How to "LEAD" our man???
Gals do u believed that nowadays training / leading a man is more complicated? You have to exercise all your skills in psychology, sociology, negotiations, business management and throw in what your sisters and dear friends shared with you and which your mom most probably did not teach you.
Like with my househelp -- this is what I pay you, these are your legal and other benefits and in return these are my rules: blah... blah... blah.
Deal or no deal? My guiding principle is that clear and open communication, kwentas claras!
Gals for me, I always put the relationship parameters on the table, preferably at the very start.
Sisters, hereunder is my limited take on training/ leading a man -- waiting to be expanded/improved upon with your inputs (thanks in advance):
= Never undervalue yourself. Actually, make him realize your great value in his life for every little thing you do. (Like if his still ur bf -- for giving him business/relationship/sartorial advice, time, encouragement, etc. When married, even for just talking to the maid to be careful with his laundry.)
= Demand appreciation for making his life cheerful and
orderly. Use reverse psychology: Oh I am so happy/appreciative you like what I did for you (fill in with brief details.) or like i arranged all your sched for the day... blah..blah... blah...
= Ground Rule No. 1 ( better set down at start of bf/gf relationship) Let us give each other only pleasant surprises because the world will surely slap us our quota of unpleasant surprises.
(That already covers a lot of ground/possible scenarios, mainly related to unfaithfulness issues.)
= With regards to funds -- make the ff clear, say aloud together: We commit fully to building a happy family and future together.
= Agree that you 2 will not sweat the small stuff.
(Actually when training a man, even ur guy is the only subject for behavior modification, it is best to use the comforting pronoun: "we". Seriously, gals -- let us look at ourselves too! =D
= Instill in him that: A sense of humor will always save the day. U need to repeat it again and again so that hubby will be brainwashed into minimizing his bouts of impatience, sarcasm, anger, whatever. Combine that with: Great men walk and talk softly.
Power is never shouted out, it is just felt. (Gals, we should also avoid nagging ok?! -- 2 way street)
= Make it very clear: I was not brought up to be emotionally nor physically abused. If you give me a tiny bruise -- I guarantee my father will get back at you big time if not last-time.
= Lose all inhibitions when its playtime in bed/wherever reasonably in good taste! That trains a husband to be eager about spending leisure time with you.
= Smile, always smile and say: "Darling" even ur too mad and your eyes have enough power to stab an elephant!
Most guys when doing something fishy -- they are extremely skilled at turning the tables on you. Then u will be the provocateur -- to rationalize his bad behavior or lack of judgment. Therefore, do not give him the opportunity right?! =D
Too long..... =D
Ely -- Very lucky that i got a husband that very cooperative in my "Developing process" he sees it as NOT some kind of slavery or dominating but as one way of helping, supporting & understanding.
At first, just like any other couples, we usually got an arguments about those BASIC things but as the days goes by he changed a lot! Maybe he realized that he dont want his future kids to see those bad traits (& to avoid everyday arguments)!
Besides its not TOO HARD TO MEMORIZED! lol!
My intention is NOT to over powered him!
I still believed that HUSBANDS are still the BOSS inside the family but sometimes needs a little "PUSH" from their HOUSEWIVES!
Open & clear communication is the right key.
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Pepper very well said! Clap! Clap! Clap!
YOU represents the WOMEN OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM! hahahaha!=D
Wmhizon, yeah your right! but most of the time tapping their shoulders are not enough to remind them of their responsibilities!
We really have to exercise all your skills in psychology, sociology, negotiations, business management and everything but the worst part is sometimes at the end of the day its ALL WORTHLESS!!!
Knowing GUYS & their EGOS??? Gggggrrrrrrrr!!!
Its time for these guys to fully understand & recognized are worth or else.............. (Hmp!)
Pepper -- its useless for u to explained ur side again & again... =D
Though we only read one topic but the understanding & its meanings might be different to the person who reads it.
Men & Women have different points of view.
