what if u get an indecent proposal from your boss? what's the best thing to do if you dont want it and at the same time you dont want to lose your job? please advise. thanks guys.
already... even before I posted this topic. I just wanted to know your opinions and so far, I'm proud to say that I have made the right decision. I did not inform my husband about this as I dont want him to worry about me. our management cannot afford to loose me so right now, even if I dont respect my boss anymore and shouting at him always, still I have the job, im just waiting for me to be shifted to other department. although my increment for this year is QR 2,000 less compared to what was discussed before, it is ok...as long as I still have my honour and dignity, that is more important.
Tape his conversation with you about this incident proposal (buy voice activated recorder or use your cell phone). Don't tell him you did.
If you feel this jerk is tending to sac you, find the person he reports to. If the higher authority is from the same country, please, just as an extra precaution, do not report to them and go higher. Have another copy at home as well (if you can).
Be fair in your demands. You are exploited improperly and you have to set up very well in advance before you take this step. Know what exactly you want out of your confession i.e you want him out of the organization? or you want yourself transferred? or want him legally punished?
I agree with Happy Happy. Nail this m***r f***r!. Good to hear he is not qatari or arab, which means you are in equal footing in terms of reporting it to the authorities. Once you have all the right evidences, report it to the authorities and nail him down! You have a lead on this.
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since you are married, have you told your husband what happened?? If so, then have him go with you to work, and confront your boss together. Your husband can tell him that he doesn't appreciate him making suggestive comments and offers to his wife. That should take care of the problem. If you are going to get fired for taking a stand, at least you won't have to do it alone!!
But, before you do that..make sure you are NEVER alone with this guy or any of his friends...that's just common sense as it can put you in a very dangerous position.
Good luck to you, dear.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
I really appreciate ur advices guys and once again thank u! these will really help me to be more strong and be bold.
in fairness to arabic guys, just want to emphasize that my boss is an Indian and he is holding a good position in our company and I am already married. he offered me money and car ......
I dont think doing anything to "give more time" to the issue (until you think of something to do) would be a smart thing to do. You just might be leading him on, and eventually the demands might become even more demanding.
Im sure there are laws against sexual harrasement at work places.
So basically,
- do NOT accept any kind of flirting or whatever to begin with
- if it continues, think like a lawyer, and at the end of the day, it will always work out for the better
i can relate on this... good that he stoped me asking for it now. maybe he saw that im not interested on his proposal. From that time i stayed away & im not talking to him if its not business related issues...
This kind of people should know their limitations!!!
"Even if LOVE is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns there is a ROSE that's worth all the PAIN."
yes agree with some most people here said. Tell him that you not interested and want to keep the professional relation going. and if he have boss above him report him.
Everybody is right Everybody is wrong, it depend where we stand.
I believe i mentioned "loyalty above all except honor", but i meant it on a different way. what i meant was, you will try your best to be as loyal as possible to the company, to the job, to your boss as much as you can, but if its your honour, (or rather your morality and dignity) thats on the line or in jeopardy, forget about loyalty. Loyalty may come above everything else, except your honour. And I'm refering to the honour of the girl.
Surely the perverted boss does not have any honour left with what he did, and is not worthy for honour itself. I hope this sheds a bit of light.
cheers!
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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Like alexa said (HI, alexa!) and one way or the other, working women would be subjected to sexual harrasments like such.
'been in your shoes before (on several occassions too, managers/non-managers)...TRY THIS if he approach you again:
"Sir (whatever you call him), I appreciate that you find me attractive for you to give me this attention but I'm NOT INTERESTED. You're a good manager (whatever his position is) and I like working here. I think/believe it would be professionally beneficial for us to keep the professional relationship as it is." or to that effect...
Believe me, he would appreciate your being honest with him and he won't be embarrassed (NOT UNLESS, he's ONE horny B*STARD) and respect you after that...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Dunno, someone before said it was a matter of "honour". I don't follow this, if the boss he behaves like this, he has proven that he has no honour and doesn't deserve to be treated as if he has any. I say gather the evidence and take him down with it if his behaviour doesn't change.
