Cabbage goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her, her drink she says "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...."
The bartender says "Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact have this one on me."
As cabbage finishes her drink, the woman on her right says "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
Cabbage says "Thank you, bartender I'll have a Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up " he says. As she finishes that drink the man to her left says "Ma'am I too would like to buy you a one as well."
Cabbage again says "Thank you I'll have a Scotch and two drops of water" Coming right up the bartender said. As he gave her , her drink he says "Ma'am, out of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
Cabbage replied "Son, when you get to my age, You've learnt how to hold your liquor. But holding your water is another thing.
A young guy with a great built found himself unemployed... But he had to pay the rent, buy food and pay bills... so he decided to put a sign outside the door of his apartment which read: IN BED $100, ON THE COUCH $50, ON THE FLOOR $25. Not long after that, Tinkerbell walks by his door. She stops to read the sign, gets all excited and then rushes back home. She breaks open her piggy bank and takes the little savings she had. With the money in her hand she heads for the young man's apartment. Knock knock... The young man opens the door and tinkerbell hands him the money. He gives her a passionate kiss and after counting the money tells her: "It's $100, so you want to do it in bed?" "Don't be so naive young man" she replied, "I wanna do it 4 times on the floor!!"
A man walking through a park notices an old lady (we shall call her Tinkerbell) sitting on a bench crying her eyes out. He feels bad and stops to ask her what's wrong.
She sobs, "I have a gorgeous 24 year old husband at home. Every morning, he makes passionate love to me, and then gets up and brings me breakfast in bed."
Puzzled, the man says, "Lucky lady! Well, then why are you crying?" Wiping tears off her cheeks, she replies, "For lunch, he makes me my favorite -- homemade tomato soup and a grilled cheese -- and then he makes love to me all afternoon long."
Still confused, the man asks, "That sounds wonderful. What could possibly make you so sad?" Between gasps for air, she replies, "For dinner he take me out to finest restaurants, pays for everything, and then takes me home to a night of unbelievable lovemaking."
Exasperated, the man asks, "Well, why on earth are you crying?"
With a look of utter despair, the lady bawls, "I can't remember where I live!"
A small, elderly man (we will call him 'Brit', slowly shuffled into an ice cream parlor and carefully pulled himself onto a stool at the counter, wincing the whole time.
After a moment of catching his breath and wiping his brow, he ordered a hot fudge sundae.
Writing down his order, the waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?"
This thread is so funny guys! I myself used to think that the singer of "Baby" (Justin Bieber's single) was a girl until the DJ said the name of the performer. and i was like WTF? (What The Flower!!!)
Yes BritExpat I too forget my CC pin number sometimes so I have it tattoo'ed on my arm now so I dont forget in. My pin number is 111111. Not easy to remember :(
They started a group on Facebook a few months ago, called 'Dear God, we'll give you Justin Bieber if you'll give us back Bob Marley'. (Or something like that.)
That's what got me curious about who (and how bad) he is. I'd never heard of him before that.
when i was young, people resembled my eyes with tom cruise, but now people say, ur eyes...! ur eyes does not match with one another, forget resembling them with TC eyes :(
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You all are so gay.
Well, he tripped over his cathater bag and could not find his teeth. So put him in bed lol
I will e mail you a map :-))))
With me you got a 24 year old stud ;-))))
its time u need to change ur Chair :(
rofl...you cheeky wee thing :-P
Cabbage goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her, her drink she says "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...."
The bartender says "Well since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact have this one on me."
As cabbage finishes her drink, the woman on her right says "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
Cabbage says "Thank you, bartender I'll have a Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up " he says. As she finishes that drink the man to her left says "Ma'am I too would like to buy you a one as well."
Cabbage again says "Thank you I'll have a Scotch and two drops of water" Coming right up the bartender said. As he gave her , her drink he says "Ma'am, out of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
Cabbage replied "Son, when you get to my age, You've learnt how to hold your liquor. But holding your water is another thing.
Another Tinker clasic..
A young guy with a great built found himself unemployed... But he had to pay the rent, buy food and pay bills... so he decided to put a sign outside the door of his apartment which read: IN BED $100, ON THE COUCH $50, ON THE FLOOR $25. Not long after that, Tinkerbell walks by his door. She stops to read the sign, gets all excited and then rushes back home. She breaks open her piggy bank and takes the little savings she had. With the money in her hand she heads for the young man's apartment. Knock knock... The young man opens the door and tinkerbell hands him the money. He gives her a passionate kiss and after counting the money tells her: "It's $100, so you want to do it in bed?" "Don't be so naive young man" she replied, "I wanna do it 4 times on the floor!!"