The NORMAL / SIMPLE things for us might be to SO CRITICAL for them to understand! (like putting their dirty shirts directly in the laundry basket)
Honestly, i fully understand ur point.. in reality there are some/ many guys who really needs the EXTREME TRAINING / LEADING.
Its not OK that WE always be the one to adjust for the sake of our husband / Family though most of us are TRAINED to be more PATIENT & UNDERSTANDING BUT hey its not a good reasons for them to abused us!
Mens should also do their shares by finding ways to adjust / cooperate / help & to understand us more!
Even on the other threads. There are so many topics same as this so this is not NEW AT ALL. Its an EYE OPENER!
In my marriage situation, like u i have my own rules, some are same as urs, & it works!! lol! =P
It just like Tapping mens shoulders to remind them that "HEY UR ALREADY MARRIED SO ACT LIKE ONE!"
But u know Sis, im very willing to do & try this incase of EMERGENCY! lol!=D
Wag mo na lang pansin yan sis magkakawrinkles ka lang!;D
"Life's rule: Assume nothing...expect little...do more...need less...smile often...sleep long...dream big...laugh a lot...pray always & once in a while...cry but continue living!
.............
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
different families are allowed to have different rules, BUT...BUT...within the realms of civilized behaviour, where nobody LEADS or TRAINS anybody.
I can LEAD or TRAIN only my sons, who are both under 10. Give them another 10 years and to them too, I'll only be able to suggest.
whatever makes u happy bugsy!
PEACE!!! =D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
here we go again! sigh...
Different families... different rules...
Even mens have different point of views...
And ur entitled to ur own rules thats ur life.
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
We agree!!!
Wmhizon -- EXACTLY GIRL! =D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
I have in my dictionary.
But I can't LEAD, or TRAIN my wife into DOING or NOT DOING someting I LIKE or DISLIKE.
Being an equal, I can suggest. From then on, it's her decision to follow or not follow.
TRAINING and LEADING!!!!
Gawd! She's not an animal, for Chrissake!
i don't called it as Slavery?!
Sometimes we need to teach our husband to understand us more.
To be more sensitive to what we need...
For me COOPERATION is the right word!
"Life's rule: Assume nothing...expect little...do more...need less...smile often...sleep long...dream big...laugh a lot...pray always & once in a while...cry but continue living!
well thats ur own opinion.......
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
I can't help imagining your man tied to a stake while you whip him.
Pepper: 'Say that I am Boss. Speak up. Aren't you a man?'
Peppered: 'Yessssssss. You're Boss. You're Boss'.
Pepper: 'Oh, my loving and considerate husband. What would I be without you'.
And Peppermint...you didn't read Ninetendoeats's post
Bugsy -- Because the above procedures helps my marriage life to be more easier & stronger.
Clear?
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Whoa, Nintendoeats
Feck off.
"If you're going to believe in crap than you might as well be living in it"
?????
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Qatari did not introduce the 'selective visibility' clause into this site properly.
It's not as if some will be able to see something, and others won't. If I write something, it's there for evverybody to see and read, no matter how OFFENSIVE it may be.
My previous post (put in simple English) read, if you're so happy and contented with your married life, why did you post what you posted?
Were you trained too hard as a child? Do you still get nightmares of all the lashing and firing? Has it got embedded in your psyche?
POOR PEPPERMINT!!!
What slavery???!!! Is COOPERATION is same us SLAVERY? Is that ur definition???
U know Bugsy... I think ur the one who needs a EXTREME TRAINING!
Besides if u dont like what i posted then dont read it ok?
Khalas....
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Are you trying to reinstate slavery?
Bugsy -- Dont worry, i guess im one of those lucky women to have a very LOVING & COOPERATIVE husband and im VERY PROUD of him because of his willingness to changed for the better & for the sake of our marriage!
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
you need to 'LEAD' & 'TRIAN' your man?
Lady, I sincerely hope and wish all goes well with your married life.
Dmighty -- with regards with DECISION MAKING MATTERS i fully agreed.
CORRECT! Living together as husband & wife is TRULY A CHALLENGE & needs a lot of EFFORT!
