Wud u tell a married person their mate is....

I would say it depends upon the situation....

If you say you are damned...if you dont say you are damned.

I didn't do it! And I'll not do it again!

hmmmm....

are you the third party?

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call me ONE.

Yes, but in the movies it always backfires! I think we need to be very careful of the unintended consequences of our well-meaning actions.

Mandi

i would steer clear, as it's none of my business.. i got my own issues to deal with,.. but only till they ask for my intervention, only then will i come in the picture and will do my best to be as objective as possible...

do what you see in movies., use your imagination.,

send anonymous information (pictures, etc...) to the victim, let her discover by herself/himself., be the bridge, let her decide, no guilt.,:)

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call me ONE.

but it's prevalent to the male gender!

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

whwe we talk about unfaithfulness it could be man or waman not necessarily man

... onek onek.. i will

I am a guy and this offending party is a guy, before I go to my friend, I'll punch this offending party first. Maybe, he will realize the message of my punch and will wake him up to his "mis-adventures"

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

it depends on the gravity of cheating. If the relationship is already collapsing, then maybe time to say it all. But if the infidelity is still secret to both and the relationship is still nice (at least by looking at it), cheaters usually tend to be more close to their spouses to hide such "mis-adventures", I would stick to my first opinion to talk to the offending party and make it stopped for the sake of my friend (as the offending party is also, should be logically is also my friend).

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

om Maui thanks... nice suggestions

om Maui thanks... nice suggestions

Good one, om Maui.. although somewhat underhanded / sneaky. Edit - but practical.. yes, preferable if the friend is not the strong type who can take the truth.

Agree with Tess - definitely be very sure and not just gossipy. What many of you are saying is true - for a lady, very likely she will be in denial, etc. and in fact, might scream at you and cut you off from friends list because they are primarily emotional.

What is also true is that many women tend to love juicy gossip and simply mouth off without thinking further about the further ramifications or consequences of their actions. They do more damage than good. Yes, I have met many who have sincerely wanted to help but did not get their facts straight and stated things as facts when they were mere assumptions and perceptions from their own biased views. And caused major, unfair damage.

BUT having said that, i still stand by my opinion above and will act according to the scenario I'm faced with.

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Don't want no drama,

No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama

u would rather first talk to the concerned person (who is better to catch red-handed) and advise them to stop this attitude

if they respond, it is ok, unless, disclose what you know to their mate

the way you will deliver this truth matters,

know that it is hard for them to bear the news of this unfaithfulness, so, try to deliver the message in a way that may alleviate their shock...

To know the truth and keep it for yourself, indeed you are cheating too, and it is unfair

i meant to say, "how about if you consider this suggestion.."

hi chinita, i hear you there. i see your point. but you know, all females even if she's your friend, will be in denial if you told her. it's just easier not to believe things like that, even if coming from a friend.

but considering all the posts here, how about if this suggestion:

- confront the cheater.

- tell him to come clean or you will tell the wife

- send evidence to the wife anonymously

- as a good friend, be available when your friend starts crying

when I said the above, I don't mean to meddle and keep on saying it. If I'm very sure, I will just inform my friend. With the information, the parties can then find a way to work things out between themselves privately. After I have said my piece, I will just leave it be. I'm not going to meddle in their affairs.

As for having foot in mouth - I wouldn't speak to my friend in the first place if I was not sure.

/Having read dms post above - possibly better - to speak to the offending party in private and try to make him/her realize the wrong done to partner. But I think ineffective, esp if the partner is not my friend. If both parties are my friends then I'll choose to talk to the offending party first to save my other friend, the injured party from unnecessary emotional pain. Once the thought of infidelity creeps into the relationship, the trust is broken and very difficult or almost impossible to regain, however much one forgives the offending partner.

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Don't want no drama,

No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama

.yes, greentea.....

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.m always biased to my friends.......

.

.

are your friends? would still meddle in between?

I wouldn’t interfere, unless this “mate of married person” is cheating with MY partner… :)

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“You become responsible forever for what you have tamed”. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

ukeng...but if it was me on the wife's side, i would appreciate if my friend will do the same thing. for me real friends should ALWAYS tell each other the truth, even if it hurts.

any way, thanks for ur comments :)

Chi,

Go head and do it, your friend have the right to know because in the couple life in my opinion and my experience there is a solution for everything except cheating believe me to know in the right time much more better than know too late........

If I'm sure - not just by other people's tales, yes I would tell my friend if his/her wife/husband is cheating. I will just give whatever information and observations I had in assessing the situation and then leave it up to my friend to decide what he/she wants to do about the infidelity.

In the same way, I'd like to be told by my friends if my husband is cheating on me so I can deal with the situation.

Yes, what I say would make a difference - my friend will have accurate information on which to base a future decision on. If he/she has kids and stays on in the marriage for their sake, it is a conscious informed decision.