I know, I know, this is unrealistic in the circumstances of many employees in this country and they don't realistically have that option. I say a little prayer every day that I work in an environment that is collegial, co-operative and professional. I do feel for those who are stuck like you Chris with petty dictators as bosses and who have nowhere to turn. That's why they need the labour law change, so people can walk away. Your boss can then either change his behaviour or go bankrupt.
Yeah, maybe getting a very large, rugby playing"friend" to pick you up from work a few times a week would get the hint across is your best option.
Got to agree and disagree with some of the above comments... Yes, people are the same everywhere and you do get the same loutish behaviour everywhere, but yes, there is nowhere I have seen so much of it as in the Gulf countries-and I'm on country #7. Don't know why so many (note I didn't say all, but there are certainly enough to make you think the issue is common, also please note I didn't single out any particular national or ethnic group here) men think that they can behave towards foreign women in ways that they would never considering behaving toward their own women. It certainly doesn't reflect well on them, their upbringing, their country or their culture. I'm sure a lot of it is the unnatural situation of having so many men far from home, isolated from their families. Where do you find situations like this other than prison and military bases?
First ask him if he is serious about it, secondly, ask if this does a connection with your job, then find out if he is only the manager but not the owner, next find out his default, that you can counter attack for him if he fired you, go straight, tell him you are not interested in his proposal but warn him u will never be silent if he insist and do something for your job, and say please respect my position as an employee as much as i respect you as my superior. And lastly, tell him i might introduce you to someone you will like better than me (though you have no one to introduce, and if he keeps asking, then tell him i gave you your number and she said she will call you) Just don't forget to include that in your prayers too... Goodluck!
"There's nothing we can do to change the past, if it teaches you a lesson profit from it then, forget it."
you're absolutely right. and i perfectly get your point. yes it does not matter with the nationality itself, but with the frequency and the number of instances on the nationality. and for me, i just dont know why there is too much in this region....
ok, so now i leave a question to everybody. Im not generalizing or stereotyping, but leaving a question. Why is there so much of that in this region? Why are there so much rape cases, indecent proposals to both men and women? And why is it that it happens mostly with asians, particularly filipinos, more than the westerners? And why is it that most of it is initiated by (pardon me) Arabs?
how sure am I that there are so much in this region than the rest of the world?... well.. lets check the numbers, im not guessing nor it is my own opinion.
i wont leave my thought on this, just the question.
cheers
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whats up buddy!. quite frankly i dont think that will work man!, months ago i was also offered by some f***g arab men an indecent proposal. it was just outside our flat building on my way to meet a friend. And guess what?? That was during the Ramadan season. So i guess those kind of people wont mind, to see guy-guy, girl-girl, whatever.
the next time it happens to me, ill pretend to agree and go with them and then cut their hanky panky with my fan knife, once they stick it out!
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Ooooh, only into girls eh? What if he asks to watch? Then the problem has multiplied.
I stick with my earlier. Document everything, particularly emais and texts. If the boss's boss gives you no satisfaction, take it HR. If they give you no satisfaction, take it to the courts.
Cornellian, oh does that hurt? and am i generalizing?? I said MANY OF THEM. Not all of them! You can ask every single people in qatar, or any in the gulf They will tell u the same. Many are PERVERTS, but not all. And when we say Many, it means more than probably those in countries outside the gulf.
But of course if you are arab, I would understand why you would say otherwise and defend your keep. But other than that, lets face reality here. I'm not being stereotypical or stuff like that, its just mere fact proven by numbers and experience, not only by me, but by huge number of people mostly ladies.
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becarfull guys!! the best way is that Chris sort out this pb face to face with him without a third party, coz it's an honor affair and man use all tools to stay clean!!.....chris try to be strong with him only and don't accept anything from him (invitation, gifts...etc....)....strong but u must to be intelligent don't be bad.....
But Gumby, what if his boss is his friend ? What if they just cover up for eachother? In that case, they both team up on her and God knows what they can do. I say, first she should find out how close they are.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong -Garfield
Record it in writing every time it happens, date, time place. If he has done it in email, keep soft and hard copies of everything. If he doesn't stop after you've told him no, take it to his boss. Document, document, document.