A man walking through a park notices an old lady (we shall call her Tinkerbell) sitting on a bench crying her eyes out. He feels bad and stops to ask her what's wrong.
She sobs, "I have a gorgeous 24 year old husband at home. Every morning, he makes passionate love to me, and then gets up and brings me breakfast in bed."
Puzzled, the man says, "Lucky lady! Well, then why are you crying?" Wiping tears off her cheeks, she replies, "For lunch, he makes me my favorite -- homemade tomato soup and a grilled cheese -- and then he makes love to me all afternoon long."
Still confused, the man asks, "That sounds wonderful. What could possibly make you so sad?" Between gasps for air, she replies, "For dinner he take me out to finest restaurants, pays for everything, and then takes me home to a night of unbelievable lovemaking."
Exasperated, the man asks, "Well, why on earth are you crying?"
With a look of utter despair, the lady bawls, "I can't remember where I live!"
ROFL..cabbage nice one dear..cough cough.Now a days the larf comes out in coughs..:)
which one of you is gonna volunteer to fix it? Do I get a choice?
A small, elderly man (we will call him 'Brit', slowly shuffled into an ice cream parlor and carefully pulled himself onto a stool at the counter, wincing the whole time.
After a moment of catching his breath and wiping his brow, he ordered a hot fudge sundae.
Writing down his order, the waitress asked, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he breathed wearily. "Rheumatism."
rofl
It's true my back goes out more than I do lol
I hear my son singing "baby baby baby..."
Apparently Bieber happens to be the Michael Jackson of the new generation ..
You know I'm not one to spread rumours, but apparently Cabbage is so old that her nieces call her Aunt-Tique :O(
Have you ever passed a cathater on a man?
You grab the gloves and we can sort it.
We could also knit him a cathater bag and stand.
Always willing to help.
Don't listen to him.. he's just looking for symathy..
yes, he had a problem, but the nappies have worked wonders since then..
Perhaps you need to lie 'prost(r)ate for a while!
Boom tishhhhhhhhhhhhh lol
I remember when "bad" became "good"............
It is still the same.. Just depends on the situation...
No My eyes are fine its just the teeth and ear I have problem with...plus waterworks down under I have problem with.
I've not been dry for years, have a permanent leak now.:(
Yeah, yeah course you did.
I am now hiding the gin and the vodka; so ner :-P
Sorry I meant Fab..oops my typing is getting bad to worse by the day :(
How dare you! lol
Get your own lunch now :-P
Do you two old fat ladies know why my lunch is taking so long its already 2pm on my watch?
What have I told you about using my walking stick for such a debased activity?
Going to have use some of your vodka to clean it now lol
hey tinks, ditto....
Leg warmer, gloves-oodles of achofrol and expats teeth..................at the bottom of my glass.
Thanks for that.
You only needed to ask! :-P
tinkerbell10..thats was nice..Hit me baby one more time...let me just pull up my pants up again!
O thanks cabbage, just found them there were in my pocket just where I had left them this morning!
I am not an it.. I is Expatgeezer. Please dont hit me..:(
Try looking down the back of the sofa;-)
Where have you been mjamille28, not seen you on QL for ages. Are you also an old lady?
Got pint glasses here if that helps?
Today it is really a bad day, first the stick, then the leg warmers, just when its time for lunch someone has taken my dentures now!
who cares about Justin Bieber..
??
You grab the gin and vodka. I will meet you near the bar and we can knit him some new ones.
Oh! and don't forget the cough medicine;-)
Have you got his gloves there?
They look awful lol
quickly tucks my legs under me and whistles...not me expatgeezer :-/
Any of you old girls heard of Nana Montana or is it Hannah Montana?
brb lol
Honestly that gin and that vodka look exactly like my cough medicine, only different is that there are in a glass and not in a spoon..(hic)
Who knicked my leg warmers now? I feelinnnn colddd
Who is that? Is it a plant? lol I thought Eminem was a sweet? lol
Thought it was going down quick (hic)
Pass it back when you have had a glug lol
Tinks
and what about those *loody hats?
Here's your voddy love...don't let expatgeezer near it though he glugs- he needs to learn to sip like us ladies lol
That gin was yours cabbage?. I thought it was my cough medicine! oops
Kids today eh? lol
It's just not the language though it's what they consider trendy as well. I hate those jeans that are all baggy round the bottom. What is that about?
Now where I did put the gin? lol
Who stole my walking Stick again? Is it you Tinkerbell or is that cabbage?
(shakes head) well at least they know what they are talking about.
Who makes them up? lol
We will start again...just added jet propels to mine. I will paint on the racing stripes after lol
Just checked WK's link we are in an 'internest'
Don't ask!
