October Jokes
By hassan1024 •
About time we resurrected this tradition...
anyways the other day I was trying to remember what I'd done with my boomerang....then it came to me...
About time we resurrected this tradition...
anyways the other day I was trying to remember what I'd done with my boomerang....then it came to me...
What do Gordon the Gopher and thomas the tank engine have in common?
they have the same middle name :)
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
Michael Jacksons new song 'This is it'...
Does anyone else think they missed out on a "sh" somewhere?
Zero Kelvin :O)
By the way, what is the blonde is pregnant with a blonde child ?
Warning. you might not get this
I recently volunteered for an experiment where I was put in a chamber that's cooled to -273 C.
When asked how it was, I said "I'm OK"
Height of possessiveness:
CONSTIPATION!!
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
;-)
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
An Indian consulted his medicine man about a pain in his stomach that had persisted for three months.
"For something as long as that," said the Medicine Man, "I have a more drastic remedy than the herbs I normally prescribe. Chew on this leather thong every day. It is 31 inches long: chew one inch every day, and at the next moon come back."
The Indian dutifully did as directed, and at the next moon he returned to the Medicine Man.
"How do you feel?" the Medicine Man asked.
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(Think about it :O))
A Sardar Doctor and Pundit loved same girl.
Pundit started giving an apple to the girl everyday.
Sardar Doctor asked: WHY ??
Pundit: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!
these are called jokesssssss heheheehhahaha if u really wanna laugh
Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't
allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.' He stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.
'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,opening his briefcase.
'Oh My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion..
sardar was taking sunbath on the sea shore.... somebody pass by him and asked... Mr. Sardar,'are u relaxing?'... sardar replied...'no, i m balweer singh'.
Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.
He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.
When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts. After lunch, the woman invites him up to the bedroom for some 'desert.' Joe happily accepts again. When they are done, the woman gives him a dollar.
Joe asks what the dollar is all about.
The woman replies: "It was my husband's suggestion. When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him -- give him a dollar.' The lunch was my idea."
---If you can't CONVINCE 'em, CONFUSE 'em!!!
So I rang up QTel and said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",
he said "Not you again".
A Kids letter to God on his Birthday...! !!
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad. "Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I've kidnapped your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike!!
_______________________________________________________
"All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand."
My wife had a go at me last night. She said 'You'll drive me to my grave'.
I had the car out in thirty seconds. :O)
Michael Jackson was disappointed when Steven Gately arrived in Heaven...
Apparently he'd heard that someone from the boys home was coming.
A White man, very mujch in love, has his girlfriends name tattooed on his willy.
A few months later he is on holiday, while using some urinals he was stood next to a black guy and noticed his willy had a W and Y on it too, the white guy says "Is your girlfriend called Wendy too?...
The black guy replays no mine says "Welcome to Jamaica hope you have a lovely day."
If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
---If you can't CONVINCE them, CONFUSE them!!!
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread accoun
---If you can't CONVINCE them, CONFUSE them!!!
A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles.
A Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had.
The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'
The Priest said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'
The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's arse, he'll pass a Harley Davidson !'
________________________________
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Or Alternatively
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A moving target is harder to hit!!!
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
That's relativity
Drac never I mean NEVER offer me that tea again ;P
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
Break my arms!...ROFL!!!
I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'
grrrrr..:)
Good pun Brit
Pupils and Pupils.
The cross-eyed Indian School teacher has resigned because he had no control over his pupils.
And Used ones he said!
%#$#$#!$#!$!~~!!!!!..grrrrr..:)
HaHa Dracula should see this! Using tampons as teabags!
QLmember: “Where are you from?”
Qatar Univ. grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
QLmember: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
---If you can't CONVINCE them, CONFUSE them!!!
Sad news from the International Boy Band Convention in Mallorca today. Turns out no amount of lube could make Steven Gately Take That in the Boy Zone. The coroner has released his report claiming that Gately was found lying Blue and Wet Wet Wet after taking it N sync from too many Backstreet boys at once. He was quick to point out that no individual killer could be named as all the suspects Busted out of their McFlies at the same time.
@beast,r u kiddin or wat?is tht smthng to smell:O??
a lady was asked tht question n she replied "in the memories of all those who r burried here" :P
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Jedai overpass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Did you hear about the blue ship that collided with the red ship?
All the survivors were marooned...
Qatari Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties & local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any woman.