Is he at the top of the heiarchy or is there someone above him? If there is someone above him, are they friends or just professional with eachother ? I'm asking because if he has a boss who isn't really his friend then you can report him; however, u can't report without evidence so make sure u present some proof like messages or emails or something that shows what a pig he is.
In the situation where he is the top manager then you can either say you have a boyfriend and can't go further, or reject him straight up. Make sure you are NEVER alone with him, no matter what, because he can rape you and then make it look like you seduced him or something. Be strong, show him that you're strong and not afraid of him because men like these feed on fear and insecurity.
Oh and kakashi28, I'd appreciate it if u didn't generalize about Arab men. Thank you.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong -Garfield
ur ryt allyn but may be what we have written could give her at leat a samll smile coz his problem is not very big, she has to be strong and to know what she wants....
just say "NO" blantly....then be a conscientious employee dont give him any reason for legal termination. if you dont have security of tenure at work and u are at his mercy....then look for other job for sure u can still find one where u dont have to sacrifice your morality.
Well, it was mentioned it was indecent proposal, not a date. If try to joke it, people will misunderstood or misinterpret that you still go for it! not with him but with other people perhaps in the past or in the future. Still leaves a bad mark.
perhaps what she means by indecent proposal, really was "S*x for money. Though the words in the proposal was indirect. Maybe requesting for a massage, or asking her to see his house alone. Or maybe career advancement and money for pleasure. But im pretty sure its not a date.
For me, once a girl experienced that, whether you want to retain your job or lose it, you should leave as soon as possible. Many women are taken advantaged of in this side of the world, because they either rejected those offers, , grabbed it, or ignored it like nothing happened. Any of the 3 presents a bad effect.
Remember: "Loyalty above all... except honor". Otherwise, you're just doing things solely for money.
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I think its best to try and make a joke of it and just say you don't date older men, or say you're not rascist but only date people from your own country!
Try to keep it jovial but clear! so that no-one has to feel uncomforatble afterwards! unless you don't like your job ofcourse! If that's the case tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine!
That is hard indeed, few things may happen. If you reject the offer due to moral reason, or whatever reason it may be, you can expect that things will change the next day. The way you will be treated, and everything else after that.
Lemme guess, its an Arab boss of yours right? If yes, then it is to be expected, coz many of them have their brains on their hanky pankies. Then on my own personal opininion... expect the worst when you reject the offer!. To be safe enough, observe things afterwards, but at the same time, try looking for another job, or another job in another country. And make up a good exit strategy. Now thats another story, when you come to that point.
Just my two cents
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Tell him you have a very aggressive, body builder, boxer, scary boyfriend and an assassin brother and very strict father in prison who is charged for murdering the perverts!
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already... even before I posted this topic. I just wanted to know your opinions and so far, I'm proud to say that I have made the right decision. I did not inform my husband about this as I dont want him to worry about me. our management cannot afford to loose me so right now, even if I dont respect my boss anymore and shouting at him always, still I have the job, im just waiting for me to be shifted to other department. although my increment for this year is QR 2,000 less compared to what was discussed before, it is ok...as long as I still have my honour and dignity, that is more important.
thanks guys
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if you think you are doing your job well and there is no reason for you to lose your job, then be not afraid. JUST SAY NO!
thank you guys so much for sharing your advice, comments or views to my problem ESP to allyinqatar, my friend rebbel and of course to all of u!
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Tape his conversation with you about this incident proposal (buy voice activated recorder or use your cell phone). Don't tell him you did.
If you feel this jerk is tending to sac you, find the person he reports to. If the higher authority is from the same country, please, just as an extra precaution, do not report to them and go higher. Have another copy at home as well (if you can).
Be fair in your demands. You are exploited improperly and you have to set up very well in advance before you take this step. Know what exactly you want out of your confession i.e you want him out of the organization? or you want yourself transferred? or want him legally punished?