I would also like to know if my hubby is cheating on me cos I wouldn't want nasty STDs passed on to me. Ignorance is NOT bliss. While he may say that he fell hopelessly in love and didn't plan it, I'll show him what hopeless is and I'll plan it well.

No, I would not feel guilty for exposing what I knew if the family separated. I would be very sad and try to help them get back on their feet as much as possible but I would not blame myself for the family's separation. even if they blame me, I will not be moved because I stand by my decisions. To continue, it is their choice to live their lives. There is no point in sheltering people from the truth. It's best to know the truth and find a way to move past the crisis.

"Exposing someone might expose your a** too"? Lol! Not bothered. My actions are above board and I know myself well. Most things in life have many shades of grey in between but a few things are black and white to me.

/Edit - The friend must be a good friend, not just acquaintances because then they may not understand where I'm coming from. I might just hint and leave them to find out for themselves. If not my friend, then I won't say anything at all.

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Don't want no drama,

No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama

Your reasoning convinces me that you are right and I was wrong :)

exposing someones a*s might expose yours too...

Well said Keith Brown and Padre dmightysolomon

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HE WHO DARES WINS

.

.from the author: she said...........

.Would you tell a married person their mate is cheating?..........

.

.meaning, proven already.......

.and you know.

.and it is your friend who is involved........

I would keep quiet even if I was 100% sure.There are some places you just dont go .

kyuting13 no probs...

but I will talk to the cheating person in face to change attitude and stop the cheating. I will warn him/her to change his/her life for the betterment of their relationship. Then I'll give him/her time to change, if not, then it's time to console my friend (if the cheating already took a toll on their relationship).

"dgoodrebel will always be the rebellious good one"

definitely, i'll feel bad for the aggrieved party BUT it's their affair, and none of my business... :(

if the aggrieved party is my closest friend/family, that will be a different story... but hey, it's not that easy to be involved in this matters

GT well said..

Its not about loyality or non-loyality to a friend, its about ruining a relationship. I think the person who is commiting such act will realise him/herself and face the reality. If he/she is really serious about hes/her partner he/she will stop..

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HE WHO DARES WINS

If any one of the partner is your friend, it depends on how close your friendship is. Coz though your concerned about one cheating on the other, THAT'S THEIR BUSINESS and being their friend don't give you any right to meddle in their affairs. UNLESS, you want to stand in between them and act as a referree.

And what if you took the chance and told IT...and you were wrong? Gee, talk about a FOOT in your BIG MOUTH.

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.AbuAmerican, u r absolutely right.......

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Lol UkEng, and well said.. don't tell until asked. and hope you won't have to tell.

what if it's not how it appears? then you'd look bad.

You should have woman that is good cook looks after your house.

You Should have working woman is successful and earns a lot of money for you.

You should have woman that likes going out clubbing and entertains you.

Most important of all you should make sure that these three women never meet..

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HE WHO DARES WINS

would you give it?

I've had this predicament sometime back. The wife has proof that her husband is having an affair and she was asking me for her name. Personally, I didnt really want to get involved since its something they should discuss together. So I didnt tell her. But I feel so bad for the wife...

(chinitasai08 - hope you don't think i'm hijacking your thread)

On a Serious note..

I would say just keep out of it and mind your own business until asked for your opinion..

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HE WHO DARES WINS

for me, it's not anyone else's business unless the person in question is not capable of talkin & ask me to be the spokesperson......lol

better stay out of trouble cause disclosing something as big as that takes a hell of a headache.

Confront the cheater... Tell him/her what you know and wait for some changes.

This way you will help your friend and gain some respect from his/her mate.

The Venezuelan Sensation!!!

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.there's no guilt in honesty.......

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.yes will tell it in his/her face......

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i'd say we mind our own business. unless your friend asked you if you know or suspect something about his/her mate, then you can tell.

would it make a difference if you told or not? yes. if u were proven wrong, then you lose credibility. if you were right, then it's up to your friend how he/she wants to handle it.

either way, if your friend asked you and you told what you know, then there's no need for guilt.

i'm with brit on this one...don't give your opinion unless you're asked for it. I know it seems selfish and wrong but believe me, you'll just end up with all the blame.

Well it really depends i mean,ofocurse u never want to be the cause to break up a family however if its some1 you knw i guess you atleast need to make them aware of the situation tht he/she is cheating. Maybe through some1 else,or email etc...

If I knew for sure? Too damn right! Having been on the 'wrong end' when 'friends' obviously knew and could have put me out of my misery earlier, I'd be the first to tell!!!

Did you Google it first?

Stear clear. This is one issue where you cannot be right.

yah..solid proof, or you have other people telling the same thing...

yah..solid proof, or you have other people telling the same thing...

my problem would be to 'prove' that before i think about speaking to their spouse unless that person has confessed the deed .. but then if the person can tell me, they can always tell the spouse.