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
two way. Surviving the bf/gf stage is already an accomplishment, but living together as husband and wife is really a challenge. When you got married, you were made to be one so no dominance as to whoever.
But it will be a more peaceful union if the woman will keep her position in the union.i.e. subservient to her husband. But it is the duty of the husband to consult his wife for any decision that involves the relationship. So the husband will remain the decision-maker but with consent from his wife (not necessarily the same but at least to erase future disagreement).
"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"
Yup! Yup! Yup! im also waiting for it... =D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Ok. I waiting for the men's guide on how to "lead" women to come out.
Blazing-- This what I post.. (PLS READ IT AGAIN FROM THE START) ;)
You have to exercise all your skills in psychology, sociology, NEGOTIATIONS (does it also means as compromising???), business management & etc...
I also knew that each one of us have our own personality but its not an excused for u to CLOSED ur doors for improvement? right???
Example based on the other thread:
Like putting his dirty shirts / socks directly in the laundry basket instead of leaving it anywhere in the room. Is it too hard??? YES its TOO SIMPLE / TOO BASIC but for some men its so hard to do.
And if his wife will not tell him about it do u think her husband will have the INITIATIVE to do this things on his own? NO I DONT THINK SO...
Thats why sometimes LEADING / TRANING them will HELP A LOT!
As i said... Changing ur self for someone / relationship also takes time & can not be done overnight.
We must also keep in mind that building a FUTURE HAPPY FAMILY together needs a lot of LOVE & COOPERATION.
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Now your saying that your "willing to compromised"? Dosen't that contradict this entire post?
It' good to be compromising, or adaptation is a better word I think, but why build walls when you can build pathways, especially, when it comes to genders?
Blazing -- what happended to basics rules???
hhhmmmm.. i guess only few men following it nowadays!
Thats why rules also evolved from basics to extreme.=D
dominating women??? me??? no im not...
Lets say... i just know what my rights & where i stand but still willing to compromised!;D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
talked about INDIVIDUALITY. What I did talk about was INDIVIDUALS (who can be both men and women). And...
Open Communication is fine as long as the 'I' of Individuality does not interfere.
Hope you agree with me.
Is this a guide to "I married a man I meet yesterday in Vegas, and what do I do now"? Or...."An idoits guide to survive a one night marriage?
What happened to basics?
Like men, treat your wife as if she was your own flesh?
Peppermint, I would have to say that you are a very dominating woman, I like that, but it could be your shortfall.
try....taking everything with a grain of salt.
even to the other forums u will see how guys / gals reacted differently from each other.
Thats what u called OPEN COMMUNICATION...
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
then u also have to know that men & women have their own points of view..
I thought i heard u saying "INDIVIDUALITY"...
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
I don't mind you or anybody reading my profile. What I wanted to say was:
Why do you want to colour the meaning of the written word by the image of a man or a woman?
In this context, even a sensible woman would have said the same thing.
Cheers
Just some healthy banter.
And to confirm...I AM A MAN
Bugsy -- are u ok??? Whats wrong if i view ur profile just want to check if ur a female or male???
Never mind...
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
well i guess NOT ALL EDUCATED MEN are SENSITIVE.
If u got one ur very lucky!
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Yes! I am a man. But why read profiles?
Read what people write. That's the real them.
EDUCATED men are also supposed to be sensitive. That is what education must do: make individuals (not just men, or women) sensible, sensitive and appreciative.
If the education hasn't, the time and resources put in, have gone down the commode and no amount of training courses will do.
ANd Winn...Thanx for the laugh.
but ur profile said ur a MALE! lol!
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
What told you I was a man? The comment could have even come from a sensible woman.
And in your list of CONSTANT COMMUNICATION & WILLINGNESS, did I miss reading the WHIP, or you missed writing it?
Winn -- Right, lets start with basic trainings... =D
I wonder how long men will take that course and how many men are WILLING to take it! lol!=P
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Training Courses Now Available for Men:
=============================
= > 1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop
= > 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge
= > 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral
= > 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead
= > 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference!