I'm terribly sorry for such nightmare. Salaam
I agree with Happy Happy. Nail this m***r f***r!. Good to hear he is not qatari or arab, which means you are in equal footing in terms of reporting it to the authorities. Once you have all the right evidences, report it to the authorities and nail him down! You have a lead on this.
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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is he your DIRECT SUPERIOR or he works for another department?
Tell him what I told you...and he don't stop, i guess you better tell your husband so they could talk MAN to MAN...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
since you are married, have you told your husband what happened?? If so, then have him go with you to work, and confront your boss together. Your husband can tell him that he doesn't appreciate him making suggestive comments and offers to his wife. That should take care of the problem. If you are going to get fired for taking a stand, at least you won't have to do it alone!!
But, before you do that..make sure you are NEVER alone with this guy or any of his friends...that's just common sense as it can put you in a very dangerous position.
Good luck to you, dear.
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. --Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Turn it down and make it clear that you do not accept his i.proposal.
Never go younger by a month, a hard bod is no substitute for wisdom.
I really appreciate ur advices guys and once again thank u! these will really help me to be more strong and be bold.
in fairness to arabic guys, just want to emphasize that my boss is an Indian and he is holding a good position in our company and I am already married. he offered me money and car ......
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I dont think doing anything to "give more time" to the issue (until you think of something to do) would be a smart thing to do. You just might be leading him on, and eventually the demands might become even more demanding.
Im sure there are laws against sexual harrasement at work places.
So basically,
- do NOT accept any kind of flirting or whatever to begin with
- if it continues, think like a lawyer, and at the end of the day, it will always work out for the better
i can relate on this... good that he stoped me asking for it now. maybe he saw that im not interested on his proposal. From that time i stayed away & im not talking to him if its not business related issues...
This kind of people should know their limitations!!!
"Even if LOVE is full of thorns, embrace it. For in between those thorns there is a ROSE that's worth all the PAIN."
yes agree with some most people here said. Tell him that you not interested and want to keep the professional relation going. and if he have boss above him report him.
Everybody is right Everybody is wrong, it depend where we stand.
Ah, Kakashi28, I mis-read the post then. I read it that it was a matter of the boss's honour-he obviously lacks honour-which is why I was confused.
hi Gumby,
I believe i mentioned "loyalty above all except honor", but i meant it on a different way. what i meant was, you will try your best to be as loyal as possible to the company, to the job, to your boss as much as you can, but if its your honour, (or rather your morality and dignity) thats on the line or in jeopardy, forget about loyalty. Loyalty may come above everything else, except your honour. And I'm refering to the honour of the girl.
Surely the perverted boss does not have any honour left with what he did, and is not worthy for honour itself. I hope this sheds a bit of light.
cheers!
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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Like alexa said (HI, alexa!) and one way or the other, working women would be subjected to sexual harrasments like such.
'been in your shoes before (on several occassions too, managers/non-managers)...TRY THIS if he approach you again:
"Sir (whatever you call him), I appreciate that you find me attractive for you to give me this attention but I'm NOT INTERESTED. You're a good manager (whatever his position is) and I like working here. I think/believe it would be professionally beneficial for us to keep the professional relationship as it is." or to that effect...
Believe me, he would appreciate your being honest with him and he won't be embarrassed (NOT UNLESS, he's ONE horny B*STARD) and respect you after that...
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleonor Roosevelt
Dunno, someone before said it was a matter of "honour". I don't follow this, if the boss he behaves like this, he has proven that he has no honour and doesn't deserve to be treated as if he has any. I say gather the evidence and take him down with it if his behaviour doesn't change.
I know, I know, this is unrealistic in the circumstances of many employees in this country and they don't realistically have that option. I say a little prayer every day that I work in an environment that is collegial, co-operative and professional. I do feel for those who are stuck like you Chris with petty dictators as bosses and who have nowhere to turn. That's why they need the labour law change, so people can walk away. Your boss can then either change his behaviour or go bankrupt.
Yeah, maybe getting a very large, rugby playing"friend" to pick you up from work a few times a week would get the hint across is your best option.