Pajju goes to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"He's not so smart," replied Rizks , "I've beaten him three games out of five."
I had ambitions of becoming an axe salesman...
Unfortunately I just couldn't hack it...
So that it smells good
There is no s ccess without "u"
lemme ask u all one interestin question,
Y women wear panties wid flowers over it???
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if u dnt ve to say anythng,dnt say anythng!!
At an international medical conference, an American, a German and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses.
The American said; “I can’t stand it sometimes, “We treat patients for cancer, and they die of AIDS.” “I know what you mean,” said the German “We treat them for yellow fever; and it turns out they had malaria.” “We don’t have that problem in our country,” said the Russian doctor. “When we treat patients for a disease, they die of that disease.”
Little Suzie has just turned six. Her dad told her: oh my little girl, now you are six years old, it’s time you learn about things of the world. Then he dropped his pant, showed her his penis, and said: do you know what this is?
She said: yes daddy, that’s your pee-pee!
The dad: oh my little girl, you are six now and all grown up, and grownups call it cock!
Suzie: well daddy, I have seen many cocks, and I tell you that’s a pee-pee!
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, "Go into that room and kill your wife." The guy says, "No way," and leaves FBI headquarters.
The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses.
Finally the third guy is given the gun and told to kill his wife. He walks into the second room and six shots are heard. A few seconds later, the head FBI agent hears crashing and banging from the room. After a few minutes, the guy comes out of the room. "What happened?" asks the FBI agent.
"Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks... I had to kill her with the chair."
There is no s ccess without "u"
Not for the politically correct.......
A Chinaman goes to a library in New York and asks the librarian 'Give me a book that will remind me of home'
The librarian hands him the yellow pages.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.
How do you blow up a indu...
Press the red dot on his forhead..
No offence intended.. only a joke..:)
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HE WHO DARES WINS
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
There is no s ccess without "u"
whats the different between a neautron and a moron?
Unfortunately one can be seen with the naked eye..
-----------------
HE WHO DARES WINS
Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?
I bumped into an old friend yesterday..... I was riding a Yamaha, it was a terrible mess....
good
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
And...
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
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HE WHO DARES WINS
This new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles, called peons. Since it has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of the called "Administratium" causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass."
This element has been used extensively and with great succes in Canada, to slow-down the progress of the Quasiturbine technology !
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HE WHO DARES WINS
What did the fish say when it slammed into a cement wall?
DAM
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HE WHO DARES WINS
One for brit, Mr. Neutron walks in the bar and has a couple of drinks. When he asks for the bill the waiter says:" For you, no charge."
The fourth guy on the phone is Speed who is trying to get help from QLVG.
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HE WHO DARES WINS
OK.. I see Da lecturing them, but who's the fourth guy ?
Rizks, Pajju and Smoke having a break in the hot sun..
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HE WHO DARES WINS
As I walked past a homeless person yesterday he said, "Any change mate?"
I said, "No, I've still got a big house and a nice car"
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HE WHO DARES WINS
How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof.
How do you turn a baby into a cat?
Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow.
He askes her why.
She replies, to sleep better at night.
"I don't think the pill will help you sleep better at night," he says.
She replies, "yes it will - mixing it into my teenage granddaugther's milk every morning, will help me sleep better a night."
"if you don't like the heat... get out of the kitchen... but stop trying to fan the flames before you leave... it will burn you on the a** as you go through the doorway...." ME
visit www.qaws.org
Two friends were in a bar when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter, so he asked his friend if he had one. 'I sure do,' he replied while he reached into his jacket and pulled out a 12-inch Bic lighter. 'Wow!' said his friend, 'Where did you get that cool monster lighter?'
'I got it from my genie.'
'You have a genie?'
'Yes I do, right here in my jacket pocket.'
'Could I see him?'
He uncorks a bottle he pulls from his pocket and out pops a genie. The friend asks the genie, 'Since, I'm a good friend of your master, will you grant me one wish?'
'Yes I will', the genie replies.
The friend then asks the genie ‘please give me a million bucks’. The genie hops back into the bottle and leaves him standing there, waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly, the door crashes open and the sound of a million ducks storming into the bar is heard. The bar rapidly fills with loud quacking ducks.
The friend yells to his buddy, 'I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
He yells back, 'I forgot to tell you this, but I suspect that my genie is bit hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch Bic?!?!'
What is the height of embarassment- Running towards a wall with a hard on and ending up breaking your nose!!!
