colin Farrell? Do you know what uncouth means?]

Step11 - Set boundaries with your mother. If you're a mama's boy, it essentially means we will be in a relationship with both of you. Scary. Very scary. Cut the chord, man. [Ask yourself: Are you perhaps too close to your mother? Has your relationship with Mom interfered with your romantic relationships? Are you willing to put some distance between the two of you? Why do you still feel you need her so much?]

Step12 - Enjoy life. Have a great sense of humor. No one wants to be in relationship with a workaholic, a pessimist, a deadbeat, or a dull homebody. [Ask yourself: Do you stop and smell the roses? Do you have enough free time? How often do you have fun? Do you get out much? Do you spend enough time with friends? Do you laugh and smile regularly?]

Step13 - Have a lot of interests. It keeps our interest. [Ask yourself: Are you doing the things you want to be doing on this earth? What would you like to be doing more often that makes you happy? What are you good at? What would you like to try?]

Step14 - Have a heart. Ninety-eight percent of women melt around men who are good with children and animals (I made that up but it sounds about right.) We love it when you love your family, and care about your friends. [Ask yourself: Do you surround yourself and spend time with people that you care about? Do you have a pet? Do you want children? Do you express your love? Ok, did I go too far with that one?)

Step15 - Make us proud. Work hard, live with integrity, and care about others (see Step 14 above.) It is hard for us to be proud of you when you have unaddressed addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.) and/or unaddressed disorders/"issues"/neuroses, debt, a criminal record, poor hygiene (see Steps 4 and 16) or a bad temper. It is hard to proud of someone who is rude, sloppy, lazy, mean, moody, irresponsible, or disrespectful (see Step 10.) It is also quite impossible to be proud of a man who is a womanizer (see Step 1.) [Ask yourself: Would you be proud to be with someone like you? Are you being the best person you can possibly be? Are there things about you that you need to address and work on? What has driven women away from you in the past?]

Step16 - Stop smoking. It's gross. Some women consider it to be a deal breaker. [If you smoke, Ask yourself: What can you do to stop smoking? Is there a healthier habit you can replace it with? When do you ideally want to quit? Are you serious about quitting?] - sorry i can not ;)

Step17 - Be thoughtful. Make us lunch, scrape the snow and ice off our cars, pump our gas from time to time, surprise us, come say hi to us at work, take us out on a nice, romantic date. Go ahead, spoil us if you want. Seriously guys, being thoughtful will win you some major bonus points. We do nice stuff for other people all the time, and it's really great to have those things reciprocated... especially by our guy. [Ask yourself: What could you do that would make life easier for us? Better? What would make us smile? Brighten our day?]

Step18 - Cook for us. Okay, so this one is just a perk. If you can cook for us from time to time, we will swoon. A man who can cook has great market value. A man who can cook and is good in bed has excellent market value (er, so I've heard from other people... my family will be reading this.) [Ask yourself: Do you know how to cook anything? Many things? Have you cooked a romantic dinner for a woman before? If not, what the heck are you waiting for?]

Step19 - Listen up. We women may ramble on about things you don't care too much about, but if we care about them, then it's probably worth listening to. And if you zone out when we are trying to discuss the important stuff, chances are we will stop telling you things eventually. The best way to learn about women and what makes us tick is by listening. [Ask yourself: Are you a good listener? Do you ask questions? Do you pay attention?]

Step20 - Show up. (Literally and figuratively.) Be our biggest supporter and cheerleader. Have our back. Be on our side. We will surely do the same for you. If you're not there for us when we need you most, then we won't be able to trust you or the relationship completely. A disappearing act is the quickest way to say goodbye, whether you want to or not. [Ask yourself: Are you there for us when we need you... even if we don't ask?]

Step21 - Grow up. (Literally.) There's cuteness to your boyish side, but we want a man who can take care of himself and limit the partying and videogames. Oh, and we want a man who does not have to spend three nights a week going out with his friends. [Ask yourself: Are you financially responsible? Do you have your own means of transportation? Do you know how to dress yourself? Pack? Fix a meal? Do laundry? Do dishes? Do you own a pet and take good care of it? And most importantly, do you have your own place and clean it as needed?]

Step22 - Suck it up. We know Valentines Day and other holidays (ahem, anniversaries are included) are not your favorite thing in the world. But consider them better than those bi-annual visits to your dentist... and you will feel even better afterward. C'mon guys, would it hurt you to get us a card and some flowers? Why is it so terrible that we want to spend some romantic time with you? Yes, they might be cheesy holidays, but the odds might be in your favor that we might want to end up naked with you. Is that such a bad thing? [Ask yourself: Do you know when the "chick" holidays are? Do you care? Are you going to put forth any effort?]

Step23 - Be patient and nice. The thing about women is that we are pretty sensitive at times. We don't like men who tease too much or yell or put us down. Blame it on testerone as much as you want, but there really is no excuse for making us cry. [Ask yourself: Do you think before you speak? Are you sensitive to our feelings? How patient are you? Are you kind?]

Step24 - Be honest. Be real. No games, no b.s., no manipulation, no twisting and warping the truth. Wow, that's refreshing. [Ask yourself: How genuine of a person are you? When is it ok to bend the truth? How often do you bend the truth?]

Step25 - Most importantly, Be yourself. Some women have specific types, some do not. The point is, there is someone for everyone, and while you can alter some things about yourself (hence, the 25 suggestions above), your core self is "you." That part of you should not, and cannot, be altered. What women really want is to be with a great guy. Well, and a million other things....

It is one of the greatest mysteries of the universe: "What do women want?"....