Got to agree and disagree with some of the above comments... Yes, people are the same everywhere and you do get the same loutish behaviour everywhere, but yes, there is nowhere I have seen so much of it as in the Gulf countries-and I'm on country #7. Don't know why so many (note I didn't say all, but there are certainly enough to make you think the issue is common, also please note I didn't single out any particular national or ethnic group here) men think that they can behave towards foreign women in ways that they would never considering behaving toward their own women. It certainly doesn't reflect well on them, their upbringing, their country or their culture. I'm sure a lot of it is the unnatural situation of having so many men far from home, isolated from their families. Where do you find situations like this other than prison and military bases?
First ask him if he is serious about it, secondly, ask if this does a connection with your job, then find out if he is only the manager but not the owner, next find out his default, that you can counter attack for him if he fired you, go straight, tell him you are not interested in his proposal but warn him u will never be silent if he insist and do something for your job, and say please respect my position as an employee as much as i respect you as my superior. And lastly, tell him i might introduce you to someone you will like better than me (though you have no one to introduce, and if he keeps asking, then tell him i gave you your number and she said she will call you) Just don't forget to include that in your prayers too... Goodluck!
"There's nothing we can do to change the past, if it teaches you a lesson profit from it then, forget it."
Hi Alexa,
you're absolutely right. and i perfectly get your point. yes it does not matter with the nationality itself, but with the frequency and the number of instances on the nationality. and for me, i just dont know why there is too much in this region....
ok, so now i leave a question to everybody. Im not generalizing or stereotyping, but leaving a question. Why is there so much of that in this region? Why are there so much rape cases, indecent proposals to both men and women? And why is it that it happens mostly with asians, particularly filipinos, more than the westerners? And why is it that most of it is initiated by (pardon me) Arabs?
how sure am I that there are so much in this region than the rest of the world?... well.. lets check the numbers, im not guessing nor it is my own opinion.
i wont leave my thought on this, just the question.
cheers
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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Kakashi,
Im great man just tierd. Next time this happens, just show them ur charingan :P
they will run away :D
--------------------
No human can stop racism.
Hi thexonic dattebayo!
whats up buddy!. quite frankly i dont think that will work man!, months ago i was also offered by some f***g arab men an indecent proposal. it was just outside our flat building on my way to meet a friend. And guess what?? That was during the Ramadan season. So i guess those kind of people wont mind, to see guy-guy, girl-girl, whatever.
the next time it happens to me, ill pretend to agree and go with them and then cut their hanky panky with my fan knife, once they stick it out!
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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Datebayo
lol hello kakashi :D, how r u sense??
Tell ur boss u r not into guys, u only go for girls, even if u r dont lol, its simple as that.
--------------------
No human can stop racism.
Ooooh, only into girls eh? What if he asks to watch? Then the problem has multiplied.
I stick with my earlier. Document everything, particularly emais and texts. If the boss's boss gives you no satisfaction, take it HR. If they give you no satisfaction, take it to the courts.
But first, DOCUMENT IT.
Cornellian, oh does that hurt? and am i generalizing?? I said MANY OF THEM. Not all of them! You can ask every single people in qatar, or any in the gulf They will tell u the same. Many are PERVERTS, but not all. And when we say Many, it means more than probably those in countries outside the gulf.
But of course if you are arab, I would understand why you would say otherwise and defend your keep. But other than that, lets face reality here. I'm not being stereotypical or stuff like that, its just mere fact proven by numbers and experience, not only by me, but by huge number of people mostly ladies.
Visit my Blog - http://wakatteruttebayo.blogspot.com
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becarfull guys!! the best way is that Chris sort out this pb face to face with him without a third party, coz it's an honor affair and man use all tools to stay clean!!.....chris try to be strong with him only and don't accept anything from him (invitation, gifts...etc....)....strong but u must to be intelligent don't be bad.....
But Gumby, what if his boss is his friend ? What if they just cover up for eachother? In that case, they both team up on her and God knows what they can do. I say, first she should find out how close they are.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong -Garfield
Record it in writing every time it happens, date, time place. If he has done it in email, keep soft and hard copies of everything. If he doesn't stop after you've told him no, take it to his boss. Document, document, document.