What's the definition of a drawing pin? A Smartie with a hard on.
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
Excellent. You deserve the points :O)
Two blokes bump into eachother in the supermarket. Sorry mate, says the first one, I am a bit nervous, I lost my wife, can't find her anywhere. Second bloke replies; gee, I can't find mine either, how about we go and look for them together? Sure, says the first one, what does you wife look like? Eh well, she's blonde, long hair, tall slim body, well tanned, large breasts and she's wearing a tight fitting low cut black dress. What does your wife look like? Forget about my wife, says the other bloke, let's go and look for yours!
Two travellers a husband & wife from this part of the world are in the USA & they come across a pet shop selling Skunks.
The husband has a flash of inspiration - "They don't have any skunks in Qatar & they love to own strange & different animals, we should buy one & smuggle it back to Qatar.
His wife says "How could we do that?"
He says " Lift up your dress & we'll push it down your panties".
She says " What about the smell?"
He says, "Well, if it dies it dies".
Ha HaHa, LOL Sandeep that one is the best, "To Apply Push up Bottom"
Just trying to get my points up guys ;)
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
What did Rommel say to his men before they got in their tanks? ......... "Men, get in your tanks"
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
Two gold fish in a tank.... one turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
What's the definition of Australian foreplay? Brace yourself Sheila.
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
How do blond girls turn the light on after sex? They open the car door.
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
What's the difference between a blond girl, and a blond boy? The blond girl has a higher sperm count.
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
How can you tell when a blond has been using a word processor... the screen is covered in Tipp-ex
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
______________________________________________
- Listen to Many...Speak to a Few -
Santa and Banta were sitting outside a medical clinic. Santa was crying, tears were pouring down his face.
Banta asked, "Why are you crying?"
Santa replied, "I came here for blood test."
Banta asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?"
Santa replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger."
Hearing this, Banta started crying. Santa was astonished and asked Banta, "Why are you crying?"
Then Banta replied, "I m here for a urine test."
There is no s ccess without "u"
One for my beloved sardars
80,000 Sardars meet in a stadium in Punjab for a "Sikhs Are Not Stupid" Convention.
The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Sikhs are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A Sardar works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds he says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 Sardars start cheering, "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give him another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the sardar starts crying and the 80,000 men begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more damage than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance-- What is 2 plus 2?"
The man closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 sardars jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
Once Banta saw Santa in a brand new Convertible Porsche.
Banta asked Santa- Where did you get such a nice Car?
Santa replied- Well, I was walking yesterday on a Beach minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this Car. She came out of the Car, took off all her Clothes and said, Take whatever you want.
Banta added approvingly- Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn`t have fitted you.
There is no s ccess without "u"
This is the best blonde joke I ever came across.
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for
some rectum deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman
that, they don't sell rectum deodorant and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has
been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.
'I'm sorry,' says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any.'
'But, I always buy it here,' says the blonde.
'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the
pharmacist.
'Yes,' said the blonde , 'I'll go home and get it.'
She returns with the container and hands it to the
pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.'
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads
out loud from the container ....
'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.
Ladies toilet:-
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy."Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him." she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that" she says "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies toilet".
There is no s ccess without "u"
Museum Administrator: That's a 1500-year-old statue u've broken.
Blonde: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
Whatz the similarity between a plane and a woman
Both have cockpits
There is no s ccess without "u"
Blondes should always get a mention on jokes thread so one for them.
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?” he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. “Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?” he tries. The two continue to stare. “Parlare Italiano?” No response. “Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language.” “Why?” says the other. “That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”
Difference between a GUN n GURL???
A GUN is loaded before the SHOT
A GIRL is loaded after the SHOT!!!!!!!
______________________________________________
- Listen to Many...Speak to a Few -
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME &
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a
wheelchair.. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you...you have no legs!
The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'
She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'
Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said...
Rang the doorbell didn't I?
There is no s ccess without "u"
A US soldier returns home after world war 2.His wife sees that he is very depressed and quiet.So in order to seduce him she rips her clothes and says,look what the wind blew away.The husband pulls down his pants and says "look what the germans blew away"
There is no s ccess without "u"
Q. What did the # Zero say to the # Eight?
A. "Nice belt!"
_______________________________________________________
Donot do Unto others what u don't want them do unto U!!
How come married women are heavier than single women?
A single woman goes home, sees what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married woman sees what's in bed and goes to the fridge. _______________________________________________________
Donot do Unto others what u don't want them do unto U!!
