The desire for individuality in a Qatari society
Qatar is truly a melting pot of multiple cultures. Most of the expats who move here leave their families and relatives behind. The most prevalent practice of married expats is that of bringing their nuclear families over to Qatar.
A nuclear family is a household that consists of husband, wife and kids. I remember that we studied in school about this social phenomenon. Nuclear families replace extended families once they move from rural areas to urban cities. And this is common knowledge that this usually happens when a society starts becoming more industrialized and moves towards technological progress.
But it’s not just about economy; civil wars can also transform the family structure from extended to nuclear ones. That is not really an option when people become refugees. Furthermore, occupation, ethnic cleansing and other crimes against humanity can also transform many extended families into nuclear ones.
I have been seeing Arabs and expats from all over the world coming to Qatar without their grandmothers and grandfathers. All the nuclear families I've came across in Qatar are mainly from mixed races and multicultural backgrounds from around the world.
When I was a kid, I couldn't imagine how I would return one day from school and not have lunch with my grandmother, then head over to the backyard to water and talk to the palm trees, and on Fridays go to the fish market and head over to the butcher before the Friday prayer.
Extended families usually thrive and survive when you have elders living with you. They act as the focal point which attracts all of their children, grandchildren and cousins.
As much as I love this aspect, it does feel invasive to me at times. The flip side of the coin is, it can be overwhelming sometimes. There are certain situations where I don’t think I can tolerate it any more, because relatives start asking me personal questions. Whenever this scenario occurs, my mind races to concepts of individuality and self-expression. I long for the freedom of finding and expressing oneself fully in such an environment.
There are many situations where I would tell my expat friends (adults) how lucky they are because don’t live in a society that has its roots in extended families and gives relatives more reign over each other’s lives. An expat is less likely to be told what or what not to do since they left their families behind (nuclear or extended).
I need to clarify that I love my family very much, and I can't even imagine leaving them forever. I love my roots and have the utmost respect for them. But I do want to experience individuality at some point in my life. I want to be truly independent.
It can be a suffocating ordeal to think, speak and act according to what expectations an extended family has set for you.
I crave to go on an adventure at some point in my life and see what other cultures have to offer. I want to come back and combine what I learned with my culture and maybe introduce aspects that blend well with my roots here.
As per my understanding, the Gentleman writes a story about the obstacle He faces for His freedom due to the nuclear & extended family.
In my personal opinion, the writer looks for experimentation than a freedom.
First of all what is a freedom: In my view freedom is someone would able to participate, talk, feel, enjoy etc., as long as it comes under legal terms. (The legal term may work together with religious aspirations, depend upon the country and family back round)
If I elaborate further, for an example One of my previous Manager sent His kid for an International College here in Doha, and sent His Arabic speaking Purchasing manager accompany His kid during registration. He did this because the manager is from Asia, and He may felt from His previous experience the acceptance of the Purchasing manager at the college better than going by himself.
This is incident reflect a discrimination. I would say In a way of losing freedom.
Btw: This can happen Vice Versa as well. (Example a European traveler traveling in another country and if he may played out for different misunderstanding, and He really some time doesn’t have the option of winning back, This also a way of lacking freedom) in a foreign country.
As far as I concern, the Qatari population in Doha have the best of freedom under legal and religious term.
If you talk about experimentation, yes it may not there.
Yes, the person can go out of the country to experiment the other culture and living condition under their legal terms.
Absolutely this article is not about a personal freedom for sure.
In my village if they see a child they will ask who is your father. This gives certain understanding of who is He. I am not insisting here the child should be exactly like a father or not. But it’s a general measuring term in those villages. So I am not in that measuring term all the time when someone talk about His or Her child.
"Qatar is truly a melting pot of multiple cultures." I think this sentence is a lie! There is no melting of cultures, the opposite is true, separation of cultures!!
After leaving university, my son took six months off to travel to South America and Australia..
It was a great eye opener for him to see other countries , different cultures and experience a different type of existence.
I think it made him a much better person .. Why don't you try the same
When I was seventeen I felt the same and ran away from home to join the air-force. I didn't know that it was actually worse in terms of pressure and regulations. However, later at university I felt as free as never before. And now I have kids of my own and I would never tell them what to do unless they'd ask me for advice. Lesson learnt.
All societies are changing.. As we become more mobile, the extended family is slowly diminishing - suh is the price of progress I suppose.
We all crave individuality .. However, the two are not neccessarily mutually exclusive.
As you grow older and choose a path (both career and life) for yourself, you will realise that you are an individual with the capacity and ability to make your own decisions. You have the advantage of requesting help / advice from the extended family, but the decisions can be your own.