Is he at the top of the heiarchy or is there someone above him? If there is someone above him, are they friends or just professional with eachother ? I'm asking because if he has a boss who isn't really his friend then you can report him; however, u can't report without evidence so make sure u present some proof like messages or emails or something that shows what a pig he is.
In the situation where he is the top manager then you can either say you have a boyfriend and can't go further, or reject him straight up. Make sure you are NEVER alone with him, no matter what, because he can rape you and then make it look like you seduced him or something. Be strong, show him that you're strong and not afraid of him because men like these feed on fear and insecurity.
Oh and kakashi28, I'd appreciate it if u didn't generalize about Arab men. Thank you.
I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong -Garfield
My mistake. I mis-read your thread! If he is being indecent and not just asking you out, it could get quite tricky!
What nationality is he? (if you don't mind me asking)
...and how high up in the company is he?
(i.e. is he just your line manager, or is he the top dog?)
tnx allyn and tc too....
I HOPE SHE SMILE....BUT AM STILL WILLING TO BOX!!!....CRIS, PANDA, TAKE CARE BOTH....
ur ryt allyn but may be what we have written could give her at leat a samll smile coz his problem is not very big, she has to be strong and to know what she wants....
TO BE FAIR TO CRIS...WE LAUGH BUT SHE HAVE PROBLEM........
I COME HERE SO AM IN MAJORITY!!!!.......LOL!!!!
everything is possible lol
TALIBAN FROM SCOTLAND.......NAH!!........WELLLL ACTUALLY MAYBE!!!...LOL
.....good idea allyn or tell him ur bf is member of talibans....
TELL HIM UR COUSIN FROM SCOTLAND....WHO STAYS HERE WILL PUNCH HIS EARS IN!!!!!!!
say NO as Karin and be sure that he'll do nothing.....be strong and ferm if not he'll try again and again......good luck Dear Chris.
just say "NO" blantly....then be a conscientious employee dont give him any reason for legal termination. if you dont have security of tenure at work and u are at his mercy....then look for other job for sure u can still find one where u dont have to sacrifice your morality.
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im receiving good advices from u guys and i would like to thank u all.
the " indecent" proposal that i got was not just about a date ....
Well, it was mentioned it was indecent proposal, not a date. If try to joke it, people will misunderstood or misinterpret that you still go for it! not with him but with other people perhaps in the past or in the future. Still leaves a bad mark.
perhaps what she means by indecent proposal, really was "S*x for money. Though the words in the proposal was indirect. Maybe requesting for a massage, or asking her to see his house alone. Or maybe career advancement and money for pleasure. But im pretty sure its not a date.
For me, once a girl experienced that, whether you want to retain your job or lose it, you should leave as soon as possible. Many women are taken advantaged of in this side of the world, because they either rejected those offers, , grabbed it, or ignored it like nothing happened. Any of the 3 presents a bad effect.
Remember: "Loyalty above all... except honor". Otherwise, you're just doing things solely for money.
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hhmmm.... Hard one!
I think its best to try and make a joke of it and just say you don't date older men, or say you're not rascist but only date people from your own country!
Try to keep it jovial but clear! so that no-one has to feel uncomforatble afterwards! unless you don't like your job ofcourse! If that's the case tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine!
yes kakashi was right or else resign before anything happen to you,and keep away from him,try not to be alone especially when he is around....
dont give him any chance......
honesty is the best policy
That is hard indeed, few things may happen. If you reject the offer due to moral reason, or whatever reason it may be, you can expect that things will change the next day. The way you will be treated, and everything else after that.
Lemme guess, its an Arab boss of yours right? If yes, then it is to be expected, coz many of them have their brains on their hanky pankies. Then on my own personal opininion... expect the worst when you reject the offer!. To be safe enough, observe things afterwards, but at the same time, try looking for another job, or another job in another country. And make up a good exit strategy. Now thats another story, when you come to that point.
Just my two cents
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Tell him you have a very aggressive, body builder, boxer, scary boyfriend and an assassin brother and very strict father in prison who is charged for murdering the perverts!
or tell him piss off and screw himself!
Good luck (you won't need)!