= > 6. Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away
= > 7. Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back
= > 8. Going to the Supermarket - It's Not Just for Women Anymore!
= > 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In
= > 10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In
= > 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink
= > 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels!
= > 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper!
= > 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill
= > 15. Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts
= > 16. Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves
= > 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel!
= > 18. Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means
= > 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's
= > 20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category
= > 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote
= > 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh
= > 23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet
= > 24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed
= > 25. "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It!
= > 26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty
= > 27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them
= > 28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime
= > 29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It
Somebody told me, "You are what you eat".Now I know why I'm nuts!!
Bugsy -- i respect u thats mens point of view.
But for me & my husband it works! And as what i said "This should includes CONSTANT COMMUNICATION & WILLINGNESS."
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
BE REAL. WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!
EDUCATED women are sensible women with their heads firmly planted on the shoulders.
They understand (read have the knack of) how to get things done. They don't need to TRAIN men.
If there are two individuals involved, why should one TRAIN the other.
There's another thing about education. It makes one seek the company of another with the same intellectual level. Then things like TRAINING the significant other do not crop up.
If you're at pain with your relationship, I'm truly sorry for you.
Ok sorry guys maybe i choose the wrong word "TRAIN".
I would rather say, we must learn to "lead" our men, not "lead" in the sense that we become their leaders or masters, but in the sense that, where we think they fall short we lead them into understanding our needs.
Hope this will clear the issues guys...
Brite -- it means that i want the relationship to be loud & clear from the start.
So that we do not wake up 1 morning and ask: Who are u? Do I really know you? =D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
"I always put the relationship parameters on the table, preferably at the very start."
What the hell does that mean ?
Relationsips develop and mature .. They are dynamic. That's what makes it exciting..
Murali -- Im fine! =D
Guys... guysssss be cool! As far as i know & if u will read carefully my post i also mentioned the following:
= Agree that you 2 will not sweat the small stuff.
(Actually when training a man, even ur guy is the only subject for behavior modification, it is best to use the comforting pronoun: "we". Seriously, gals -- let us look at ourselves too! =D
(I used the word "WE" & gals also need to look for themselves maybe they also need some adjustment too.)
(Instead of fighting with him because of their behavior)
= Smile, always smile and say: "Darling" even ur too mad and your eyes have enough power to stab an elephant!
Power is never shouted out, it is just felt. (Gals, we should also avoid nagging ok?! -- 2 way street)
I believed that relationship is a give & take process. Its not also proper to forced someone to changed for u. But let that someone realized that he / she needs to changed for the sake of the successful & harmonious relationship right?! This should includes CONSTANT COMMUNICATION & WILLINGNESS.
Changing ur self for someone / relationship also takes time & can not be done overnight.
Besides what wrong? If its for the better & will help ur relationship to be stronger why not?!
But it takes A LOT OF TRAINING...=D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Are you all right? ahahah ;-)
Hmmmm this is either a first class submission or a crock..............I will let the more discerning "untrained" males out there of you decide.
buggered off with someone else, so all this training crap wont work. People are individual...
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NIL ILLEGITIMI CARBORUNDUM
ksarat-- for the sake of harmonious relationship why not? =D
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Whats this gotto mean, christ its a man not an animal from a zoo that you are trying to train...LOL!!!
Now the question next arises, whether you have been successful in training "YOUR" Man, (nothing personal)
rami-- this what u called relationship evolution.
Don't settle at being ordinary. Life is too precious. Enjoy. Have fun. Spend. Travel. Shop. Love. Fight. There's nothing wrong with being REAL.
Hmmmmn .... very well said
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CONFUSE ............ if you cannot convince!
Well, this is why guys don't bother with relationships with chicks. They want to dominate and rule over their man in a style similar to the way husbands owned their wives in the 50s. Anyone here remember the sexual revolution? Trying to "train" your man will just lead him out the door.
If your life is empty and meaningless and you want to project your authoritarian desires over someone, have children.
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NIL ILLEGITIMI CARBORUNDUM