TODAY'S HUMOUR
The $100 TATTOO:
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Eileen, says, "Where in the hell have you been?" Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, One, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Larry is recovering in room 232 at Mt. Sinai Hospital.
A young Arab guy moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home".
"Well", the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for Toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. you get the idea?"
"Of course," the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
The kid says, "One" The manager groans, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says, " $101237.64."
The manager exclaims, "What? $ 101,237.64? What did you sell him?"
The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 GMC.
The manager says, "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!"
The kid, "No, no, no, he came in here to buy a box of Always Ultra for his wife and I said, "Well, since your weekend's already f**ked up, you might as well go fishing".
Assumption is the mother of all F%#kups.
May the good Lord have mercy and help Larry recover soon.
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Wishing you a seductive & wonderful day licked by luv & penetrated by heavenly graces & may all your misfortunes be ejaculated!