Cheat! There was no need to trip me up. Need a new walking stick now lol
Race you to the bar......after 3
3
2
1
Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooosh
WK: you're obviously an old badger too if you're in need of that website...;-)
I remember when "bad" became "good", has that changed back yet??
:-P lol
We don't want to know it lol
I am happy in my bubble of not understanding it :-))))
All you oldies should bookmark www.urbandictionary.com as favourite to understand the modern language
It is also best served with Tonic Water, ice, a wedge of lime and a large dash of gin lol
Try Bachs Rescue Remedy-drink it by the bus load in this house.
I don't get how 'wicked' can mean something good.
Oh well, back to pumping up the wheels on my wheelchair.
I gave up when after confronting my sons, I was told that "Sick" now actually means "Great" :O(
I can't wait. Can you remember saying 'belm' as a kid when somebody was lying and 'bushy beard'?
No wonder my mum used to roll her eyes lol
for me today is chillax!
Got told by my son this is what he intends doing this weekend.
Bit worried; I do hope I don't have to get him glasses after;-)))
This thread is so funny guys! I myself used to think that the singer of "Baby" (Justin Bieber's single) was a girl until the DJ said the name of the performer. and i was like WTF? (What The Flower!!!)
younger (teenager) brother for not knowing him...
Google Uncle helped me to find who he is and also about his crazy fan following..
I am getting old :(:(
Yes BritExpat I too forget my CC pin number sometimes so I have it tattoo'ed on my arm now so I dont forget in. My pin number is 111111. Not easy to remember :(
I hope he will come to Qatar..I so want to see him perform in Doha!
We'll actually I want to see anyone who is a bit famous to perform here. Now who is this young teenager again?
I don't think anyone who was part of the civil war can forget it :(
Talking of old age.. Why is it that Chocoholic can remember the war, but forgets her credit card pin number ?
You see, when they ran out of normal names, they started making up names like Taylor Swift or Blake Lively.
Better just not ask.
Soon there will be celebrities with names like "R tu D tu" and "Toby Lost Mayobe".
who is this barber?
lol..love this thread :)
..errr..what was the question? :)
brit, Bob's body is dead, but his music art is alive..:)
while Justin is other way around... :)
I'm 18 and didn't know who this Bieber person was just until recently.
Its probably a fair exchange.. they're both dead as music artists.
how they dare to compare BOB MARLEY and somewhat Justin Bieber?? and to offer such unequal exchange??
Of course Justin Bieber can be easily exchanged for BOB MARLEY.. no one would even notice Justin's disappearance
He he, that's why the Lady is a tramp...
:)
Jutin is not a lesbian- girlfriend is though x
Its quite confusing..
Apparently justin bieber is a lesbian and Lady ga ga is gay :O(
They started a group on Facebook a few months ago, called 'Dear God, we'll give you Justin Bieber if you'll give us back Bob Marley'. (Or something like that.)
That's what got me curious about who (and how bad) he is. I'd never heard of him before that.
I still don't know Lady Gaga, beyond her name.
Should I be feeling old?! I don't.
And they called it Puppy Love.... Unfortunately so did some members of my family.
He got arrested but god bless Uncle Nigel ;-/
be careful in singing that song.
Certain number of people were shot dead when they're heard singing "My Way".
I'm impressed...
but Its too late for me..
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way
Oh come on, brit. Never heard of Justin Bieber?? You're obviously spending WAY too much time in QL.
One way to stay youthful is to stay current with pop culture.
I should know. I can even sing along with Lady Gaga-
Muh muh muh muh muh muh muh
Muh muh muh muh muh muh muh
Cherry pie! Cherry pie! Mumble mumble my poker face.....
Impressive huh?
I have not got a clue who he was either. Mind you, I did not know who Lady Ga Ga was until 3 months ago.
I can remember my mum being like this when I had a crush on David Soul (sigh). Happy days.
As in happy days not the Fonz lol
Deal_4_wHeel..
Is your real name Isaiah ?
when i was young, people resembled my eyes with tom cruise, but now people say, ur eyes...! ur eyes does not match with one another, forget resembling them with TC eyes :(
and britey by dying ur Hairs black and waxing off the hairs from ur hands,legs and chest doesnt mean tat you are still young ? :(
Oh its a HE and not a SHE ? :(
my bad.
Pilgram
I'm surprised you didn't know either.
After googling, I find that he is indeed a teen heart throb and Canadian to boot ...
LOL who is birbal rizks?
you're not a Bieleber brit :p
Justin Bieber ?
might be Justin Timberlakes daugher or Birbal's mother in LAw ? :(
Some new chick singer isn't it. Like Miley Cyrus.
Errrrr who is he?