Two atoms were walking down the sidewalk and suddenly one slips off the curb and says "Oh no, I've lost my electron!"
The other atom says "Are you sure?"
1st atom says "Yes, I'm positive!"
Riz/Paju - :(( damn you Indians
______________________________________________
- Listen to Many...Speak to a Few -
Hickory dickory dock, three mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one, but the other two got away....
Ok, ok, enough with the rotten tomatoes...
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
The Lord does work in mysterious ways ..
Why can't you get a cup of tea at White Hart Lane?
All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are in N5
Man: May I offer u a whisky?
Woman: No please,whisky is bad for my legs.
Man: Do they swell?
Woman: No they spread !
There is no s ccess without "u"
Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy.
An art for a lover boy.
An accomplishment for a bachelor boy and for a married man it is a matter of survival
There is no s ccess without "u"
Rizks yes he is bloody pervert :)))
brit Asin's next movie is "London dreams", Any indirect reference to your fantasies??
NOT TRUE for Asin .....................Swoooooooooooon!
Bravo Arein !
Wat a prevert joke you hav said, suits you....lol
A man calls a radio deejay and says, I've found a wallet with a hundred thousand dollars inside. There's also a card that says Michael Adams, 25 Lexington Avenue.
"So?" says the deejay. "What do you want us to do?"
"Would you be so kind as to play the man a song?"
Similarity between a BRA and a SOCIAL WORKER????
'' Both Uplifts The Fallen""
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- Listen to Many...Speak to a Few -
rehan the quote starts with- they are both wet and wild when they come
Tornadoes moaning ??????????????????????????
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
in ... hamburg?
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
Can't really picture myself "baiser avec la langueing".. Too much of a mouthful :O)
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back..... wait for it, wait for it, timing is the essence of all comedy........ A stick!
Thank you for that loud show of appreciation, you have been wonderful tonight, thank you for coming.
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
My parents tried to put me off becoming an archaeologist.
They said there was no future in it.
They call it "baiser avec la langue", brit.
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
The Best October Joke: ME!
Three racehorses were in the stable waiting for the big race. Trying to psych each other out, they began bragging.
First horse, 'I've been in 38 races and have only lost twice.'
Second horse, 'Well, I've been in 47 races and have never lost.'
Third horse, 'Huh, I've never lost either and I even beat Secretariat twice.'
Just then, they heard a chuckle by the stable door, and there was a greyhound dog walking up to them.
The greyhound said, 'That's nothing. I've been in over 200 races and have won every one by at least 3 lengths.'
First horse, 'Bugger me! a talking dog!'
A horse walks into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender takes one look at the horse and says "Why the long face"
It's better to burn out, than fade away.
Pay peanuts & you get Monkeys
A woman is at work when a large bunch of beautiful flowers arrive for her.
All her office friends are very impressed - but she looks very unhappy.
They ask " such a beautiful bunch of flowers - why do you look so unhappy?"
She says "well they're from my boyfriend, he's coming around for dinner & it means I'll have to spend all night on my back with my legs in the air"
They ask "Why, haven't you got a vase?"
O_o....O_o.....O_o
..::WHY SO SERIOUS?::..
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Rules and Regulation are meant for the guidance of the wise people fools follow them
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
---If you can't CONVINCE them, CONFUSE them!!!
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. :o(
?????
Three women, one engaged, one a mìstress and one married, decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stilleto heels and a leather face mask. The engaged women says
"My man leapt on me and we made love all night". The mistress adds
"Me too. We had wild uninhibited sex all night". The married woman sighs
"My husband came home, took one look at me and said
"Whats for tea Batman?"
thrs a wise quote, hope some ppl think over..
'if u dont ve to say anythng,DONT say anythng..'
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: “I’d like a job please”.
The hardware store owner says: “We don’t hire dogs, why don’t you go join the circus?”
The dog replies: “What would the circus want with a plumber”.
Hahahahahahahahaha:):):):):)lol!lol!lol!lol!lol!lol!lol!
"Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you(Wag kang gay-an, kung mang gagay-an ka, wag gay-on)"
"the boomerang came to him" :P
...???
---------------------------------------------------------Whenever I find the KEY to SUCCESS...Someone STEALS it.
Ka Pukhtoon ye no dalta daNgg warka: http://www.qatarliving.com/group/pukhtoon-in-qatar
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