Humour and nations...

Did you hear about the man with five penises?

His pants fit him like a glove.

Hows does an Welshman find sheep in long grass?

Fabulous!

got into a taxi and said to the taxi driver, 'King Arthur's Close'.

'Don't worry, we'll lose him at the next set of lights' said the driver.

Prostitute in the police station.

The desk officer says 'so when did you realize you were raped ?'

She replies ... 'when the cheque bounced !'

You might be a redneck if...

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

n insect falls into a mug of beer...

Englishman : Throws his mug away and walks out

American : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Indian : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.:P:P:P

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...". The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.

A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses.

The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of whiskey, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.

The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!! The Texan replied, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.

A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of champagne, took a few sips, threw the half full champagne bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.

The Nevadan couldn't believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of champagne!! The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."

A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a sip, took another sip, then chugged the rest. He then put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his gun, turned, and shot the Californian.

The shocked Texan said "Why in the hell did you do that?"

The Nevadan replied, "Well, in Nevada we have plenty of Californians and bottles are worth a nickel."

Brit owned a pub in the London, and in the summertime a swarm of flies seemed to just hover over the buffet table. This had been going on for about a month.

Santa, the neighborhood mooch, walked in one day.

"I`m not giving you another free beer!" Brit hollered, as he noticed Santa.

Santa was not without a plan, however. He approached Brit and offered him a deal.

"I`ve been noticing these flies for the last weeks. If you`ll give me a shot, I`ll kill every one of them for you."

Brit gave him the agreed-upon shot. Once he had downed it, Santa got up and headed for the door.

"All right," he shouted, "send them out - one at a time!"

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?

A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?

A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

An Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there’s Blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she’s lying flat out on the ground.

Medic: “OK, I’m going to check if you’re concussed.”

Sharon : “Ok.”

Medic: “How many fingers am I putting up?”

Sharon : “Oh my god, I’m paralysed from the waist down

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors :-))

How do Essex girls turn the light on after sex? They open the car door.

What's the difference between an Essex girl and an Essex boy? The Essex girl has a higher sperm count.

What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?

La loo....

Why did the Irishman drive into a lake? He wanted to dip his headlights.

Why did the Irishman drive off a cliff? To test his air brakes.

How do you confuse an Irishman? Put P.T.O. on both sides of a piece of paper.

An Irishman was holding up a bank at gun point. The teller said to the robber "Your Irish aren't you?", to which the robber replied "Yes how did you know?", the teller replied "Because you have sawn off the wrong end of the shotgun!".

Q: What do you call a scouser in a White Shellsuit ?

A: The Bride

Rofl Colt....hahahaha

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA. A few days later he got this reply:

"Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

We are sorry to intimate you that you do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Laloo Prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.

He arranged a Party and when all the guests had come, he said : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum Amereeca mein naukri paa gaya hoon."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo Prasad continued......

"Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa - par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad (Pyare Laloo Prasad bhaiyya)

We are sorry (humse galti ho gayee). To intimate you that (aapko yeh batana hai ki), you do not meet (aap to miltay hee naheen ho). Our requirement (humko to zaroorat hai).

Please do not send any further correspondence (ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee). No phone call (phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai). Shall be entertained (bahut khaatir kee jayegi).

Thanks (aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyawaad)

A woman was sitting in the doctor`s office when he came in and said,'This isn`t a urine sample you brought in. It`s apple juice.'

'Oh my god' she said. 'I`ve got to get to a phone.'

'Why?' asked the doctor.

'I must have packed the other bottle in my husbands lunch box.'

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman set up in business as furniture removal men. On their first job when the householder saw the Englishman and the Scotsman struggling to carry a wardrobe upstairs, she asked them, 'Where is the Irishman?'

'Oh, he's in the wardrobe stopping the wire coat-hangers from rattling.

Two gold fish in a tank.... one of them turned to the other and asked "So do you know how to drive this thing?"

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted 10 lakh ruppes to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted 0 lakh ruppes to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Rizks we laugh at such stupid ones in Punjab :(

What's the difference between England and a tea bag?

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The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

WK...:(

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other man signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

The other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

britey !

My country too have a fake DisneyLand....:(

You silly pankawalla..

I am talking about jokes from your country..

i have no sense and no humor...:)

FS,Jalebi and Tinker were driving down the highway trying to get to Disneyland.

They saw a sign that read "DisneyLand Left"

So they went home.....:(

Joks here are all about Indians, for example

*people prayed in qatar to get it raining but rain fell in Indian(cause most of people here are Indians)

I have a very crap sense of humor ..:)

How did britexpat catch the squirrel? he Climbed into a tree and acted like a nut.

Why is Risks blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.

Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work!